Entries by TATIANA

The cherry blossoms are in full bloom and Portland is pink and pretty. The trees look like fluffy pink clouds and make everything feel better. The time to see them is now before the petals fall to the ground, they don't stay fluffy and pink forever, it is a fleeting moment albeit a yearly moment.
It rained all day yesterday so my plan was to go to the Waterfront Park today but I did not make it down there until after sundown. So I am hoping for another visit later this week.....before it is too late.

Hi.....checking in. I had a pretty crappy week but today was a good day so the week ended on a good note. But my crappy problems are nothing compared to what some people are going through so I should not complain.
What I can say is something that I have said before, people suck. People are fake, some are hypocrites and I hate humans in general.
Of course not all humans. There are some good ones. Like my friends.
I recently got Roku so now I have all kinds of stuff to watch. It is nice to watch a movie on a rainy Sunday evening. So tonight I watched Footloose. First time for me. Did you know that the movie is based on a true story? When I hear the song Footloose which might be the worst song in that movie btw, it is actually. Well when I hear it I think of a club I worked at for a bit a long time ago in South Dakota called Holiday House. The DJ played Footloose for me a few times. The first time I was like whatever. But after the third time I went up to him and told him to stop playing it for me. Play some Rihanna or something. Footloose? No thanks.
This week will be interesting. I have a few phone calls to make and emails to write. A couple of meetings to go on and see what develops out of those. And work aka sit in the dressing room for four hours and talk with my girlfriends or read and spend about an hour total going on stage. And if it stops raining I want a picture with a cherry blossom tree, they are blooming now and are a sight. This was me last night. And now I am going to play Wordle and read.

Today I have been dealing with car problems. I get very stressed when my car has an issue, car problems are some of the most stressful things that can happen to me. This problem included two tows and no car for a week. Well, not my own car for a week at least. There is a place in Portland where you can take your car to and fix it yourself, there are lifts (?) that hoist the vehicle up and all kinds of other tools available for use. Super great place and a super nice guy, Mike owns and runs the place. Today me and my mechanic used a transmission jack. I have the best and most patient mechanic ever, he is also my friend. So I had the fuel pump replaced on my car. And while doing that, we put in a new fuel filter. Then the oil got changed and the oil filter of course. I have some more things to fix on my car but they can wait for another time. It is an older car but it is perfect for me. I have replaced and repaired a lot on it BUT I am not in the market to purchase a new car and I think that if I get another used car things will break down sooner or later so I am sticking to my car while it works.
I like watching and learning plus helping out with smaller tasks while my mechanic works on my car.
I had a long day and I am about to go to sleep. Monday tomorrow.
If you are reading this - have a great week!

