Welcome to Chaos !!

Last Friday we celebrated Sharon's birthday at work. I love my Sharon. I have so much fun with her. She is cute (prettiest pair of boobies I have ever seen and her butt is pretty amazing too), funny, loves animals, shares my sense of humor......I mean when we start talking (actually more like yelling) about praire doggin', smegma, cottage cheese, tapioca and omelettes (yummy baby)....I can't stop laughing. I know I will have a fun night at work when Sharon is there. We don't care who gets grossed by the colorful content of our loud banter.
I stopped caring about that a long time ago. I rather be a funny person in general, being MYSELF, at work and in private than one of those dancers that will stroke a guys ego by a bunch of mumbo jumbo that's not even true. If you want that when you visit the club I am certainly not the girl for you......and I couldn't care less. I don't have to care. And Sharon has that personality too and I love that about her. It's called being REAL. The only thing that changes is the outfit.....nothing else.
We had cupcakes for Sharon, she was taking so long getting ready that I could barely pace myself. I just wanted to stuff my face with cupcakes. Which I eventually did.



And pics of me and Sharon.....doing what we do, having FUN. ❤

I woke up this morning, looked over to my right and saw Chhaya sleeping on the pillow.
SO CUTE! I ordered Mexican food yesterday at a place called Maria's, it's a drive up place.
The lady working there knows me and Chhaya well because Chhaya is usually with me when I go there. She asked me if Chhaya is an outdoor or indoor dog. I was like....."indoor of course, she sleeps in bed with me". The lady looked at me like I was LOCA, some people don't allow dogs in their bed or their house. I think it's crazy not to, Chhaya is my baby, she can do whatever she wants and she is very well behaved and I love waking up with her next to me. Having it any other way is unthinkable. To me.



Today I went to the Home Depot, the Christmas stuff is already on the shelves. Christmas and New Years are right around the corner! I can't believe it, I feel like my life.....my life time is spinning out of control, it's just going faster and faster. The days, weeks, months, years.
It scares me.
I'm still sad, cried more today. Ate more chocolate. Chewed on my cuticles until raw, I do that when stressed or agitated. I'm going through a difficult time right now. I will tell you more about it later.
I saw this Hello Kitty at Home Depot. SO CUTE!



I have the perfect song for my mood tonight. I heard it on Breaking Bad, it's called Waiting Around To Die by Be Good Tanyas.

Sometimes I don't know where
This dirty road is taking me
Sometimes I can't even see the reason why
I guess I keep a-gamblin'
Lots of booze and lots of ramblin'
It's easier than just waitin' around to die

I feel like life.....all the ups and downs.....in the end it's just awaiting death. We all have a different journey getting there but that is everybody's destination. Mine, yours. My heart hurts over this. I am not meant for this kind of reality. It's too painful for me. No, I'm not depressed or on drugs, I am thinking about life.

What an EMOTIONAL day......! I have been crying and crying. No I'm not sick or pregnant, nobody has died, Chhaya is doing good, it's ME. I'm scared, scared of change. I want things in my life to change, well I have been wanting things to change but now when change in coming.....I DON'T WANT IT! I'm scared, I'm not ready, I don't want to be taken out of my comfort zone, my routine, my daily life, why is it so difficult with change? At least for me it's difficult and yet life is constantly changing, usually small changes but sometimes big and life altering. Some happy some sad, some bad some good. There is constant change. Am I doing the right thing?
Why does life have to be so complicated sometimes? I don't want to, I can't deal with overwhelming situations, I just want to lay in bed eat chocolate and pull a thick cover over myself, bury my head in a soft pillow and hibernate like a bear until next year spring time.
I can only imagine how I'm going to react and deal with stuff when something really bad and/or sad will happen, because sooner or later it will, that's life. I will be a mess, a complete mess. It's feels so comforting to have awful things to look forward to......
I did eat chocolate today. That pink Himalayan with caramel is really good.



And Chhaya is my angel. She makes me so happy. Look at that face! When it gets dark and around 8 or 9 PM Chhaya wants to play. I love her soooooo much. ❤



I think I'm going to take a bath now and wash my hair. My face needs a thick layer of moisturizer after all that crying today.

Last night at work I spent a while trying on my new dress and body stocking and taking pictures of myself and organizing my lockers. I am very organized btw. We were slow anyways, not much was happening. I feel a bit like a ham in the dress and the body stocking, you know how a ham looks when it has all those strings wrapped around it. Flesh bulging out. But I love the straps on the black dress, I like that look. Dusty (our other DJ) took one look at me and said he can die happy now. We have been having so much fun at work lately, I really like most of the people I work with.....and I usually have a lot of fun when I go in. It makes me happy to say that.
So this is the black dress that I got at Lea's the other day.







And the pink body stocking. Both outfits have to be paired with my black boots I think.
I've had these boots for about five years and this past Halloween weekend was the first time I actually wore them at work.



And this is what you look like after wearing a body stocking for a few hours. Like a ham!
One size fits all and that meant that those wet lock stockings I also got at Lea's did not fit whatsoever, way too big for me. I was a bit disappointed but I gave them to somebody else. Lea's policy is absolutely no refunds and exchanges......a bit harsh I think since they don't allow you to try on any items that come in a box. So you take the chance of making a purchase you will regret later. Boooooooo! I'm glad the black dress fit at least, I got the small/medium size.



