Welcome to Chaos !!

Since it was Mother's Day yesterday I though it would be fitting to write a small entry where I can express my "admiration" for the women that seem to have no clue to what motherhood should be about. It takes more to be a GOOD Mom than to become pregnant (most women can accomplish this) and squeeze out the baby (it needs to come out at some point anyway).
First of all......the Mom that feels that the need to have a man in her life is more important than her child or children's well being. Like the recent case from New Jersey. Some woman in her 40's moved a guy into her home after only dating him for a few months. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. Now she is dead and one of her children too. The other three kids are in custody. Traumatized for life. Who knows what happened to them during their time with the sex offender boyfriend? It always amazes me when a woman that is also a Mom hurries to move in with that new boyfriend. What is the rush? The child or children should ALWAYS be a Mom's NUMBER ONE priority. Why even date when the children are small and you are a single Mom? Put the dating on the back burner and concentrate on your kids. It is said that the first five years are the most important in a child's life. Those years are the most formative.
The child needs security, stability, good nutrition, love. Not yelling, fighting and if not a bad father figure, a string of revolving boyfriends. It is pathetic and sad when single Moms jump from boyfriend to boyfriend. And introduce boyfriend after boyfriend to their kids. I think that the boyfriend drama and dating should wait. There is no rush, there will still be guys on the planet, they are not going extinct. How can you not get to know a guy well and check up in him first before you move in with him when you are a Mom? I don't care what women do that don't have kids. You want to date losers, druggies, the artistic type, guys that beat you, the drunk - go ahead. Life is a learning experience. Hopefully you will take all those experiences and realize what kind of a life you want or don't want to live. BUT when you have kids, life becomes a whole different ball game. Responsibility sets in. SHOULD set in, if you are normal (as in sane). And not everybody is cut out for responsibility. Or normal. Then DON'T have kids!
A few weeks ago I was watching a documentary about some woman with two kids.
She grew up getting molested. I felt bad for her. UNTIL I found out more about her.
She was dating some weirdo. Breaking up and getting back together, fighting. All while her two kids where living with her. Then she said that she was having her firsts sober Christmas with her children in 13 years. What? You fucking loser, you have been drunk for 13 Christmases? Then she said that her daughter had been molested during her care and also a foster child she took in. I lost all respect for her at that point. That is gross. She is a drunk, her daughter and another child got molested. Another case of that having a husband or boyfriend, ANY loser man, is more important than the well being of your child or children. I don't care how bad her own childhood was, do not expose your kids to the same shit. Just DON'T. She was complaining and whining about her bad childhood experiences during the whole documentary and then she has the nerve to expose her own kids to the same. What an idiot. She has learned nothing.
And how about the Mom that traded her teenage daughter for sex to pay off a debt? There are more than one of those "Moms" out there that prostitute their children.
I guess the maternal instinct is missing completely here. Go prostitute your own ass, not your children.
I have worked with women that get drunk every single night at work. Women that are Mothers. No, I don't think it is OK to get wasted every night when you are a Mom.
I don't care that you work in a strip club, that is not a valid excuse, nobody is forcing you to drink. You do not have to be drunk to strip, it is not that difficult or scary. And if you have to get inebriated every night then maybe you should look for another job.
Fun for your kid/s to smell your reeking of alcohol breath in the morning or deal with your hungover ass every day.
I have worked with women that do drugs on a regular basis and talk about that they want to become a Mom "soooooo bad". While their faces are full of meth scabs. Fucking scary. How about you quit the drugs and the booze first and then talk about wanting to become a Mom? Don't wait to get sober or drug fee until you are pregnant and about to give birth. Life is not going to get easier once you have kids. Work on your sobriety prior to becoming a parent. Love alone is not enough. There will be rent and bills to pay, children are expensive. Things will become difficult to pay for when you have a drug or alcohol habit to feed first. I can guarantee that a child rather grow up in a stable home than in a one with an addicted parent. I am not saying that people with substance problems are bad people, no. What I am saying is that they do not make good candidates for parents. They don't. That is the reality.

