Welcome to Chaos !!

Happy Solstice everybody! I am having a grumpy kind of day, had to deal with some stressful things that give me slight anxiety. Also people that disappoint and other fun things like that. 😥
And after today the days will slowly get shorter until December 21 when it will turn around again. It's almost time to get ready for work and I would rather go to sleep. I am not in a happy kind of mood right now.

It's a little after 5 am and I am in bed ready to close my eyes and sleep. It is so nice out now in the early morning, it smells good and looks gorgeous. This is what it looked like a while ago close to my house......





I went to work and was ready to leave by 1 30 but had to stay until later.....it was booooooring but at least I looked good.
I had on my new pink bra, I really like it.



My boobs look like torpedoes in this pic but that is just the angle, in reality they are small and cute.







I am starving, maybe I should tip toe downstairs and see what the fridge has to offer before I go to sleep?

It's a little after 2 am here Wednesday. It is kind of dark out but not completely dark. It will start getting light by 4......and Solstice is in a few days and after that it will slowly turn darker. The thought of that makes me feel blue. I don't want the darkness, I want the long light summer days.
I spent most of my afternoon (Tuesday) and evening with a book. The Private Papers Of Eastern Jewel by Maureen Lindley. I had to finish it, I had to know the fate of Eastern Jewel. And it was an interesting but at the same time sad life she led. It's a good book so if you are looking for something new to read you might like it. After finishing the book I felt kind of sad myself and not in the mood for anything. So here I am, laying in bed....thinking. About life. Feeling weird. Not wanting to sleep although I am tired and yawning.
Chhaya had a "date" with another dog today. A pretty Great Dane lady with the name of Valhalla. It was basically a walk on the beach and it went well. Chhaya needs doggie friends and we are going to do it again. No pictures this time.
The almond oil has been in my hair all day and night now, my hair feels soft. I think I am going to take a bath, wash my hair and go to sleep.

I spent this Monday at home. Another GORGEOUS day, I even managed to lay out on the porch and tan for about 40 minutes without getting a plethora of new mosquito bites. I am pale so I tan about 20 minutes on each side in the beginning so I don't burn. Besides that I only ventured out for my latte, I spent hours on the phone catching up with family and friends. More laundry. Some cleaning. Now I am watching Reno 911 while I am reading this.
I freakin' LOVE Reno 911, they are so insane and funny. Lieutenant Dangle is my favorite cop ever, he is sexy, he can come and arrest me any time. I love his shorts, that mustache and his smooth womanly looking legs. I think Johnson is bad ass, trashy and super cool.
And Wiegel.....we actually have a girl at work that reminds me of her, the short hair and same kind of nutcase behavior. I always wanted a part on that show, my kind of humor.



When I was in Chicago I got a haircut, about 5 inches. That is a lot! I was thinking NO MORE than 3 inches and now I feel like I have short hair (for me) and I'm slightly traumatized by it.
I did some research and found out that almond oil massaged into the scalp and left over night can promote hair growth and is supposedly good for your hair. So I might try that tonight. The almond oil should be heated up before applied, not scorching hot so you have to call an ambulance, more like pleasantly warm. And you should wash your hair and towel dry it before massaging in the almond oil. I want my hair to be 3 inches longer by tomorrow afternoon. I will let you know how it goes.



Besides that here is my current collection of shampoos and conditioners. I like to switch it up so one wash I use one shampoo and conditioner and the next wash another. I like all of these. I am going to try and use a deep conditioning mask at least once a week through the summer and finish all my hair vitamins. 3 inches! I have short hair now......booooohoooooo....... 😥



Here are some pics from a few hours ago when I was sitting outside and enjoying this beautiful evening with Chhaya. She has a play date tomorrow btw! FUN. I hope she doesn't try to eat the other dog but it should go well, the other dog is a Great Dane.

Today was an errand kind of day. Had to take care of lots of stuff and get my mail that had been in my PO BOX for about three weeks now. Super nice outside, I wish I could lay out and tan.....BUT the mosquitoes are multiplying and are thirsty for blood so after about a minute or two of me trying to tan they track me down and try to suck my blood. And I don't want to use DEET every day.
I also channeled my Martha Stewart side today and made my own fabric softener. I read a while ago about the toxins that are found in most fabric softeners, both the sheets and the liquid kind. Sure they smell good, that's why people buy them. But they also contain stuff like chloroform, benzyl acetate and pentane just to mention a few. Those are some chemicals linked to all kinds of bad things. So I mixed warm water, baking soda, distilled white vinegar, added a few drops of lemongrass essential oil and I am doing my fourth load of laundry as I am writing this. It seems to work well, so I probably won't be buying any more fabric softener.



