Entries by TATIANA

I had a busy day.....left for Anchorage early this morning and came back a few hours ago, it takes about three hours to drive there so I am tired now and ready for a nice and long sleep. Chhaya does not like that drive at all, she gets really tense and can't relax for the whole drive. Once in Anchorage she is fine and when we get closer to Kenai she reverts back to normal, she recognizes when we get close. She is such a baby and was bundled up the whole time that I was running around the whole town doing errands.



When I came home I took a bath and put a clay mask on my face. I am going to read a bit (stocked up on some good magazines like the latest Adbusters) and then sleep I'm sooooo tired. Sorry I'm so boring lately. I don't have anything exciting to write about at the moment.

I am a bit annoyed now......watching TMZ out of the corner of my eye and they are talking about that some lame broad said on TV that Joanna Krupa has a smelly vagina.
I mean.....come on! It is so low to talk that kind of trash about others. How does she know for a fact that Joanna's VAGINE is stinky? Did she bury her head in between Joanna's legs and took a whiff? Unless you know something for A FACT, don't spread trashy and mean rumors. Look, I'm no innocent angel.....do I ever talk about people? Yes, I do but I try to stick to things I know for a fact. And certain things are to me at least off limits to gossip about unless you do actually know it being the truth. To say that kind of stuff is just mean. I feel bad for Joanna.
By the way, in case you don't know this.....VAGINES smell once in a while. If I marinate at home for a few days without taking a shower my neither regions probably don't smell that great either, whatever I don't care! It's not like anybody is down there smelling around anyways.
So don't pretend like your shit don't stink once in a while. Plus, I think Joanna is GORGEOUS, I'm sure that there are plenty of men out there that wouldn't mind sniffing on her VAGINE, stinky or not. Plus, she can wash that thing but ugly doesn't wash away. The insecure hag that talked about Joanna will remain ugly.

It's Throwback Thursday and that means putting up pictures from days gone by. So I found this one of me from second grade. I'm either seven or eight depending on when in the year the picture was taken. I was always the youngest in my class, since my birthday is late in the year. I remember wanting to be a veterinarian or a circus princess/performer. I think journalist was included in the future plans also. My favorite color was red and my best friend was Helén. We loved animals, especially horses and we had our own club, it was called Kla-Kla. We spent a lot of time making newsletters for our club. One time we saved a spider, I still remember this, we named the spider Victor. We would also save trees, at least we were convinced we did, by mending broken branches with tape. I loved reading and would spend hours in my room doing that, happily immersed in my book. I was very shy but very fun loving and outgoing with my friends. I played outside a lot and I collected, what we call in Sweden "bokmärken" and I had several albums full of them.



Time goes by SO fast! Now I'm becoming nostalgic......

When I woke up this morning the temperature showed single digits outside. Brrrrrr.......now that's cold! I'm staying warm with my extra hot vanilla latte in the morning and hot tea with lemon later on.



So, isn't it kind of interesting how some people seemingly live such perfect and upstanding lives when in reality they have some serious skeletons in their closet? I recently read about a serial killer that roamed around in Kansas, Dennis Rader aka BTK (Bind, Torture and Kill).
He probably had many fooled, this guy was even a deacon in church and a Cub Scout leader. Probably preaching up a storm and lecturing the good ole' church going folks while he was plotting his next murder. Another noteworthy detail about him, he admitted to torturing animals. Again......more evidence that people that get caught doing that need to get a mandatory and thorough mental evaluation and a long stay behind bars.
Then we have the recent case of the doctor and lawyer found guilty of murdering his wife. Not only was this guy highly educated, I mean who is a doctor AND a lawyer.....that's ambitious! He was also a former bishop in his local congregation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A nice Mormon man, they can't possibly be up to no good, right? He supposedly had a "picture perfect" family, a wife and a brood of eight. Until he hired his mistress as the family nanny, then things unraveled and he decided to murder his wife that had squeezed out their eight kids. Separating or divorcing was not an option I guess?
So yeah, there are many picture perfect families, couples and people out there that are doing some vile stuff behind closed doors. I wonder if they look down at and talk bad about strippers? Probably. Well, at least I don't torture animals and murder innocent people.