You might think that I am speaking from experience. That I grew up with a drunken or addicted Mom. And now I am a broken and sad stripper. Well actually - NO. I had a rather stable upbringing. No molestation or introduction to my Mom's latest boyfriends. My Mom did not drink or do drugs (ever) she smoked and still smoked cigarettes and I want her to quit that because I think it is gross. I am a non smoker myself.
I am not a Mom to any human children. I think I would probably be an overall good Mom if I had kids. I would not dance while having a baby or a toddler. Because of the schedule. I have Chhaya. And let me tell you. I would never date a guy that would not treat Chhaya well. Ever. One finger put wrongly on Chhaya and I would personally beat the guy.
Soooooooo, Happy Mother's Day ladies! 🙂

I love that it is light out late now. I went for a walk with Chhaya a little after 11 PM, just me and her on the road, a darkish blue and gray sky and a bright slice of the moon.
Everything was quiet except some birds making sounds. I love walking at dusk.
The disappointing thing about this whole light until late Alaska nights is that June 21 the days will become shorter again. And it just now started warming up. And feeling somewhat like Spring.
I started reading a new book by Nell Freudenberger, The Newlyweds . I like books that take you into other people's culture. This one does. So far it is holding my interest.
Last night at work started excruciatingly slow......I think Mother's Day weekend is a slow weekend overall for strip clubs. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving was always an ok night to work in Vegas. I had to work two New Years Eves due to scheduling before and I hate working on New Years Eve. It just feels wrong. So we sat around for hours last night doing nothing. I can't stand being bored at work. I can be bored at home, sprawled out on my bed. But at work, that is a waste of my time and effort. So I was singing and acting like a clown.
Entertaining myself and everybody else watching. I think I have a slight bout of Tourette's syndrome, I can't just sit there without making any noise. Unless I am reading, sleeping or being occupied with my laptop. Finally some people showed up. Two groups of guys that were kind of fun. I made a little more than I predicted last night and I had to do some dances, it would not had been nice of me to turn the guys down since they asked me.
Speaking of predictions......how about Sylvia Browne and her wrongful psychic predictions? Telling people their loved ones are dead when they were alive. How embarrassing. I wouldn't show myself in public if I were her for a while. I don't know about psychics......I think they exist but that it is difficult to find a credible one instead of somebody just telling you a bunch of mumbo jumbo. I went to a few. More for fun than anything else. A woman in Denver was especially entertaining. Her name was Leslie and she thought that I needed to return to her for a spiritual bath that she was going to charge me more than $ 200 for. Funny thing is that my friend Julia went to her a few days before I did and Leslie told her pretty much the same stuff she told me, including the urgent need to have that bath. You can read about that if you write Leslie into my search bar. Well, I am cheap (sometimes) I can give myself bath at home with some Epsom salt and make it spiritual and cleansing, for free. I do believe in intuition and that some people are more in tune with that side within themselves than others.
My Mom has great intuition. She also dreams certain things before something of importance or something that involves a big change happens. Also, one time a Gypsy told my Mom some things about her future that did happen years later. She got names and events right.
How about that?
It is Sunday night, I am in bed with Chhaya. I am going to take a bath soon and pour argan oil in my hair and massage it into my scalp and sleep with it overnight. And put a mask on my face and slather lotion all over myself. Better get started.

