Entries by TATIANA

December 27.....a few hours left of today. Life goes on. I wonder where I will be next year on this day - my birthday. Time will tell.
I am eating chocolate (Dajm) and drinking tea. I will probably watch a few more episodes of SKAM in a bit, I am on season 3 now. Later I am taking Chhaya out for a night walk. I promised her that. We went to the park earlier today. I got a latte and a nutella croissant. More music videos before I go to sleep. Work tomorrow. Yes.....life goes on. I'm still upset over George Michael. I wonder what happens when you die? Many thoughts in my head.





Photographer Cindy Enchanted Eye Photography.
www.enchantedeyephotography.com

When I got up today I started watching more George Michael videos and read more about him. And cried. Cried a lot actually. I find it very sad that he passed away, I think he was amazing.
He is a nominee for the 2017 Songwriters Hall of Fame and he was also finishing up a documentary film called "Freedom" that was supposed to be released in a few months. And he was also very generous, donating money to the ones in need. "Over the years he gave us millions and we were planning next year, as part of our 30th anniversary celebrations to create, we hoped, a big concert in tribute to him — to his artistry, to his wonderful musicality but also to thank him for the 100s of 1,000s of children he helped through supporting Childline."

http://www.irishtimes.com/culture/music/george-michael-quiet-philanthropist-who-helped-thousands-1.2917775

I don't understand why he had to die so young? I'm having a difficult time accepting this. It's really a huge loss that he passed away. I still can't believe it happened.
I recommend watching him perform Careless Whisper live from China in 1984 and also more than 20 years later, the same song in 2008 from Earl's Court.
His voice was flawless live.
And I like White Light with my Kate Moss in the video. I love Kate, I have written about her several times in the blog. Her beauty is exquisite in my eyes. I love beautiful women.....and men. Not in a sexual way but it an aesthetic appreciation of beauty.
Music is just amazing, how it universally speaks to us and unites people all over the world. In a world that has so much negativity, music connects us in powerful ways.
Dancing too. That is why I love dancing so much. Some of my strongest "feeling alive" experiences have been dancing somewhere, connecting to that rhythm that lies inside of my being, together with others that feel the same way - the dancing connecting us all right then and there. It's a feeling that comes on like an approaching train......a build up getting stronger and stronger and finally engulfs me and I can just feel THAT rhythm, something from ancient times that has been there since humans sat around fires drumming together. Like Blaze describes it in My Beat especially the Palmer Brown Ambassador Remix......oh yeah.
Maybe some people don't get this......maybe they are moved by other things but for me it has always been music, dancing, reading and writing.
Even when being a dancer (or stripper, whatever you want to call it, I really don't care) I have connected to that feeling.....Some people (especially other women) already have a made up, very negative image of stripping. But if they would calm down for a bit and actually go to a few, of the nicer preferably, clubs you can see talent and beauty in some stage performances. It's not seedy, tacky or trashy all the time (actually look at your own trashy ways first). There have been times when I have been in the moment on stage and just felt the music and the vibe and made it all look beautiful with flowing movements and I have seen so many other girls look beautiful and amazing. When on stage to some great music, what comes to mind is Robert Miles Fable (Message version) and Children or similar songs.....flashing lights on a body, lasers, sparkly heels and long hair.
How can it NOT look mesmerizing?
But enough on that subject and back to George Michael......I guess I will go back to watching his videos and immerse myself in his music some more tonight.
Here are some videos - a beautiful man with a beautiful voice that delivered pure beauty. ❤

I can't believe George Michael passed away today. NO WAY! That makes me seriously SAD .
I don't want to believe it! He was BEAUTIFUL with an amazing voice. I grew up listening to Wham! and later on him when he went solo. I had a crush on him, like so many girls all over the world. I cried to his songs because they somehow fit into my own life and whatever I was going through and feeling at the time. I slow danced with boys to his music. George Michael's voice and songs will forever bring me memories and feelings. I am sitting here writing this, listening to his music and reading about his life with my hand covering my mouth and tears in my eyes in disbelief. 53 is still young.....
Actually Rose-Marie called me and told me abut his passing this afternoon.
Me and her both listened to him in Sweden, she had a huge poster of him on her wall. All this month I have been singing along to Last Christmas when it comes on the radio.
And one more thing, kind of weird. Tonight I fell asleep on the couch and woke up by Chhaya whining in my face, it was about 20 minutes past midnight, I let her out and then went to bed. But instead of sleeping I started watching music videos (I sometimes get lost in music videos late at night) and tonight I decided to watch George Michael videos and I stayed up past 3 AM before I closed my laptop.
And now he is gone......
Here is one of my favorite and most beautiful songs ever, we all know the intro when we hear it. Careless Whisper by George Michael. I hope you have found peace. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I came upon a realization, that death is relief. Relief from this life here on Earth. Full of pain, sadness, lies, betrayal and loss. This song tells a strong message. ❤ ❤ ❤

I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
As the music dies, something in your eyes
Calls to mind the silver screen
And all its sad good-byes

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know your not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

Time can never mend
The careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind
Ignorance is kind
There's no comfort in the truth
Pain is all you'll find

I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know your not a fool

I should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say

We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But no one's gonna dance with me
Please stay

