Welcome to Chaos !!

Once in a while I get emails sent to me from people that somehow come across my blog. A while ago I noticed that somebody out there was reading many of my entries (I can see that in my blog statistics) and with many I mean, spent hours on the blog reading entry after entry. I was wondering to myself if I would ever hear from this person and last week I check my email and there she was!
A girl I have never met before, she sent me a very nice long e mail and here are a few snippets from it.....it was so nice I just have to share it with all of you that read my blog.

"Tatiana,

Hello! My name is (I'm leaving the name part blank on purpose) and I just finished reading your entire blog over the last week... You are an excellent writer! I came across it looking for reviews from dancers on Spearmint Rhino in Carter Lake Iowa.
Anyways, I just wanted to write you because I feel like I'm reading my twin sisters life! (We both even have long blonde hair and brown eyes.) Lol. I've been a dancer by choice since 2005. I'm college educated and have had jobs in between, but nothing really that has fulfilled me or supplemented my income adequately. I can feel in my heart that my career is coming to an end, and it's exciting, scary, a relief but sad and terrifying at the same time. I literally felt like I was the only clean dancer left until I read your blog. Even my so called clean dancer friends are willing to do more for the almighty dollar, and it's very discouraging as well as mentally draining dealing with this at work night after night.
Every time I would read a blog entry, I felt like you took the words right out of my mouth. From people having children and it being a privilege, (I choose to have none,) to animal rights, (I have two fur baby puppies! ! 🙂 ) to people close to you taking advantage of you financially and feeling scared and uncertain about the phase of your life that you're in now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are a beautiful and talented person inside and out. I think you should most certainly continue blogging unless your heart just isn't in it anymore, although I know all of your readers would be terribly disappointed! I hear you saying that you need stability and that you don't feel like you have your purpose here in life... Please believe me when I say I've felt exactly like you so many times that I can't keep count. I'm in the exact phase of my life as you, and change and transition is scary!
One more thing I wanted to say to give you some peace... There is more to this life that we're living on this Earth. There is a Heaven, and one day you will see all of your loved ones again, including Chhaya!!"

That e mail made me cry and of course I wrote her back and we have been corresponding. SO SWEET!
Writing the blog is going on TEN years this year. The first few years I did not write a lot, then I picked up the writing and in 2016 I have slowed down significantly due to not feeling that well, being sad, unmotivated and feeling lost in myself and life.
I have thought about quitting writing the blog many times in the last few months. I have been sharing so much of myself with friends and complete strangers......my thoughts, feelings, opinions and pictures. I almost feel like I have exhausted everything I have to say on most subjects and stuff that move me. I do not want to repeat myself. But then again, there will always be something new. Something I read, do, experience etc that I can write about.
But part of me also thinks that I don't want to share my life this way anymore. So I don't know......
The blog has kept me company and contributed to new friendships for me.
Last time I was in NYC I met up with a girl that read the blog, we went to coffee and MoMA together. How cool is that?
I also got to know other people and made friends, like Annette. She found my blog and never judged me based on what I do. Annette has nothing to do with dancing, she holds two degrees in what I consider are complicated subjects and works in the medical field. 🙂
Also a part of writing the blog is to show people that all those negative stereotypes that come associated with being a dancer do not apply to me, not a single one of them . Some people love to badmouth us dancers, or strippers as we are also called, based on stuff they have heard or seen on TV or film, usually not a positive or fair portrayal at all. They do not personally know any dancers, they just talk to talk. Or they have encountered one or two messed up and crazy ones and think that all of us are the same. Maybe they even went to some strip club once or twice and saw something weird or questionable and assume that all dancers just must act the same way, do the same stuff. NO, that is not the case. I have been judged so many times and yes, the blog is a way for me to show people that you can be a dancer and a relatively good person. I get especially happy when non dancer women find and read my blog, I welcome women to read here. There are plenty of nasty, trashy, crazy, lazy, bad, addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, irresponsible, no good morals people out there in society amongst you and me that do not dance/strip. Let's make that clear, OK. If you talk bad about me based on what I do at work then you do not know me at all.
So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart ♥ ♥ ♥ to all of you that connect with me and read my blog! I appreciate you. Me and Chhaya are sending you love! And a big Thank You to my dear KISA for his help and endless patience with me.

