Welcome to Chaos !!

Today I have been dealing with car problems. I get very stressed when my car has an issue, car problems are some of the most stressful things that can happen to me. This problem included two tows and no car for a week. Well, not my own car for a week at least. There is a place in Portland where you can take your car to and fix it yourself, there are lifts (?) that hoist the vehicle up and all kinds of other tools available for use. Super great place and a super nice guy, Mike owns and runs the place. Today me and my mechanic used a transmission jack. I have the best and most patient mechanic ever, he is also my friend. So I had the fuel pump replaced on my car. And while doing that, we put in a new fuel filter. Then the oil got changed and the oil filter of course. I have some more things to fix on my car but they can wait for another time. It is an older car but it is perfect for me. I have replaced and repaired a lot on it BUT I am not in the market to purchase a new car and I think that if I get another used car things will break down sooner or later so I am sticking to my car while it works.
I like watching and learning plus helping out with smaller tasks while my mechanic works on my car.
I had a long day and I am about to go to sleep. Monday tomorrow.
If you are reading this - have a great week!

In one hour, when we go from Friday to Saturday the indoor mask requirement will be lifted here in Oregon. It is up to the individual if they still want to wear a mask and private businesses can also decide whether or not to implement mask wearing indoors. Some settings will still require that people wear a mask though, like on public transportation. Oregon has declared that the emergency phase of the Covid pandemic has ended. This of course can be reversed should some other Covid variant surface for example. Oregon had some of the strictest Covid restrictions in the US. Although I think California was stricter when I went there in September 2020. They wanted people to wear a mask outside when you got within 30 feet of each somebody.
I am not vaccinated and I am satisfied with that choice for now. You do not have to agree and I am not having any opinions on what other people chose to do as far as vaccinations go. Take three more boosters if you so wish. I can say this, one of my friends passed away within three weeks of getting the Johnson & Johnson vaccine from a blood clot that went to his lung. He seemed pretty healthy prior to that. And somebody else I knew was vaccinated and boosted, got Covid in December and passed away in January.
All of us probably have stories about Covid and how we got affected by it by now. It's been two years since the first shut down here in Oregon, if I recall it right on March 20 2020. The freeways were kind of empty for the three first weeks or so then people started moving around more. The unusual lack of human activity out in public was refreshing. I know people that did not leave their house at all for the first three weeks. Total isolation. Did not touch their mailbox for even longer than that in fear of contaminated surfaces. I disinfected most of the heavy touch surfaces in my place twice at the beginning.
And upped on the hand washing. But besides that I did not change much else. I am not in the habit of flying to various locations to get a tan or have a desperate need to dine out anyways. Of course I have been wearing a mask when needed to but not outside (except when I spent a few days in CA in 2020) and not inside my car when driving.
I think some people definitely took their fears to another level but it is their life, not mine.
I talked to my Mom today and I asked her what the situation is in Sweden nowadays with Covid and she was like, Ha Ha nobody talks about Covid anymore, all you hear about on the news is about Ukraine. Now that the medical companies made money on the vaccines.....the propaganda quieted down. There you go.
I wonder what the truth behind this virus is? Is there some sort of hidden agenda or is it simply another virus that happened to spread among us filthy humans and become a pandemic?
As far as wearing a mask goes....I feel that wearing a mask in public when you are feeling under the weather yourself is a considerate way to act towards others. I like various forms of consideration. Like they did and still do in certain Asian countries, prior to Covid. Just like knowing how to cough and sneeze in public out of consideration for others. And just like not littering in public out of consideration.
Stuff like that.
I personally get irritated when people stare at me, so the mask definitely removes some of that feeling. A face mask adds a level of privacy. I get stared at enough at work. Don't need it outside of work. And at work a mask adds a layer in between me, my private space and people's breath. Don't need any breathing in my direction and on me either. Yuck. I do not like that at all.
We had two about three month long shutdowns here in Oregon.
I enjoyed that. I love being at home doing "nothing" because I can get busy with reading, writing, taking pictures, communicating with friends, being outside, sleeping in, watching silly and interesting shows etc and still not have enough hours left in the day to do "nothing". Basically enjoying life. I could easily live with two three month long stay at home orders a year.
I totally understand why hordes of people left their jobs and that they do not want to return to spending meaningless soul destructive hours in some depressing office or other work space. Getting up early (I hate getting up before 9 am), having to squeeze into some appropriate office attire, spending sometimes an hour or more (!) commuting to a place of employment and then spending that same time going home. Humans are not made for living to work. And most people do not looooooove their work and should know that work does not love them back. Some are fortunate to love or at least like what they do for a living and that is great. But many don't and that must be a sinking feeling to feel on a regular. I am for a shorter work week for those that want it and I am also for universal basic income. There are ways to go about that and make it work. Just because a 40 hour plus work week Monday through Friday is the norm doesn't necessarily mean that it is the way it should be. Like what is the reason for that norm?
The history of that norm?
So yeah.....I do not have to wear the mask tomorrow in the grocery store or at work. And I can if I want to. It will be my choice.

I went to IKEA today and to my surprise I found this picture for only $9.99. !!! It happens to be one of my favorite motifs, Princess Tuvstarr (translated to Princess Cottongrass in English) and her elk friend Skutt (translated to Leap in English). These are well known illustrations by John Bauer, a Swedish artist. This will be my second Princess Tuvstarr, I got another one, Princess Tuvstarr and the Fishpond (as a gift!) years ago. I love John Bauer's art - princesses, faeries, trolls and gnomes co existing in mysterious dark forests. My childhood.