And I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know your not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I've been given
So I'm never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you

Now that you're gone
What I did's so wrong, so wrong
That you had to leave me alone

Here I am.....it's dark outside and inside. I am sitting in front of my lit up laptop screen and a candle on the table next to me. Just me and Chhaya this quiet Christmas Eve, or Julafton as we say in Sweden - we are alone me and Chhaya but I don't feel lonely today.
My alarm rang at 7 AM this morning, I reluctantly got up and wished I could have just kept on sleeping. I drove to work in a bad mood.....everything felt difficult and shitty. But then my day changed and it became probably one of the best days I've had at the cafe. We were slow, not many people came in because of Christmas Eve but the ones that did were super nice and I think they will be back. I work with the greatest staff, we all get along so well and we have FUN. I also found out some surprising information from somebody I work with today, surprising in a good way. It's a small world in a weird way sometimes. AND I got a gift, a tin of the Harney and Sons Holiday Tea that I like so much! How nice!
The other night we had a Christmas party at work and I got to bring Chhaya inside, so she met everybody. We exchanged gifts, it was very nice. I was sad that whole day and evening and it was comforting to be around nice people.



After work today I visited the Fashion Show Mall and then me and Chhaya went for a walk at Sunset Park so she could watch her duckie friends (the ducks). She wishes she could catch one but she won't.....she gets to run after them all puffed up and tough looking while they waddle away from her quacking loudly.



When we got home we had dinner. I had a super yummy large veggie mix from Whole Foods and a chocolate croissant from work and Chhaya got meat and carrots. I boil the carrots until soft and I put the meat on the frying pan for just a little while. Then I cut up the meat and the carrots and mix them together.



I think I might watch Karl-Bertil Jonssons Julafton now.....THAT might make me a bit sad because I grew up watching that in Sweden. But it will be a good kind of sad.



I hope YOU are warm, cozy and safe this Christmas Eve. And if you feel sad and/or lonely, remember I care - even if I might not know you in person. I still care. Many hugs from me to you. ❤

After seeing a lot of writing about a Norwegian series called SKAM, about the intriguing lives of high school teens, being mentioned on several Swedish blogs I decided to see for myself what the craze is all about. I watched the whole first season last night and this morning, two more seasons to go. I love it! Plus the music in it had some songs by The Weeknd and Die Antwoord which I like!
I watch it in Norwegian (no subtitles) so I understand perhaps half of it but I get a good idea what's going on just by watching the acting, which is great by the way. Yes, I can go to Norway, Denmark and Iceland and get understood and understand what is being said in those countries by me speaking Swedish, the languages are very similar but also differ.



It's raining hard here today, I can hear the rain coming down on the roof. I went out to get my latte. Chhaya whined in the car all the way to Illumilatte.
Perhaps she doesn't like that we drive around when it's raining.



Last night I went to my friend's house for some glögg. She gave me some presents, a pretty necklace and something called a brainchip. If you want you can learn more about it www.brainpaths.com



Later today I have to attend an employee meeting at the cafe and we are having a Christmas party with gift exchanges. We all had to get a gift for $10 or less.
I could not find anything good for $10 so I got a trio of hand creames from Whole Foods for a bit more. I also gave everybody a bottle of Julmust and Dajm chocolates from IKEA and some peppermint bark. We are a total of eight people working (including the owners) so we are a small staff.
I think I am going to start the second season of SKAM now.

Last Monday I met up with Cindy for a photoshoot. We had decided to go out to Wheel Of Misfortune and it was my third time going out there. I have to say -that location is quite spectacular!
I had cancelled on this shoot several times for different reason (valid reasons) and I am so glad that we were finally able to pull it off. I hate being flaky, even when there is a valid reason.
So.....we drove out there, parked and quickly headed for the spot. It was Cindy's first time there. She loved it. Here are some pictures from our day......



If you don't see what I am holding it is a paint spray can. Plenty of those laying around there. And I also realized after viewing some of the pics that I should had worn nude underwear and not black, I should had definitely thought about that and not made that mistake. Bad planning on my part.



Touching up on some lipgloss. My make up is always rather minimal. I never wear foundation (shoots or in real life), never blush and I don't know how to do contouring and have no desire to learn. I do wear fake lashes and eye shadow, I blend the fake lashes with my natural ones with a brush dipped in black eye shadow and a coat of mascara. I dust my face with powder to control shine (I have oily skin). Some lipstick or gloss and I am done. If a make up artist is doing my make up I let them do whatever.....
During the day (normal life, not shoots) I don't wear make up.



This looked like a broken little robot or something to me. Cute.





On the way out of there we passed this wedding dress......quite amazing and eerie. Fits right in at the location and the theme. Perhaps a marriage gone bad or a wedding that never happened?



In the car on the way home. I had a fun day with Cindy. Hoping for a few good pics where I look nice.
Cindy said I looked like a barbie doll at one point (combo of good light, flowing hair and a pink top I was wearing). I feel like Stressed Barbie/Tired Barbie.



Then I came home to my baby. I would like to take Chhaya out to Wheel Of Misfortune one day and take some pics of her. There is lots of broken glass, rusty nails and random stuff there and you will get dirty.......so think about that if you are planning a trip out to see the place. So worth going though!