Welcome to Chaos !!

So back in the day I used to hear that I looked like Gwyneth Paltrow a lot. When I say a lot I don't mean that one person said it and then somebody else said it like years later. No, a lot means frequently. I don't know about me looking like Gwyneth Paltrow but everybody has a different perception of what people look like. I have not heard Gwyneth in a while, it's been Iggy Azalea lately. Hmmmmm......Iggy? I can see a certain resemblance in some pics, maybe Iggy has Polish ancestry? The last time I heard Iggy was the night I auditioned at Stars in Bend, as soon as I walked into the dressing room a girl told me ....."You look like Iggy Azalea".
Last week when I went to PetSmart to buy Chhaya a bag of kibble a lady was giving a demonstration of a product she invented, we started talking and the she asked me if I'm Polish. I was like.....yes. She said she knew when she laid eyes on me. Crazy. Turns out she is first generation Polish, her Mother arrived to Chicago from Poland. The product she invented? The Total Pet Spa. Made in the US too! Check it out if you have a dog. We talked for a while, she told me her story, seems to be a very nice lady - Alicia Dionne. I wish her the best of luck with her product! Check it out!
www.thetotalpetspa.com

Also at Stars in Bend, a girl I worked with (all the girls were really nice at that club) came up to me with a picture on her phone that she wanted to show me and she said she had told some friends that she works with a girl (that would be me) that looks like the image in her phone.
It was this pic.....who is this warrior cartoon girl I wonder? It must be the hair.....



Funny how different people see you sometimes. I would love to be that warrior girl!
So yesterday I tried getting in touch with my friend Kenya that I met last year working in Vegas. Last time we talked she wanted to meet for lunch but then I left Vegas to go back to Alaska and it never happened. So I texted her. And a few minutes later my phone rings and it says "Kenya" on the display......I was like "Hiiiiiiii Baby!!!" On the other end of the line some angry woman with a heavy foreign accent tells me to not call that number again and try to talk to her male cousin. I was like calm down you crazy lady, I am trying to get a hold of my GIRLFRIEND not your dumb cousin (more likely husband or boyfriend, cause it sounded like an angry and jealous spouse/gf not somebody's cousin). I have NO interest in some dude, all I wanted was to get in touch with Kenya. I'm a little sad she changed numbers, I liked her. Super gorgeous girl and when I say gorgeous, that means gorgeous. I would just stare at her at work. And a crazy loud over the top personality. I wonder if I will ever see her again?

Last night me and Sarah Jane aka wonderhussy went to the Imperial Spa, I have been there once before but that was almost five years ago.....so it's been a while. We started with showering and sitting in the steam rooms. I also saw a lady frenetically chop down her pubes in the dry sauna.....like is that not something you do at home? I guess not. What's next I'm wondering? Then we did a hot dip and after that a good five minutes or more in the cold pool. Sorry no nudie pics (that I can show you at least ), cameras absolutely VERBOTEN in the naked area (although I did bring mine in last time). After that we put on our matching fab Imperial Spa get ups (great Halloween costume actually) and explored the upstairs. This is me in my pink two piece suit, you get one at the front desk.



The upstairs area is co ed and you can enjoy some various degrees of hot areas like a salt room, a jade room, the red clay ball room and some other rooms that I can't recall now because I'm sleepy. We were balls deep as you can see. The clay balls feel especially great on the feet. I kind of miss them, I wish I had a hot red clay ball bed at home......I would use it for sure.





Sarah Jane in bed with all the balls. Just lovin' it!





Me lounging, waiting to get fed delicious chilled grapes and get a foot massage but nobody showed up.......WTF? That was not included in the $20 cover?



Sarah Jane investigating the complimentary penis gourd. Or whatever else those black tube looking things were for.....?



At the end we did as the spa suggests and cooled off in the ice room. I need to go back to the Imperial Spa again soon, not wait five years this time.







I'll be back!