I did go to work last night. And I am glad that I did because I had some great conversations with some nice and intelligent people. But I took tonight off.
I also had (another) negative encounter with a girl I work with. It is the second summer I work with her and I can't stand the cunt. She gives dancers a bad name. She doesn't like me either and she constantly glares at me and talks shit but I don't care much about that, it is actually rather funny. What I do care about is that I have to see her FUGLY face and SLORE personality for a whole summer. She is soooooo bothered by me that she has to tell guys in the club that she thinks I am ugly. She can think what she wants. At least I don't have a face that would look better with a pillow on it. I also don't have some kind of a botched surgery or lipo on my ass, so bad that she doesn't take her skirt off on stage because she knows it looks awful. What else? Oh, I don't do dirty dances and have sex with random guys for money and cars.
I rather drive my Toyota 4 Runner and stay disease free. One more thing, I would never wear the same outfit for three months without changing it. She is going on a month now, wearing a white, slowly turning gray, washed out skirt and bra, same as she wore all of last summer. With all that money she is making rubbing on guys crotches with her hands and mouth (YUCK) and promises of sex (GROSS) she should be able to afford a new skirt from WalMart to cover up her nasty looking lumpy lipo surgery ass. Yeah.....the claws are out.

I am TIRED. Physically and mentally. After a three week break from work and exercising I went back to work last night. I was the last girl in the lap dance room and the last girl to leave.
It was 5 am and bright outside when I left the club. I remember the days when I danced in Vegas and I sometimes would leave the club around 7 am, the sun would be shining bright in my eyes (sunglasses was a must) and it would already be like 90°F outside. I also went for a run yesterday and today my body feels achy, heavy and sore. The running and the going on stage and the lap dances I did last night makes for a tired stripper today.
And now the mental part......I am kind of over it.....the whole dancing thing. At least right now. I can very possible feel different about that next week if I ask myself the same question.
I guess most people get bored and unmotivated with their occupation unless you are lucky to do something that is very rewarding and stimulating. And dancing is for the most part......NOT. It can be fun, even lots of fun but challenging or mentally stimulating? Not for me at least. Last night I was just so not feeling it. And looking around seeing some stuff that was going on in the lap dance room (it never ceases to bother me) I just wanted to scream.
I had a good night money wise. When it was all said and done I paid the club $ 115 in house fee and lap dance fees. Here we have to pay $ 5 to the club out of every dance that we do.
In some clubs you keep all your lap dance money and pay a flat fee to work. And on top of that I paid another $ 80 to the dj, the lady that counts the dances, the waitress, the bartender and the "house mom". So I basically paid out almost $ 200 of the money I made yesterday.
I always give the dj the largest cut of my money and I am rather generous with him. He plays my music and he knows what I like and I like him as a person. What I do not understand or agree with is WHY I should give any of my money to the waitress and the bartender?
They make an hourly salary (I don't) and the guys in there tip them as well. So then they should give some of their money to me to be fair? Why should I tip them? When I have a bad night I don't have an hourly wage to fall back on. They get tips and so do I. Clubs always find ways to charge and/or fine dancers for all kinds of things. I also got asked (repeatedly) to hang out or meet up after work more than once last night. I understand that guys ask and if you don't ask you won't know and some girls do hang out after work and go and entertain people in their hotel rooms. But I DON'T! And I don't think that I give off that vibe either (my demeanor is more standoffish I have heard more than once and I am totally OK with that btw) or make any promises about any outside the club play dates. It just gets exhausting to tell people no and have to explain that even though I am sure you are a perfectly nice guy I do not have any interest in continuing this conversation with you somewhere else at 5 am.
Thanks......but NO THANKS.
Well, thanks for letting me vent a little. I am actually going to schlep my tired body to the gym right now and then I am going home to give Chhaya lots of love and take her for a walk. Tonight? Back to work to do it all over again...... YEAY!!!!!!