In one hour, when we go from Friday to Saturday the indoor mask requirement will be lifted here in Oregon. It is up to the individual if they still want to wear a mask and private businesses can also decide whether or not to implement mask wearing indoors. Some settings will still require that people wear a mask though, like on public transportation. Oregon has declared that the emergency phase of the Covid pandemic has ended. This of course can be reversed should some other Covid variant surface for example. Oregon had some of the strictest Covid restrictions in the US. Although I think California was stricter when I went there in September 2020. They wanted people to wear a mask outside when you got within 30 feet of each somebody.
I am not vaccinated and I am satisfied with that choice for now. You do not have to agree and I am not having any opinions on what other people chose to do as far as vaccinations go. Take three more boosters if you so wish. I can say this, one of my friends passed away within three weeks of getting the Johnson & Johnson vaccine from a blood clot that went to his lung. He seemed pretty healthy prior to that. And somebody else I knew was vaccinated and boosted, got Covid in December and passed away in January.
All of us probably have stories about Covid and how we got affected by it by now. It's been two years since the first shut down here in Oregon, if I recall it right on March 20 2020. The freeways were kind of empty for the three first weeks or so then people started moving around more. The unusual lack of human activity out in public was refreshing. I know people that did not leave their house at all for the first three weeks. Total isolation. Did not touch their mailbox for even longer than that in fear of contaminated surfaces. I disinfected most of the heavy touch surfaces in my place twice at the beginning.
And upped on the hand washing. But besides that I did not change much else. I am not in the habit of flying to various locations to get a tan or have a desperate need to dine out anyways. Of course I have been wearing a mask when needed to but not outside (except when I spent a few days in CA in 2020) and not inside my car when driving.
I think some people definitely took their fears to another level but it is their life, not mine.
I talked to my Mom today and I asked her what the situation is in Sweden nowadays with Covid and she was like, Ha Ha nobody talks about Covid anymore, all you hear about on the news is about Ukraine. Now that the medical companies made money on the vaccines.....the propaganda quieted down. There you go.
I wonder what the truth behind this virus is? Is there some sort of hidden agenda or is it simply another virus that happened to spread among us filthy humans and become a pandemic?
As far as wearing a mask goes....I feel that wearing a mask in public when you are feeling under the weather yourself is a considerate way to act towards others. I like various forms of consideration. Like they did and still do in certain Asian countries, prior to Covid. Just like knowing how to cough and sneeze in public out of consideration for others. And just like not littering in public out of consideration.
Stuff like that.
I personally get irritated when people stare at me, so the mask definitely removes some of that feeling. A face mask adds a level of privacy. I get stared at enough at work. Don't need it outside of work. And at work a mask adds a layer in between me, my private space and people's breath. Don't need any breathing in my direction and on me either. Yuck. I do not like that at all.
We had two about three month long shutdowns here in Oregon.
I enjoyed that. I love being at home doing "nothing" because I can get busy with reading, writing, taking pictures, communicating with friends, being outside, sleeping in, watching silly and interesting shows etc and still not have enough hours left in the day to do "nothing". Basically enjoying life. I could easily live with two three month long stay at home orders a year.
I totally understand why hordes of people left their jobs and that they do not want to return to spending meaningless soul destructive hours in some depressing office or other work space. Getting up early (I hate getting up before 9 am), having to squeeze into some appropriate office attire, spending sometimes an hour or more (!) commuting to a place of employment and then spending that same time going home. Humans are not made for living to work. And most people do not looooooove their work and should know that work does not love them back. Some are fortunate to love or at least like what they do for a living and that is great. But many don't and that must be a sinking feeling to feel on a regular. I am for a shorter work week for those that want it and I am also for universal basic income. There are ways to go about that and make it work. Just because a 40 hour plus work week Monday through Friday is the norm doesn't necessarily mean that it is the way it should be. Like what is the reason for that norm?
The history of that norm?
So yeah.....I do not have to wear the mask tomorrow in the grocery store or at work. And I can if I want to. It will be my choice.

I went to IKEA today and to my surprise I found this picture for only $9.99. !!! It happens to be one of my favorite motifs, Princess Tuvstarr (translated to Princess Cottongrass in English) and her elk friend Skutt (translated to Leap in English). These are well known illustrations by John Bauer, a Swedish artist. This will be my second Princess Tuvstarr, I got another one, Princess Tuvstarr and the Fishpond (as a gift!) years ago. I love John Bauer's art - princesses, faeries, trolls and gnomes co existing in mysterious dark forests. My childhood.



This afternoon I received unexpected and sad news. A friend passed away. I saw him last Tuesday night and we talked the following day and now he is gone. I can see him in front of me and hear his voice when I think about him, it is surreal that I will not see him again.
I don't think I have realized it yet.
You will be so missed Brian. You were loved by many. ❤️
I have entered unfamiliar territory for me in my life. Death. I don't know about this. It is difficult. And I don't want to. But this is life. And I don't want to. How does one deal?

I am sitting here in the dark, only my computer screen is lit up. It is in the middle of the night, it is quiet, so nice that it is finally quiet. I have a great need for quiet these days. I am surrounded by so much loud noise and meaningless chatter on almost a daily basis that I NEED quiet.
I have a few entries that I have been planning on writing BUT they are on the back burner, instead I am feeling sick with uncomfortable emotions regarding the situation in the world. What is going on?
How can this be happening? Why? Of course I know that I can find the answers but still.....WHY? I am hesitant to read the news. I usually devour all kinds of information daily. I spend hours reading about everything. But now I do not want to read about the latest developments because I feel uneasy and yes a bit scared. And sad.
This is so wrong. I feel so bad for all the innocent people. The innocent animals. There are small glimmers of kindness, humanity and hope here and there but that won't erase all the lost lives and the destruction.
I am sad that the world as a whole has not made greater progress than this. What else is there to say really? Nothing.
But I still read.....I have to. I recently found this online magazine. Meduza. https://meduza.io/en for the English version.
And for watching, on YouTube, Ukraine on Fire by Global Tree Pictures. There is another film on Ukraine as well by the same production company......some say this is pro Putin propaganda though. Lots of history here like I mentioned in the blog before this one.
What to read and watch and trusting the sources and grasping for the truth is not easy.