Entries by TATIANA

It really sucks to be sick while away from home, in New York City of all places. I left work an hour earlier tonight because I was cold and felt bad. Not that I was leaving any excitement.
Private Eyes sucks! What a trap. At least I am not making any money there. Right now I am so over it, it's money and I will make it back. But right now I am sick and tired of asking people for dances and be at their "mercy" to whether I am going to make my house fee that night and what kind of profit on top of that. Fuck it, really, it's so lame. Sure it can be fun (lots of fun even) sometimes and I do meet nice people, have met a few nice ones here in New York too. But I am not going to sit in people's laps, endure some groping with a fake smile plastered on my face hoping to get a $ 20 dance. No thanks.
I talked to one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen dancing and in real life. I saw her last Thursday and I was like "OMG"! I thought she was from Estonia because somebody said so but she is from Russia. 24, my height but probably at least 15 lbs lighter, absolutely beautiful, flawless body and a very pretty face. We talked while I was getting dressed. She asked me why I wasn't at Flashdancers because she thought I was so pretty and should be there. She said I would fit right in. Well, so I told her that they had told me that they have too many girls now and she said that this is correct and that about two months ago there were way less girls there.
She works at Private Eyes once a week (the other nights at Flashdancers) and she hates it, she thinks the money is bad. If I was a guest in the club I would had dropped all my money on this beautiful girl. She models too. She has been in the US for three years. I want to bring her back to Alaska with me! She said that when she saw me last Thursday she thought I looked beautiful. That is a nice compliment coming from her, like I said, one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen. I do not feel at all beautiful now......
I feel like I have aged five years because I am sick AND working. When I look in the mirror I don't see me, I see something else.
I am not going to complain about working here anymore, it is what it is. Unless something changes for the better or I go to another club, then I will mention it. I have fun during the day in New York and now I am going to to and sleep, looking forward to my breakfast already!

Woke up with a runny nose and a cough. My throat is better, my voice is back and I almost sound like myself again. But instead I got a cold.....LOL.
Ventured out to get a chai and had breakfast at Pret.



After that I walked about 50 streets up to Upper East Side, Central Park is amazing. I felt happy and ALIVE, you kind of feel alive in New York, it's the energy. It was a nice day out and I enjoyed myself and my own company.



Now I have to leave for work. I went to Private Eyes last night because I NEED to work and at least there I am on the schedule. It was a bad night, not much to work with there, I only made
$ 100 profit. You have to pay $ 100 to work there and also pay $ 29 to the dj and give $ 10 to the house mom even if you don't use any of her "services". Yeah, shitty night I know. But I can't risk going other places auditioning and possibly not getting hired at this point, that means I am missing out on a night of work. And I already missed out on last weekend because I was sick.
My next day off is Thursday and I will probably check out other places then. The thing is, if you miss one of your scheduled nights at Private Eyes for whatever reason (or Flashdancers for that matter) you have to pay a fine next time you come in or they don't let you work. The amount?
$ 100. It's crazy and probably illegal too but it is what it is, for now. Ok, I have to go! Wish me luck tonight! 🙂

Almost every day some dude starts busting out rapping loud on the subway, while listening to some rap on his head phones. And they spit out whatever obscenities too - pussy, nigger, dick, ho - doesn't matter if young children and old people around. Like, nobody is interested in your rap skills ok? Go see Diddy for an audition, Bad Boy Entertainment is located on Broadway! Everybody just ignores each other here, for the most part. There are people begging on the subway sometimes, although they made that illegal so I haven't seen as many of them this time around. Usually somebody will walk up and down the wagon talking about god bless you and that they are hungry, unemployed and have kids that need food. If I would give money to everybody I would have nothing for myself.
Then there are homeless people, yesterday some old homeless lady smelled so bad that I had to get up and leave, the whole wagon stunk. So I got in another one and there was what I assume a homeless, dirty man that had peed on himself. He kind of got loud and disruptive with a young girl sitting by herself, THAT made people take notice and they told him to leave her alone. Good!
The other day some really crazy guy was just yelling obscenities on top of his lungs, about that he hated Asians and that people should speak English, although he had an accent. Crazy! Some are homeless and some mentally insane. Some want to be the next big rapper. LOL.
It's quite interesting. Another thing are the stark contrasts between that haves and have-nots around let's say Fifth Avenue. So many very wealthy people going in and out of really expensive hotels (I would never pay big money like that for a hotel) and then also people like me and people that beg for change. It's kind of sad. You never know what life will hand you. Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get said Forrest Gump. I am grateful that I can feed myself and have somewhere warm and safe to sleep. I do what I can, I could probably do more with myself but I am somewhat lazy and spoiled. I try to think of others when I can and do my small part here and there.
I have been eating at Pret A Manger almost everyday since I have been here, seriously yummy sandwiches, yoghurts and the almond croissant is to die for! Well Pret makes the food fresh every day and gives away what's left over each day to local shelters instead of throwing away the left over food like some places do. I like Pret for many reasons! That always bothered me, throwing away perfectly good food when you can feed the hungry and even animals. Or I can eat it. I am always hungry for pastries!
I also want to add that I am sick of hearing and reading about "Duchess" Kate's pregnancy and morning sickness. I do not agree with "royalty" and monarchy. Just some regular people that got handed everything because they were born into or married into some family that is there by some old outdated tradition, mostly supported by tax payers money. She is a regular chick that happens to be preggo, ok. Get over it already. Most of them don't have anything really meaningful that they do. No skills besides doing "charity" work. Meaning collecting money. Go do something real! Royalty, how lame.

I went to Central Park today and did some shopping but it was kind of cold, too windy and rained all day. So it wasn't exactly enjoyable out.......





