Welcome to Chaos !!

I am living out of bins - until further notice. My clothes are back in the closet, well kind of, most of it is packed up in bins. In one of the rooms downstairs I have everything else in bins. Paperwork, books, magazines, toiletries, dishes, camping stuff, all my decorations, everything I do not need or use now is stowed away. STUFF, so much of it! I drove up to Alaska combined with 3 1/2 days on a boat through the inside passage in my 4Runner, all my stuff that I thought I needed on the trip was in that car. The rest stayed in Vegas. Plus I had Chhaya and another person with me on that journey. There is NO way I could cram everything I have accumulated since then in a car. Unless it's a very large vehicle.
Anyhow.....I went through a lot of STUFF the last few days. Took some of it to work last weekend and gave it away, some I am going to put in those clothing containers that are around town, some of it ended up in the garbage.....etc. I have been busy with bins all week. Made mental notes of what I do not need more of, which is pretty much everything. For now that is......And my closet looked really nice before I packed everything away too. But it's OK.....whether I stay here or go somewhere else I am going to have a nice closet again, soon.



It's tea time now. I'm tired and I need to wash my hair.

So when I was in Omaha Nebraska last month with Mandy, we actually worked in Iowa, in a town called Carter Lake at the Spearmint Rhino. Carter Lake is right by Omaha. She had worked there before so that's where we went after we decided that we did not want to stay in Winner South Dakota.
The Rhino looks just like any other of the Rhino clubs, same decor and carpet basically. Although when most girls (dancers) talk about the Spearmint Rhino most of them think about the Vegas location, employs tons of girls on any given night and open 24/7.
Since every state and town is different, there will be different rules regarding outfits, hours you work, house fees, tip outs etc. At the Carter Lake location you pay a set house fee depending on what day and time you come in plus $5 out of each dance that you do.
Dances are $25 and then there are some "VIP room" options as well with different prices.
I just did the $25 dances. Then you are expected to tip the manager, dj and the bouncer that walks you to the car. Everybody wants money.



There were nightly drink and beer specials and a separate BYOB room with a stage but I was not paying attention to much regarding the specials. The "2 girl shows" that you can see by the Saturday night specials is nothing too pronounced. Random girls would basically do pretend shows with each other on a nightly basis, nothing too crazy. More like close hugging, caressing and doing the 69 with their hair hanging over their faces covering up whatever wasn't going on anyways. I personally think those "shows" are tired and totally played out. Maybe back in the day it was interesting but now its more like embarrassing to watch.
Plus nobody cares anyways, so it's like a waste of energy. Do I do these "shows"? No.



You also have to cover up your nipples with something. There was tape provided in the dressing room or you could use latex or puffy paint. I went to Michaels and got pink puffy paint and silver glitter. I'm not a fan of putting anything on my nipples. It's messy and toxic. Plus it's a boob. Men have nipples too and they can parade around the streets and at beaches/pools without a shirt on and that is NOT considered to be a problem or indecent at all but a woman's breast is all of a sudden this thing that has to stay hidden and covered up.
I don't get it. Plus some guys have bigger boobs than me anyways. Cover those babies up dude!



