Welcome to Chaos !!

Today has started out BAD for me......now I am in a shitty mood and don't want to do anything. To top it off there are still so many mosquitoes out, it is GROSS. I thought about going camping but changed my mind because I do not want to deal with mosquitoes and DEET. When I take Chhaya out for a walk I have to swat them off us constantly. Every night before I go to sleep I hunt down the ones that are hiding in my house, kill them and some off them have blood in them, that is just so yucky!
Anyways, I think that I am going to force myself to go to the gym and see if I feel any better afterwards. Although.....I don't want to go. I want to lay down on the ground, kick and scream - tantrum style. This means that I am about to have my period soon. Yeay, FUN!
On the other hand, here are some very HOTTTT pics of me last time I went to the gym. I am so totally self -absorbed and take like hundreds of pics of myself daily. Then I carefully pic out ONLY the best ones to showcase. NOT.
Look, I am so gorgeous!



I love my new leggings!



I love my new shoes!



Well, I am not going to wallow in my self misery anymore. It is gym time.

Sitting here and finishing up my coffee.....I have to go and return some movies and get toilet paper, very glamorous. I will refer to this entry when people at work ask me what I do during the daytime. I do the same stuff like everybody else, sleep and run errands. Stuff.
Oh....I forgot to mention that last night some guy got fascinated with my feet and toenails and the funny thing is that my pink toenail polish is looking awful and I need to cut my toenails but I was going to wait until Monday, that is when I am going to get a pedicure. Anyhow, he kept on trying to inspect my feet and I kept on moving them away from him. I mean, first of all my feet look kind of bad right now, although he didn't seem to think so and second, that is a very specific fetish that people pay high dollars for. So no, you can look but you cannot touch!
Then while giving him a lap dance he tried to pull a fast one and touch my VAGINE. I quickly backed away and recomposed myself (my first instinct was to push him really hard but that could had injured him) and then I scolded him. Well, he sincerely apologized and the dance ended there. Of course I kept the money!

Sooooo.......here are a few things on my list of stuff that annoyed me today. First of all this article about a pregnant CHILD in Chile.

"SANTIAGO, Chile (AP) — The case of a pregnant 11-year old girl who was raped in Chile by her mother's partner has set off a national debate about abortion in one of the most socially-conservative countries in Latin America.
State TV reported that the girl is 14 weeks pregnant. Police arrested her mother's partner who confessed to abusing the fifth grader. Doctors say her life and that of the fetus are at high risk. But ending the pregnancy is not an option."

Abortion is illegal in Chile, no matter what circumstance. What utter BULLSHIT! I feel serious anger and sadness when I hear about stuff like this.

Then I read an online article about Channing Tatum and that he is now a Dad because his wife Jenna recently gave birth to a girl. He talked about how much he admired Jenna for giving birth and for women in general. Many women LOVE Channing because he is a hot hunk that showed off his fine physique in Magic Mike but he also seems to sincerely love and adore his wife and be a really good guy allover. I like men like that. That is a MAN. Hey guys, LOVE your woman! That is my advice for you! So following the article people chimed in with their opinions about child birth and their man/husband being there for them during that time. Some poor woman wrote, "a man only does this if he truly loves his wife. my husband made me go to a pizzeria with him on the way to the hospital, and I had to watch him eat a whole pizza before we went. I was so hungry, I'd been in labor for 3 days at that point, and couldn't have anything to eat. it was another 47 hrs. and 45 min. before I delivered. doctor didn't believe in C-sections, and then he sewed me up tighter for my husband's better pleasure. unbelievable. I had to have it re-done a couple of years later. how thoughtless and cruel they were."

What the fuck? I'd much rather be single than have a "man" like that. Nobody is free of fault and people make mistakes but that is just plain wrong on so many levels. All of it. The pizza, the sewing up the VAGINE for the husbands pleasure......really? REALLY?! I can't believe the stuff some people do.
Anyhow.....I need to go and get that toilet paper!

It's 3 30 and I am about to wash my face and go to sleep. I should probably wash my feet too, they are kind of stinky after five hours in my heels. Stripper shoes get a certain smell to them after a while. I feel so tired my eyes just want to close. Let me think.....did anything out of the ordinary happen at work tonight? Hmmmm.....no, gathered up a few more fans but that is normal. One girl I work with is in the hospital because her implant leaked and caused a very bad infection, she might have to go to a larger hospital.....it is that bad. Boss lady had a collection for her to help out with the medical bills, when I left there was more than $ 500 collected. I am so tired I can't form thoughts. Good Night!

