Welcome to Chaos !!

After way too many errands in the afternoon, all I wanted was to come home to my book and some ice cream. I have a new fave flavor since a few months. I used to get a pomegranate ice cream at Whole Foods in Vegas that I absolutely loved, this one is not too bad either.
Thought I would work tonight, planned on it but when 7 pm came I felt tired, unmotivated and somewhat sad. I think I have a slight bout of PMS going on right now. I don't want to do anything and I miss Sweden and my friends SO much! And Chhaya is going bonkers as well. Last night she really scared me.....around 3 am or so she started whining and panting. First I thought she was sick, then I took her out twice and both times she stared off into the trees around the house with her heckles raised. I was convinced that some weirdo was lurking in the forest so I went outside with a flashlight but didn't see anything. Chhaya would not stop acting weird so I was scared and slept with my gun close to me. Then tonight when it got dark she got weird again. Well, I now suspect that it's probably her hormones. She will have her heat soon, that's what it is. Great......my Chhaya wants to run away and mate. Not happening.



So......back to the porn star drama surrounding Christy Mack and the severe beating that she most likely got from her ex or current boyfriend War Machine (innocent until proven guilty) that as I'm writing this is still on the run from the police, arrest warrant has been issued.
So, there are some inconsistencies to the story. Like why would she put up pics of them together looking in love on her Instagram when now in fact she claims he broke up with her back in May? Then other reports say she broke it off with him. He put on Twitter that he came over to surprise her with an engagement ring and there was another man in her house.
A surprise at 4 am? Well, it's Vegas after all, I would go grocery shopping at 4 am in Vegas, so why not surprise somebody with a proposal at that time? But then who proposes if you are broken up? And where is that other person (some reports say there was one guy in the house with Christy other reports say two) who got beat up also, some guy? How come he is not saying anything (yet)? Did they call the police as soon as the first person got hit by War Machine or did the police get notified after Christy supposedly ran and got help from a neighbor? But I am sure I did stuff in my prior relationships that made NO SENSE whatsoever to bystanders. Sometimes you say stuff and act crazy, in the moment. Looking back now, I know it didn't make any sense but it did then. HOWEVER, Christy got SEVERELY beaten.....
I can't even imagine getting that kind of treatment. Many broken bones, teeth missing, hair chopped off, ruptured liver from punches or kicks, bruises. He could had killed her. And what REALLY upsets me are the complete MORONS chiming in on this. Oh, that's what you get if you do porn, would had never happened if she was an accountant, the whore deserved it etc etc, nasty comments like that. Really now???!
If I am not mistaken the majority of women in the US that get beaten and murdered get beaten and murdered by either a current significant other, meaning husband or boyfriend or an ex husband or boyfriend. Many women and children live in fear of domestic abuse, physical and mental on a daily basis. Yes. How many of those women are porn stars that deserve that kind of treatment cause they are whores anyways? Not many I can say with certainty. Most of them are probably regular girls and women. Not that a woman in the sex industry deserves this, ABSOLUTELY NOT. That would be like somebody saying I deserve to get murdered or beaten cause I am a dancer. You can do porn, be a dancer (stripper), live in a trailer, be a homeless bum, shoot heroin and guess what......BE A GOOD and KIND HUMAN BEING! That is all that matters!!!! You can also be highly educated, live a certain lifestyle, have a "good" job and be a complete evil asshole. Christy did not deserve this at all. I wish somebody would start this discussion with me in real life, about that "whores" deserve this.
I would rip them a new asshole real quick. And what's a whore anyways? What about the men that pay for sex or watch porn? How are they better than the women that do porn or sell their bodies? I know exactly what I do for a living but let me tell you, I have more class, poise and intelligence than many of the people I encounter, the same people that talk bad about me behind my back when they don't even know me. Yeah, I think I know who you are. SAY IT TO MY FACE IF YOU DARE BITCH (and that goes for men and women). People with too many stereotypes that they blindly believe in are just too narrow minded for me. Before you talk about me and my scandalous ways, look at your own lousy and trashy behavior, doing stuff I would never do. WHY? Because I am too good and too everything that you aren't. I love myself actually.
Now that I've said all of that, I'm going to read my book some more. I hope Christy is going to recover soon.

It's past 2 am and I am up and wide awake. I heard on Coast To Coast the other night that people that like to stay up late at night are more intelligent than the ones that go to bed early. Not only that, people that stay up late are also prone to be anti establishment, they want to expand their mind and they are also more open minded. I don't know, read for yourself, there are plenty of articles to be found on the subject. If I had to get up at 6 am to go to work it wouldn't make any sense for me to stay up until 3 or 4 am (which is my usual bedtime when I'm not working) because I can't function unless I get adequate sleep. I have always been a night person though. Something happens to me at night, I want to do stuff.
Tonight (after getting some stuff crossed off my to do list) I took a bath and scrubbed myself and washed my hair. Put a honey mask on my face. Right now I use Manuka honey, I massage a rather thick layer of honey onto my face and leave it for at least 20 minutes. These are the products I used, in case you are curious and into hair and skin care.



