Welcome to Chaos !!

I'm laying here on my twin size air mattress that is situated in the living room, some laundry is drying, I have three more loads to do but that might have to wait until tomorrow because it's getting late. I just finished eating chips and salsa in "bed" or shall I say on my air mattress.
My day was spent doing errands, I did get a lot accomplished and that felt good.
I also picked up a bunch of dog poop in the park to make up for the other day when Chhaya pooped there but I did not have a doggie poop bag in my pocket to pick it up. I get like that.....I need to make up for stuff or I feel guilty. Last night I was so tired that I fell asleep with my make up on. It happened the other night too (tired again). I washed my face when I woke up today and said to myself that I will never again fall asleep with my make up on but yeah, it will most likely happen again. Does it really matter? Probably not. I like to take care of my skin though, moisturize and stuff. I have important stuff to take care of that I don't want to deal with, faxes to send and phone calls to make. My loan on my town home here in Las Vegas that I "own", really the bank owns the place (that is REALITY), is ridiculous. The place is not worth even close to what I bought it for.....I was very uneducated, naive and stupid (great combo) when I decided to purchase this place and trusted real estate agents and lenders thinking they had my best interest in mind.....HA HA did I learn my lesson! Now I'm sitting here wondering what the hell happened and why? Wishing I had never made the decision to buy any real estate then but I did.
I need to sweep the garage, scrub the patio, mop the kitchen floor. The truck needs an oil change. My body needs a long massage. For some weird reason I have broken four glass bottles in the last month, by accident of course. I can't recall the last time I broke a bottle (have I ever?) and I managed to break FOUR in a few weeks. Two ice tea bottles in my kitchen alone (the other two outside), I just picked up the glass and put a towel over the spilled tea......I need to mop but I don't feel like it. Maybe I'll mop tomorrow. I've read that many people don't like getting emails from people they know because it means that they have to answer.....just one more thing added on the to do list. I find that sad, how freaking disconnected people are getting. I recall when I used to write letters to my friends, you know hand written letters. I still do birthday cards and Thank You cards or smaller notes, I got two cards today for upcoming birthdays. Now it's text messages since so many people don't like to talk on the phone (I'm not one of them, I prefer talking actually) or Facebook messages (even those are difficult for some to respond to) or even better and easier just "likes" on Facebook, anything else is too time consuming for most. People seem to keep in touch less and less and friendships, some of the most precious things one can have, dry up and die. Liking something on Facebook is not keeping in touch, in case you didn't know that.



Speaking of Facebook, everybody knows that people lie on Facebook aka Fakebook (if you don't believe me, look it up). I understand some lies, to protect your identity etc, I lie like that too. But people lie about books they haven't read, saying they read them just to appear more......more what? Interesting? Or posting all kinds of fabricated and exaggerated stuff to make their friends and families jealous. I think that is disgusting, to try to make others jealous on purpose. There is no excuse for that unless you are a child or an immature teenager.
And what friends are we talking about exactly? The handful of REAL friends that they have that can see through that utter bullshit, because the real friends know the TRUTH (HA HA) or the hundreds of fake friends people gather to desperately appear more popular than they are. When people ask me if I have Facebook I say no, or that I only have it for my few friends (REAL ones) and family because that is the truth. It's nothing personal but my Mom is my Facebook friend, my brother and my cousins and people that have known me since I was seven years old......I don't need much more than that on there, plus a handful of other people that I consider friends that I actually spent time with in real life. I have no need in collecting 'friends". I would never post anything to try to make somebody jealous, here on the blog or on Facebook. I don't put up a whole lot on Facebook anyways, the blog is what gets it all.
I've noticed that nobody wants to get engaged too much in anything serious on Facebook, it's a rather shallow level on there and that's fine with me. Sometimes I don't go in there for weeks. Here I can write on and on about women and Islam, animal cruelty and assholes in general. Vent about work. Praise Burning Man.
I'm excited because I have a new whole list of books that I want. Books that look very promising! Some people like reading, others don't. I need to read, I love it. A while back somebody criticized me in a comment here on the blog asking me why I had not read 1984 by George Orwell yet. I could had lied.....LOL....and said "but of course I've read it and bla bla bla". Actually my intention was to get it and bring it to Burning Man this year (I had a vision of me reading 1984 during my morning latte time in Center Camp) but that did not happen. I got it after Burning Man and it is now in my possession and I am saving it for next years Burning Man. I don't mind critique, I can take it. I might listen if it's valid but if it's just dumb shit then I won't care. Like, you think I'm a bitch for example. OK, great.....good for you plus HIGH FIVE and YES I am a bitch (proudly so may I add), probably one of the most honest bitches you will ever know. Trust me, if I have something bad to say about you behind your back you already know it because I have told you to your face. I don't pretend.
Back to books, I am about to re read Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay. It's a GREAT book, I highly recommend it. And I've got the latest issue of Adbusters today just so I can think even more about what a meaningless and shallow life I live......I need to do something of true meaning soon.



