Entries by TATIANA

Stigma (noun) - a strong feeling of disapproval that most people in a society have about something, especially when this is unfair.

Once a dancer/exotic dancer/stripper (whatever the word used to describe this) you will ALWAYS be that. It doesn't matter what you did before stepping your high heeled foot onto that stage with that pole or what you decide to do after the dancing days are over or if you are doing something parallel to it.
When the public finds out about your STRIPPING, past or present (OMG ALL the judgmental better than a stripper pearl-clutchers unite) you will always be referred to as a stripper. Kind of funny no? I can't think of many other jobs that carry that stigma. Prostitute is one. Jesus is another, to me being Jesus must had been like a full time job. I am sure that there are some other occupations that do carry a stigma besides dancer now that I think about it, depending on who you ask. I can think of several occupations I would refuse to do simply because they go against who I am as a person.
Facts are that the people judging or talking behind your back might be some sorry ass terrible human beings. I have PLENTY of examples of that......One that comes to mind right now is an ex BFs sister that thought strippers were so trashy but decided herself to have a child with a complete moron that already had like 3 or 4 kids
(I hope he had a vasectomy since then), while living in a trailer, housed several neglected animals in that trailer and blurted out during a Thanksgiving dinner that she was going to get a boob job. ???? Like LOL? (I have no problem with the living in the trailer part but the rest is....yea). Excuse me but really now......examine your own sorry self before talking about me. And do something better with that money instead of throwing it away on a boob job, unless of course you are planning on putting those new boobies on display in the strip club and make some money for yourself and your child's future.
That was just ONE example. There are many more pertaining that backwoods clan that are thankfully in my past.
The reason I was thinking about this is because I noticed how the media refers to Lunden Roberts that happened to meet Hunter Biden in a strip club and got pregnant by him at some point. Most likely the biggest mistake she did was to hook up with Hunter in the first place. But she did. (I get it, I have made bad choices too when it comes to "men"). And now there is a child. And drama surrounding paternity, child support and all that not so fun stuff. And all Lunden Roberts is in the eyes of the public is a STRIPPER. I don't know much about her actually. Perhaps she has a degree in something or another job. I personally hope she makes MILLIONS of dollars with whatever she decides to do. Just because.
Do I tell everybody that I encounter that I happen to be a dancer? No. Absolutely not. It is not who I am, it is what I do. It does not define me.
I just happen to be a dancer AND other things as well. But first and foremost I am a human being. Actually I do not title myself as anything as in a profession. That is more of an American thing to focus on than a European thing, we do not focus on our jobs as much where I come from. Other attributes are valued higher, as they should. I mean look at the French.....they are currently furious that the government suggest that they raise the standard retirement age from 62 to 64. The French want to work to live.....they want to enjoy life for what it truly can and should be. Non?
Plus I do not want to deal with other people's stupid opinions aka stigmas.
Or somebody can get some skewed ideas about me that could turn into an unsafe situation. I do not need to or have to explain myself to anyone.
And based on my encounters with the normies (non dancers) so far in my life I can say with confidence that I am doing a whole lot better than a lot of them on many different levels. Mentally, physically, financially.....generally.
Let's see what else I can say that I do.....
I am a volunteer. Been volunteering on a regular basis since September 2019 now. Does that account for anything?
I also have another job. That job is making me an income. Some of my "other job" shirts that I dress in when needed.



I guess I am a model too. Been doing that since my late teens. Photos from one of the last shoots that I did got picked up by several publications.
I have been writing a blog (this one that you are reading) and taking pictures for the blog for well over a decade. So I guess I am a writer and photographer as well.



Some of my funniest memories were made and best friends met while dancing. I will always cherish the dancing. Us dancers usually stand united because we know that other judge us harshly and that most normies do not understand anyways.



Also.....stigma (noun) - the top of the central female part of a flower, where pollen is received. How fitting!

Yesterday was Blue Monday.....according to some the most depressing day of the year. Oh really? Well not if you are around me!
I decided to bring Polish sausage to the club. Time for sausage parrrrrrty night!
Real Polish sausage, Kabanos. Not the kind you get wrapped in some soggy plastic at the large chain grocery store. If I ever get some I go to two different places, Friendly Food where a good looking Russian (?) guy is working or Tanya's European Deli where a group of stern non smiling Russian (?) ladies tend to the store. I am going to have to go to Friendly Food more often to flirt a bit with that good looking guy. Maybe.
Since I don't eat meat I did not have a single bite of the Kabanos but the only time I am tempted to eat meat is when I am around this sausage that I grew up eating. Great dog treat too btw, cut the sausage up in small pieces and use as a high value treat. I got 20 sausages.



Kabanos was a big hit (of course). I promised one of the girls to bring some more just for her next week. And instructed everybody else where they can buy it.
And that is a Polish rolling pin. To beat men with of course. I do not bake, rolling pins are for decoration (if they are pretty like this one) or to use to smack some sense into somebody.



