Welcome to Chaos !!

It is the night between Sunday and Monday, 1 15 am to be specific. I am such a night person. I got up at 10 am today and the first thing I did was to take Chhaya outside and made a bed for myself on the patio and snoozed outside for a few hours. I needed more rest for some reason. Plus I really like to sleep outside when I can. When the afternoon rolled around I finally felt energized enough to start my day. I did such exciting things today as going to the dump with a bunch of trash, very glamorous! Got a latte, so luxurious! I always sprinkle cinnamon on my latte.



Got food, watched tv and started a late night cleaning endeavor. All my energy comes at night time. Now I am finally in bed. I have a new book to read. Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra .
New week tomorrow or today to be correct since it is Monday. Some people get really excited over Mondays, like "Yeeeehaw, a new week is here and I am getting all kinds of stuff done". To me, the days don't matter.

When I drive to work I spend the time listening to Coast To Coast AM. Sometimes the show is so captivating that I wish I was home instead so I could listen to the whole thing instead of only the 20 minutes or so it takes to get to work. Last night they talked about Angelia Jolie's recent double mastectomy. She had both of her breasts removed because she supposedly did some testing and found out that she carries some gene that can possibly cause breast cancer. I have read that the chances of her developing breast cancer were calculated to be as high as 87%. That is a very high number.
What would you do? Would you have your breasts removed because there is a chance that you might get cancer or would you live your life and worry about removing your breasts or get treatment only after you find out that you did indeed get cancer and the removal would be necessary? I would probably go with the latter alternative. I have also heard that 1 in 2 men will develop some form of cancer during their lifetime and
1 in 3 women. Human kind faces a bleak future. Also, mammograms (utilizing a machine that scans the breasts to find possible lumps) emits bad radiation into your body. It is recommended for women to start getting regular mammograms at around age 40 or 50, depending on where you live. Also chemotherapy, a form of aggressive cancer treatment, it's number one side effect is cancer itself. So chemo fights cancer but it can also give you cancer. Does that make any sense? How does all of this tie into Angelina? Well, as a very well known actress and public figure with lots of recognition due to her stunning looks (I think she is crushingly gorgeous), much talked about relationship and children and also her global charity work, she choose to share her mastectomy ordeal with the public. Just because OR is there an underlying reason? How does her revelation stand against ObamaCare and the large corporations that make big money by people having cancer and getting various cancer treatments?
Is there a connection? Some people think that she underwent her mastectomy for some other reasons than just personal. And I think they made many interesting and valid points when I listened briefly to what was said on Coast To Coast AM last night while driving to work.
Can we find a cure in nature itself by living a healthy life and eating non processed clean food? I think so. I think that the cases of cancer would drop dramatically if people lived healthier. I know I eat crappy food sometimes. Probably more than I am aware of or want to admit to myself. Most foods in the grocery stores are genetically modified. That is why I LOVE Whole Foods, it is my FAVE store. Organic IS the way and should be the only kind of food sold to us. Why should we be fed poisonous and modified food? Where is the logic behind that? I limit my meat intake but I am not a vegan. I have that daily latte and I eat ice cream and yoghurt. I know that the majority of milk cows live horrible lives but I still consume the milk they produce. THANK YOU beautiful cows, somewhere inside of me my soul cries for those cows and all the other animals that suffer to feed us, clothe us, bathe us and make up our faces. I can never ever become as pure as an animal, that is how I feel. I am a consuming and destructive human, driven by my ego. The cows are getting fed grain, GMO grain. They are also fed animal by products, absolutely unnatural and it causes them to get sick. We eat their meat and drink the milk they produce. Of course we will get sick from eating sick cows.
Or chickens, or pigs. One of the diseases we get is cancer. There is not a huge profit for pharmaceutical companies if people could cure themselves from nature. It's all about money and greed. People are selling their souls. I think that nature holds the cure to all of our diseases but we live out of sync with nature. But then I can only imagine getting the dire news of cancer and having to choose between the chemo and the drugs, something most physicians will steer you towards, since it is all about profit or be brave and try to go the natural way and cure myself through food and exercise.
The best thing of course is to not get cancer in the first place. Even people that live a seemingly healthy life get cancer, because of our environment, there is poison everywhere. Food, cigarette smoke, GMO's, fluoride, cleaning products, carpeting, building materials, pollution, living a stressful life and the list goes on.......
Some people believe that we live in the time of Enlightenment. I do too, we will become aware more and more how much we have been lied to by the government. That is the enlightenment, the realization that we have been kept in the dark, poisoned and pushed down, turned against each other to divide us. Divide and conquer. Where is the REAL freedom in that? We are led to believe that we are free, to keep us calm, to control us. Because if you really think about it, we are not as free as we think we are.
There have even been talks of censoring the internet, some countries practice that.
I believe that humans can live to be well over a healthy and alert 100, instead we wilt up and die around 75 - 80, (life expectancy also depends on where you live). We end up getting sick with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. Why is that? Does the government aka Big Brother prevent us from living and reaching our full capacity? I know that these issues are mind boggling and difficult to think about. It is easier to go through the McDonald's drive through (a very busy place here), turn on the tv and zone out. That is what we do, work, eat, sleep, pay taxes and zone out. Thinking and especially critical thinking is not encouraged. It can also be dangerous. But I do believe that we are awakening slowly and becoming more aware of what's going on.