Today because of Veterans Day (Thank You to all the veterans, especially my friends ❤ ) Red Rock was FREE. So me and Chhaya took advantage of that. Otherwise we go to Calico Basin, that's in Red Rock too and that is always free.



Tonight I met up with Mikey for dinner, we went to Paymon's (our spot) to indulge in the fries. Then we went to his place, Chhaya loves to visit "Uncle Mikey" and watched Magic Mike XXL.
It was kid of dull. My favorite was Amber Heard cause she is just gorgeous and when Joe Manganiello did his thing to NIN's Closer . You too should do that at home, surprise the lady in your life! SEKSI time afterwards guaranteed! After that we watched the latest episode of American Horror Story (Hotel). This series is based on a real life hotel in Los Angeles that used to be called Cecil Hotel, creepy stuff.....read about it! Me and Mikey were talking about maybe staying there.....maybe! I wanted to spend the night cause it was so cozy at Mikey's but I have some boring stuff that I have to do in the morning and needed to go home.

I'm laying here on my twin size air mattress that is situated in the living room, some laundry is drying, I have three more loads to do but that might have to wait until tomorrow because it's getting late. I just finished eating chips and salsa in "bed" or shall I say on my air mattress.
My day was spent doing errands, I did get a lot accomplished and that felt good.
I also picked up a bunch of dog poop in the park to make up for the other day when Chhaya pooped there but I did not have a doggie poop bag in my pocket to pick it up. I get like that.....I need to make up for stuff or I feel guilty. Last night I was so tired that I fell asleep with my make up on. It happened the other night too (tired again). I washed my face when I woke up today and said to myself that I will never again fall asleep with my make up on but yeah, it will most likely happen again. Does it really matter? Probably not. I like to take care of my skin though, moisturize and stuff. I have important stuff to take care of that I don't want to deal with, faxes to send and phone calls to make. My loan on my town home here in Las Vegas that I "own", really the bank owns the place (that is REALITY), is ridiculous. The place is not worth even close to what I bought it for.....I was very uneducated, naive and stupid (great combo) when I decided to purchase this place and trusted real estate agents and lenders thinking they had my best interest in mind.....HA HA did I learn my lesson! Now I'm sitting here wondering what the hell happened and why? Wishing I had never made the decision to buy any real estate then but I did.
I need to sweep the garage, scrub the patio, mop the kitchen floor. The truck needs an oil change. My body needs a long massage. For some weird reason I have broken four glass bottles in the last month, by accident of course. I can't recall the last time I broke a bottle (have I ever?) and I managed to break FOUR in a few weeks. Two ice tea bottles in my kitchen alone (the other two outside), I just picked up the glass and put a towel over the spilled tea......I need to mop but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll mop tomorrow. I've read that many people don't like getting emails from people they know because it means that they have to answer.....just one more thing added on the to do list. I find that sad, how freaking disconnected people are getting. I recall when I used to write letters to my friends, you know hand written letters. I still do birthday cards and Thank You cards or smaller notes, I got two cards today for upcoming birthdays. Now it's text messages since so many people don't like to talk on the phone (I'm not one of them, I prefer talking actually) or Facebook messages (even those are difficult for some to respond to) or even better and easier just "likes" on Facebook, anything else is too time consuming for most. People seem to keep in touch less and less and friendships, some of the most precious things one can have, dry up and die. Liking something on Facebook is not keeping in touch, in case you didn't know that.



