Welcome to Chaos !!

Entries from January 2023

Tuesday, January 31. 2023

Book, Ice Cream And Documentary

The other day I stopped by Powell's Books to get a book for somebody. I have given away this book, Breaking Open The Head by Daniel Pinchbeck to a couple of people. I really like it, a great read.

I saw this ice cream today, Brave Robot never tried it before. I decided on the hazelnut chocolate chunk one. So this ice cream is vegan, animal free and lactose free. Copied and pasted from their website,
"Our dairy products are made with animal-free milk protein from our ingredient partners at Perfect Day. The milk protein gives our ice cream the same taste and texture of traditional dairy with no lactose and a fraction of the environmental impact (plus no animals used means no animals harmed!).
Instead of milking cows, Perfect Day uses a process called precision fermentation to create milk proteins from microflora (like yeast) and plants. The precision fermentation process looks a lot like the fermentation process used to make kombucha or beer, and the output is pure milk protein – no lactose, no hormones, no antibiotics. It’s dairy, made better. Why Animal-Free? So you can enjoy all the creamy deliciousness of dairy with no lactose, no animals harmed, and a fraction of the environmental impact."
WOW! I am intrigued! I will let you know what it tastes like.

This is what you see under the lid.

I occupied myself for two hours this afternoon watching Pamela Anderson's documentary "Pamela, a love story" that came out on Netflix today. I really like Pamela and after watching this I like her even more. Her dance coach Gregory Butler that trained her for her recent role as Roxy in Chicago seems amazing the little I saw of him. And Pamela appears to have a really strong relationship with her sons. The only thing I do not approve of is the latest marriage to that guy she met while he was working on her house, the marriage only lasted about a year and it should had probably not happened at all. Like blergh.
Anyhow....that is all I have for tonight. My plan is to lay in bed Grandma style for the rest of the evening underneath my super soft heating blanket.

Tuesday, January 24. 2023

Shroom House

Sometime in October of last year a place called Shroom House (with the cutest sign) opened up on NW Burnside in Portland. They managed to stay open for about two months with not much buzz......until a local newspaper/website sent in a reporter that purchased some psilocybin. And then he wrote an article about it. After the article was published the word was officially out and people were standing in line for hours to get some. Basically to get some "magic" mushrooms. And a bit after midnight on December 8 2002 local police officers raided the place, arrested several people and Shroom House is now permanently closed. Psilocybin got seized and most likely destroyed which is terrible. Yes yes....I KNOW that psilocybin is considered a Schedule I substance under the Controlled Substances Act and bla bla bla but there is no way I think that you can compare psilocybin to heroin (also a Schedule I substance) for example. Cocaine and methamphetamine are considered Schedule II drugs.....just some random facts.
People do all kinds of illegal shit every day. Some illegal things are not that bad in my eyes.....like buying and using magic mushrooms. Although personal use of psilocybin here in Oregon is legal. If I am not mistaken it is illegal to pick magic mushrooms like for example psilocybe azurescens in the wild.....like WTF. The law differs on possession and consumption, educate yourself on it because I am certainly NOT doling out legal advice.
I totally believe in microdosing although I do not do it. Currently at least. Who knows if I ever will in the future. But I also believe in being responsible and educating yourself about these matters before taking anything mind-altering (for microdosing one can look up the Paul Stamet's Stack Method). Same as educating yourself on the possible side effects of whatever prescription drugs you might be taking. I think it is too bad that Shroom House closed down and that people were arrested. I wanted to at least go inside to see what it looked like and feel the vibe.
It would had been better in my opinion to arrest pedophiles, animal abusers and scum like that. Close down some other place that perhaps is not contributing to anything useful or good. Not that the police is not working actively to arrest random scum bags and criminals out there but I think that Shroom House was a nice addition to Portland. The city’s (un)official slogan is “Keep Portland Weird” after all.
In case you do not know....I am a sober person like 99.5% of the time. But I am also for psychedelics, to be utilized in a responsible manner as should alcohol and marijuana as well. Most people that can think for themselves have realized that psilocybin mushrooms are an amazing fungi that can be of great benefit for humans. Of course not everybody should eat a handful of magic mushrooms. Just like most people should limit their alcohol intake to one or two beverages in one sitting, three at the most.
There are several articles written about Shroom House if you are interested in finding out more about the place.
Something called Measure 109 passed here in Oregon in 2020. I was in total support of Measure 109 and went to see Sheri and Tom Eckert speak about it in 2019 and I had a "Yes on 109" lawn sign in my front yard (now it is in the back yard). I have even considered becoming a psilocybin facilitator but for now I am holding off and gathering more information about the whole psilocybin thing here in Oregon since it is still developing.
You can read about Measure 109 here.