I like places like Hippocrates Health Institute, look
Hippocrates, "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food."

Friday again, it feels like it was Friday just yesterday.......
I am going to write this, then run off to the gym for some cardio. I like how sweaty I get after 30 minutes on the elliptical. As you might know I read about ten other blogs besides writing my own. I read Swedish blogs, I like it, it is fun and interesting for the most part. That is why YOU read my blog right? Because I am so fun and interesting? I do not always agree with what those other bloggers write about or do, some of them are young and immature, some are kind of dumb. One girl is only 19 and I almost feel like her Mom when I read about her crazy antics and problems. And I do not expect or think that anyone that reads my blog should agree with everything I have to say and my opinions. I have opinions about pretty much everything and some of my opinions are kind of harsh, I know this. I can be judgmental but at least I am aware of it and have no problem with admitting to that. Sometimes my opinions and views on certain issues change depending on if I experience something in my life that affects this and sometimes I just change my mind about something, it's as simple as that.
Life is a constant change after all, kind of scary. Sometimes I just want things to be the way they are, it would feel much safer like that.
I noticed that in the Swedish blog world it is almost frowned upon if you write about going to the gym or put up a pic of yourself at the gym. God forbid if you put up a pic of yourself that shows a lot of skin and you happen to be on the skinny side. Then all the girls with "body issues" and insecurities chime in and talk about how difficult it is to see somebody that is skinnier than them and that it gives them anxiety and makes them feel bad about themselves. I don't get that. Some people are skinny. Some people are chunky. Some people are fat. Some people are fit. Whatever. I do not feel bad over the fact that I go to the gym or run and that I am skinny (I guess I would be considered by most to be "skinny"). Why should I feel bad or ashamed over that? So it would be better if I was 200 lbs and shared pics of myself in a sports bra at the gym or squeezed into my outfits at work? Because then fewer women would feel bad about themselves? Because if you are size large then you are large and proud? But if you are size skinnier then you should hide that not to step on the larger women's toes? Plus I don't think that being skinny automatically makes you good looking either. I like thicker girls, I think that's sexy. There are plenty of girls out there that are skinnier, prettier, fitter, have nicer boobs, a perkier butt etc etc than me. And I don't care. I am me. I like myself the way I am, for the most part. I have my bad days and I have days when I think that I am super amazing (most days, ha ha!). Plus it is not all about appearance anyways. DUH! I like going to the gym. Not always but I like how I feel afterwards. I like going for a run, getting sweaty and breathing in the fresh air deep into my lungs. I don't understand why some people are so sensitive? When there are more serious issues to get upset over. Like animal abuse.
Yes, there are times when other people's appearance bother me. Like when women work out at the gym in shorts that barely cover their ass. Or guys with shorts that barely cover their balls. Kind of gross. There is a time and place for certain things.
I don't go grocery shopping in my bra and panty set that I wear at work. What would that accomplish exactly? I don't need that kind of attention because I am not insecure.
Well.....I need to get going. I know I said yesterday that I was going to give my amazing readers (YOU) a Hustler style pic of myself. LOL. I don't even have pics like that of myself, not really my style. Even at work I keep it rather "classy", as classy as you can get in a strip club. You would know the difference if you visited a club and observed the girls for a while. Some are not so classy. We are all different.
But I have this pic. This is what I look like when I wake up. Not.



