Welcome to Chaos !!

Week 10

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 09 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Here is the recap of week 10's community service. Wednesday started out rough. First set on stage first shift of the week and I had to yell at an idiot to stop looking at me and stop talking shit. This particular predator has been coming in since I started at the club. He used to come in with a sad looking girlfriend and just sit at the end of the bar, down one beer after another and stare at us, the girlfriend kind of just sitting there patiently waiting to leave. I would always give her kind eyes and glare at him. His attitude sucks. Then he started coming in with another girlfriend. And repeat what he did with the first. Poor girlfriends. And then he became friendly with the owner of the club, so he would come in a lot and sit and talk to her for hours and drink for free. Somehow he thinks that he is El Jefe or something, I don't know why. He is super gross and extremely annoying, does not spend a dollar on the girls, gets way too intoxicated, acts aggressive with the customers in the club and acts inappropriate with the dancers that are foolish enough to spend more than one minute on him. He was in there from the beginning of the night until the end, pathetic idiot.
Anyhow.....one guy remembered me from last time he was in there about a year or so ago. I vaguely recalled him. He said that I am just amazing and so talented. Ehhhhh ok. Yes yes very talented I know. I do as little as possible and move slow like a sloth. And the he said that our little club is his favorite place to be in the world and that he think it is just so much fun and wholesome. That was cute. He was nice, normal and well behaved. Thank You for acting normal. Normal behavior is almost rare nowadays. We have a new sign up.

Then we had another painfully slow Friday. I felt warm and then I was freezing. The club was cold. Again.
A guy that attended last week's Fisher Poets Gathering event was in. So I asked him to write a poem about us. And he did! The Fisher Poets Gathering has been going on since 1998, it is a thing.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisher_Poets_Gathering

So sweet! We need more poems about us.
Later on in the evening a drunk disheveled lady with Theresa Caputo hair stared at me and loudly declared "she is old" and then she cackle laughed. I paid her no attention but I told the bartender that if she decides to say anything else about me I will throw my eight inch heel on her and knock the wig off her head. I might be old but I am not ugly. AND LISTEN UP, I have worked with all kinds of dancers ranging from 18 to 60 plus. Ranging from super skinny to large. I would NEVER EVER go in to a strip club as a visitor/customer, look at the girls and loudly talk about them. This club attracts the worst gutter dwellers. If I could find a club in the area with strictly NO touching I would happily go there. Like tomorrow.
The worst thing about this club is the type of customers that come in, so many, TOO MANY, of them are the most annoying simple minded idiots. And then this boy came in that only comes in for me. I call him boy because he is like 23, nice and he is actually good looking. Which is a bonus because that is rare as well. He said that that if I am not in there he will walk out.
I guess he doesn't think that I am old.
In fact, if I could figure out something else to do that is NOT soul crushing I would no longer dance. Because the idiots are not worth even me breathing in their direction.

Week 8 & 9

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 02 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Not much to mention about week 8. One of the frequent and nice visitors that comes in to the club took a longer break and we were atually worried that he was sick or something worse but he came back this week. It was good to see him again. He is one of the few that you can have a conversation with without suffering.
Week 9. Ugh. This week a girl quit due to getting insulted by the owner of the club. Another girl is taking a break or quit. We have a new girl but I have not worked with her yet. And since a couple of weeks we have another new girl that I forgot to mention until now.
Friday night at 9 20 pm the club was empty, except for us girls and the bartender. It was a bad night, it was a bad week. Friday a really nice man told me to pick out some rocks for myself, he carries a pouch with rocks on him. He comes in once in a while, he has a crystal hanging in his beard. Very interesting person, kind of reminds me of a wizard from Lord of the Rings.
I picked these. That was the highlight of the evening.
Probably the highlight of the week.

Since I am bored out of my mind like 80% of the time that I suffer in the wooden box I have to entertain myself somehow with my very childish humor. The banana peels we use to slap dudes with when they don't tip us enough.
Another way we entertain ourselves is to make up a club language. We do laugh a lot. People that come in probably think we are like legit insane and I like that, they can think that. This particular club is basically like a mental asylum. And I am not joking when I say that.

Saturday was a decent night but I spent a lot of time in the dressing room just hoping the night would be over. I actually did not want to be there ever again. The club was ice cold when I arrived and for several hours afterwards. Not the first time it is like that either. I just wanted to be at home and warm. My last stage set of the night was fun and my best stage that whole week. Two girls came in that were very pretty, very nice and fun and they sat at the stage. So it took until the last stage set of the week to actually have a decent stage. I am over it. My soul was hurting this whole week. In there. In the wooden box.

Today

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Wed, 04 Mar 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Today I had to go to the grocery store, two different ones.....I do not like being in the grocery store. Too noisy. Too many people meandering around, yes I know that I am one of them. I feel like a sheep in a herd. Then I had to pay bills, do all that stuff one has to do in order to live in society.....and there are days when I just do not want to do any of that. In fact most days I do not want to do adulting. Because adulting mostly sucks. Who enjoys getting gas, grocery shopping, paying bills, dealing with rent and/or mortgage payments, checking and answering emails, laundry, work, driving in mind numbing traffic.....and it just goes on and on. Barf. I just want to be a stay at home pet mom at this point and do as little adulting as possible.
BIG yeay for bagless grocery stores. I think it is ridiculous when people buy one or two items and want a bag. For what? You cannot carry those items without putting them in a bag? Bring your own bag. Some stores offer recycled boxes to put the items in, that works too. Do I use my own bags......of course.

One of my lattes this week. Note to self - I should bring in my reusable cup more often. I am planning on drinking coffee at home in bed for the rest of the week until Sunday. And next time I go to the coffee shop I am bringing in my own cup.

Next week I have to go to the DMV......definitely not looking forward to that.