All gone.



I found these at Tanya's. It is a candy I used to eat as a kid. Krówka,



Blue Monday wasn't depressing at all. And it is Tuesday today. My plan is to get some chocolate, make a pot of tea and continue to watch Emily in Paris. Bonne nuit!

Well HELLO......let me tell you about my Saturday and Sunday (so far)......
It is rainy season here in Oregon. Woke up to rain yesterday Saturday.
Had my latte in bed. Feeling kind of lazy and sluggish in general....probably because of the rain.



Later on it was time to go to work. Urgh.....I started working again this week.
Not super excited over that. But it is what it is. Once I am there I am OK but getting ready and getting there takes some mental effort. I much rather stay at home than work. Here I am at work. Work was bad. But I looked good as always.





Had my latte at Stumptown today Sunday. I have actually started to make coffee at home more and more. Decided that I will always get my latte from Stumptown the Sundays I volunteer......which so happened to be today.



Then I had Pet Pack. Picked up a generous load of donations. Sweaters, a rain jacket, a litter box, some toys and cat and dog food.



In the afternoon I went for a long walk. It rained in the beginning and then it stopped. I love strolling around like this watching stuff.



And now I am eating peppermint bark ice cream and binge watching Emily in Paris. J'adore! I love seeing the footage from Paris.....Perhaps I need to visit France again sometimes soon. I only spent one evening in Paris, all I did was walk around mainly along the Seine. The following day I took the train down south and spent a couple of weeks outside Grenoble. I was amazing.
My plan tonight is to lay in bed and continue to watch Netflix and read online stuff for several more hours.
A perfect Sunday evening in my opinion

This year's temple at Burning Man got announced - Temple of the Heart.
The lead artist is a girl from Kraków Poland, Ela Madej. She lives in San Francisco now.
The Temple is designed to look like an upside down desert flower and the stem is going to reach up to the sky. The Temple will have traditional Eastern European lace patterns. I am very familiar with those, every window in Poland when I was little and later on when I would visit had white thin lace pattern curtains.
Ela says, "When I was growing up, my beloved grandma had a huge rose garden and we would all collect the petals to make rose preserves. Grandma passed away when she was 80. Grandpa outlived her by almost 17 years.
He never stopped taking care of her roses and making rose preserves.
Still today, I think the smell of rose preserves must be what love smells like. That's why the centerpiece of the Temple features giant roses."
There will be a rose altar in center. Beautiful! I am so happy that this girl from Poland that also loves going to Burning Man is the lead artist of the Temple this year!

Right now there are some amazing pieces of art in Portland. I do not know who put them there but thank you for doing so......they are so pretty. Since Christmas I have been down to the park blocks by the art museum to see this several times. Each time I am hoping it is still there and not destroyed. The disco ball. The tree.

Can you see the moon in between the branches? There are messages around the trunk of the tree. This so remind me of Burning Man. It makes my soul happy.

And the flower. I love this flower!

The last day of 2022 is over and so is the first. On the last day I did some shopping during the day. I have a hang up with that certain things should be done and taken care of before the new year starts. Usually the things I want done end up being too many and have to wait. Sometimes for several months because I procrastinate.
I can always find a good reason to do nothing at all. But I got certain things accomplished. Something that I absolutely must do is to start the new year off clean. So my hair must be washed and my body scrubbed. Clean is good. Another thing that I always do is take the trash out. Very quick and simple.
No trash from 2022 can be in my place when 2023 starts. I prefer for things to be tidy and clean too but my place is rather messy right now which is unusual but whatever, I just do not have the energy right now.
These Nike Cortez went in the trash the last evening of 2022. I've had these for over a decade and they definitely seen better days, both soles were coming off. I pretty much dress and look like a bum when I am out and about doing errands simply because I just do not care. The less people look at me the better. Bye Bye shoes.....



On New Year's Eve I went to a small gathering of friends but honestly it was rather dull. Some people there were just.....meh. Being meh on New Year's Eve is like? I happily got home at around 11 pm and spent the last hour of 2022 in bed by myself, drinking tea. When the clock struck midnight I was reading affirmations. A very very calm New Year's Eve.
On New Year's Day I visited a friend and we did say Happy New Year to each other and I had some pink champagne.



I went for a couple of walks too that day. One in the evening and the little Christmas feeling I had is completely gone by now. It makes me feel a bit sad to see people's Christmas decorations out still because I remember childhood Christmases and how excited I would be. Often there was lots of snow and being out sledding and playing in the snow especially after sun down was almost magical. The sky was full of large soft snowflakes that slowly made their way down from a sky full of stars and I would look up and catch the snowflakes on my tongue. After playing outside for several hours I would walk home tired and content. The time off from school felt long and was full of play either outside in the snow or inside. I don't have those sparkly childhood feelings about Christmas anymore. Things are grown up now and often stressful. But I am glad I have those memories from the past.



Well it is 2023 now. Yeay.....I guess?