My Burning Man ticket has arrived. This is really going to happen and it is happening next month! I have been wanting to go to Burning Man for so long and I am excited to finally be able to experience it. I think it is a place somewhere in the desert where you can run around naked, do lots of drugs, capture men and then burn them on a stake. Sounds like something right up my alley because I am such a man hater! Oh and a drug addict. Let's not forget to add that.



I actually got taken in to the office and reprimanded by the owner of the club last night. Because I basically very loudly (yes, I admit that I was yelling over the music) told a drunk, obnoxious and verbally abusive man to shut the fuck up and keep his money. This man, why he is even allowed inside the club I don't know. He always either arrives very intoxicated or gets to that point while at the club. He is very loud, has poor social skills and thinks that he can say and do whatever he wants because he waves around money. And he always challenges other guys to fight, one day somebody will knock his teeth out and rightfully so. Well, I don't like getting verbally abused and I am not going to comply with any of his demands. Why? Because I don't have to. Even though I work in a strip club. Newsflash to all you chauvinistic men out there! GO FUCK yourselves with a cactus!
I understand that the owner of the club makes money of pathetic alcoholics like this guy and that he does spend money in there on drinks and tipping the bartender and the girls on stage. I absolutely understand that. But what he has to understand is that I will not tolerate anyone talking to me like that. Ever. I mentioned things like pride and integrity during our talk. There is always a line when money is of no importance and my integrity is priceless.
That is what I said.
I understand that men do not always understand why I can come off as stand offish, in comparison to many of the other girls in the club, note that I am saying MANY, not all.
Some guys expect to get their ego stroked and their ass kissed no matter how they act or what they say. Because they have the money. Well, I don't kiss ass. Not yours, not his, not anybody's. Take it or leave it. And keep your dollars, I actually have plenty as it is. Go and talk to another girl and leave me alone! They always try to talk to me though.....even though I am "so rude". Booooohooooo!
To the owners defense I have to add that he and I had a calm and intelligent discussion and he started out our little talk with telling me what he does like about me.....I am an asset to the club, he wants me there, he thinks that I am very attractive and also that I come off as regal. So from now on you can all address me as Princess Tatiana!

Meaning of the name Tatiana " The name Tatiana is of Russian origin. The meaning of Tatiana is "fairy princess". Tatiana falls into the royal title name category."
Read more fun facts about Tatiana here

I got my latest Honey Dew's in the mail.....pretty blue with a green trim. I don't wear the same outfit at work for six weeks in a row like some people do.....I'd rather change it up.



And these are my latest Hanky Panky panties which I like to wear outside of work. Very comfy and cute. I get the low rise style and they come in one size only. The regular style ones look like a diaper on me.



Yesterday I pan fried some asparagus and had that for dinner. Very yummy but asparagus make my pee smell funny. Not that it matters since I don't have any immediate plans of peeing on somebody, it's just an observation.



So I watched Silver Linings Playbook and liked it a lot. I think Jennifer Lawrence is pretty amazing. Great acting from all the main characters. Also watched Side Effects and it did have a surprising twist to it that I didn't see coming at first. It would had been more interesting to me, at least, if the movie dug deeper into the serious problem of feeding people of all ages pharmaceuticals like it is some magic panacea. A staggering and scary amount of people in this country take some kind of anti depressant or mood elevating substance or opiate for pain prescribed by a doctor. I heard that there has been a sharp rise in suicides in middle aged men lately and one of the links to that is their dependency on opiate drugs. It many times starts out with those pills prescribed by a doctor, then you have to find pills from somebody else or go looking for another doctor willing to keep on writing you a prescription for your pill habit and the amount of pills you take increases and then buying heroin is often cheaper and easier than trying to score a high amount of oxys each day. Evil circle.

Well......it's early afternoon here. I am going to go home, do some laundry and sweep the floor (never ending tasks) and then perhaps later on.....go to work.

Here are some random pics from the last day in my kind of uneventful life.

I bought nectarines, organic of course.....and two days later these large patches of mold appeared. Not cool. Especially since nectarines cost more than $ 1 a piece. But I eat only organic nectarines nowadays.



My baby looking pretty amongst the wildflowers on our walk yesterday.



Mosquito repellants. They are still here and they are hungry.



I made mashed potatoes.



Went running at 1 am last night. It was wonderful, I felt so good, so alive and was on the lookout for bears.



Chhaya this morning, enjoying her sleep. I love that she sleeps in the bed with me. I wouldn't want it any other way.



Right now......at Coffee Roaster, savoring my latte.....thinking about life.