Sunday, January 22. 2023


Stigma (noun) - a strong feeling of disapproval that most people in a society have about something, especially when this is unfair.

Once a dancer/exotic dancer/stripper (whatever the word used to describe this) you will ALWAYS be that. It doesn't matter what you did before stepping your high heeled foot onto that stage with that pole or what you decide to do after the dancing days are over or if you are doing something parallel to it.
When the public finds out about your STRIPPING, past or present (OMG ALL the judgmental better than a stripper pearl-clutchers unite) you will always be referred to as a stripper. Kind of funny no? I can't think of many other jobs that carry that stigma. Prostitute is one. Jesus is another, to me being Jesus must had been like a full time job. I am sure that there are some other occupations that do carry a stigma besides dancer now that I think about it, depending on who you ask. I can think of several occupations I would refuse to do simply because they go against who I am as a person.
Facts are that the people judging or talking behind your back might be some sorry ass terrible human beings. I have PLENTY of examples of that......One that comes to mind right now is an ex BFs sister that thought strippers were so trashy but decided herself to have a child with a complete moron that already had like 3 or 4 kids
(I hope he had a vasectomy since then), while living in a trailer, housed several neglected animals in that trailer and blurted out during a Thanksgiving dinner that she was going to get a boob job. ???? Like LOL? (I have no problem with the living in the trailer part but the rest is....yea). Excuse me but really now......examine your own sorry self before talking about me. And do something better with that money instead of throwing it away on a boob job, unless of course you are planning on putting those new boobies on display in the strip club and make some money for yourself and your child's future.
That was just ONE example. There are many more pertaining that backwoods clan that are thankfully in my past.
The reason I was thinking about this is because I noticed how the media refers to Lunden Roberts that happened to meet Hunter Biden in a strip club and got pregnant by him at some point. Most likely the biggest mistake she did was to hook up with Hunter in the first place. But she did. (I get it, I have made bad choices too when it comes to "men"). And now there is a child. And drama surrounding paternity, child support and all that not so fun stuff. And all Lunden Roberts is in the eyes of the public is a STRIPPER. I don't know much about her actually. Perhaps she has a degree in something or another job. I personally hope she makes MILLIONS of dollars with whatever she decides to do. Just because.
Do I tell everybody that I encounter that I happen to be a dancer? No. Absolutely not. It is not who I am, it is what I do. It does not define me.
I just happen to be a dancer AND other things as well. But first and foremost I am a human being. Actually I do not title myself as anything as in a profession. That is more of an American thing to focus on than a European thing, we do not focus on our jobs as much where I come from. Other attributes are valued higher, as they should. I mean look at the French.....they are currently furious that the government suggest that they raise the standard retirement age from 62 to 64. The French want to work to live.....they want to enjoy life for what it truly can and should be. Non?
Plus I do not want to deal with other people's stupid opinions aka stigmas.
Or somebody can get some skewed ideas about me that could turn into an unsafe situation. I do not need to or have to explain myself to anyone.
And based on my encounters with the normies (non dancers) so far in my life I can say with confidence that I am doing a whole lot better than a lot of them on many different levels. Mentally, physically, financially.....generally.
Let's see what else I can say that I do.....
I am a volunteer. Been volunteering on a regular basis since September 2019 now. Does that account for anything?
I also have another job. That job is making me an income. Some of my "other job" shirts that I dress in when needed.

I guess I am a model too. Been doing that since my late teens. Photos from one of the last shoots that I did got picked up by several publications.
I have been writing a blog (this one that you are reading) and taking pictures for the blog for well over a decade. So I guess I am a writer and photographer as well.