Back to my life, my glamorous life, or not so glamorous.....I'm trying to be as honest as possible here on the blog about it. I will write about sadness, difficult times, tears, that I sometimes don't want to get up out of bed and start my day because I feel a heavy anxiety in my chest, outbreaks on my butt, ingrown hairs but also when I am happy and feel alive, when I have something exciting to tell or show, even if it's a new nail polish. My thoughts and opinions. Having said that.....I might not, actually I won't share EVERYTHING, some things are private. BUT I am not going to make up stuff or make stuff sound better than it is just to try to make people "jealous".....no, I'm not lame like that.
Right now I am sleeping on an air mattress and my stuff has been in a suit case and bagged up in various bags for months. I've been living out of a suit case and plastic bins for almost a year. Most of my stuff is packed up. I have mostly been re using the same clothes for a year not bothering digging in the bins for what I packed away. I don't even know what I have anymore. Well, I did put some of my clothes in my closet today, I had to organize the suitcase and the bins. Half of the contents of my suitcase were mixed up on the floor for days, hence the laundry this evening. I got new cute socks today too.



What else can I share? Hmmmmm.......well, besides all of the stuff I already told you I still have a runny nose and a throat full of mucous. But in general I feel happy but a bit overwhelmed with too many responsibilities and too much on my own to do list. I need to rest and sleep and get well. I am meeting up with some friends the next couple of days and I'm looking forward to that. I miss my friends in Sweden......for some reason they don't lie on their Facebook, how strange......really not strange at all, it's Sweden after all. I need to pee right now and I will wash my face tonight. Goodnight!

I've made what I set out to do, I worked five nights in a row. I am SO TIRED though. For almost two weeks now I've had a cold, just a runny nose and a cough, no fever. Where does all this never ending mucous come from? The cold made me weak so that added to the feeling of being tired. I feel like I've aged five years in this past week. I literally had to force myself to get up and take a shower and get ready for work two of the nights when I fell asleep around 6 pm (just a little nap before work). When you don't have a schedule it is so easy just to stay at home. But I went in. Because I made a promise to myself.
Work.....work was OK. I've said it before but it is exhausting, for me at least, to work in Vegas. The hustle is so aggressive and I'm not like that. Either you want a dance or you don't. I will never beg or try to convince somebody to spend money, rip people off or do something that I feel is compromising to myself. Friday night was awful, people were rude. One guy grabbed my hand and tried to yank me in towards him, I told him to let go of me. My hand and wrist hurt for a while afterwards. Another idiot asked me something obscene. I understand that people misunderstand strip clubs for sex clubs at times, some people don't know any better and some of the dancers definitely add fuel to that misconception, unfortunately. But just the way he asked was just GROSS. Of course I told him exactly what I thought about him and asked him if he had a wife or a girlfriend (I don't look for wedding rings, plus a ring doesn't mean anything.....it's just a ring). And in case you wonder.....I have NEVER had any kind of sex for money. That includes oral sex and hand jobs. That is sex to me. I do not want to see any penises unless it's MY choice. I have zero interest and desire to do certain things for money, sex is one of them. And I am saying this because sometimes people confuse strip clubs for brothels of some sort. NO. That would be illegal in the US.
After the awful Friday I did not want to work for a while, I was close to tears at one point Friday night but I went in anyways last night and it was a completely different experience.
I interacted with so many nice and fun people, it was easy and I laughed a lot, had a good time with some of the girls I work with and just nice people that I met......so you never know how the night will turn out, since every night at work is different.
Me at work early this morning. When I'm not feeling well my eyes look tired, you can see that here.



Tired dancer limbs.



Leaving work, so happy to go home!



I had a photo shoot today with a woman photographer......so cool to shoot with a woman. She was super nice and I really hope we got some good shots. She gave me a ton of compliments and we talked about all kinds of stuff.....I've had a really nice time this afternoon with her! We shot at Red Rock. I have never seen as many people there as I did today, it was crowded. Here I am waiting for her outside Dunkin' Donuts up on West Charleston.



I was kind of frozen when we were done. It's been chilly in Vegas lately (closer to sundown).



Some days I get a very strong feelings of happiness, being grateful for everything in my life and feeling ALIVE. I had one of those days today. Goodnight from Red Rock



And right before I was going to write this entry I came across this. I liked it so here it is.....