I thought the club was nice and clean. They would clean the stage several times/night and I like that. The lap dances were done in a lap dance area, in little semi private rooms. This is a topless only club. I didn't see anything too crazy going on but then again you can't really see what the other girls are doing during the dances since you are busy dancing yourself.
The touching is a bit too much for my taste but you just tell the guys your boundaries and they listen. If they whine and complain then I won't dance for them, simple.....problem solved and NEXT!
You have to participate in lap dance specials that they would do several times/night.
Basically all the girls have to squeeze together on stage and walk around in a circle and then you have to give a 2 for 1 dance. They keep the songs rather short for that. Kind of lame and makes you feel like you are a slave being auctioned off at some market but most of the time you would get a dance or a few out of it. Some guys would sit there and wait for the 2 for 1, of course.
The lights on the stages are AWFUL. Just awful. Somebody needs to sit down and work on that issue. I think I'd rather dance in daylight than to the lights they have in that club. What is up with clubs not understanding how important the lighting is in a strip club? It's crucial. Seriously.
It is also very cold in the club. I renamed the lap dance area "the icebox" - freezing.
The dj's played outdated and just cringeworthy music. I told them what music I liked and one of them looked at me and told me that they cater to "50 year old white men". OK. And then they would play me some bad R&B and shit like that. I think 50 year old white men much rather hear some ZZ Top or old rock (me too) than some bad R&B. Plus I do not want to hear R&B when I'm on stage, or Pony by Ginuwine (really now, what do I look like, Channing Tatum?), or any Michael Jackson. They also played Vanilla Ice and outdated new jack swing. BARF!!!! I mean.....come on now!. The dj's need some serious assistance in that club.
The dressing room is large and there is a tanning bed for the girls to use free of charge if they wish. Hmmmmm.......what else. Everybody was nice and the girls were OK. Some not so cute but there were a few really pretty ones that stood out. There is a kitchen so you can order food, I can recommend the fries, Mandy really likes those fries. Overall I though it was an OK club.
They also have this information hanging in the dressing room. I remember a few months ago (like April or May) some person/s started commenting in my blog and wanting to discuss random stuff regarding prostitution. I am not worried about prostitution since that is something I would never consider but what I was saying is that I recall girls getting in trouble sometimes in Vegas for even sitting on peoples laps when VICE would be in the club. So girls would just avoid doing lap dances until VICE left (if it was clear that they were in the club) to avoid getting in trouble. Maybe this will clarify some stuff to that besserwisser that was arguing with me regarding the ins and outs of prostitution and the law. Like I said, since I have no plans of prostituting myself those laws are not concerning me too much. But as you can see, you can get in some serious trouble even for even saying the "wrong" thing. Good that I don't say those things. I like to talk about other fun stuff like politics and pinworms, I hope those topics are considered "safe".

I'm just being boring and feeling boring right now. It's kind of dreary out, no sun just gray but at least there is no snow. Some places in the country have severe weather and waist deep snow right now and here it's rather mild actually. Most people think that all of Alaska is just a frozen ice block, that we live in igloos and co exist with polar bears. No. That's more up north, keep in mind that Alaska is the largest state in the US. Where I live on the Kenai Peninsula there are no polar bears and I live in a house mainly made out of wood. I have never seen an igloo in real life. The closet to an igloo would be when I make snölyktor from snow. Kind of like a snow lantern.
What am I doing today? I'm thinking about paying the gym a visit to get sweaty and move my flab around. Then I need to tackle my box situation at home. Right now 80% of my stuff is in boxes since I almost moved a few days ago. A decision I'm still second guessing. I think I have a difficult time tackling things that give my anxiety, like a move. It's easier just not to deal with it. And that's exactly what I did. For now. I need a personal coach to crack the whip over my head when I get emotional and irrational.
Then I'm thinking about what I am going to do for my annual Christmas cards this year.
Me and Chhaya, it's my Christmas tradition. I have an idea, if the weather permits.....
So, last night I came across some news from Sweden about four women that arrived there as refugees from Syria together with their sick Father. The four women are complaining that they do not like the apartment that the Swedish government set them up in and that the tax payers are funding. The tax payers also paid for the furniture in that place and the food these people eat. Since those people have no income to speak of. They are not happy with the beds, it's cold and then there is the fact that there is no elevator. Their Father is sick and bedridden and currently getting care in a hospital. The reason they did not get an apartment with elevator access is because the information about the sick Father was last minute and there is also a shortage of places to live in Sweden. People have to wait for a long time to be able to secure an apartment sometimes. I have a friend that broke up with her ex about two years ago but she is still sleeping on the couch in the living room in the apartment they share because she can't find a place of her own. My brother lives in a one bedroom apartment in a suburb outside of Stockholm, he sleeps in the living room and rents out the other bedroom to somebody. If I would to move back to Sweden I would have to live with my Mom or a friend unless I would have the money to buy my own place or be willing to live in Norrland. Well, I'm a Stockholm kind of girl. These four women are now threatening to leave Sweden if nothing changes. Really? My suggestion is.....GET THE FUCK OUT! Maybe go back to where you came from. Or try to go somewhere else (another country) with a list of demands for your comfort and see how well it goes. Nobody will miss you in Sweden, I promise. This is so typical Sweden, I just feel like WTF.....how DARE you? If you don't like it, LEAVE! Actually, don't even bother arriving in the first place. I do feel bad for their elderly Father that is sick and bedridden but hey, I'm sure he is getting way better care in Sweden than he did in Syria. Do I feel bad for the four able bodied women? Not at all, shut the fuck up bitches and GO TO WORK. I'm sure McDonald's is hiring, learn the Swedish language and contribute to society before you start demanding free shit form the government. I'm glad I don't live in Sweden because I would had been PISSED OFF at the situation there and LOUDLY stated my opinions. This is not an isolated incident, this shit happens all the time. The Swedes are too nice.
I found a pic of me on Facebook from Burning Man, some photographer took it when I having a great time at the Steampunk Saloon. That will do as the Tatiana pic of the day!

