Welcome to Chaos !!

Today one of my best friends had to put down her companion Honey. Honey was also Chhaya's best friend. They were both born in May 2005, a few days apart and loved playing together. Chhaya would get so excited when she knew she was going over to Honey's place, it was so cute!
My friend is sad beyond words, she is far away from me, in Chicago and I feel helpless because I wish I could do something to make her feel less pain. I can just imagine if that was me going through that - I would had been devastated, inconsolable and brokenhearted.
I am actually very afraid of grief and losing the people I care for and of course Chhaya. I do not know how to handle grief.
I have known people that have passed away but no one very close to me and I don't want that ever to happen. I wouldn't know what to do. I think I would rather be the first to die so I don't have to deal with that pain. How do you go on? I know that life goes on, no matter what but how does one go on after going through something that painful?
I want to live a long life but at the same time I don't because I know that the older I get the more of the ones that I love will die and leave me.
I even had thoughts that the day Chhaya passes I don't want to continue living because I love her SO MUCH and I don't know if I could deal with being without her.......I have asked her, told her a few times, while looking into her beautiful eyes, that we will never be apart, that somehow, somewhere we will be reunited. I want to believe that there is a place somewhere where we will all meet up, any person and any being that we have loved. There must be such a place! Otherwise, why are we here? To get born, live and have experiences, including many difficult ones and then just die? What is the purpose of that? That can't be it - there must be something else, something more.
I feel so bad for my friend that lost her best friend too soon. Dogs - the most loving, loyal companions don't live long enough. It's so unfair. 😥
Here are some pictures of Chhaya and her beautiful best friend Honey.......





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Started my day with a visit to the gym with Julia. Ended the visit with some time on the stairmaster, pure torture, I can't believe I used to sweat on that thing for 30 minutes back in the day. How did I do that? Here I am on some arm machine.



Then we just had to get some lattes at the Fashion Show Mall, strolled over to the Palazzo Shops too. I've decided that I want to become a lady who does lunch. I want to shop all day, sip lattes and munch on pastries. Get pedicures, facials and massages.



I found a new line of fragrances and lotions that I just looooove now, TokyoMilk Dark.
Great names too, like Arsenic and Bulletproof. They all smelled wonderful but I finally picked
La Vie La Mort, mmmmmmmmm! Love the bottle. Cute huh?



Vegas is full of fun characters trying to make a buck through all kind of ways. I told Julia we should put on some kind of a show and charge people for it. My idea was to dress as nurses and inject tired shoppers and tourists with Vitamin B shots on The Strip. We get the shots for $ 15 and charge $ 30, profit! And an extra $ 10 if they want us to pose with them for a fan photo.
I think this is a great idea! Remember - Tatiana came up with this genius idea first in case you want to steal it..........



Today was one of those beautiful Vegas October days. When the sun went down the sky turned pink and the moon appeared.



In the evening my wish to go to a haunted house this year finally came to fruition. I met up with my friends Rich and Ulrika at The Hard Rock and we had some fun. BOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tatiana spent basically all day with Julia. First breakfast that consisted of almond croissants from Whole Foods and a chai for Tatiana, a vanilla soy latte for Julia, both with whipped cream of course. Julia introduced Tatiana to Aloe vera juice, not bad actually.....Tatiana liked.



After that, the Forum Shops and Town Square mall. Tatiana is taking care of most of her Christmas shopping now. While she is around things worth shopping for.



Later on it was gym time. Tatiana got a week pass so she will go every day until she leaves.
Back on that high stairmaster, Tatiana loves the burn she feels in her inner thighs.
After dropping Julia off, Tatiana went to Whole Foods again to get some dinner and hot tea. Found a very cute and Da Nang TOKIDOKI calendar at Barnes & Noble.



Then home for some downtime and a bath. Saturday night in Vegas, Tatiana is at home being a boring fogbone. Yeay!
In her soul she really, really wishes she was dancing non stop for hours to some HOUSE music. She can taste it in her mouth, the bass, the feeling, the happiness - Tatiana loves dancing.
Too bad Monster Massive got cancelled........ 😥 Tatiana is feeling nostalgic and a little sad.