I have been occupied with Netflix lately. I watched a documentary last night that left me with an uneasy and sad feeling in my being that has been difficult to shake. Whore's Glory by Michael Glawogger. It depicts some prostitutes and gives a glimpse of their reality in Thailand, Bangladesh and Mexico. The girls in Thailand were picked out for sex from behind a large glass window, aka the Fish Tank. And it kind of reminded me somewhat about the clubs I work in, how you basically strut your stuff and then get picked for lap dances. Or not. Then some of the Thai girls went and spent their money at guys in boy bars. That to me was very strange. What a waste of hard earned money!
The situation at the brothel in Bangladesh was beyond horrid. The name of the brothel is City of Joy.....City of Despair and Disease is more fitting I think. How anyone in their right mind could buy sex THERE is incomprehensible to me. There were children present while the women were hustling customers, arguing with each other and dealing with their business.
I would NEVER want to subject a child, my child to that......and from what I gathered the children born into that life, if they are unfortunate to be girls, will eventually become prostitutes also. How incredibly sad. The hustling was SCARY. The conditions of the place were also very scary, absolutely a breeding ground for all kinds of diseases. No amount of condoms would make me feel safe in there if I was a guy. Another thing that really stuck with me were some of the things a few men that were being interviewed said. One talked about visiting City of Joy once, sometimes twice a day. He said that without that place women wouldn't be safe to walk the streets in that town (Faridpur) and that they would certainly get raped. The cows and goats of the town would get raped too by sex starved and horny men if it wasn't for the brothel. Really? That is just sickening.
And the last brothel in Mexico called The Zone was depressing as well. There was a mentally insane woman running around, a few prostitutes smoking crack. Some guys boasting about that they visit the brothel so they can engage in the things they don't get at home from their wives and girlfriends, like bjs and anal sex.
It made me feel so sad that this is reality for some people. Day in and day out, with basically no way out. And also sad that women are seen as a commodity. That it seems to be acceptable and completely normal in some cultures to go and buy sex on your lunch break, or I should say by some people. Even here. But it is a heck more safer for all the people involved to visit a legal brothel in Nevada instead of some place like City of Joy or The Zone. But still, is prostitution a victimless crime? I'm torn on the issue but I'm leaning towards no. It is usually not a victimless crime, speaking for the women now. I'm sure that there are some prostitutes out there that got their shit together and get out of the business, sanity intact, happy and hopefully wealthy. But what about the women in Bangladesh and other places? I wrote a blog about this last year, so instead of me repeating myself and my thoughts about it......you should read it here
Sometimes I wonder if I, by being a dancer or call it stripper, am contributing to any of the negativity? Trust me, I am not trying to and I am probably one of the strictest dancers out there. But STILL. The lines are blurred. I have a lot on my mind tonight......
Sometimes I fantasize about winning A LOT of money, you know when people hit the power ball and get like 250 million or some large amount like that. Well, first thing first, I would take care of my family and friends. But then I would do so much good for people that suffer and animals. And I would go to strip clubs and hand out big bills to the girls. I can only dream......it's one of those fantasies that make me feel happy inside.

My work stuff has been in the closet since I go back from South Dakota.......in case you are curious about what's lurking in my closet.

This Monday flew by and it's already late. I didn't get home until after 8 pm because me and Chhaya went to check out a dog training class. And in January we (me and Chhaya) might start doing just that. When I lived in Vegas, Chhaya used to attend dog training classes by Sit Means Sit, so she actually knows how to do all kinds of things. And I want her to start something interesting and educational again, so she can be around other well behaved dog and do fun dog stuff. I've found out about the dog training from a nice girl that has two gorgeous Great Danes, here they are.



Chhaya hanging out at the training facility.



This afternoon I chopped up potatoes, one red and one orange bell pepper, onion and a serrano pepper. All of that tossed with some olive oil, slowly cooked in a large skillet.
A steamed cauliflower and some eggs, hot tea to drink. Made for a perfect meal for this winter day.



I have a fire pit in the yard that I burn all kinds of stuff in, mostly whatever is made of paper. Chhaya goes crazy over the fire, she runs around like a wild animal and barks non stop.