Stale

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Wed, 25 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Yesterday I got some croissants. The expiration date/best before date on the box said February 27 so I was thinking they would be fresh enough. When I opened the package this morning I discovered that all four croissants were stale. Ewwwww like no. I was hungry and put two in the oven with some butter on them hoping that it would do it. I could barely eat one and took a bite out of the other. Selling stale baked goods and bread at full price is just not ok.
Some coffee shops do that too. You order a scone/muffin/baked goods and take a bite and that thing is like a brick. Sold for like $7. If the stuff is stale it should be sold at half price IF THAT as yesterday's goods. Better yet given away for free to the hungry. Anyhow. I decided to take the box of croissants back to the store for a full refund. Tired of spending $ on stale stuff.
I looked up the issue online first and found out that I am not the only one with a similar opinion about this store's baked goods. I don't think I will ever get croissants from that store again. Do better than selling stale food. Or like I said, sell it for less than half price or give it away to the hungry.
It should be ILLEGAL for grocery stores to throw away food that you can still eat. I think some places are making an effort and give away the safe to eat food to food banks. As they should. I do not like wasting food.

Sometimes I use an app called Yuka to check the quality of the stuff that I consume. It is a free app that scans the barcode on food and cosmetic products and rates them from excellent to poor. I like it, other people don't. For example......the juice on the left is about $3 more than the juice on the right. I like the juice on the right and according to Yuka it is also the better choice out of the two.

The 2026 Winter Olympics.....! Did you watch? I only watched the figure skating. Very impressed with Ilia Malinin and Alysa Liu. Born in the US, children of immigrants. Alysa's Dad, Arthur Liu's story is impressive as well.
Now I am going to eat apples and watch Dateline. And then I am going to take a bath and wash my hair. Dateline is great and also sad because of all the victims, mostly female victims. That is where I learn about all the pretend righteous often church going folks that do things to others that I would never ever imagine doing.

Week 7

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 16 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

There is only one shift to say something about this whole week and it is Saturday February 14, which was Valentine's Day.
I was not supposed to work but decided that I needed to because I made very little money my other shifts this week. So I reluctantly went in and had a decent night. I brought in chocolate for everybody.

Wait....Friday a group of three guys came in with beautiful red long stemmed roses for all of us and cute little cards. I kept the cards and gave my roses to Siren at the end of the night. I do not keep cut flowers at home because I feel bad for them. But it was very sweet of them to do that and all three (the guys that gave away the roses) were very nice. Much appreciated.
So the other shifts I had were bad but Saturday night two guys came in and said that they only come in for me. I wish they would come in more often, the admireres I have that only come in for me. Cause there are a handful of them and I don't even remember their names, I am really bad at remembering names I will confess to that. Two completely different guys, one of them is constantly telling me that I get him very excited. I don't enagage too much in those kinds of conversations because I don't know what to say. I kind of just laugh and say really.....? The other one told me that he is almost in love with me and wants to talk about more serious stuff. Both are sweet in their own ways.
We also had a lot of couples in both Friday and Saturday.

And that was Valentine's Day weekend. The next day all the roses, boxed up chocolates, teddy bears and all that other stuff that gets promoted before Valentines' Day go on sale. I think it is better to wait until the day after Valentine's Day to make any purchases but I am frugal like that.

Week 5 & 6

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 09 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Week 5.....The slimy guy came in Friday (and Saturday). He can't get enough of us. Friday night he declared to me that I would not be able to handle him. Like who said that I would want to? No way ever. He got pretty drunk as usual and at one point he decided that trying to walk into our dressing room would be a good idea. He did not make it far. And on his way out of the club, when he finally decided to leave he walked by me while I was sitting with two of my co workers and he pointed at me and said that I am the devil. Ok then. Let's see how long before he gets to take a break from us, as in getting 86d.
Saturday was a very loud night, people drinking and a lot of making noise. It took until my last time on stage right before closing to have a decent stage set.
Lavender that usually only smiles no matter what, actually yelled at people twice for just standing around and looking for free. A couple stood by the stage while she was dancing and stared at her, so she smiled at them and friendly motioned to them to sit down and join her and they shuddered like NO WAY EWWWW and continued staring at her so she yelled at them to go away. If you are standing next to the stage looking at the girls or sitting at the stage you have to tip the dancers. If you are sitting away from the stage minding your own business nobody will bother you to tip.
I had to tell a guy to please sit still cause he was moving around so much while i was in front of him and his friend on stage. Like he was bobbing in and out around me every other second, wildly moving his arms around. So much so that when I moved my legs my heel connected with his forehead, not hard, no blood or anything but still, I do not want to bop people in the head with my heels by mistake. So I had to stop and tell him to please not move around so much. Of course every time you scold somebody they act offended.
Week 6. Swedish Word Of The Day.

Marilyn (a girl I work with) said that she fake laughed a lot Friday. And that the only time she really laughed is when I was telling jokes. I can't recall what I was joking about but we were sitting around in a group talking, eating and having fun. Two people ordered us pizza and breadsticks. Thank You nice people! We appreciate you a lot! Feed The Strippers!
Saturday was pretty busy and crazy. I have a devoted fan that is very nice and thinks I am like the best thing ever. He came in both Friday and Saturday and declared that I am the most perfect specimen of a woman that he has ever seen. He should see me when I am bumming around during the day.......Another guy thought I was just gorgeous. And another one came up twice to say that he thought that my stage performance was just beautiful. Some nights everybody is all over you and other nights people say you look like an old lady and you leave with $8 profit.
It was a fun night but rowdy. The guy that me and Siren defended from the two dudes that wanted to beat him up (last week) came back and expressed his gratitude.
Unfortunately the bully guy that pushed one of our nice and fun regulars a few weeks ago came in twice this week with his dumb friends. I am disappointed that he is allowed back in. I totally avoid and try to ignore him and a few more girls do too, the ones that were at the club the night of the incident. He is a total asshole bully. And the guy he pushed has not been in since that happened and we all really like him and we are worried that maybe he got injured. I think that the bully guy is an accident waiting to happen. He is just looking for a reason to act out. He tried to start something with me last night while I was talking to another regular that I consider a friend and we just looked at him like ???? and he kept on going on and on until I decided to call for the bartender to put an end to it and as soon as I did he walked away back to his group.
Anyhow......last night's shine.

