Still Sad

Hi....I'm still sad today and confused to what to do with my life and where to go. I know this will pass and I will be happy again, maybe even as soon as tomorrow but right now I'm sad and my heart hurts. And my stomach too. I wish I was in Sweden with my Mom, so I have been sleeping with a teddy bear she gave me when I was six years old. I remember that day and I have kept that bear and I will always have it. Until the day I die. Some people are fortunate to have family to turn to when life gets difficult, I am here all alone. I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just explaining. Many times when others (friends) have had a hard time with something I have been able to help them out with a place to stay or money. I feel like I have nobody to turn to and have to rely completely on myself. Sometimes that gets overwhelming. I am grateful that I have enough money saved up so I don't have to ask anyone for a loan, that I am glad for. I just know that most people suck and that you can never ever trust anyone, those are the fun lessons I have learned so far.
I did force myself to get out of the house and do some stuff today. Me and Chhaya went on a nice walk, there is still no snow here which is a bit unusual but that's a good thing, I hope it stays snow-less for a while longer. I got some magazines and rented some movies that I will watch tonight. One of the movies is The Frozen Ground and I am really curios about it because it is based on some real life events that took place in Anchorage back in the 70's and 80'. It's about a serial killer that raped and murdered about 20 - 40 or so women, I can't find a real number of the victims. I guess back in the late 70's and 80's Anchorage was a pretty wild town, I have heard so from a few people that lived there back then. One worked as an ER doctor during those days and told me about young girls being brought in because of UTI's and PID's by their pimps, treated and then forced to go and work that same night. There were wild strip clubs and prostitution and men with money to spend. Some of the women the serial killer targeted were dancers and prostitutes in Anchorage. He finally got caught and is currently in some jail in Seward, Alaska. I don't know if that is a fair sentence for somebody that did this to so many women and destroyed the lives of their surviving family members that have to live with the pain. He gets room and board until he dies. But I don't want to get into that now, I already have a deep hatred for men that rape women, molest children and hurt animals. Another note worthy thing about this movie is that many of the extras are girls I used to work with at the Bush Company. So it's going to be fun to see some familiar faces.
Besides this I made some banana pancakes today. I found the recipe on another blog that I read. Very simple, fast and yummy. One banana and one egg. Mush the banana and whisk in the egg, then fry on a frying pan in butter, makes two small pancakes. Not enough for me, so I doubled up.