Some of my funniest memories were made and best friends met while dancing. I will always cherish the dancing. Us dancers usually stand united because we know that other judge us harshly and that most normies do not understand anyways.

Also.....stigma (noun) - the top of the central female part of a flower, where pollen is received. How fitting!

Tuesday, January 17. 2023

Blue Monday

Yesterday was Blue Monday.....according to some the most depressing day of the year. Oh really? Well not if you are around me!
I decided to bring Polish sausage to the club. Time for sausage parrrrrrty night!
Real Polish sausage, Kabanos. Not the kind you get wrapped in some soggy plastic at the large chain grocery store. If I ever get some I go to two different places, Friendly Food where a good looking Russian (?) guy is working or Tanya's European Deli where a group of stern non smiling Russian (?) ladies tend to the store. I am going to have to go to Friendly Food more often to flirt a bit with that good looking guy. Maybe.
Since I don't eat meat I did not have a single bite of the Kabanos but the only time I am tempted to eat meat is when I am around this sausage that I grew up eating. Great dog treat too btw, cut the sausage up in small pieces and use as a high value treat. I got 20 sausages.

Kabanos was a big hit (of course). I promised one of the girls to bring some more just for her next week. And instructed everybody else where they can buy it.
And that is a Polish rolling pin. To beat men with of course. I do not bake, rolling pins are for decoration (if they are pretty like this one) or to use to smack some sense into somebody.

All gone.

I found these at Tanya's. It is a candy I used to eat as a kid. Krówka,

Blue Monday wasn't depressing at all. And it is Tuesday today. My plan is to get some chocolate, make a pot of tea and continue to watch Emily in Paris. Bonne nuit!

Sunday, January 15. 2023

Saturday & Sunday

Well HELLO......let me tell you about my Saturday and Sunday (so far)......
It is rainy season here in Oregon. Woke up to rain yesterday Saturday.
Had my latte in bed. Feeling kind of lazy and sluggish in general....probably because of the rain.

Later on it was time to go to work. Urgh.....I started working again this week.
Not super excited over that. But it is what it is. Once I am there I am OK but getting ready and getting there takes some mental effort. I much rather stay at home than work. Here I am at work. Work was bad. But I looked good as always. ;-)

Had my latte at Stumptown today Sunday. I have actually started to make coffee at home more and more. Decided that I will always get my latte from Stumptown the Sundays I volunteer......which so happened to be today.

Then I had Pet Pack. Picked up a generous load of donations. Sweaters, a rain jacket, a litter box, some toys and cat and dog food.

In the afternoon I went for a long walk. It rained in the beginning and then it stopped. I love strolling around like this watching stuff.

And now I am eating peppermint bark ice cream and binge watching Emily in Paris. J'adore! I love seeing the footage from Paris.....Perhaps I need to visit France again sometimes soon. I only spent one evening in Paris, all I did was walk around mainly along the Seine. The following day I took the train down south and spent a couple of weeks outside Grenoble. I was amazing.
My plan tonight is to lay in bed and continue to watch Netflix and read online stuff for several more hours.
A perfect Sunday evening in my opinion

Friday, January 13. 2023

Temple Of The Heart

This year's temple at Burning Man got announced - Temple of the Heart.
The lead artist is a girl from Kraków Poland, Ela Madej. She lives in San Francisco now.
The Temple is designed to look like an upside down desert flower and the stem is going to reach up to the sky. The Temple will have traditional Eastern European lace patterns. I am very familiar with those, every window in Poland when I was little and later on when I would visit had white thin lace pattern curtains.
Ela says, "When I was growing up, my beloved grandma had a huge rose garden and we would all collect the petals to make rose preserves. Grandma passed away when she was 80. Grandpa outlived her by almost 17 years.
He never stopped taking care of her roses and making rose preserves.
Still today, I think the smell of rose preserves must be what love smells like. That's why the centerpiece of the Temple features giant roses."
There will be a rose altar in center. Beautiful! I am so happy that this girl from Poland that also loves going to Burning Man is the lead artist of the Temple this year!