Housing For All

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Wed, 04 Feb 2026 00:00:00 +0000

This evening I went to a meeting here in town addressing what to do with the many homes that sit empty year round while there is a housing shortage and also rent is unaffordable for many. It is no joke. If you survive on a single income you better have money. Or you need to have a partner of some sort to share living expenses with, live with family or a roommate or several rommates. And not everybody has a partner or wants to live with roommates. I know of many people that work full time that struggle with rent. You should be able to survive on one income with no problem, not too much to ask I think.
I believe in affordable housing for all. I believe that a roof over one's head is a basic human right. The suggestion brought up on tonight's meeting is to put a tax on homeowners with homes that sit empty for most of the year. I am totally OK with that. Other cities in the country are already doing this. And the income generated from that tax would go towards improving the housing situation for the local people in town that are in some sort of need. Basically.
I also think that large unused commercial buildings should be put to use. Either converted into housing or affordable storage units. Many churches have a lot of space and can put up people that need a roof over their head. Unless you WANT to be houseless you shouldn't have to be. Yea I know it is a complex issue and it is not my job to figure it out. I am far from an expert but I do care and I want to work for a change.

Week 3 & 4

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 26 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Week 3 was like one of the worst weeks ever with a mix of people on the verge of a crazy.
Tuesday I left with $8. After like being there for seven hours, seven hours in purgatory. You just never know how the night will pan out.

The Starbucks was the highlight of the evening Wednesday. All of us got Starbucks to try to easy the torture of being locked up in the cold wooden box. And I finished the Bum Bum cream. I think I will get another one, although the company that makes the Bum Bum cream, Sol de Janeiro changed the formula a while back. It does not smell nearly as good as it used to when I first started getting it. Disappointing. Because it really smelled amazing like back in 2021 and I noticed last year
(I think) that it wasn't the same. It was a dancer at Riverside, Breezy that introduced me to the Bum Bum cream. I liked Breezy, she was fun.
A group of two men and two women came in, sat at the bar, drank beer, stared at us for like over two hours and talked about us. None of us interacted with them. I overheard some of their conversation and it was just dumb. One of the guys described that when his lady friend's half and half was empty in the morning, so she did not have any for her coffee she could just put some of his semen in the coffee instead. That type of conversation. But then one of the dudes (the one with the semen) decided to loudly declare, while gesturing to the girl on stage, "that chick has been here like 10 years" in a condescending tone. Ya know cause nobody else is at a job for ten years? Unheard of! But facts are that the girl in question has not been at the club for ten years so I interjected and informed him that no, you are wrong she has not been here for 10 years. But if she had been here for 10 years or longer, what is it to you? I also added the dancer's name and told them that she is amazing.
He ERUPTED. I got called a cunt, a camel, he told his friends that he wanted to and was going to punch me in the face. I told him to go ahead. Cause if you do that you have no idea how fun your life will become..... His lady friend (poor wife/lady friend) tried to calm him down and not too long after his tantrum they left. I have no more comments because some people are just really stupid and that is all I can say on that.
Thursday was the best night of the week for me. We had nice people that spent some money and we were done by 11.
Friday another bad night, I left with $25. It was just painfully empty. But before the night was over two beefed up dudes came in with a girl. She tried to be sneaky and take a picture of us, which we noticed and she put the phone down. There was one nice and fun guy in spending money. All of a sudden the two beefy dudes decided they were going to beat up the nice guy because he must be an immigrant and they were going to call ICE too. Things got really heated for like two minutes. It was basically three dancers in tall heels against two aggressive dudes. We told them to get the fuck out. On the way out we got called ugly, gross and old. Ok whatever. Same insults as always when idiots have nothing better to come up with. Yes I am ugly, gross and old. I don't give a fuck what you think about me. I told them they were white trash. One of them started to yell at me that he is half Mexican. Oh yea.....kind of like Nick Funtes then? Whatever you white trash, get the fuck out.
Week 4. I worked three nights. The club was super cold all week. Thursday and Friday I have no recollection of. Must had been boring as usual then.
I was the first girl in on Saturday, there was a larger group already in the club. As soon as I got on stage they came up. There were like four women and four men. They acted kind of lame. One of the women was not happy with the music I played and decided to let me know. I politely informed her that I was not going to change the song halfway through. She started to act out a bit. So when I got off I put on Green Day "American Idiot" on full volume. You like that? Better music now? I thought that was REALLY funny and from now on that is what exactly what I will do when people act dumb. Then they can sit there and ponder the situation and look at each other. Yeay for Green Day at Superbowl by the way!
A guy not with the group wanted some dances and he was nice and normal. Like you should be. Don't act demanding and rude. Two weeks in the wooden box came and went.

Another 80s Dance Party

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

This past Saturday I went to another 80s Dance Party evening at the Crystal Ballroom (in Portland). Only four hours, starts at 8 and ends at midnight, of pretty good music and a really fun atmosphere. I love that they are playing the music videos too.
I really like 80s Depeche Mode and they play that. I wore this MTV sweatshirt I found a few years ago.

I did Pet Pack on Sunday. I miss Pet Pack because I love helping out and I miss "my" people and their pets that come by, I wish I could participate more. Then I did errands as usual. Look at the color of these roses, so beautiful. A few days ago I got offered a bouquet of flowers at a store for the "good citizen of the day award" because of something I did. I politely declined the flowers for two reasons. First, I do not like cut flowers. Yes they are beautiful but flowers should be admired outside where they grow, not inside wilting away in a vase. I like inside plants in pots because they are alive. Second, I don't think you should be awarded for doing something that should be normal to do. Depends on the situation of course. You do something because it is the right thing to do. I am far from a perfect angel though......I do some not right things now and then but in my (selfish) opinion the wrongs that I do, do not harm individuals.

I got these coffees at Trader Joe's and made myself one this morning.