Look at my new Hello Kitty blanket that I got as a gift! Thank You, I appreciate it a lot! Me and Chhaya are going to cuddle underneath it.



This year Hello Kitty celebrated her 40th anniversary, she was created in 1974 to inspire happiness, friendship and sharing across the world. How cute isn't that? Or KAWAII like they say in Japan where there is a huge KAWAII culture. I love Hello Kitty and I need to go to Japan, actually my brother is there right now. I am sooooo jealous!



Today at Kaladi they gave me a red goat sticker, kind of like when I was a kid going to the dentist in Sweden, after the visit you got to dig through a box of stickers and pick out one as a reward for being so brave. The red goat is the Kaladi symbol.





I don't know if it's the weather or me running on empty emotionally (I had an emotional week) but I feel drained. I am going to walk Chhaya and clean up in the kitchen, then I am crawling into bed early with my new blankie over me.

Since I am getting emails from girls asking questions about the strip club on the boat in Kodiak AK, the Wild Alaskan, I decided to write a bit more about it. Who knows, maybe somebody will find it useful.
Back in July I personally met the owner Darren, by chance as he came into the club I work at looking for girls to come out onto his boat. According to what he told me, I was the only girl in the club that particular night that he was interested in dancing on the boat. We chatted for a while, I was still unsure about the whole deal.....he wanted me to come within a few days, so I decided to meet him the following day (a Tuesday) at Kaladi to get a better feeling about the whole deal. After some thought I decided to bring another girl with me to the meeting, to get her input. So we both met up with Darren the following day. He was nice and very enthusiastic, he brought along pictures of the boat and paperwork of licenses and permits. He also told us that his wife Kimberly would be tending the bar, plus another girl on the weekends. There had already been a few online articles written about the boat since they'd had a soft opening (three evenings) a few weeks earlier but after that they ran into some regulatory problems that were fixed at the time me and the other girl met with him.
We asked him many questions, like hours of operation (8-9 pm until 4 am), security (yes), lap dance price ($40 topless strictly no touching), nights open (every), tip out (to staff meaning security, bartender/s, guy driving the other boat to pick up the guests at the dock), amount of tip out (whatever we wanted, I recall he said about $10/person as a suggestion). He also said that us girls would sleep on the boat in our own rooms that would be heated throughout the night, we would have access to a vehicle to use during the day so we could move around on the island, there would be no leaving the boat after work to go and "party" with guys, no guys on board after business hours, we would have a shared bathroom with a shower with enough hot water to go around. He repeatedly mentioned that he wanted to run a classy club "Bush Company style". If you are not familiar with the Bush Company, it's a club in Anchorage and yes I worked there so I had an idea about what he was looking for when he said classy and "Bush Company style". I am all for that. So it all sounded good to me. After about an hour of talking I decided to take the chance and fly out to Kodiak the following day, a Wednesday. My ticket round trip in AK cost me about $780 and that is something you pay yourself, keep that in mind. Initially it was going to be me and two other girls that Darren met at another club in Anchorage called Fantasy on 5th. Two more were scheduled to arrive a few days later (also from Fantasy).
When we finally landed on Kodiak, Darren was waiting for us at the airport. I introduced myself to the other girls with a smile and a handshake. The first impression was not that good, they were standoffish and barely shook my hand and did not say a word, glaring at me. Two Russian girls that happened to be in AK from Miami. Anyhow......We arrived at the boat, it was raining very hard that night and we actually got ready within an hour and were open for business by Midnight or so. That night we all agreed on, together with Darren and Kimberly, that we would also offer nude lap dances for $60/song or two nude in a row for $100 or three topless in a row for $100. Strictly no touching from the guys. That first night ONE guy came on board. So we didn't make any money, I made like $17. So I felt a little bit like.....OMG, I hope things will IMPROVE or I will have to work 30 nights in a row to make some kind of money. And that is not what I had in mind, my plan was to stay a week or so.