Now let's talk about brushes. I have a Clarisonic Mia face brush - I love it. While in Sweden I got a face brush from a store called Iris Hantverk, they make brushes for your body and your home, made mostly from natural products. So I got a face brush (the one that is made to be used wet, they have one to be used dry also) and a nail brush. I clean my body with scrubbing gloves almost every time I take a bath. Sometimes I make a body scrub at home from brown sugar and olive oil......or coffee grinds and olive oil. I also have a body brush but I never use it, although I sometimes make a mental note and a promise to myself that I should start and then I forget . Brushing your body is supposedly really good not only for the skin but also for blood circulation and the lymphatic system, plus so many other benefits. I really should start dry skin brushing. After all, the skin is the largest organ.
I think everybody should have a quality face brush. If you don't want the Mia, then I do recommend Iris Hantverk, you can order a brush at www.irishantverk.se and the prices are in Swedish krona. That store is great.

Last year I thought I was going to do something great for my hair and coated it from the scalp to the tips in coconut oil and let the oil sit for 24 hours before washing it out. I did this a few times (maybe three). I started noticing a significant hair loss by Christmas and that went on for several months, I think it has stopped now......I really hope so! Yes, I am aware of the normal rate of losing hair, 50-100 strands a day is normal but mine would come out way more than that. It was either the coconut oil that clogged my hair follicles and made the hair fall out or my hair was going through the natural cycle of growth, rest and shedding.....I'm not sure. My hair that once was thick and cascaded down my back does not look like it used to anymore. I still have a lot of hair (compared to many) but it's not the same. It is so much thinner than it used to be. My braids used to look thick and they were heavy. Not anymore. Maybe in ten years I will have my hair back......and then it will start thinning again at some point due to aging. Yeay, FUN times lie ahead! When I was in Sweden I got some hair vitamins, I am going to start taking them now. Like tonight.



A pic from a past photo shoot that was deemed unusable....therefore you can see a red line that was drawn through the pic. My hair used to be so nice.......



I'm sitting here debating if I should drive and get some ice cream (feeling lazy) or if I should just stay at home, make myself some tea and be content with that.

Yesterday morning (well afternoon but morning for me) my neighbor Shelley came over with two of those Private Property plates that people put in their yard, driveway etc. She gave the plates to me, I think I need to have her over for some apple pie or something (HI Shelley).......
There are so many people driving up and down the roads by my house looking to shoot moose and it's annoying me and everybody else that lives where I do. Look, go out in the wilderness and satisfy your thirst to shoot an animal and eat the meat. I think the whole,
"I need meat in my freezer" comes secondary for most of the people out hunting.
The number one reason is the hunt itself and the feeling they get when they kill that animal. Barbaric.
The other day I was walking Chhaya and two large dudes in a truck pulled up and asked me if I've seen any moose. NO, I have not and if I had I wouldn't be telling you anyways. I don't understand why car after car slowly drives up and down the road where I and several other families obviously live. Can you not see that you are in a populated area? Do I want some trigger happy and possibly drunk dude creeping around my property (8.5 acres) with a rifle ready to shoot everything that moves? HELL NO. I walk Chhaya in the forest around my house, I have no interest in getting shot at. It should be illegal to hunt where people live. Like I said, if you want to hunt for moose go do so where there are no people living! Alaska is huge, don't hang around where I live. I was out for close to two hours last nigh and counted eight trucks and cars driving up and down my road. WTF!? Really now. I'm going to put up a bunch more of those Private Property/No Hunting/No Trespassing signs and start patrolling the roads on foot with my AR-15. Tony Montana style.

What do you do? People ask me that all the time. Well, I work. So I can survive and take care of my Chhaya and all my other responsibilities. I drink latte everyday, my fave place for latte around here is Kaladi. I write (that's why you are here reading) and I love to read, I'm addicted to books and magazines. I got some new books to dig into. I eat, today I had pizza and afterwards I felt like a big dough ball and had to take an after dinner nap like an old lady.
I spend time with my baby Chhaya. I take a lot of pics, some to have for myself and some to use for the blog so you have something to look at that goes along with the reading.
This was me last night, I made latte money to last me for about three months. I talked about topics ranging from Weird Al Yankovic to the situation in Iraq. I went on stage, strutted around like a peacock and collected money. I love my body chain, I will wear it until I get another one that I like better.



I noticed that the mirror needs to be cleaned. That's the reason for the pic, to show you the dirty mirror.



Very yummy, I sprinkle cinnamon on top. You should too.....cinnamon does lots of good for your health. Just don't eat it by the spoonful, everything in moderation.



Chhaya looking beautiful as always. Look at the pretty fireweed flowers....I love the color.



Lately I've been getting pizza on Sundays......then I feel lazy and don't want to do anything. Tonight I'm going to start reading the book on top, I'm looking forward to it.



Now you know some of the stuff that I do. To find out more you just have to keep on reading my blog.