Week 2

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 12 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Here we go, week 2. Slow week all of it. Tuesday I do not recall anything about. Friday was calm. The only thing standing out in my memory was the group of two women and two men. Sat together at the stage. Asked intrusive questions, made stupid comments and humoring themselves and talked about the girls while we were on stage. Yea when I go to strip clubs (which is rare) I too have opinions about the dancers but I would never sit at a dancer's stage and talk about her while she is dancing, good or bad. If I have something to say, I direct my comments to the dancer directly and it would only be something good. Anything negative I will save for the ride home. Many people have poor social skills. Like I do not go to a coffee shop and stare at the barista while she is making my coffee and whisper loudly about her to my friend. ? It is RUDE. Dancers are human too, it is weird how many people put dancers in a seperate category from everybody else. I only danced on stage once while they were there. First the women decided that my hair must be extensions. They first discussed it amongst themselves before asking me. I corrected them.....not extensions, a cheap wig that I get at Sally's for $19.99. One of the women then said that I had inspired her to get extensions. LOL. The other woman said that I inspired her to work out. I do not work out.....but thanks. Then one of the guys wanted me to like give extra attention (wink wink) to one of the women. I could tell they were so out of their element and she was not really feeling it and neither was I, so I said that I am not into sexually assaulting people.
I kept my distance from them. Woooohooo you went to a strip club, how unusual!
Saturday too was slow. A guy came in, sat at the stage then at the bar and then he asked if we have any video lotto machines. No but the bar next door does I informed him. He said that he would go and try his luck and come back if he won. And he came back a few hours later, he got some dances with me. He was very nice. He called me "preciuos".
Around midnight a group of like 10 people made a loud entrance. Probably half of them were already intoxicated to the point that they should not have had anything more to drink but they got served anyways. I knew right away that they were going to be a problem. The women in the group were staring rudely at us. Listen......I PROMISE none of us want your knuckle dragger man, you can keep him all to yourself so RELAX. One of the guys was so over the top loud, looked like a sweaty, bulked out cage fighter and needed to show off his strenght by trying to arm wrestle and wanted to shake hands with innocent bystanders and squeezed their hands really hard while making loud unintelligible sounds. I hate that kind of behavior. Us girls were so annoyed by the whole group and the other patrons in the club were too growing more and more irritated with them as well. While I was doing a dance in the dance room things started to escalate out on the floor and when I came out people almost started to fight each other. There was some loud yelling, squaring off and pushing and the group that came in were told to get out. They had no business in there in the first place.
We do get way too many people that have no business of being at the club. So lesson here is, do not go to a strip club thinking it is just a bar because it is not. Do also not go there to trash talk the dancers. Do not go there if you are insecure and think that the girls want your man because we do not. And do not go there to show off your loud mouth and muscles because nobody is interested and it will ge you kicked out. Be normal, be polite and be appropriate. Appreciate the dancers and your night will be good.

Week 52 & 1

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Sun, 04 Jan 2026 22:00:00 +0000

The last week of 2025 and the first week of 2026, week 52 and week 1. Unreal, that it is 2026. What is happening?
Week 52 I only worked Tuesday, December 23. We were closed on the 24th and the 25th and I did not work the weekend.
We had a Santa gift exchange at work that was optional, I opted out. Instead I gave everybody that I work with gifts.
Lavender was the first to show up on Tuesday with me right after. A guy that comes in frequently gave the three first girls to show up a Christmas card and a $20 bill each, that was sweet. We had a pretty fun night......that is all that I can recall.

I took pictures for the club's IG. We also have a calendar, although last year the calendar did not happen due to that for some (dumb) reason it was decided (not by the dancers) that we had to get our pictures taken INSIDE the club by a "professional" photographer. The pictures turned out pretty bad which I knew they would. The club is ugly, the lighting in the club is like one of the worst I have ever seen, therefore I did not have any expectations whatsoever for the pictures. Some sheets hung up as a backdrop and the lights brought in for the shoot were TERRIBLE. I took some pictures but when I saw the results I said absolutely NOT. Like lighting is super important. Then it was decided that we could submit our own picture (because the "professional" pictures were so bad) for the calendar if it was "professional", meaning not a selfie of some sort.....well it all dragged out too long until it was too late. I am not sure if there will be a calendar made for 2026 but I decided that I am not participating. Only if I can submit the above picture.....how about that? Is that good enough for a calendar? Super professional and festive in my opinion. LOL.
Oh the picture for the club's IG is this one although it is not up yet. No I do not have IG, or Snapchat. No OF either. Only the blog. For now.

Week 1. I worked Tuesday December 30. I do not work on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, I think I have done that once. No thanks. I rather be at home by myself than at work.
I added two new songs to my playlist, Black Atlass, "Sacrifice" feat. Jessie Reyez and Cannons, "Mood Ring". I think I have seven songs by Cannons on my playlist. It started with "Fire for You" like in 2020 or 2021 and I have added on since then.
I like soft and flowy music. Nothing too vulgar. The music reflects my style on stage, keep it nice and pretty.

Friday and Saturday were both similar, as in it was very slow. We mostly sat around and talked. I feel more and more annoyed with people. It could be a phase or it could be that the people that come in have that effect on me (it's not a phase). We do get a lot of annoying people but we do have some super nice people too which makes it worth it. But the drunk troglodytes.....I just can't. The reason I climb the walls is because I am out of my mind with understimulation and boredom, BUT I have to stay, we cannot leave early so I am STUCK in a wodden box with troglodytes, therefore I act crazy, it is a coping mechanism. I do not drink or smoke weed like some of the girls that I work with, instead I act "crazy". At least it is entertaining.
I threw my slipper at an extra slimy dude last night because everytime he comes in he complains that we do not allow touching and then he tries to touch every single one of us. He is always too drunk and has such a yucky personality and I do NOT have any patience for him. I yelled at him to STOP FUCKING touching and threw my slipper on him. Fuck off. Last time he was complaining that there is no touching I told him to go home and touch his wife, he has a wedding ring on. Poor woman that has to suffer with that oaf. NO WE DO NOT WANT TO OR LIKE TO BE TOUCHED! I cannot stand men that drink too much and act like idiots.
But one really nice guy that comes in frequently sat down at my stage last night and told me that he loves the music that I play and that he has added several of the songs to his playlist and that he thinks that I am so professional and then he told me that he thinks I am a sinuous dancer and explained how. That is actually a nice compliment. So thank you. I did not throw a slipper at him.