Forward to the arrival of the two other girls, one more Russian and one American. I think all girls except one were nice looking/cute. And all of them liked their liquor, A LOT.
Alcohol habits like that take years of practice to develop. They got wasted like every night. And things started spiraling out of control quickly. The classy and "Bush Company style" was in my opinion not happening after the other two arrived. They were drinking, I was not, that created a bit of a "them against me" situation, plus they all knew each other from before. They thought I was a stuck up bitch according to Darren and I thought they were crazy and embarrassing drunks. They were being really pushy with the guys to buy them booze and also getting off from the stage nude, crawling all over the guys sitting at the stage. Not getting dressed when done with stage and hustling guys for dances naked. No. Of course I was the odd one out, sober and sticking to the "classy". Whatever.
Then I noticed Darren lying about stuff. One night he said that two separate groups of guys complained that they got ripped off by us. No. Nobody got ripped off to my knowledge. Therefore we had him put up a sign stating the prices for dances. So there would be no further confusion.



He also said something in the line of that us girls were making all the money and there was nothing left to the bar and the bartender/s. I had guys buy me several drinks (juice) basically every night and the other girls downed shot after shot too. The guys were definitely spending on drinks. The bartender/s cannot expect to make dancer money when they work in a strip club, the focus will be on the dancers (as it should). If you want the focus to be on you, go work in a regular bar. That's just how it is. Or go on stage, get naked and do lap dances and make dancer money.
We also had a problem with people whipping out their phones the first few nights, taking pics and filming us. Yes, I caught a guy filming me on stage and when I confronted him he lied about it. When we brought this PROBLEM up with Darren and security not much was done about it initially. I think that Darren didn't want to step on anybody's toes, keeping the guests happy. So they would rave about how fun they had on the boat, Kodiak is a small place and news spread fast. But taking pics or footage of the dancers is a HUGE no no in every other club I worked in, you will either get kicked out, your camera/cell phone taken from you, some or ALL the pics in your phone deleted (I've seen it all). After a few nights of this we finally had enough and told Darren that we were serious about the no pictures. He finally took us seriously and put up no photos signs. It only took a while......LOL. And that should had never been an issue to begin with.
Then there was a problem with the windows being uncovered, Darren wanted all windows in the club to be uncovered, free advertising perhaps? First of all, it was bright freakin' daylight in the club until about 11 pm (summer time in AK), then I am not really willing to "advertise" that style of entertainment to unsuspecting people passing by, think a family with children that might pass the boat with their boat looking in, getting an eyeful. This is America and some people are rather conservative regarding nudity and no dancer wants to go to Kodiak and get sued for indecent exposure by some person feeling offended. One night Darren tried to remove the curtain from the window directly behind the stage (the only window covered), I told him no way am I going on stage with that window uncovered. He put the curtain back on. The following day I found some information about the laws regarding that. From my understanding businesses with an adult theme need to have the windows covered or blacked out so nobody from the outside can look in at the dancers but Darren only looked at me like I was annoying. This is the window in question (with the black curtain).