Let's steer the attention away from all the drama surrounding the boat in Kodiak for a moment and look into some recent porn star drama. Although I will return to more Wild Alaskan drama soon. See, I went to work last night and girls are talking/gossiping and false information is given. Listen BITCHES, I am sober, drug free and level headed. If you want a reliable account you should listen to me. Unless your ass has physically been on that boat you really do not know what you are yapping about. Thanks.
Now back to the porn stars......
A few years back Sasha Gray made headlines for breaking into mainstream films, for example The Girlfriend Experience , a role on Entourage and whatever else she might have been involved with since. What was controversial was the fact that she was an adult film actress dipping her toes into mainstream film and TV and also how outspoken she was about her porn career. She felt empowered by performing in porn she claimed. Well, good - I would hope she would feel something positive at least. Sasha was notorious for doing rather rough and out there porn. I looked some of it up and one clip that I saw involved her and a large group of men (15?) that had rather rough sex with her, all ejaculated in her mouth, she collected everybody's semen in her mouth before she swallowed. The clip I saw looked very unsanitary and rather disturbing (to me). Men stepping on her face, putting their feet in her mouth and using no protection either. Sasha appears crazy, it's rather sad to watch.
Having said that.....the guys in that movie with her are just as crazy. If not more. Now reports are coming out that Sasha recently filed a restraining order on her ex boyfriend/fiance, Ian Cinnamon (sounds like a pimp name to me) claiming that he became violent towards her and that it was him in fact that lured her into doing porn. A guy lured her into doing porn, she started at 18 may I add. There is also an age difference in between them, when he started dating Sasha she was a teenager and he was close to 30. Go figure. To me Sasha seems like a dark and troubled girl from what I have gathered. If making that kind of porn made her feel empowered well, then I guess more power to her. But the trend in porn is always pushing the boundaries and it seems to be on the female actresses expense, I'm talking about mainly heterosexual porn now. It's becoming more violent, rough and the women are treated awful. I feel bad for them, I do. Look, I watch porn once in a while but there is some stuff out there that is insane and should be illegal, even though it falls under the First Amendment. I did research Max Hardcore and Khan Tusion and I don't like what I've found out.....at all. In their world women are meatholes, to be used and abused and often they have barely legal girls do their films. I wonder what happens to the girls next.....after that movie or movies are shot. And I wonder how that makes some men view women and sex in general. It's seriously sickening.

Now to another porn star, Christy Mack. I only look at a few people's Instagram and one of them is Christy's. I like her. She seems like a sweet girl, she lives in Vegas, she has two pitbulls and two ferrets that she takes for walks. She looks so cute, happy and bubbly in many of her pics and she seems to be an animal lover. Well, she is in the hospital right now (from the reports I read) severely beaten by her boyfriend "War Machine" some MMA fighter guy (real name Jonathan Koppenhaver). War Machine is currently on the run (no shit, will he give up alive?). He has a several other violent incidents on his record......he beat up an ex girlfriend and supposedly Christy at least once before and other people too (not in the ring). And here comes the GOLDEN SENTENCE I came across when reading about War Machine's prior violent behavior.....in one article it says "Are you beginning to see a pattern of behavior emerge?" THAT is going to apply to Wild Alaskan in Kodiak in a future blog.......
Christy is a petite girl. I can't even imagine trying to defend myself against a guy of War Machine's caliber. Look I'm 5'9 and last time I weighed myself I was 130 lbs. Most guys are heavier and physically stronger than me, so most likely I would not stand much of a chance if some guy would decide to beat me up, unless I manage to gouge his eyes out or kick him where it hurts really quick and I can fight. I don't fight girls (I call the cops, have you arrested and you will pay me for pain and suffering - he he) but guys......if you touch me you better know that I will fight back. My temper is very hot.....from 1 -100 in a matter of seconds.
I feel bad for Christy and I hope that her dogs are OK. What if he hurt them too? And the other animals. I don't know what provoked the fight, there are only speculations at this point. BUT let's say a guy would cheat on me or something like that, I would be on the verge of homicidal so I know that when there is love there is passion and sometimes that passion can quickly turn violent. I have been in some heated moments in relationships that turned physical (I am not going to be a hypocrite here and pretend that I haven't) but I have never been the abused girlfriend, scared of some guy. Never. If anything the guys have been scared of me. As they should. I have never been badly beaten, dealt with the police and/or restraining orders. I have never been in a relationship where fighting, even verbally was an everyday thing. No thanks.
Christy has been getting a lot of really negative comments about that this is her own fault for being with him and bla bla bla. Look, they probably did and still do love each other. I think they made a good looking couple. Maybe it's difficult for her to leave for whatever reason. Nobody knows but her. At least there are no children involved (only animals). Christy will hopefully do what's best for her. I hope she will quit porn soon (she has expressed that wish herself) and do something else.
When discussing porn in the past I have said that I think 18 is too young for girls to start porn. After the recent Sasha Grey statements about being lured into porn (even if not true) I firmly still believe that girls should be at least 21 before being allowed to do porn. I actually would push the age even higher, 23. So they can make a mature and informed decision. Having a group of men all ejaculate in your mouth might seem cool to a confused and easily coerced 18 year old girl seeking affirmation in all the wrong places whereas a more mature 23 year old can hopefully make a better decision about something like that.
Christy, I don't know you but I hope you get better soon and I wish you happy life! XOXO from your fan Tatiana. ❤