Hello January First

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Fri, 02 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Hello January First! What is there to say at the end of yet another year and the beginning of a new? Does it even matter? Three weeks into January it will not matter any more anyways. Things will roll on and unfold, good and bad. Disasters have already taken place and people are sad this first day of the year.
Portlander of The Year 2025 was The Frog, or Toad as they prefer to be called. I am pretty sure that I met Toad a few months ago. In Portland. Go Toad!

To stay on the political page, today Zohran Mamdani was sworn in as the new Mayor of New York City. Bernie (Sanders) did the honors and swore Zohran in. To me Bernie is THE human of every year, I love him in many ways. I am happy to see Zohran as the Mayor of one of my favorite cities. I hope it goes well for him he seems like a nice person and has accomplished a lot. It will not be an easy task to rule over NYC, so may people. The world is overpopulated and it is a problem.
The President of the US, Donald Trump's New Year's Resolution was "Peace on Earth". We should all strive towards at least a more peaceful earth, starting with ourselves locally. It is easy to forget when you feel tired and cranky and had a shitty day, sitting in traffic and everybody is super annoying. Sometimes all it takes to change somebody's day from bad to a bit better is a simple gesture of kindness. The state of the world is scary. Not a good situation at all. I feel really bad for people. And of course, animals.
I do not have any New Year's resolutions. Last night I did nothing besides stay inside. I ate, watched TV and cuddled with Kaya. Today was a repeat of yesterday. Called friends. Reflected on life.
Here is a pic from about 10 days ago and one of Kaya on Christmas. I am glad Christmas is over. And with that......you be safe and healthy in 2026. I hope nothing terrible happens and that the year is mostly good.

As far at the blog goes.....it will continue on as usual (I think) through 2026 with the help of my kind and patient KISA.

Birthday Weekend

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 29 Dec 2025 17:00:00 +0000

I went to Portland on the 26th to hopefully have a fun birthday weekend. And I did (!!!). I got a room at the Crystal Hotel and checked in with Kaya and my friend Siren. The Crystal Hotel has a heated saltwater pool that is open until 1 am, so after we settled into the room we went down to the pool to relax.

And after a nice soak we headed to the Crystal Ballroom for an 80s dance party. It was my first time at the famous Crystal Ballroom and as soon as I walked in I knew it was going to be a great evening, the energy was just right. Good music, music videos (I love that) and lots of people dancing and having fun.

And here is Siren.

One of the two chandeliers. I really liked the venue and I need to go back for some more dancing there soon.

Ready for a wild night on the streets of Portland, you know the burning hellhole.

Down the stairs behind me is Al's Den and we went there the following night.

We took Kaya for a walk to Pioneer Square. Yes you can walk in downtown Portland after midnight and be safe. Surrounded by the lunatic creatures of the night I felt at ease.

Me and Kaya shared a vanilla latte from Stumptown the next day.

In the evening we went to dinner at the Portland City Grill, I highly recommend it. The view is great.

There was a beautiful Christmas tree downstairs in the building.

And after dinner we went to a comedy show inside Al's Den at the Crystal Hotel. And then we went for another soak in the pool.
Sunday I went to IKEA for lunch. Plantballs for me and a few meatballs for Kaya. I wanted to get a princess cake but it got taken out of rotation, I hope it will be back at some point.

I also met two individuals with dogs during my couple of days in Portland and I told them about Pet Pack and at least one of them made it there on Sunday with his dog. That made me happy. I really just wish that nobody was homeless unless absolutely by choice and I wish that all pets had warm safe homes as they so deserve.

Week 51

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 22 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Wednesday was another slow night. Nothing going on, so I could just occupy myself with other stuff. I made this little ad for free pool to be put on the club's social media page (Instagram) and then I wrote the Swedish word of the week......stjärna which means star.

And I put on a cute holiday appropriate dress and took this picture for the IG as well.

Then it was Friday and Saturday. Friday two guys came by and they were being friendly and chatty but did not contribute to much more than trying to have conversations and buying us drinks. One of them come up to me twice to tell me he thought that I was very pretty but standoffish. Oh no, you don't say!? Standoffish? Yes absolutely I can be, depending on how annoyed I feel with people. And the other one was telling us about a drink he had invented while on vacation, that he had named a ridiculous name that I don't even want to mention here.....(I do not know if he really came up with the drink but anyhow), here is the receipe in case you want to make it for yourself - 2 shots (or parts) of gin, some pineapple juice, a bit of grenadine and shake that concoction well, pour over ice and top off with Sprite. I did not want anything to drink besides cranberry juice but a couple of girls tried the gin drink and said it was good. He tried to get me to drink something besides juice four times but I declined. And then he started asking intrusive questions and I quickly became "standoffish" and he reacted by turning into a pouty manchild.
Saturday all I can recall is that we were having fun and entertaining conversations.

Santa Has Arrived

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Thu, 25 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

It looks like Santa has arrived to my little corner of the world......Do you ever ponder that you are one out of eight billion plus people existing on this planet right now, each individual has a voice, needs and wants. Kind of scary. And before you know it your life will be over, all your belongings whether it is a little or a lot will be scattered and thrown away and you will become a memory and eventually fade away. Hopefully we all go somewhere else after this earthly existence. Even a forever sleep sometimes seems like bliss.
I am not feeling Christmassy whatsoever. Not a single decoration up this year. I am spending Christmas alone. Well with Kaya, so I am not completely alone.
Today we went for a walk in the forest as we do on a regular. Here are some pretty amanitas that I took pictures of recently.
Did you know that Santa's reindeer fly because they ate the Fly Agaric (Amanita muscaria) mushroom right? I love the mushrooms in the forest and the forest too, it is very peaceful.