It's after one am and I can't sleep, I have been trying to sleep for over two hours now. One am is not that late but I am supposed to be driving to LA in a few hours. At this point I have pretty much decided NOT to go because I get sleepy if I am not rested and have to drive far and that's not good. AND I have anxiety because I want to sleep but I can't. I have an appointment for my hair before noon in LA that I will have to cancel.
I guess I can always go another time......but I feel bad for cancelling.
Also I was set to go to Monster Massive this evening, Reza put away tickets for me as usual.
Then he texted me last night with the sad news that the party got cancelled AGAIN, just like last year. I feel so bad that this is happening. Monster Massive.......I can't even describe the many amazing memories I have from that party, it was my fave rave of the year. How sad! I am not sure why, permits, police, politics, difficult to throw raves in LA (that's why EDC moved to Vegas).
I know that if I go to LA I could still do something fun but I don't think I am going at this point. And I feel SO BAD to cancel my plans because I never ever do that, I am so not a flake. But I can't drive 300 miles alone on about four hours of sleep. Even for me that's stretching it. If I was driving with somebody then yes but not by myself. So, unless I change my mind.......no LA for me this time around...... 😥

Went out to Red Rock for a spontaneous shoot with my friend WOLF189 today. We were done in less than two hours. I would like to shoot at one of the dry lake beds next week but I don't know if he will have time.
This is from today......just posing with the surroundings. I will put up some pics from today's shoot when I have them and if I like them......



And here is a pic from a few years ago that WOLF189 took of me.



Besides the shoot I saw some other friends today and did some shopping. In bed now about to sleep, have to get up early tomorrow.
Good Night!

To all the ladies that are curious about working at club Whispers in Williston......here is some info for you.
The DJ that works at Whispers reads my blog.....mhmmmm, yes he does. 🙂
This is what he has to say....I am going to copy a comment he recently left to one of my entries about Whispers that I wrote earlier this year.
"Kinda have some insight for you hopefuls out there. I can speak for whispers in saying that business is picking up each day it gets colder. Not as many people want to be outside in the cold when its warmer and the scenery is much nicer inside. If you want to try to get booked, email a RECENT face pic and body pic along with your contact info to whispers.mh@gmail.com. The club actually offers housing if you don't want to spend almost $800-$900 for the week. If you have any other questions, feel free to email me at the above email address (whispersdj@gmail.com) and I will help any way I can. Hope this helps any and all who may be interested.
Josh
Whispers DJ (yes they have one now lol).

And he wrote me an email too.....
"Hey Tatiana
Just wanted to say thank you again for the insight back in July about coming up here. Just wanted to give you an update, the stage area has been remodeled and the club now has two vip rooms that are making the girls even more money than the original dance room. No more tickets, lol, the girls keep all the money they make and have a flat rate house fee. Would love for you to come back up and check it out now that we have it on the right track
Josh"

I recall when I did work at Whispers last time, I did well (in case you wonder). One girl just hated me for some reason (jealous much?) and she knew about my blog before I had even met her and talked so much shit about me and this blog and said that I wrote things that were not true about the club. Actually I would NEVER do that, I take pride in writing in a very truthful way without exaggerating or lying. Look at it as journalism if you want. Of course it is from MY perspective, since I am writing about MY experiences. Well, she trash talked me to all the other girls and the staff and they would all glare at me and even talk shit. Whatever! I found that very comical.
I am way stronger than that. Then she, or somebody she trash talked me to, called Heartbreakers and told the manager that I have a blog and write negative things about clubs. Whoever made that phone call was hoping that I wasn't going to be allowed to work at Heartbreakers, where I was scheduled the week after Whispers. Well, little did she know that I was one of the first girls ever to work at Heartbreakers, hired by the owner Jared. We even went furniture shopping for the club together.
Writing a blog is not a crime, this is not China - I can write about what I want. It's so pathetic that girls like her try to sabotage for other girls. What sad individuals they must be, waking up every day with a miserable hangover. Spewing their trash over everybody in their way.
Also, many dancers write about clubs all over different online discussion forums. They discuss and talk bad about clubs, managers, DJs, house fees etc. Most of them hide behind a user name and an anonymous account. I have a very public blog. And I stand for my opinions. If you don't like what I have to say - then don't read my blog........