Took a drive with Janis and Chhaya today, we ended up in Tecopa but did not have enough time to get in and soak in the mud bath or hot springs so we might go back and spend the night there so we can go to China Ranch too and do a wine tour at Pahrump Valley Winery (definitely worth a stop if you enjoy wine) and try the nice restaurant there called Symphony's.
Today we really enjoyed lunch at a place called My Thai. We were both equally impressed with the quality of the food. If you like Thai cuisine it might be a good idea to drive over the hump to Pahrump for some Thai. Delicious!
In the evening we stopped at Death Valley Internet Cafe. The name might not sound so promising but their menu looked good, so next time we, or I are
there, I will order more than just a mudslide smoothie.

So now I have dined at L'Atelier de Joël Robuchon (located inside the MGM Grand in Vegas). I went with Janis, she is an enthusiastic foodie like me. I had the vegetarian tasting menu.



I thought everything varied in degrees from tasty to good, except the tofu which was bland. My absolute favorite part of the meal were my two desserts and my latte, I even drank Janis's latte cause she didn't like it....but I did!







Overall I was satisfied with my culinary experience at L'Atelier de Joël Robuchon because that's what it is - an experience. You don't just sit down an order something and scarf it down, you sit and eat for a few hours. Janis was not as satisfied as I was with the meal but I am easy to please in general.....latte and something yummy and sweet? OK, I am happy!
Both of us would love to dine at Restaurant Joël Robuchon (next door to L'Atelier de Joël Robuchon), which has three Michelin stars.....impressive, so I can just imagine how amazing the food is there but THAT experience is also a pricey one.

Can you believe it is March already? Time flies and life goes on regardless of if you are happy or sad.....the days and years go by so fast it scares me. Carpe Diem they say and yeah......really Carpe Diem I guess, all that you can because everybody's days are accounted for no matter who you are.
So I spent most of yesterday outside.....exploring my neighborhood some more. Doing my best to seize the day you know.....



Drove the Red Rock scenic route.....I think it is a 13 mile loop, some fitness enthusiasts pedal it on bike. However you do it - it's beautiful.





Chhaya was with me of course!



I decided to go to Bonnie Springs Ranch since it's only a few miles away from Red Rock. I did not go into the zoo though, I have already done that once and it's a sad experience to see those miserable caged up animals. I still think about some of them years after I went there.





Bonnie Springs Ranch has many fun photo opportunities. If you go alone, just ask somebody to take a picture of you. I do that all the time. No dogs allowed in there, so Chhaya had to wait in the car, I parked in complete shade and she took a nap.





Later that evening in the park.....that same night we went to another park for a late night walk.





I actually saw a COMET (?) during this walk. Something lit up the sky in passing and it was not a shooting star. That "something" had a tail. I was quite amazed to see it.



Not sure yet what me and Chhaya will do today, we just had lunch but I think that we will have a good day.

How can I possibly not write an entry today on February 29? Leap year, four more years until the next one. What will my life, your life....the world as we know it look like then? You never know, so be grateful right now today, if you are blessed with the priceless things in life.
I'm going to take Chhaya out for a late night walk in a bit but first I will tell you what I have been up to the last couple of days.....
I drove to check out the sights here in Nevada, Chhaya came with me of course.





I saw a movie and yes, I want to be comfy and cozy when I see a movie, so I make sure I bring an extra hoodie or a jacket and a pair of thick and fluffy socks and then I can stretch my legs out (if there is room to do so of course).
I saw The Witch. I think I had my fingers in my ears and covered my eyes for about a third of the movie, I did not want to hear all the screaming and see certain parts, I found this movie disturbing and I like scary movies although sometimes I don't know why I subject myself to that.....?



Today we went to Nelson ghost town. Found this witch sign in a window.



Chhaya poses for pics like a professional model. She needs an agent and a few contracts.







My beautiful baby and friend - I love her SO much. No words can do justice to describe my love for her.



And I managed to find a new bra.....finally! And a new purse for work. I think the Hello Kitty purse needs to rest for a while. Or for good. I actually already have a "purse" just like this.
I think it's meant to hold your make up (make up bag) but it can be used as a purse too I think.

I want this tiny home! Sooooo cute and I love it. I want something like this or an RV. Me and Chhaya traveling around.....my dream. Reading books, writing, feeling a nice breeze through my hair, cuddling Chhaya and rubbing her legs and paws, take pictures and see new sights, enjoy life. No more sadness in my soul. I'm dreaming of this....