And then we went for an evening walk as well through town,. There is a tree outside the Liberty Theatre. I am happy to say that it is a plastic tree, not a live tree had to get cut down.

And now I am sitting at home, eating food, candy and sumo mandarins (yeay they are in season now!) and watching Dateline and murder mysteries. Kaya is sleeping. And earlier I watched the new Guillermo del Toro movie Frankenstein. And I also finished Tidstjuven, the Swedish Christmas tv calendar (Julkalendern) and opened door 24 on the advent calendar that I got from IKEA and that was that.

Week 50

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Wednesday was just normal. I was the first girl to arrive. Getting changed from my regular clothes into work clothes only takes a few minutes. I never dress nicely for work. Sweatpants, t shirt and a hoodie usually. Flip flops when it is not too cold. When I lived in Vegas I would sometimes go out after work, Utopia, SRO, Drais, GLO......those were the days! Then if I had plans to go out after work I would of course dress accordingly. But those days are over. I never wear make up to work, if I decide to put any on I do so after I arrive depending on my mood.
There is a guy that comes in that likes feet. He is actually very sweet. He got a dance from me. I had my shoes off of course. He likes feet on his face. Dancer heels start smelling pretty bad after a couple of months. It has nothing to do with foot hygiene, I scrub my feet with scrub gloves after work. The heels just start smelling, but you have to kind of stick your nose into them to get a whiff. Perfect if you are into smelly heels. And feet, cause the feet smell like the heels.
Friday was a pretty busy night for me. One girl was annoyed with the crowd and that she did not get any dances. She hustles kind of hard but nobody was interested I guess. It happens.
I found $10 on the floor and decided to try to find who lost it. I asked around and made a note but nobody stepped up so in the end I got to take the $10 home. It was more for fun to make a big deal about the $10 but believe it or not, I do not automatically pocket money that I find in the club. Ok, if I see $1 or $5 on the ground with nobody around, I pick it up. If the girl before me on stage forgets money on the stage I give it to her. If the money is next to somebody I always tell them that they lost money. And if there are any larger amounts I ask around if it is not obviuos who's money it is.

Arrived Saturday with two new outfits. I have been thinking about getting the black one for a while, I have two other ones in the same style (the light purple and the blue one) and they fit great. One size fits all. But the new black one did not fit right, it is too small and rides up in the crotch. Not flattering and uncomfortable.
The blue one was a gift. Have not tried it on yet. I spent most of the night in the dressing room, I just did not feel social.

And that was week 50.

More Aveda

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 17:00:00 +0000

A while back I got some more Aveda products for my hair. Sap Moss shampoo. I like it. And Nutriplenish conditioner, the light moisture hydration one. I like that one too.

And a current picture of my hair. I get a lot of comments and questions about my hair, due to the lenght. Is your hair real?
Are those extensions? How long have you been growing your hair? Do you ever cut your hair?
I like to say that it is a wig. Or that yes, I have extensions and I get them for cheap at Sally's Beauty Supply. My hair has been about this lenght, give or take some inches, for a long time. I am used to it. And yes, I get a trim, usually three to five inches once or twice/year. I go to low cost salons, since all I am doing is getting a trim. I wash my hair twice/week, it air dries (I never blow dry), no hair spray or anything too complicated, no styling. I finger comb it and use a wide tooth comb for detangling.
I am way too lazy to spend a lot of time on my hair. It used to be in much better condition.
I sometimes get comments that my hair is luxurious, yes years ago it actually was. Now it is more on the dry side and not as thick and healthy as it once was. It is getting thinner but it doesn't look scary thin yet.

So Delicious

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Thu, 18 Dec 2025 17:00:00 +0000

Tried these two dairy free plant based frozen desserts by So Delicious instead of having ice cream made with dairy.
I will not eat the mint chip again, that was a no for me. Not bad, just did not please my tastebuds.
But the cold brew coffe was a yes, actually yummy and I will have it again. What else is new on the food front? I have been drinking a lot of my morning coffee at home actually instead of going to the coffee shop. But one of my fave baristas here in town is moving at the end of the month, so I will make sure to go and get my oatmilk lattes from her before she leaves.
I ordered pizza from Papa Murphy's for the first time the other day. The pizza was ok BUT the place (I picked up the pizza myself I never get delivery) smelled like yucky bleach and the food containers where the toppings for the pizza are stored looked kind of mucky. So I am not sure if I will get pizza from there again, well maybe one more time and if the place still smells and looks mucky then that will be the last time.

Week 48 & 49

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Week 48 - I showed up three times to dutifully do my community service in the wooden box. Wednesday was the best day of the week for me. Stage was decent and I had a devoted fan that got several dances and declared that he thought I was amazing. Friday was the day after Thanksgiving and everybody was talking about how much turkey and pie they had devoured. It was an ok evening, on the slow side. Nothing stands out, no that I can remember.
Saturday was a ghost town, I left with a whole $20. Yes......! Adding that to my retirement fund. I brought in glycolic acid because one of the girls has some stubborn outbreaks on her butt that are not going away. So I am going to treat her butt with it when we work together. If you too got some outbreaks on your body that you want to get rid of, look into glycolic acid.
It supposedly works for taming armit odor as well.

Week 49. I was the first to arrive on Wednesday. Got undressed from my regular clothes, which basically always consist of sweatpants and a hoodie. And then hopped into the work clothes, which is something that fits in the palm of my hand. Turned on the heater, went on stage and did a lap dance. All of that within 15 minutes. A weird guy made his second appearance in the club, something is not right with him mentally. I am keeping an eye on him. I kind of keep an eye on everybody.
I picked up Thursday because one of the girls could not work her shift. Well......it was terrible. I managed to leave with MINUS $30. Did not even make the house fee. I don't think they will make me pay it. They meaning the club.
Some guys asked me and another girl what the worst thing is that we have experienced at work. People seem to think that we get like assaulted at work or something. That is not how it is for me. I told them the worst is when people come in with very bad hygiene, like smell like feces. Actually the worst experience for me was when some guy shat his pants and then decided to sit his diarrhea soaked pants ass down on several cloth chairs throughout the club that people later sat on, including myself. That was a disgusting experience. So for me it is when people have bad hygiene. Blergh......
The other girl on the other hand is like 5'2" and tiny so she gets guys that get handsy with her, or persistently try to and she really needs to practice to be more assertive but she does not want people to think she is mean. Like why? I love it when guys are scared of me at work, they should be.
Saturday I was busy. One guy said that he had been waiting for me all night. How sweet, come back again!
Swedish word of the day, varför and that means why.