I of course don't care much about what people in general think about me. You can think what you want. I have came across enough individuals in my lifetime that were not dancers (strippers) that have done stuff and acted in nasty and trashy ways that I would never dream of doing.....those people are everywhere. And I have also came across certain dancers that were no good people. Some people have good hearts and light souls, others don't. I know myself and that's all that matters to me.

I had a really nice time at Red Rock with Chhaya this afternoon. Only us two on the walk, it was very quiet and I sat down on the ground to really FEEL nature. I love it at Red Rock.....Chhaya was running around and exploring. Then the sun set behind the mountains and we drove home.

After Fetish&Fantasy me and Julia were starving so we headed to the grocery store. Why not have some fun in the grocery store while you are there......right? As you can see we had a small photo shoot in there.



Everybody loves cupcakes.



Bananas are great when you are hungry at 5 am.



International Delight - that would be me. Your favorite international delight. It's obvious why.







Julia was hungry and shopping too, clad in her leopard print coat.





It actually rained here in Vegas today but I missed it because I was sleeping when this took place. But it smelled really nice when I opened the door and stepped outside. SEMA is in town, it's some kind of a car parts and performance show, it draws a lot of people and I am planning on working all week. That means four more nights, no work on Sunday. Last night I met a group of nice guys from Denmark and a guy from Sweden that is in Vegas competing in drag racing. The topic of conversation was politics. I am running behind here on the blog.
I still want to show you pictures and write about my drive through Canada, my strip club experience in Portland, a bit more about Bend and Portland, strip club drama in general, some political entries that I have outlined in my head and an entry about the club I left in Soldotna.....juicy stuff! Yeah......running behind. I would need to stay inside for two days and nights to catch up and just write blogs but I have been rather busy therefore the lagging behind.

Here are my Halloween 2015 pics. I first saw my costume at a store in Bend called The Pretty Pussycat, I tried it on and just loved it and then Mandy found it for me on Amazon for cheaper, so I ordered it and had it shipped to Vegas. Perfect!
I love latex and shiny skintight stuff. I was not going to wear my boots at first since I had them on last year for Halloween but Julia liked them the best paired with this costume, so I went with her opinion, after hopping around on one leg in the parking lot showing her the different shoe options the night of the event.
I can say this about Fetish&Fantasy.....I am so happy that I did not spend any money on a ticket, I would had been upset if I would had done that. Tickets were pricey, we got ours for free (Thank You Reza) and the party was kind of lame, definitely nothing close to Monster Massive (one of my fave parties) that I used to attend every Halloween. But it was still fun to get dressed up and go out, hear some good music, hang out with Julia, catch up with friends, definitely beats staying at home. I'm not a Fogbone yet! So YES, I did have a good time......!
Of course.
I can also say that a certain rockstar, although I am still not convinced that it was him but Julia insists that it was, plus some guy came up to me when I was leaving the event and announced to me that Mr Rockstar really liked me, anyhow a certain rockstar (I won't name him) asked to take a picture with me and then had me send the pic on my phone to his phone. Then his girlfriend or date, the annoyed woman that was with him, came up to me and asked me to delete the pic and the number. I was like......whaaaaaat? Don't worry.....I'm not interested in him. He is a good looking man but not my type.
Yeah, the costume was popular......I loved wearing it. I think I need to do a photo shoot in it.



A guy came up and gave me this BITCH choker. I used to have one and was wondering were mine could be hiding because I wanted to wear it for the party. And then a stranger just gave me one while me and Julia were in line for drinks, how weird is that? Thank You kind stranger!





Julia went with the cute and innocent schoolgirl look. Her pigtails were very cute too.













Me and Reza. I have to go to some more of his parties now that I have left Alaska. Together As One is happening on New Years.

This is how I rocked Fetish&Fantasy last night for Halloween, with a giant spider on my face.
I felt suuuuper seksi.....I mean just look at me, don't you agree?



No but seriously, of course not. I am still going through and waiting for some additional pics from last night. As soon as Julia sends me the last pics I can put them up, it got late and she had to go to bed. Speaking of going to bed, I'm pretty tired myself and my feet ache. I've been looking at foot massagers online, I think I might have to get one of those. Or find somebody that can give me hour long foot rubs several times a week without complaining. I am taking applications! I think that I'm approaching Fogbone status, soon I will look into adult diapers and Ben Gay, I already enjoy feeding the birds.....what else is there to retirement?
Caribbean cruises, buffets and playing bingo at Arizona Charlies here in Vegas? I have an exciting future ahead. But now I'm going to turn off my pink bedside lamp and go to sleep and dream of heavenly foot rubs.....