Photographer KANE

Hi, it's Tatiana your favorite weather girl reporting on the current climate for today. It is a gorgeous rainy and cold day here in Kenai, Alaska. A perfect day for either going to work, sitting at home watching movies or grabbing a latte somewhere. That is exactly what I am doing, enjoying a latte at Coffee Roasters. And after my latte I am going to the gym. I need some endorphins, the natural way.





Since the weather sucks and works sucks and I am feeling cranky, I should make an appointment with a doctor and get a prescription for some anti depressants.
According to the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, also known as the DSM-5, almost half of the American population could fall into the mentally ill bracket. If you are sad because a loved one dies or have PMS you can consider yourself mentally ill. GREAT, I am officially insane! I get PMS and sometimes I am happy and sad like 20 times a day. Does that make me crazy or does that mean that I am a normal, healthy human being with feelings? The amount of pills that people pop without putting any (it seems) thought behind it is actually scary. They are NUMBING themselves and I think that, if anything is bad. And I think people should be aware of that their prescription drug record might affect employment and the eligibility to buy a gun. You know, nobody wants a person that is classified as "crazy" to own a gun. Right? Not to mention how all those meds will affect a persons mind and body in their future. You know the day when you stop taking them, because those anti depressants are supposed to be temporary in most cases.
But if you are a girl on psych meds you can always become a stripper. The crazier the better! Nobody cares about your mental health in the strip club unless you are absolutely totally off your rocker and scaring off the guys.
Hey, it is OK and NORMAL to feel sad and unmotivated some days. Even many days.
I am sad sometimes. And unmotivated. Do I always jump out of bed with a big smile on my face ready to embrace my day and get a gazillion things done? NO. But that doesn't mean that things would get better and easier if I would poison my body with some kind of medications. And become a zombie. Sure, maybe some individuals are better off on psych meds. I can't speak for them. There are some people out there that need those meds. But it seems like a lot of people are on meds. Are that many people really in need of that anti depressant?
I think this rainy day sucks but I am going to the gym in a while, to exercise because I know that it will make me feel good. Then I have to take Chhaya out and breathe some fresh air. That too will make me feel good.
Some days I don't know what I am going to write about. It is not always easy to come up with a blog. Especially on a rainy day, or when work sucks, or when I have PMS or feel extra cranky. LOL. But I do it anyway, even if not all the entries turn out that great or interesting. It makes me happy that my readers are steadily increasing. Between 1300 - 1500 plus every day now and that in itself is motivation to write something. And to celebrate that I am putting up some Hustler style pics of myself here tomorrow. NOT! I am joking. That is not going to happen. Well, I am off to the gym now.

I just finished eating a hot bowl of lentil soup in bed, I looooove lentil soup. My my absolute fave soup is Polish barszcz, it is beet soup, sounds weird but I love it.
Came home from work a while ago, no more internet at work, at least for now. Note to self, IF I am still here next year around this time I should go away in April and May. Work has been so boring and so slow for weeks. I was making more money in January and February than I am now. There is only so much of lameness that I can take. Especially after the no internet thing too. Whatever!
I was starving before work. Had to stop at McDonald's for some apple pie and a coffee, did the same stop yesterday too. The only other thing I get from McDonald's, which is the busiest food place around here btw, is the caramel Sundae.



I have been running the last couple of days. Mind as well, according to the weather forecast there will be rain here today and Friday. In other words, a few lovely days are awaiting. I should drag myself to the bathroom and wash my face and take out my contacts before I fall asleep. Goodnight!

There was no internet connection at work earlier so I couldn't get online until now.
And it is 1 am and we are done for the night. Work was boring torture as it has been lately. I am so over it at this point that I am not even going to bother talking about it anymore, until something fun happens. SO OVER IT! Fucking lame. BARF!
I spent almost the whole the day yesterday outside with Chhaya. She is so amazing.
We laid out, I finally got some sun on my pale legs.



Chhaya lays around and enjoys the sun for hours. I just want her to enjoy life. That is what dogs are supposed to do.





Then I did yard work. Yard work......that sounds.....OLD. LOL! I found a few more of Chhaya's poops in the soggy grass, it's like finding a surprise gift.....kind of. Then I raked and cleaned up the yard. I want green and lush grass in a few weeks. So I can feel it in between my toes.
Later on I took a shower, washed my hair that has been soaking up that argan oil since the other day, shaved and arrived at work. This was my outfit for the evening. I made
$ 11, my special number. I am rich! Blowing it all on some meth and a toothless hooker when I wake up.