Speaking of Facebook, everybody knows that people lie on Facebook aka Fakebook (if you don't believe me, look it up). I understand some lies, to protect your identity etc, I lie like that too. But people lie about books they haven't read, saying they read them just to appear more......more what? Interesting? Or posting all kinds of fabricated and exaggerated stuff to make their friends and families jealous. I think that is disgusting, to try to make others jealous on purpose. There is no excuse for that unless you are a child or an immature teenager.
And what friends are we talking about exactly? The handful of REAL friends that they have that can see through that utter bullshit, because the real friends know the TRUTH (HA HA) or the hundreds of fake friends people gather to desperately appear more popular than they are. When people ask me if I have Facebook I say no, or that I only have it for my few friends (REAL ones) and family because that is the truth. It's nothing personal but my Mom is my Facebook friend, my brother and my cousins and people that have known me since I was seven years old......I don't need much more than that on there, plus a handful of other people that I consider friends that I actually spent time with in real life. I have no need in collecting 'friends". I would never post anything to try to make somebody jealous, here on the blog or on Facebook. I don't put up a whole lot on Facebook anyways, the blog is what gets it all.
I've noticed that nobody wants to get engaged too much in anything serious on Facebook, it's a rather shallow level on there and that's fine with me. Sometimes I don't go in there for weeks. Here I can write on and on about women and Islam, animal cruelty and assholes in general. Vent about work. Praise Burning Man.
I'm excited because I have a new whole list of books that I want. Books that look very promising! Some people like reading, others don't. I need to read, I love it. A while back somebody criticized me in a comment here on the blog asking me why I had not read 1984 by George Orwell yet. I could had lied.....LOL....and said "but of course I've read it and bla bla bla". Actually my intention was to get it and bring it to Burning Man this year (I had a vision of me reading 1984 during my morning latte time in Center Camp) but that did not happen. I got it after Burning Man and it is now in my possession and I am saving it for next years Burning Man. I don't mind critique, I can take it. I might listen if it's valid but if it's just dumb shit then I won't care. Like, you think I'm a bitch for example. OK, great.....good for you plus HIGH FIVE and YES I am a bitch (proudly so may I add), probably one of the most honest bitches you will ever know. Trust me, if I have something bad to say about you behind your back you already know it because I have told you to your face. I don't pretend.
Back to books, I am about to re read Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay. It's a GREAT book, I highly recommend it. And I've got the latest issue of Adbusters today just so I can think even more about what a meaningless and shallow life I live......I need to do something of true meaning soon.



Back to my life, my glamorous life, or not so glamorous.....I'm trying to be as honest as possible here on the blog about it. I will write about sadness, difficult times, tears, that I sometimes don't want to get up out of bed and start my day because I feel a heavy anxiety in my chest, outbreaks on my butt, ingrown hairs but also when I am happy and feel alive, when I have something exciting to tell or show, even if it's a new nail polish. My thoughts and opinions. Having said that.....I might not, actually I won't share EVERYTHING, some things are private. BUT I am not going to make up stuff or make stuff sound better than it is just to try to make people "jealous".....no, I'm not lame like that.
Right now I am sleeping on an air mattress and my stuff has been in a suit case and bagged up in various bags for months. I've been living out of a suit case and plastic bins for almost a year. Most of my stuff is packed up. I have mostly been re using the same clothes for a year not bothering digging in the bins for what I packed away. I don't even know what I have anymore. Well, I did put some of my clothes in my closet today, I had to organize the suitcase and the bins. Half of the contents of my suitcase were mixed up on the floor for days, hence the laundry this evening. I got new cute socks today too.



What else can I share? Hmmmmm.......well, besides all of the stuff I already told you I still have a runny nose and a throat full of mucous. But in general I feel happy but a bit overwhelmed with too many responsibilities and too much on my own to do list. I need to rest and sleep and get well. I am meeting up with some friends the next couple of days and I'm looking forward to that. I miss my friends in Sweden......for some reason they don't lie on their Facebook, how strange......really not strange at all, it's Sweden after all. I need to pee right now and I will wash my face tonight. Goodnight!

