Welcome to Chaos !!

Summer is here....what are your summer plans?
I wanted to go to Sweden, preferably now but I have to put that plan on ice because I have a work related task I need to stick around for.
By the time I will be done with that there probably won't be enough time left for going to Sweden and preparing for Burning Man. I have my ticket for Burning Man so I hope I will be able to be there this year, sometimes end of August. Perhaps Sweden after Burning Man? Maybe.
I'm working a lot this week and maybe next to catch up on bills but then I am cutting down on the dancing until September. I still have my other job so I will finish my upcoming task for that. And then in between that I want to spend time outside. Hiking. Seeing things. Breathing in forest air. I wanted to do that last summer but didn't.
And I do not want to miss out on doing just that this summer instead of being bored inside of a dark club.
Before we know it Summer Solstice will be here and the days will slowly turn darker again.
The lattes will be iced from now on.

Yesterday I had Pet Pack, something I do on Sundays.....since a few years now. When I arrived at the location I found out that somebody had stolen the van (a large van at that) where the Potluck In The Park crew keeps their supplies. Like tables, canopies, ropes etc. They provide tables and a canopy for us as well since we (Pet Pack) are kind of an extension of them. So I had to turn around and go back to the store where we keep our supplies to get some tables. It rained on and off yesterday so we got rained on without a canopy but it is what it is. The less fortunate have no roof over their heads.
Our tables with cat and dog food.



Today I was hoping to see some meteors. I read that, "Astronomers at NASA told skywatchers to be on the lookout Monday night for the never-before-seen tau Herculids meteor shower, though they are not sure it will even happen." Well.....it did not happen for me. I headed to the closest park and looked up. I stayed at the park for at least an hour scanning the sky but no meteors crossed my vision. Maybe others were luckier.



Then I had to go home to my bed and a slice of carrot cake. Soon sleep.

Evening thoughts from my bed......
I would like a job from home, of course like so many others that do not want to waste preciuos time commuting back and forth to a place of employment.....a job that combines sipping on latte and writing while in bed. Maybe Elon has an available job that fits that description for me? Important....the job needs to include one daily latte, a laptop and my own bed. I am not willing to drive anywhere.



While getting groceries the other day, I saw this. I first thought it was a butt plug but then I realized it is something you use on citrus fruits. For some reason Portland dancers, some not all but too many in my opinion insist on cramming butt plugs into their behinds. I don't get it, there is nothing visually pleasing about that. Visually intriguing perhaps. I think I might get this citrus tool and bring it to one of the clubs I work at and leave it in the dressing room, maybe somebody will think it looks like something they want to try out. A wooden more natural style butt plug instead of the usual shiny sparkly ones that my eyes get assaulted with. Blergh.



During that same grocery trip I saw the cutest bag of coffee. My kind. Animals and mushrooms.



If somebody has missed it.....I think it is official by now. Staring straight into our faces everyday. Society is diseased. The senseless violence on a daily basis that people subject the innocent to is pure insanity. Thoughts and prayers do not work in case you did not know. Perhaps putting some thoughts into what can be done to make some serious changes.
I don't know what to say anymore. It is almost easier to just look past it. Sadly. This is the new normal now.
So let me tell you about my visit to the laundromat this evening instead. It was just me and a shirtless barefoot guy enjoying a cold one. As soon as I walked in he said, "What's shakin bacon and what's cooking good looking". I quickly told him that I was not in the mood to talk because I am on my period. Well that did not matter too much to him cause he said, "At least you are not pregnant".Ya.....good thing, I would never want to put an innocent child into this world I explained. A few minutes later he put on a hoodie, took his pants off and put another pair of pants fresh from the dryer on and while doing so I got to see the whole package. You know.....one of those visual treats one might get while at the laundromat. To clarify, I did not ask to see that. A bit later he needed help zipping up his backpack, which I helped him with. After that he decided to take a leak right outside the entry so I got lucky and got to see the package again. Good that I am not a pearl clutcher. A fun time is almost a guarantee at any random laundromat in Portland. Interesting for sure.
I actually looked into what it would take to own a laundromat a while back. I have some great ideas and my laundromat would be an immaculate, safe and fun place. But even taking over a laundromat takes a sizeable chunk of dough.
Perhaps Elon can sponsor me?
Touching on the situation in the world again .....it is not that I am not caring and not sensitive to it. I just don't know what to do about it.

Since every full moon seems to be more spectacular than the last I feel compelled to not miss out on seeing the full moon rise in all its glory, although I usually do miss out most of the time . Like tonight's moon.....super flower blood moon total lunar eclipse. I just had to see that! So I drove up to Council Crest where I have watched the moon rise before. And I waited and waited and after an hour I gave up. City lights yes.....moon no. So I went home to the comfort of hot tea, carrot cupcakes and my couch. Maybe next time.



And if you waited and waited to hear from me here, yes I know I have not checked in for a while. Sorry! I was actually sick last week for about three, four days. I even took a COVID test. I happened to have four tests at home that were sent to me a while back and I finally got to use one of them, actually my first COVID test ever. Negative. But I did not feel too good for a few days. But back to normal now.