Darren also told us that WE were responsible for knowing about the laws regarding dancing in a strip club on Kodiak. US girls. First of all, it wasn't clear to me what the rules were.
Besides the no touching during a lap dance (from the guys). And the no drugs policy. He said the law was different on the boat since it's on water. I think it is HIS responsibility as the owner to know the law and then inform the dancers about it.
I also brought up that the "Bush Company style" that he was aiming for seemed to be a memory. If anything, if he was concerned about any possible legal problems, I advised him to address some issues. To his credit he did lay down the law that evening and said that he wanted things to change. Back to the original idea. And things did change for the better. Good.
I noticed Darren getting very frustrated several times, annoyed with us girls, annoyed with the guys coming on board. He definitely needs to work on his people skills. I could see him brewing a couple of times and I told him that working with a constant rotation of girls takes some patience, sometimes a lot of patience. He also talked bad about the other girls but would happily get drunk with them at night. I'm sure he talked bad about me to them as well. And the three that were there for the soft opening were "bitches, old and ugly". It's not nice to talk about people like that as an employer. Talk about the girls with your wife, not to the other girls. There are many kinks to be worked out with any new business and I'm sure it is very frustrating, I felt bad for him a few times. He had a lot on his plate. I'm sure I would had been annoyed too with stuff if I was in his shoes but you have to keep it professional.
I do have to say that the guys coming on the boat were all super nice and very appreciative of us girls. Nobody made me upset or tried to get away with any funny business, as in touching or not paying for dances. Yes, the money situation improved a lot after that first rainy night. When I was on the boat there was a cap on how many people could be on board at the same time, that included the staff (yes, us dancers too). I can't exactly recall the number of customers now but I think it was 12 total. But don't quote me on that. And to get on the boat they had to pay $20 and to stay on the boat they had to pay $20 per hour or leave and let others come on board. A smaller boat would go out on the hour to pick up more guys (if we had room). We did close early a few nights.
OK.....there were also some slight issues with getting a ride to shore and getting picked up. I clearly stated before my arrival there that I needed to get off the boat once a day to be able to eat and do stuff before work. When you have 5-6 girls with different schedules and wants that need rides to shore and back there will be issues. Of course. But I did go back and forth to shore every day, Darren took us.
When I left I wished I could had stayed a bit longer, overall I enjoyed my time on the boat. Both Darren and Kimberly expressed to me that they wanted me back.
Shortly after I left a girl arrived on the boat that had found out about it by reading my blog (or from another girl reading it). She initially LOVED the place and said guys were giving out $100's like candy and that she wanted to stay for as long as possible. Well, about ten days or so into her stay she (according to her) got pushed by Darren and had to call the police so she could leave the boat. Then a personal friend of mine went out there and had a similar experience, basically she got told (yelled at) to get the fuck off the boat at 4 am because of a tip out dispute. Darren wanted more money from her. The airport does not open until 6am so she sat in a hotel lobby waiting and then took a taxi to the airport. She had no ticket booked that day, obviously due to the unexpected turn of events and had to wait a long time to get a flight out of Kodiak and then wait even longer in Anchorage to get a flight home and it cost a pretty penny too. You can read about what they had to say about their ordeals here
I felt bad for my friend. Darren also lied/made some facts up about something pertaining her, a stupid lie, completely unnecessary.
Since I was on the boat things have changed, there is now a house fee and the club is not open on Mondays and Tuesdays (I heard, don't take my word for it). Personally, when I travel for work I want to work every night to make the most out of the situation. I am not interested in sitting around doing nothing for two nights when I could be working, especially on Kodiak island. New York City sure, I can occupy myself with a plethora of things there but not in a small place. It has also been brought to my attention that Darren has had several complaints filed against him from his prior businesses. These complaints are from "regular' folks, not high strung, spoiled drama queen dancers (as we are often perceived as). The complaints are rather serious (here is an example, "displayed aggressive behavior and language, including profanity, and what some employees perceived as “slander” or threats”.) I do not know of any validity to these complaints since I was not present during the situations, it's online in case you feel you should learn more about this. I definitely did notice that Darren needed to simmer down a few times and I told him that myself. I never had a problem with his wife Kimberly, I thought she was pleasant.
Girls are e mailing me asking if they can make $2000/night at the Wild Alaskan. I don't know. It's the same as with my Williston blogs, I got so many e mails from girls from all over.
Look, maybe you can make $2000/night. I didn't, not even close to it. But that's me and you are you. I definitely think the concept is GREAT, it is unique and they only have one strip club on Kodiak island and people DO have money to spend there and like I said, the guys were very nice. I don't know if they are allowed to bring more guys on board now and I do not know how many girls they employ now either. Since I left I have not been in touch with Darren. I am assuming I am not welcome back there due to the blog (he made some comments about it) and he can probably pick and choose from Playboy Playmates and top models now, so why would he want a crusty, flabby and stuck up bitch like me back? Ha ha.



