A girl I have never met before, she sent me a very nice long e mail and here are a few snippets from it.....it was so nice I just have to share it with all of you that read my blog.
"Tatiana,
Hello! My name is (I'm leaving the name part blank on purpose) and I just finished reading your entire blog over the last week... You are an excellent writer! I came across it looking for reviews from dancers on Spearmint Rhino in Carter Lake Iowa.
Anyways, I just wanted to write you because I feel like I'm reading my twin sisters life! (We both even have long blonde hair and brown eyes.) Lol. I've been a dancer by choice since 2005. I'm college educated and have had jobs in between, but nothing really that has fulfilled me or supplemented my income adequately. I can feel in my heart that my career is coming to an end, and it's exciting, scary, a relief but sad and terrifying at the same time. I literally felt like I was the only clean dancer left until I read your blog. Even my so called clean dancer friends are willing to do more for the almighty dollar, and it's very discouraging as well as mentally draining dealing with this at work night after night.
Every time I would read a blog entry, I felt like you took the words right out of my mouth. From people having children and it being a privilege, (I choose to have none,) to animal rights, (I have two fur baby puppies! ! 🙂 ) to people close to you taking advantage of you financially and feeling scared and uncertain about the phase of your life that you're in now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are a beautiful and talented person inside and out. I think you should most certainly continue blogging unless your heart just isn't in it anymore, although I know all of your readers would be terribly disappointed! I hear you saying that you need stability and that you don't feel like you have your purpose here in life... Please believe me when I say I've felt exactly like you so many times that I can't keep count. I'm in the exact phase of my life as you, and change and transition is scary!
One more thing I wanted to say to give you some peace... There is more to this life that we're living on this Earth. There is a Heaven, and one day you will see all of your loved ones again, including Chhaya!!"
That e mail made me cry and of course I wrote her back and we have been corresponding. SO SWEET!
Writing the blog is going on TEN years this year. The first few years I did not write a lot, then I picked up the writing and in 2016 I have slowed down significantly due to not feeling that well, being sad, unmotivated and feeling lost in myself and life.
I have thought about quitting writing the blog many times in the last few months. I have been sharing so much of myself with friends and complete strangers......my thoughts, feelings, opinions and pictures. I almost feel like I have exhausted everything I have to say on most subjects and stuff that move me. I do not want to repeat myself. But then again, there will always be something new. Something I read, do, experience etc that I can write about.
But part of me also thinks that I don't want to share my life this way anymore. So I don't know......
The blog has kept me company and contributed to new friendships for me.
Last time I was in NYC I met up with a girl that read the blog, we went to coffee and MoMA together. How cool is that?
I also got to know other people and made friends, like Annette. She found my blog and never judged me based on what I do. Annette has nothing to do with dancing, she holds two degrees in what I consider are complicated subjects and works in the medical field. 🙂
Also a part of writing the blog is to show people that all those negative stereotypes that come associated with being a dancer do not apply to me, not a single one of them . Some people love to badmouth us dancers, or strippers as we are also called, based on stuff they have heard or seen on TV or film, usually not a positive or fair portrayal at all. They do not personally know any dancers, they just talk to talk. Or they have encountered one or two messed up and crazy ones and think that all of us are the same. Maybe they even went to some strip club once or twice and saw something weird or questionable and assume that all dancers just must act the same way, do the same stuff. NO, that is not the case. I have been judged so many times and yes, the blog is a way for me to show people that you can be a dancer and a relatively good person. I get especially happy when non dancer women find and read my blog, I welcome women to read here. There are plenty of nasty, trashy, crazy, lazy, bad, addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, irresponsible, no good morals people out there in society amongst you and me that do not dance/strip. Let's make that clear, OK. If you talk bad about me based on what I do at work then you do not know me at all.
So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart ♥ ♥ ♥ to all of you that connect with me and read my blog! I appreciate you. Me and Chhaya are sending you love! And a big Thank You to my dear KISA for his help and endless patience with me.
Lacy on :
TATIANA Post author on :
🙂
Julia on :
It's not always easy to do the right thing for all involved in a situation but I agree with Lacy in the sense that you are in fact brave for opening up with your readers and exposing your thoughts and feelings regardless of whether or not any single person is on the same page........