To try to feel better I got chicken soup even though I am a vegetarian. I tried to not eat any chicken pieces but I did have everything else.



What else have I been up to? Mostly stuff that I do not want to deal with. Boring things that I have to learn like contracts.
But one of my baristas for the last year decided to start dancing and is now at one of the clubs I am at. Mission accomplished! She has now joined the dark side and is forever ruined, her soul tainted and she has a terrible future ahead of her. There is her name next to mine.....Eve. She is doing great actually. So I am not worried.



The other day while at Trader Joe's I saw these wine bottles from this BFF pair, Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg. I bet when Snoop came out with Doggystyle (his first album) back in the early 90s he did not envision being BFFs with Martha Stewart one day. A great example of that you never know where life will take you. I actually used to have a crush on Snoop when that album came out, I thought he was SO cute.



And speaking of celebrity stuff since I am on the topic. Britney had a miscarriage. In fact many pregnancies end up in miscarriages, so it is nothing unusual. In this case I think it is a good thing. Judging from what I have seen coming from Britney lately I do not think she should have a baby. Or a dog and the cat she also got but since she has pets now she should mommy them and give them a good forever home. And she should concentrate on herself and her two existing children and refrain from posting weird naked pics of herself where she just looks confused and not fully together mentally. I have nothing against naked pictures as you might know.....but there is a difference between nudes and nudes. I even wonder if she really was pregnant?
Anyhooooooow.......besides this I am sitting here watching an episode of Dateline. Those Dateline episodes are also examples of that you never know how life might play out. The person you share your bed with might not be who you think it is.....sometimes it is definitely better to be alone. Or have pets, then you are never alone. Or friends. Or books. Alone is often a positive thing.

Today I had borsch at Hawthorne Asylum, an outdoor food court place that has yummy food. So in Polish we say barszcz not borsch but the recipe calls for red beets since it is beet soup. This is my absolute favorite soup, I grew up eating it and my Mom's barszcz is my favorite, of course. I prefer Polish style barszcz over Ukrainian or Russian.
I need to find a Polish food cart in Portland. I will come back for a barszcz review if I can locate some.



I have been in bed since about 8 pm - so a super savage Friday evening for me. I was actually thinking about something today....I started going out "clubbing" at 12 1/2 years old. A wild child. I had to be home after the "club" or disco closed and it closed at midnight
(I think I remember that correctly) so I would go home straight after that. And then I would be out on a consistent basis throughout my teens into my twenties, sometimes several times a week. Then there were raves all over CA, Utopia in Vegas (BEST club EVER), plus other clubs in Vegas, I've had my share of clubbing. So I might be kind of done. Except for Burning Man of course but that is not clubbing, that is a whole experience.
I went to a club in Portland a few weeks ago when my two girlfriends were in town, they are in their twenties. And it was awful (so I thought at least). I now enjoy being at home on my nights off. Peace and quiet.....soooooo nice.

I am tired and unmotivated. So tired mentally that I rather stay in bed all day and alternate between reading, watching Netflix and sleeping. But I can't sleep all day so I have to force myself to get up and do what I have to do because I have responsibilities after all.
I make a mental list of things I would like to accomplish for the day and try to at least do that. The worst part is in the morning when I wake up.....I just want to continue sleeping because everything on the to do list that day feels like a heavy burden and that leads to me feeling anxiety. Even the thought of brushing my teeth and brushing my hair feels overwhelming at times. Getting dressed. Once I am up and get out of the house, things almost always feel easier. I just have to start with getting out of bed.
But right now it is just a lot, lots of stressful things going on. For me.
I even got stress hives a couple of weeks ago, for the first time ever. The back of my upper arm broke out in a red blotches. It was gone the next day. The blotches were gone, not the arm.....
Me at work the other night. It looks like the sweater I am wearing in the picture shrunk in the laundry......so let's jus go with that explanation.



I can actually relax at work, well at one of the clubs the other one not so much. It is so chill there and I know that for the five hours I am there I am in like a cocoon of relaxation.
I bring my laptop and I just unwind. I totally understand why people go to silent retreats, I would go to one if I could bring my laptop.
I need to have at least one month of NOTHING. I think. Or perhaps a week of nothing.
To end this sad feeling entry, I did make some progress today on a task that I have been putting off for about two weeks. And I feel good about that.
So while writing this I looked up silent retreats and there is a place less than two hours away from Portland.
A Vipassana ten day course. It sounds intriguing and I would have no problem following most of the program. You have to be there for ten days, no sex, no talking, only eat vegetarian meals, no killing any being, no eating after noon, no drugs, no alcohol, no reading and no writing (now the two last ones would be hard for me).....there is a list of rules. Again, sounds intriguing. Except one thing. Bedtime is 9 30 pm and I can deal with that but you have to rise at 4 am. Dealbreaker! I seriously love sleeping, I enjoy sleeping.....and 4 am is painfully early. I just can't.