It can also have something to do with that two girls that indirectly and directly worked there because of me had some very negative experiences on that boat, so in a way that makes me somewhat "responsible" for them going out there. Oh well.
I thought the boat was clean, nice, safe (I felt safe), I had fun most of the time. I thought sleeping on the boat in my little room was cozy. Here is the dressing room.



If you have a good group of girls there at the same time I'm sure it can be lots of fun, the wrong girls and you might be miserable. In the end, I though that the two initial Russian girls were OK, we warmed up a bit to each other (one had gorgeous eyes, I told her that I thought so a few times). The other two - no. We didn't really click. One was a great dancer on stage and on the pole but a hot mess and the other one just a mess in many ways I thought. I also HEARD that all four girls started living off the boat non working hours because they were fed up with Darren.
In the end it's up to you to decide whether to go to Kodiak and dance or not. I personally like adventures. If Darren works on his approach to people and situations and figures out how to run things more professionally I'm sure it can be a great experience. Everybody will have their OWN experience, just like with everything in life. By now, things SHOULD run smoothly there, wouldn't you think? If not, it's a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Oh, one more thing. A girl told me she heard that the place is a brothel on water.
Absolutely NOT true. First of all, I would NEVER work in a brothel and guys were not allowed to touch during dances. I've seen way more questionable stuff go on in other clubs during dances. Ladies, if you go.....good luck and have lots of fun! And make sure to visit Monk's Rock for the borscht!




I think I joined the officially insane club today. The reason I was feeling sad the last couple of days is because I was planning on leaving Kenai. I had packed up most of my stuff and was heading for Vegas. BUT today I changed my mind, the timing just didn't feel right, I felt like I was rushing things. Life gets complicated when you have stuff to take care of in Alaska and Nevada. It's not like I can just jump in my car and drive for a few hours and be in Vegas. It's a long journey. I don't know what else to say besides craaaaaayzeeeee. I hope I made the right decision. Because OF COURSE, now I am second guessing myself, I'm like that. Now I am sitting here feeling overwhelmed, I have an empty closet and clothes in suitcases and boxes. All my toiletries are out of place. I like things in their place and a clean house, that's when I feel good. If anything good came out of this it's that I realized that I do not need any more things until I decide on were I will live. I'm hoping to reach some sort of a decision about that soon. So, I am going to give away some things and throw away others, like old beauty products that expired. Stuff I just don't use. Somebody else can take it, or not.
And I also realized that I get very attached to people and places, some people leave a place and never look back. They don't stay in touch with the people they met ever again, they turn a completely new page. I'm not like that. So leaving/moving/saying goodbye etc, all of that is kind of traumatic for me. I remember one time when I visited Sweden and came back to the US, I cried so much on the plane.
The best is to be lucky enough to have one steady place. I have been in limbo for a while. And now I am in limbo and in a chaotic house. It will take me a while to get organized again.
But now it's time for a bath! And then sleep.