I've made what I set out to do, I worked five nights in a row. I am SO TIRED though. For almost two weeks now I've had a cold, just a runny nose and a cough, no fever. Where does all this never ending mucous come from? The cold made me weak so that added to the feeling of being tired. I feel like I've aged five years in this past week. I literally had to force myself to get up and take a shower and get ready for work two of the nights when I fell asleep around 6 pm (just a little nap before work). When you don't have a schedule it is so easy just to stay at home. But I went in. Because I made a promise to myself.
Work.....work was OK. I've said it before but it is exhausting, for me at least, to work in Vegas. The hustle is so aggressive and I'm not like that. Either you want a dance or you don't. I will never beg or try to convince somebody to spend money, rip people off or do something that I feel is compromising to myself. Friday night was awful, people were rude. One guy grabbed my hand and tried to yank me in towards him, I told him to let go of me. My hand and wrist hurt for a while afterwards. Another idiot asked me something obscene. I understand that people misunderstand strip clubs for sex clubs at times, some people don't know any better and some of the dancers definitely add fuel to that misconception, unfortunately. But just the way he asked was just GROSS. Of course I told him exactly what I thought about him and asked him if he had a wife or a girlfriend (I don't look for wedding rings, plus a ring doesn't mean anything.....it's just a ring). And in case you wonder.....I have NEVER had any kind of sex for money. That includes oral sex and hand jobs. That is sex to me. I do not want to see any penises unless it's MY choice. I have zero interest and desire to do certain things for money, sex is one of them. And I am saying this because sometimes people confuse strip clubs for brothels of some sort. NO. That would be illegal in the US.
After the awful Friday I did not want to work for a while, I was close to tears at one point Friday night but I went in anyways last night and it was a completely different experience.
I interacted with so many nice and fun people, it was easy and I laughed a lot, had a good time with some of the girls I work with and just nice people that I met......so you never know how the night will turn out, since every night at work is different.
Me at work early this morning. When I'm not feeling well my eyes look tired, you can see that here.



Tired dancer limbs.



Leaving work, so happy to go home!



I had a photo shoot today with a woman photographer......so cool to shoot with a woman. She was super nice and I really hope we got some good shots. She gave me a ton of compliments and we talked about all kinds of stuff.....I've had a really nice time this afternoon with her! We shot at Red Rock. I have never seen as many people there as I did today, it was crowded. Here I am waiting for her outside Dunkin' Donuts up on West Charleston.



I was kind of frozen when we were done. It's been chilly in Vegas lately (closer to sundown).



Some days I get a very strong feelings of happiness, being grateful for everything in my life and feeling ALIVE. I had one of those days today. Goodnight from Red Rock



And right before I was going to write this entry I came across this. I liked it so here it is.....



I of course don't care much about what people in general think about me. You can think what you want. I have came across enough individuals in my lifetime that were not dancers (strippers) that have done stuff and acted in nasty and trashy ways that I would never dream of doing.....those people are everywhere. And I have also came across certain dancers that were no good people. Some people have good hearts and light souls, others don't. I know myself and that's all that matters to me.

I had a really nice time at Red Rock with Chhaya this afternoon. Only us two on the walk, it was very quiet and I sat down on the ground to really FEEL nature. I love it at Red Rock.....Chhaya was running around and exploring. Then the sun set behind the mountains and we drove home.

After Fetish&Fantasy me and Julia were starving so we headed to the grocery store. Why not have some fun in the grocery store while you are there......right? As you can see we had a small photo shoot in there.



Everybody loves cupcakes.



Bananas are great when you are hungry at 5 am.



International Delight - that would be me. Your favorite international delight. It's obvious why.







Julia was hungry and shopping too, clad in her leopard print coat.





It actually rained here in Vegas today but I missed it because I was sleeping when this took place. But it smelled really nice when I opened the door and stepped outside. SEMA is in town, it's some kind of a car parts and performance show, it draws a lot of people and I am planning on working all week. That means four more nights, no work on Sunday. Last night I met a group of nice guys from Denmark and a guy from Sweden that is in Vegas competing in drag racing. The topic of conversation was politics. I am running behind here on the blog.
I still want to show you pictures and write about my drive through Canada, my strip club experience in Portland, a bit more about Bend and Portland, strip club drama in general, some political entries that I have outlined in my head and an entry about the club I left in Soldotna.....juicy stuff! Yeah......running behind. I would need to stay inside for two days and nights to catch up and just write blogs but I have been rather busy therefore the lagging behind.