Welcome to Chaos !!

It is a little after 1 am and I am at work, it is super slow, I didn't even change out of my regular clothes. For what? What am I doing here exactly again? I could had stayed home. Total waste of time to take a bath and shave. I could had been in bed now, eating, being smelly and hairy. So this is me right now, hoodie (always) and braids.



This week better improve or I am going to throw a major tantrum! So, instead of changing into what I usually wear at work, something skimpy and heels, I sat in the dressing room and occupied myself with phone calls, my computer and cleaning my Hello Kitty make up bag. And now I am going to put on my jacket and drive home.
This was totally LAME! But it's ok. It is what it is.

It's time to get back to the grind again tonight. Yeehaw........kind of. Yawn.

So I sent my taxes away today. I went to the post office first but the line was longer than the lines usually are around Christmas time and when I saw that I turned around and went to UPS instead. No line there. I really do not like the lines at the post office (who does?) and I did not have the time or patience for that today. So the taxes are done and sent.
Last week while driving home from work I came very close to hitting a moose with my car. It was standing in the middle of the road, in between both lanes (two lane highway). I saw it when I was basically right upon it, the moose looked at me, it's head turned towards the car. I screamed and quickly merged sharply to the right and then back onto the road again. Very close call. Now I am paying even more attention to the roads than before, always high beams at night, unless there are other cars present and I drive slower than the 55 MPH limit. I would had been SO UPSET if I would had hit that moose. For the moose's sake, I do not want to injure an animal. That was the second time I almost hit a moose here in Alaska. Another time a moose just walked out on the road and I had to quickly merge then too. And last year some freak driving in the opposite lane decided to leave the lane they were in to come into my lane, going straight towards my car. It would had been a head on collision and their car would had been totaled since I was driving a large truck. I quickly turned onto the shoulder and barely avoided that accident. Scary.
I have been thinking about death a lot lately. About the purpose of existing. Just to be born, grow old (if you are fortunate or unfortunate to grow old depending on how you look at it), consume and then die? There must be something else. I hope there is something else. So I can be reunited with everybody that ever meant anything to me and Chhaya of course. Because that is what I fear the most in life, to be forever separated from the ones I love and care about, the thought of that is almost unbearable. Life is fragile and at least I take it for granted a lot. Anything can happen. Look what happened in Boston today, nobody expected that. Yet in some places in the world death is always present, in a different more direct way than in my reality. I wish we could live forever. And since that is not possible (here on Earth) I wish and hope to continue forever somewhere else, in a different reality. With Chhaya by my side.

I have been up since about 9 am this morning. Got all kinds of things done already, there is definitely an advantage to getting up earlier. Now I am waiting for my bowl of soup to cool down so I can eat, I am really hungry. I made chicken soup again, thought that would be a good thing to eat after having that pounding headache yesterday that I suspect I had due to how smokey it is at work. Sometimes I can't be around the bar area where most people congregate because of all the smoke, I have to go and breathe in a clean air pocket somewhere. I hope they make it smoke free here soon, secondhand smoke is really bad for you. But anyways, I feel great today. I am not sure what I am going to do for the reminder of this very sunny Sunday, probably relax, read and watch a movie or two and The Apprentice later.
Here are some pics from a shoot I did in LA. I got my hair curled for it, nothing that I would bother with myself. Too time consuming. Somebody else did it for me.

I got a really bad headache this afternoon. It spread down my neck and pulsated out of my ears. I was out doing errands when after lingering for a while it hit me with full force. As soon as I came home I took a headache pill and went to bed and now I am feeling better although I can still feel it in the back of my neck. I know that if I go to work tonight, the smoke and the loud sounds in there will make me feel sick again so it looks like I am staying in. 😥 Although I don't really want to. My hair stinks like smoke and getting a whiff of it makes me feel nauseous. I rarely take any pills for aches but when I have a headache or bad period cramps I have to. I feel bad for people that don't have access to anything to help them with pain. What do they do? What did people do back in the day when they suffered from aches and pains? Got drunk on home brewed wheat and barley to ease the discomfort? Made tea from willow bark?
So......my plans for tonight? I have to take Chhaya out regardless of how I feel. Then I am going to watch movies and read my new magazines. Maybe I will learn something new. I like that the Yes! magazine is printed on 100% post-consumer waste.



I also took a pic of these books the other day. I have the Unlikely Friendships by Jennifer Holland. It is AMAZING, it gives examples of friendships that animals form with each other. Cutest book ever. I haven't read the other ones but I think they are fitting. Dancers Among Us by Jordan Matter. There are all kinds of dancers. Like me.
And Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. I don't think I will read it (at this point at least) but I think that it brings up an important message for women in general. Do not feel afraid to be seen and heard. In all areas of life. Don't sit back and let men do all the talking and doing. Do not let yourself be intimidated and dominated. One thing that bothers me is when girls act dumb on purpose. Well, some are vapid and that is the reality of things. But to act dumb because they think it is cute or something........that is really BAD.

Ummmmm, so before going on stage I was bending over naked and checking my VAGINE in the mirror when Aaron, the fill in dj for this evening walked in on me.
I heard, "Oh, that's cute" behind me. Hello! Embarrassing! LOL. Only in the strip club.
Like he really needed to see THAT! Of course I started my period at work and so did another girl, she didn't have any tampons so I came to her rescue and gave her one of mine. In case you need to know (yes of course you do) I only use tampons when absolute necessary, like when I am working. Or go to raves. I am not going to drip blood everywhere or put a pad in my Honey Dews. But I really don't like tampons, it feels weird to trap the blood inside when it should come out. I try to use only organic cotton tampons, the smallest size. I hope you found all of that information very interesting!