Saddle Mountain

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Sat, 18 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000

This week I hiked Saddle Mountain, the highest mountain in Clatsop County. That is Saddle Mountain that you see in the background. You get to the trailhead by Highway 26, also called Sunset Highway.
A gorgeous day for a hike. It was like perfect.

You can see the ocean when you get high enough. Not in this picture though. But it is there.....in the background.

Almost there......you can see the top of the mountain.

Keep on going!

Made it.

There was a special kind of silence up there. In a good way. Like a deep silence.

Fall is here......it feels a bit sad somehow. The leaves are falling, it has not started to rain a lot, yet.

The hike from the trailhead to the summit and back took 3 1/2 hours. We spent maybe 10-15 for short breaks and photos. It is not what I would call an easy hike. It is strenous at times but not technically difficult. Very scenic and beautiful.

Week 43 & 44

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 03 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Week 43.....I need to start taking notes because I cannot remember anything that stands out in my memory from this week at the club. I know we (I mainly) joke around about drugs. Only because a lot of people think that allllllll dancers use drugs and drink everyday. So to add some humor to that I like to pretend that I am looking for my bag of coke or whatever it might be. This is the only bag of coke we have to offer. To clarify, I would never use drugs in the club, waste of drugs.
I do recall a group of nice guys coming in and one of them thought I was fantastic and phenomenal. Yes I am, thank you for noticing. And I do remember two very drunk fishermen, both recently divorced, both very loud and one of them extremely annoying and dumb. I am always amazed that there are women that willingly share their lives with cretins like those. We also have a new girl, new to the club and new to dancing.

Week 44. Wednesday I made like no money. Nobody thought I was fantastic and/or phenomenal.....oh well. But I brought in some fun stuff for us girls to drink from Trader Joes. A pumpkin spice milky white drink and espresso martini. I usually do not eat/drink any pumpkin stuff but this drink is yummy. The espresso martini is super strong so I only had a few sips. Skål has two meanings, cheers and bowl.

I do not work Halloween usually. You are kind of expected to be in costume, I am not in the mood to complicate stuff with a costume cause I am cranky like that. The club might be busy on Halloween which this year fell on a Friday and yes it was busy but I stayed home. It rained heavy all night. Saturday us girls had a small discussion about dancing. Not much came out of it. I did not expect anything either. Dancing as in exotic dancing is interpreted in different ways. I would never rip my underwear off on the first song out of three and stick my butthole in someone's face.
In fact I keep my whole outfit on on stage. Does it make less money? Yes. But I don't care. The loud divorced men with poor social skills from the other week came back. Super loud and annoying again, that is how they think it is OK to behave I guess.. Even other guys in the bar got irritated with them and that says a lot. I danced for a super sweet, well dressed and cute guy that had never been to a strip club before. I was the first dancer he'd seen and obviously his first lap dance. He was very happy and said coming to the club was on his bucket list. And there was also a group of four young guys in that were generous, fun and just nice to be around.

Fundraiser

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 17 Nov 2025 20:53:00 +0000

This past Tuesday November 11, Pet Pack had a fundraiser put on by a Portland artist, Mike Bennett and a pet supply store called The Filling Station. Everything happened very fast, it was all decided on and put together within one week. And the event was promoted on social media and even the local news. Mike Bennett named the fundraiser event "The World's Longest Dachshund". And invited people to come and participate to paint a dachshund on the side of his art studio. A dog rescue foster organization called One Tail At A Time PDX were there as well. Save ALL the animals! It was a beautiful sunny day, a lot of people showed up and it was a great community event. There were goats and a therapy animal lama named Caesar and a guy typing up poems on a typewriter. And people's kindness and generosity went through the roof.....I could not believe it but we got close to 6K in donations in four hours!!!
AND we got bags of dog and cat kibble and canned food AND human food donations. I gave a passerby that looked as they maybe could use some human food a full bag of food and we gave away some dog and cat food on the spot to people that asked. The rest of the human food (we got a lot) was taken to a local food bank and the animal food was taken to our storage location. Thank You amazing people of Portland! Here are pictures from the event in no particular order......

My official Pet Pack badge.

www.otatpdx.org

We got cash donations and QR code donations.

Somebody brought their coffee making stuff from home. Of course I got a coffee!

And I got a poem. By The Traveling Typist. What a nice thing to do!
https://pickathon.com/artist/the-traveling-typist/

Caesar the lama.

Cuties! I want goats!

Great message - Portland Is What We Make It. And for the record, I love Portland.

First Of December

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Tue, 02 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

First of December has arrived. One month left of 2025. That's it. One more year went by.
I am......here. Still. My friend that abruptly passed away last year in November, well today December 1st is his birthday. This past year since that happened has been very difficult for me. I did better a few months ago. But since about mid October it got bad again. It was the one year "anniversary" of his passing and then today it is his birthday. I have frequent thoughts about what I could had, should had done differently so maybe what happened would not had happened. I think about him a lot, almost every waking moment. I feel guilty and I am angry at the situation. I do not want to accept this new reality for me and his family. It is very difficult and the sadness is deep and I just kind of don't want to do anything besides what I have to do to keep my life going. Unless one goes through something like this one cannot understand.
Life is forever changed. For the worse. This person was my person. My piece of the puzzle. That is what we used to say, that we found our piece of the puzzle when we found each other. And he is gone. And I feel like I failed him, that I am part of why he passed away. He was the most beautiful and special human, my person. And I know that I will never find anybody that will be close to that kind of a person for me in this lifetime. I never want to come back to live a life here again, to live is to suffer. And I wonder if that's it? Like I will never see him again? All of these thoughts and feelings and the sadness and the grief is just surrounding me right now. I look for signs from him everywhere. Hoping that maybe I will dream of him when I sleep. I already knew since a long time that I am not meant for this world. There is so much suffering everyhwere and I have been aware of it since a long time and it makes me sad. And I know it will only get worse. I will lose more people that I am close to. And pets. And I do not want to live through any more of that.
Some of today's pictures while ouside with Kaya. The sun was shining.