PMS makes me feel like a zombie. I am soooooo tired, I just want to sleep and eat.
My boobs are swollen and sore. It is a gray and somewhat rainy day here......again YEAY, that makes me want to hibernate in bed all day. I even fell asleep the last two nights after work without washing off my make up first, woke up with smeared brown eyeshadow and crusty mascara. Now I sound like a boring fogbone myself, all I complain about lately is that I am tired and how bad the weather is. I should move to Queens and join some canasta or bingo club with the rest of the yentas and retire.
I promised myself yesterday that I would go for a run today. We'll see about that promise. A refreshing run in light rain doesn't seem appealing but I might force myself anyway because I know that it will wake me up. I still have to work tonight although I really do not feel an ounce of motivation to even bother with that. Even if I only shuffle around slowly on stage while holding onto the pole I can probably take home at least
$180. And I can discretely hide my yawns with my hair. No need to talk to anyone,
I can snooze on the couch in between going on stage. Too tired for talking and doing dances, stage only. Then I can stay home tomorrow night with ice cream and The Apprentice. I want Lil Jon to win, he seems nice. Or Lisa Rinna. She seems sweet.
But Penn Jillette might be the winner of this season.
Look I found a pic of me and my boobs (!), one of many. The photographer wanted me to be "creative" with some ribbon he had. He also had a collection of brightly colored feathers he wanted me to hold up against my face. And pose with some horrible green and burgundy drapes. You never know, sometimes ideas like that might come out looking good, other times.....not so much. The feathers and drapes fell into the category of not so much.



I took these last year with Barry Gallegos, I had a vision and brought a ribbon.





I think I might take a 20 minute nap now and then go running. My life is so exhausting........

It's warming up, finally! Today there was a warm wind blowing instead of an icy wind. That made me happy. Besides that we got an influx of girls in the club, still slow on guys though. I am feeling fat and swollen, expecting my period any day. I'm waddling around the club like a chunky cow with extra flesh spilling out the sides of my panties. Not very seksi. Oh well, I will be back to normal in a few days. Stuffed myself with Mexican food and ice cream right before work too. And it was gooooooood!
But.......I have to run, a guy just came up to me while I was typing away on the couch and asked If I can give his friend a dance. I need to get my chunky butt off this couch and make some money. Happy Friday ya'll!

Hi from me at work. I just finished singing along obnoxiously loud to Adele and Christina Aguilera. Who doesn't sing along to Adele? Besides that I am kind of bored, it has been boring and slow here lately. I am fantasizing about what I am going to eat tomorrow. Either a big sandwich full of veggies or some pizza. There is a girl that works here that is so pathetic. The way she works. How she is desperately trying to get that lap dance. Doing things that are embarrassing. I am watching and laughing. If I would put in all that "effort" (for a lack of a better word) I would expect to make at least $ 500 on a slow night. But I think, "You want a dance" should be sufficient. Or, "You need".
I also have some very original lines but I will tell you about them another time.
Original in a fun way, not in a desperate kind of way. Desperate = sad. I am glad that doesn't apply to me.

It was flip flop weather yesterday finally! So I dug out my pink Havaianas. I live in my flip flops during nice weather days but today we are back to gray and cold, typical.



So I went to Bottomless Lake for a walk the other day. Chhaya explored the forest while I followed her. There is still plenty of snow and ice here.







At the lake I was delighted to find a bunch of beer cans, a used tampon, a condom wrapper, all the usual stuff you expect to find in the forest, especially in such a remote place like Alaska. This is completely normal here btw. So I did some community service (as usual) not court ordered. Picked up all the beer cans and moved the tampon to a fire place by the lake. Like, "Let's go to the lake, get wasted and fornicate. I'll bring the condoms and you make sure to pull out yer tampon before I stick it in." People are so gross. Then I continued the community service yesterday at the road by my house, pretty much the same treasures laying around. Beer cans, condom wrapper, lots of tissue, many cigarette butts and an empty bottle of Jäger. Didn't belong to me, I would never litter. I feel it takes minimal effort and very little time to do this and I don't mind spending some time once in a while doing something for others, in this case my surroundings than do nothing at all. And I want to add here that I hate people that trash and litter, they just ooze low class and lack of refinement. Very selfish behavior.
I can't stand that.



I am not the only one picking up random idiot's trash around here. Other people volunteer their time too, I see them on the side of busy roads now that it warmed up a bit here and the snow melted somewhat. Some of them are old. If THEY can do it, so can YOU. But the best solution is, DO NOT litter. Yeah, this was another, in a string of many blog entries where I brag about how good I am. Get used to it. I can't help it, I really am this way. 100 % smug.
It's easy to feel good about yourself if and when you do something good. Try it!