It's white and pretty out. I feel like I'm in a fluffy cotton land. The roads are slick and I drove my truck into the ditch a few times last winter and since I am going to try to avoid that adventure this winter I am being very careful. I rather be careful than sorry. And winter also means that Chhaya can wear her winter outfits. Yeah, I sound crazy I know. But better to be bombarding you with pics of Chhaya than a newborn baby, right?



I also watched movies this evening. Right now I'm into horror and documentaries. And now I'm getting sleepy, time to take out my contacts and put away the computer.

This was me after slowly waking up around 11 am this morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed? Not really. It was pouring down outside I noticed when I peered out the window and I was like,"Yeeeeeeayyyyy, I just love it here!" And I don't know what you might look like when you get up but after sleeping all night with a thick layer of Nivea creme on my face, this is what I looked like today. I know some people pretend to always look super gorgeous on fakebook.....I mean facebook and use all kinds of beautifying filters for their Instagram pics but whatever......I'm always amazing, even like this.



As I have already grumbled to anybody willing to listen, I am bored out of my mind here in this small town, actually village. I'm sorry if I'm offending any Kenai Peninsula folks that just love to live here but to me......it is the most uninspiring place I have ever lived in. It might be ok at best if you grew up here and have family and friends in the area that you have known since kindergarten, or if you are a Mom with a couple of kids to busy yourself with.
I'm kind of stuck here for now, that's all I can say about that. There's not much to do here, at least none of the things that I find interesting. Of course, hiking and camping and I do that when I can but I did plenty of hiking and camping in Nevada too, that's when I lived in Vegas. Most of the people I came across here are either into drinking as a recreational activity, using meth also as a recreational activity or as a really bad habit, or have toddlers to care for - I have none of that. So finding a good friend have been rather not so successful. Sure, I could be hanging out with others getting drunk but since that's really not my thing.....I guess I will be solitary, for now.
So after my usual daily latte stop I decided it was time to go to the gym. I haven't been there for.....over three months. Since I got back here from South Dakota I have basically been stagnant. And since I'm not into the big ass look on myself I need to start going to the gym a few times a week. No depressing diets or diet pills for me. Or meth. So I did the elliptical for 30 minutes, enough to get sweaty.



Then some chin dips and pull ups on some machine that looks like a torture instrument.
I have a weak upper body and I am going to try to work on that this winter. Besides not wanting a big ass I'm also not into having a big stomach. I don't want a six pack or large bulky muscles either, I like the lean look with a flat stomach. I'm talking about what I prefer on MYSELF, if you like big asses or six packs and defined muscles, then good for you......we all like different things. I usually put on some weight here in the village during the winter, like I said it's a boring place.....not much to do besides eating and watching tv......and after a while that drives me close to insanity. I am glad I have the blog and that I do escape now and then and go and work in different places. But I can't just drop Chhaya off at the kennel once/month. That makes me feel guilty. I'm happy that I went to Burning Man this year and to New York City a couple of times last year, plus some other fun trips. And as far as moving away from here.....well I hope that will happen sooner than later but you never know. Maybe I will completely change my tune about this place in the future and just grow to love it? Maybe.
I need a fun hobby, like cooking meth or sleeping with married guys for some fun drama (NOT)......or snowshoeing. Perhaps making large ice carvings in the wintertime?

Then the rain stopped and it started snowing. So November 10 was the first snowfall in my neck of the woods this year. The winter will be looooong and it has arrived.



Also Sharon asked me if I have any makeup to spare, somebody stole her make up. I mean, gross, why would you steal somebody's makeup? Go steal your own at Walmart. Funny thing is that I was going to give away some of my make up that I just don't use, a few of the things are even unused so perfect timing for Sharon. I gathered up some stuff for her and some perfumes that I just don't use. Like Flowerbomb by Victor & Rolf, smells great but it's not my scent.



Later on this fine and snowy evening I made some apple pie.



So I know that I will always feel better, even on a rainy and boring day, when I can make somebody else happy. If it's helping out with something (like giving Sharon some of my make up) or giving somebody a sincere compliment for something. I did that twice today. And a compliment doesn't cost anything. Anyhow, now you all know how I entertained myself this kind of boring Sunday in the village.