This afternoon I received unexpected and sad news. A friend passed away. I saw him last Tuesday night and we talked the following day and now he is gone. I can see him in front of me and hear his voice when I think about him, it is surreal that I will not see him again.
I don't think I have realized it yet.
You will be so missed Brian. You were loved by many. ❤️
I have entered unfamiliar territory for me in my life. Death. I don't know about this. It is difficult. And I don't want to. But this is life. And I don't want to. How does one deal?

I am sitting here in the dark, only my computer screen is lit up. It is in the middle of the night, it is quiet, so nice that it is finally quiet. I have a great need for quiet these days. I am surrounded by so much loud noise and meaningless chatter on almost a daily basis that I NEED quiet.
I have a few entries that I have been planning on writing BUT they are on the back burner, instead I am feeling sick with uncomfortable emotions regarding the situation in the world. What is going on?
How can this be happening? Why? Of course I know that I can find the answers but still.....WHY? I am hesitant to read the news. I usually devour all kinds of information daily. I spend hours reading about everything. But now I do not want to read about the latest developments because I feel uneasy and yes a bit scared. And sad.
This is so wrong. I feel so bad for all the innocent people. The innocent animals. There are small glimmers of kindness, humanity and hope here and there but that won't erase all the lost lives and the destruction.
I am sad that the world as a whole has not made greater progress than this. What else is there to say really? Nothing.
But I still read.....I have to. I recently found this online magazine. Meduza. https://meduza.io/en for the English version.
And for watching, on YouTube, Ukraine on Fire by Global Tree Pictures. There is another film on Ukraine as well by the same production company......some say this is pro Putin propaganda though. Lots of history here like I mentioned in the blog before this one.
What to read and watch and trusting the sources and grasping for the truth is not easy.

I woke up to a cold morning and flurries of snow on the ground and the alarming news that Ukraine got invaded. Not only a cold day temperature wise but also a cold day for the world. Although I have carried a soft spot for my Volodya (Vladimir Putin) for a long time I have to say that lately he has disappointed me. With the treatment and uncalled for arrest of Alexander Navalny and others before him (some that did not make it alive) to now this.
It is easy to sit around and have opinions about matters of the world, politics and its leaders but actually understanding and having knowledge about even a fraction of what is going on is a completely different story. Yelling epithets about Biden this and Biden that is not the solution. You need to do a lot of reading, listening and research about the current state of the world and the past, understanding the struggles for power and why.
I feel very bad for the people of Ukraine. I can't even imagine how worried and upset they must feel. I do not think an invasion is necessary no matter how Putin looks at it and I have somewhat studied where he is coming from.
Just like when Dennis Rodman spent time in North Korea like the self appointed ambassador for the United States I feel like I should be the official appointed ambassador for the World right now and get sent to Moscow to spend some time with Volodya and find his soft and kind side because I know he has one.
We can play and cuddle with his dogs, enjoy some piping hot borscht, sip tea and talk for hours with classical music playing softly in the background. What the World needs is a softer female touch to disturb the toxic male dominance and make order of things. And I do not think my Volodya wants to sit down with Angela Merkel again, even though her education on these matters vastly surpasses mine but sometimes it is not about how educated you are, it is how you approach things and deal with other people.
So my Volodya, if you read this.....I can pack a suitcase and head over to you as early as today.
I feel sadness that we have not evolved further as human beings in 2022. There is no need for war and destruction. It is time for peace and understanding.

Yesterday I went to Hollywood Theatre here in Portland to watch a documentary called Thank You for Supporting the Arts about a stripper/writer/singer based out of Portland. I guess it was filmed over the course of several years, following Viva/Liv while she reflects on her different careers but especially the stripping. After all....people are fascinated with strippers. Such mysterious creatures. So many opinions and stereotypes that we are faced with. Stripping is art and strippers are artists. Of course not all stripping is art and not all strippers are artists. Those were the opening words of the documentary. And I agree 100%. Yes....stripping can be art and yes some strippers (or dancers as I usually refer them to) are artists. Absolutely. On the other end of the spectrum....some dancers (strippers) are terrible even after years of dancing and their stage "performances" are awful. It also depends on the stage and the lights.
Right now I am dancing at one club that has a GREAT stage but the pole could use one small improvement. I get to control and pick my own music. I feel super comfortable and pretty on that stage. Half of my sets I glance at myself in the large mirror behind the stage and think....WOW I should record this and sell the footage! The second club has a mediocre stage but a good pole, one of the DJs is average and it is no fun to go on stage there. You kind of just want to get it over with. So it definitely has to do with the club and the stage as well IF you at all care about your stage sets. And I do. Because I do agree and believe that stripping can be art. Depending on the performer. I am glad I ventured outside on a Sunday evening, I went with a fellow dancer. One has to support the arts after all. AND before the documentary started the presenter asked all the strippers in the theatre to stand up and we got a round of applauds. That was nice I think. Afterwards there was a brief Q & A with the people involved in the documentary. I found several similarities between myself and Viva.....where is MY documentary Dammit!? Helllooooooo.....I am waiting! I do think her story is more interesting and more marketable than mine though. Her Dad is a preacher in a small mid western town, she survived breast cancer and continued dancing after the removal of her breasts, she is an activist, she sings and writes and she is now a Mom. Last time I visited Hollywood Theatre (yesterday was my second time) was in February 2019 for a screening of Magic Medicine that had to do with psilocybin. Sheri and Tom Eckert, the couple largely behind Measue 109 which passed here in Oregon were the presenters. I recently found out that Sheri passed away and I was very surprised to read about that. She seemed like one of those amazing humans that grace this Earth once in a while. A true loss.