And in the evening........another rejection! This time at Rick's Cabaret. Hmmmmmm........I don't understand to be honest. Rick's looked nice inside with a large dressing room and lockers for the girls, the house mom was very friendly too. I had to dance two songs on a small "stage" upstairs. While the manager watched. Then the house mom came and got me and took me down to the dressing room, I got dressed and she said, "sorry but he said no this time".
While at Rick's I did see a few girls, maybe 12. Out of those, in my opinion, two were bad and the rest varied from ok to pretty. One black girl was very pretty, there were two tall blonde girls from Vegas, one better than the other. But everybody has different taste so I guess I was not the managers taste, lol. Although what he hires shouldn't reflect his personal taste since he is not the one spending money in the club. Whatever......
I left Rick's, it was rainy, windy and cold outside (still) and I walked to Scores. For some reason they were closed, although it says on their web site that they are open on Sundays. I was willing to try a few other places and called ahead, two didn't audition on Sundays and another was closed.
So......I made my way home on the subway. I kept on wondering why I got rejected at Rick's. So I decided to call and ask. Like, let me know why, ok......? The manager that I auditioned for had left and I spoke to the house mom and she told me that she was very surprised that I didn't get hired, in her words she said that she thought I was pretty, tall and had nice hair. The only thing is that she didn't see me on stage. The thing is, stage in New York is easy, plus I know I am ok on stage. I have seen way worse than me. Stage doesn't worry me at all. Also, no floor work here, so it is simple, you just kind of move around looking pretty and sensual or whatever - piece of cake. It's not like South Dakota where most girls do crazy stuff like hang off the monkey bars while straddling a guys face. I can't hang with that! The house mom told me not to take it personal and that you never know from day to day why they don't hire or do hire girls that come in.
I hung up the phone, started cleaning my Hello Kitty make up box and cried and felt sorry for myself for about ten minutes. I am ok now.
I am not fat in case you wonder, I am probably thinner now than when I was in South Dakota working in October. I might not be in some kind of a rocking hard body gym shape but I am no jelly doughnut either. If I could change something I would want thinner thighs I guess. As far as the face goes, I think it's ok. I have seen better but I definitely have seen worse. And I have clear skin, no zits. My boobs don't sag. LOL.
Hmmmmm........well, I can ponder this forever and not get any wiser. Tomorrow is a new day and I need to make money. I am scheduled at Private Eyes and I guess I will have to go there and see what happens. Might check out some other clubs later in the week.
Booooooooo..........he thought I was FAT and UGLY!!!!! I'm gonna jump off the Brooklyn Bridge now!





Here you can inspect my chunky body. Just straight up and down, no sexy poses or angles........

Yesterday when I took a long walk through the streets of New York I walked past this old beautiful church, The Limelight also known as Avalon.......I went there in 2004 with Julia and Keoki. Keoki is one of my fave dj's and I used to have a CRAAAAAZY crush on him but he doesn't like girls like that. If he did I would had ravaged him, eaten him alive! He was mildly humored by my crush and slightly scared too, LOL. We became friendly and hung out a few times.
This is an old pic of me and Keoki's fine butt at Avalon actually. Also a pic from 2006 in LA at the Party Monster party, I am with Keoki and Julia.





Party Monster is also a movie that came out in 2003. It is about Michael Alig that used to throw totally faaaaaaabulous parties in New York that all the Club Kids used to go to, he was also Keoki's boyfriend. I wish I had been a Club Kid back then, FUN! I have been pen pals with Michael for over ten years, he is in prison. When he gets out and throws another FAB party I am so going! Unless I am tied up somewhere else.
Read more about The Limelight and stuff here

So, I was planning on going to one or two other clubs tonight but my voice is basically gone. I can talk but it sounds awful.......I can't go into a club sounding like this.
Instead I went shopping, I have Christmas shopping to do for my friends. And for myself. Got some very cute stuff today. A pink bracelet with large crystals from Henri Bendel. A ring I am wearing in the pic below. A Bliss face wash. Some golden body power from Lush. I went to MAC and saw this ad.



I loved the color of the models lips so I got the lipstick and lip gloss. Do you like it too?
The lipstick is called Creme Cup and the gloss Oyster Girl . I also got an eyeshadow, Vanilla and some black eyeliner. And I got a new bra from Victoria's Secret, it's creme colored with rhinestones by The Victoria's Secret Designer Collection. Here it is, I am wearing a 34 B in case you wonder.



I saw one more bra that I really want, a two toned pink one, super cute! I need this bra too!



Besides that, some areas of Manhattan were soooooo crowded today. In some places you could barely walk, it was a standstill of large masses of people. I felt like a sheep in a huge herd. Actually, way too crowded for my taste. And I absolutely LOVE the Diesel store and the Juicy store on Fifth Avenue. I want a pair of leather pants at Diesel, they are expensive......$ 798. Hmmmmm........do I need?



As far as work.....I am kind of bummed over Flashdancers still and that I couldn't go and work at some other club tonight because I can't talk.
Right now I am back in the mind frame that I don't want to dance anymore because I am sick of it (for now) and it's annoying with setbacks. I have missed out on two nights of work so far, it is not the end of the world I know this.......but I came to New York to work in the evenings, not to lay in bed at midnight like I am doing now........My friend Angelica told me that everything happens for a reason and that I should just try some other club. I will but still! Maybe no clubs are hiring right now because of the holiday season and I am going to have to stick it out at Private Eyes?
I am going to gargle with Listerine and lukewarm salt water before I go to sleep tonight. Tomorrow I am going to try to get up kind of early, I want to go to Central Park.
Can't wait to eat an almond croissant at Pret A Manger tomorrow, the best croissant EVER!