Now.....some recaps from work last week. Friday night it was Sharon's birthday.....more on that another time.
We had two prostitutes come in Saturday night looking for business, they do that sometimes. A strip club is a great place to find some horny guy that's willing to pay for sex. That's one of the main reasons why Las Vegas strip clubs do not allow women without male company enter strip clubs (at least that was the policy when I worked at a few of the larger topless clubs back in the day). Some people think it's because clubs are not women friendly, oh yes clubs are very women friendly (if you act normal that is and not like some judgmental and insecure psycho, trust me I have ZERO interest in your man). I don't mind when happy women come in but prostitutes take away business from the dancers so they are not welcome. These two strolled in and started chatting and ho-scializing with all the guys right away and next thing they were trying to set up for "dates" outside of the club. Boss Lady put her foot down and laid down the law and told the working girls to get out. Yeah, go to some other bar in town and spread your STDs, OK! One of them was actually pretty, I was like.....girl, what are you doing? When they walked out of the door I loudly blurted out....."You have a fat ass" because the not so pretty one actually did have a fat ass, it looked like a weird growth and I have Tourette's and can't help myself. Well, she heard me loud and clear and turned around with a look of murder in her eyes, I got on my phone quickly and pretended to be VERY busy. Oooops! Trust me my bark is WAY louder than my bite.....I do not know how to fight whatsoever and neither do I want to. I have nice hair and a face I do not need damaged.....I should insure myself just like Rihanna, Jennifer Lopez and Heidi Klum (just to mention a few) have done. I want to insure my whole self. I like all my body parts. How do you pick just one part? Later on Cricket and Boss Lady were laughing at me and reassured me that they have my back and that indeed she did have a fat ass. So I was just being honest, I did not say ugly ass, I said fat and for some people that's a good thing although I myself prefer a nice ass.
I know Boss Lady would protect me, she lays down the law in the club with an iron grip.
I don't have to worry about anything when she is around. Besides, what would she do without her Tatiana?
I also danced for a guy that comes in once in a while. He is very funny and nice but sometimes he gets too drunk and I told him that he is so much nicer and more fun to be around when he is sober. He is obnoxious when intoxicated. Well, Saturday night he was already kind of wasted when I talked to him. And then he told me that he is spending a lot of time with his Dad when he is not at work because his Dad is dying of cancer. He almost started crying when he told me this and I was close to tears as well. He left right after that.
I felt so bad for him, now I understand why the drinking might be an escape for him.
I also did one dance for a guy that smelled BAD. I did not feel the stench until I sat down next to him. I was very close to excusing myself and not doing the dance but I felt bad for him and did not want to hurt his feelings. From the looks of it, women certainly do not throw themselves all over him. He was sweaty, smelly and unattractive in general, I will be brutally honest....that is DISGUSTING. He basically got an air dance as much as possible and then I told him thanks and ran far away from him. Look, it is NASTY to come into a strip club or any kind of club/bar/restaurant smelling like sweat and unwashed body. That goes for the people coming in as guests and the girls that works as dancers. Once in a while a dancer will smell. Actually we have two. Two dancers I was around in the last week that have in my opinion questionable hygiene. On one of them it is very noticeable, I am not the only one talking about her severe lack of hygiene. Why a dancer would come in to work without taking a shower first in incomprehensible to me. I constantly hear that I look and smell clean and nice. Of course! Being clean is like the number one rule. And you do not mask an unwashed body with perfume and deodorant, ever. I would never ever smell bad at work. BARF!
After that reeking guy I decided that I will not dance for somebody that smells, I do not care if they think I am rude, I will and have every right to politely decline (and he asked me for the dance by the way), I'd rather be "rude" than on the verge of throwing up and then feeling traumatized afterwards. Cause I still feel grossed out when I think back at that.
Soap is cheap in this country. Take a shower and wear something clean before coming into a strip club.

Yesterday after me and Daisy went to Lea's I dragged her across the road to check out a place I have been eying for a while. Right to the side off the Sterling Highway there are a bunch of large objects made out of wood, like this giant chair for example. I needed a pic on that chair, I don't mind being a tourist and doing stuff that tourists do, like take pics of and with the local sights.There are a lot of different and cool looking things made from wood in that location......good spot for some fun pics in case you're ever in the neighborhood.

Today, after meeting Daisy at Kaladi first (of course) we headed out to Lea's Boutique in Sterling. I was there a few days ago but only for a brief stop and I wanted to take my time today and maybe get something for myself. I have to say that Lea's is a very nice boutique.
It's a two story store with gorgeous interior, plush purple carpet and pink walls. Clean.
They sell anything from bachelorette party supplies to good quality adult toys (like Lelo, I have a couple of Lelo's myself), comfortable but nice bras and panties to the more sexy latex outfits, lingerie and body stockings. Plenty of super cute and nice outfits to choose from and the sizes vary too. I think anybody can find something they like in there. Lea's is my new fave place for shopping around here. Their slogan is "the ultimate in intimate" and I'd say they have succeeded in that.



Only a handful of all the cute undies they have at Lea's.....they have a great selection of stuff. Again, I love love love the color of the carpet, the walls and the trim!



There is a whole section dedicated to reading material also.



I came home with a pair of wet look stockings.....I love latex and the look of latex and a strap dress (René Rofé). I don't wear dresses like these at work, unless I work at a club where I HAVE to wear a dress but this strap dress is really nice.....especially in the back where there is no fabric, only straps. Sexy! And a pink body stocking, I have one like this in black (see Kitty Cat Halloween pics) and since I like the black one a lot I decided that I needed one in pink too. Besides......who doesn't like pink?