This evening I watched the yearly Swedish Julkalender, this year it is called Tidstjuven. And I got an advent calendar with chocolates from IKEA. Tradition, it feels good. Memories of childhood Christmases with lots of snow and playing outside.

Not only are there chocolate pieces behind every window, you get a promotional card for a free meatball plate at IKEA as well. I love eating at IKEA, I get the veggie balls or plant balls. I love IKEA in general.

Week 45, 46 & 47

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Mon, 24 Nov 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Three more weeks passed in the cold wooden box we call the hellhole. We as in the dancers that suffer in the wooden box.
Week 45. I only worked Friday and Saturday this week. Found out that a girl that got hired on not too long ago got let go because she did not follow the rules while doing lap dances. NO TOUCHING. It is not that difficult to adhere to, really.
I thought she was trashy and not a good look for the club so it is good that she is gone. Also.....WHY do you want to get touched in a non touching club? Like what is wrong with you? Go work at some brothel or something.
If somebody puts a finger or two on my ankle, arm or calf during the dance I do not cause a scene, I just kind of move away. But if the hands try to wander towards my behind I just calmly push their hands to the side and remind them of the no touching. It is very rarely an issue.
I yelled at a group of guys because at least one of them smelled like SHIT. That is fucking disgusting and I am NOT going to be around that and breathe in that odor and the thought of maybe somehow get some feces on my skin is so gross, so I got mad and told them to leave. And then I disinfected the stage area and the chairs where they had been sitting. This is why I always put a towel down on the chairs at work before I sit down. Later on that week some other person smelled like shit in the club. WTF is wrong with people? I would NEVER go to a restaurant, bar, club etc with an unwashed ass. I don't care what people do at home. It is not like I am always impeccably clean when I lounge around like the sloth that I am at home BUT in the club I am freshly showered and I would never go out to some event without showering first.
An older man was feeling very amorous and thought that he could get lucky somehow by asking like every one of us what we were doing later with what he thought was an intriguing smile on his face (bless his heart).....Same answer everytime, going home to eat/take a bath/spend time with my dog/enjoy the silence/sleep.
Your chances to get lucky are higher at a regular bar or some dating thing like Tinder. Although this week two "regular" ladies as in non dancers came in and it looked like they got lucky with some guys. Or unlucky depending on how you look at the situation. Actually the strip club is a great place for "regular" women to go to find a man. There are men there, the men are very approachable, most of them men will be happy to talk to you and even buy you a drink.
So yes, if you are a woman looking for a man, go to the strip club.
I did a lap dance for a young couple. The girl had never been to a strip club before. I always tell the girls that I dance for that if they at any time feel weird or uncomfortable to let me know right away and that I promise that I will not get offended.
Week 46. No work at all this week.
Week 47. Wednesday was a fun night. I guess I am a LEGEND. LOL what? Only once before have I heard somebody refer to a dancer as a legend and that was Erika at Stars in Bend. She happens to be my fave dancer at that club and yes she IS a legend, her stage performance is WOW and electric. I cannot hold a candle to that. But yea, some guy kept on referring to me as a legend and amazing. Perhaps he meant a legend like the local Bandage Man legend? Some other guy said I am his fave dancer there. Me? Thank You.
Also a long time ago I read an article in some magazine and Onyx that I worked with at The Great Alaskan Bush company was mentioned, she too was a legend for sure. I gave her a copy of the magazine.
Friday I made about $60, far under what the rest of the girls made. Nobody's favorite and nobody thought that I was a legend or amazing. Except for myself of course. So I admired myself in the mirror. I mean.....just look at that legend!

Saturday was much better. I was busy and made good money. It was fun. I was somebody's fave dancer (again).
And one guy was so excited over the lap dances I gave him that he could barely contain himself, he was clasping his hands several times and going down on his knees. I do not know why people get so overly excited, it is only a lap dance and we do not allow anybody to touch us. We were all tired at the end of the night. It is cold in the dressing room so I warm up by the heater a lot. The inner dressing room is called the sauna room (that is where I usually sit) and the outer dressing room is where the large fan is on for the girls that are always warm. I am almost always cold.

A guy threw up on the rack. Wonderful. The bartender cleaned up the mess and then I made sure to meticulously disinfect the area. AND somebody made me a cat house. I started feeding an outside cat that lives underneath my apartment building in the crawl space. He comes running when I come with food and he is so cuddly. I named him Tiggy. I would love to take him inside to live with me but that would not work with Kaya. What I really would like is to find a forever loving inside home for him. But check out the cat house, I will insulate it wiith straw. So there are two bins, one smaller inside the larger. You insulate in between the bins with straw and put straw in the smaller inside bin as well for the cat to lay on. Cutouts in two seperate locations for entrance and exit. So nice! What a nice and thoughtful gift. THANK YOU!

Paris Theatre

nospam@example.com (TATIANA) — Fri, 21 Nov 2025 05:44:00 +0000

Last night I went to the soft opening of a new show at the Paris Theatre in Portland. The name of the show is "Twas The Night Before Nutcracker" and the grand opening is on Friday November 21. The Paris Theatre, formerly Third Avenue Theatre was built in 1890 and opened as a burlesque house, so with this new show it is reverting back to its roots. The theatre went through changes, some rather colorful even for the not so faint of heart.....and then closed in 2019 only to now be open again. How exciting!

I really liked the venue.