Welcome to Chaos !!

The last five (?) weeks at the club......let me think. Two people asked if I do yoga because (according to them) it looks like I do. No. I think I have tried yoga about three times. In fact I have not been to a gym or intentionally worked out since the beginning of 2019 and I am not in shape in my opinion. Again a person said I reminded him of a cat. Mermaid again too. A group of guys left the stage right before I got on because I had told one of them "shut the fuck up motherfucker" last year. Yea that sounds like something I would say, so it is good that they left my stage. And last night a couple of guys told me they came in specifically for me. One woman decided to sit at the end of the bar and film one of the girls while she was on stage, when confronted the woman denied it and then her and the dude she was with left. Barf. Get fucked. Was she filming? Yes, cause the bartender looked at the security camera footage and confirmed it. I no longer take my outfit off on stage since at least a year now. Due to people filming. Not often but it happens. You can't catch all of them, even if we pay attention. And also due to people sitting at the bar and STARE at us while we are on stage and do not tip. And also simply because I do not want to. When people ask/point out that I am not taking my outfit off I tell them that I do, in the lap dance room. Of course this is affecting my money = less tips on stage but I do not care. In fact I think this should be the way (not take anything off on stage) but to convince the other dancers of it is pointless, so I will just do it my way and let the others do it their way. Oh and if nobody is sitting at the stage and people are just sitting at the bar drinking beer, looking at their phones, staring at us from a distance.....then I sit or lay down at the rack on the stage covered up with my robe and start reading on my phone.
There are so many things I would change about how things are done on the stage and the club in general but that topic is its own blog entry......maybe another time.
I told a guy to get off my stage prior to me going on because he was talking shit and acting really weird. Weird as in staring at us dancers in an unusually creepy way. Asking questions in a confrontational way.  I also told him that he was a troglodyte and he comprehended that, so that was kind of funny. What, you just called me a troglodyte? I have the right  to tell everybody sitting at the stage when it is my turn to leave if that is what I want. It doesn't happen often but yes we do sometimes tell people to leave the stage. And to be fair, he did come up and apologize although he claimed he did not know what he did wrong. I said ok ok, just have a good night. No energy to explain to him that he was acting creepy. There was a brawl in the club last night and people got pushed around, drinks flying. Nobody got hurt. Drunk people doing drunk people shit.
Speaking of drinking, I had a jello shot. It comes in a large plastic syringe. Never again. I felt queasy and got chills about an hour later, like my body told me that what I had (cheap vodka) is basically poison. I deciided no alcohol whatsoever for at least three months. I rarely drink anyways.
I am so over being there. Everything is loud. Edgy. Cold. The hours are too long to be boxed up like we are. We call it purgatory when we vent to each other in the dressing room. Tired of talking to people (some not all). Tired of people staring at me, especially the ones that are like trying to stare in to my soul. The intense way some stare it seems like they are.
BUT I think I managed to make the night better for a few individuals.......The first a bit shy younger guy. I started asking him about himself. Turns out that he makes really nice pottery as a hobby. I asked him to bring some by so we can buy a few pieces. I would.
Another guy was sad because of a career end coming up with nothing lined up afterwards. Asked me questions about where to find a job (he wanted to maybe commercial fish), where to live, how/where to date women because he was middle aged and single. I told him about a few places to rent, said I have no experience in dating or experience with dating sites (never been on one) but that I hear dating kind of sucks (I bet it does). A bit later this girl comes in (non dancer) to play pool.
The club has a pool table and it is free. She comes in once in a while and always says hi to me. She works in commercial fishing. So I told her to go and talk to the sad lonely guy about work. Next thing I know, they go to the pool table together and spend the rest of the night talking, laughing and having a good time and it looked like they exchanged numbers. Good!
Then a few nights ago I talked to somebody that was not doing so good mentally. Yes for free of course, at that point is has nothing to do with money. Sometimes people just want to be seen and heard if they are sad.
Then I have been trying to help a guy that comes in on a regular basis to find a place to live. He is nice and works hard but made some life choices that ended up making his journey through life a bit complicated and he just needs some advice and guidance through all the frustration he is feeling.
I found this on Reddit, took a screenshot because it is true. I talk to soooooo many people. Yea, for free. Not asking for anything. 

Our CDs in the "private" room. I dance to the same three songs over and over again when people get three songs in a row. Sail by AWOLNATION, Closer by Kings of Leon and Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon. Most girls play music off their phones (Spotify) but my Spotify is on my iPad and I don't bring that with me to work. Not to this club. So I dance to the CDs or to whatever one of my dancer friends is playing off their phone. We have different music going on the stage and in the private room in this club, the stage has an iPad with Spotify on it.

New slippers for work. The Barbie slippers retired. If you want them I can send them to you, the Barbie slippers can be yours(!!!).
The best is when bewildered guys come up to me while I sit at the bar in my robe and slippers, staring into space daydreaming......"do you work here"? I alternate by saying, no I am just here checking on my daughter that works here. Or I say that I am a bored housewife and decided to come and spend the evening at the strip club while my husband is at home sleeping. The club is usually freezing cold therefore the robe. And the slippers because my feet need a break from the heels.

The ATM decided to stop working around 9 pm Saturday night. Not the first time. And it might not get fixed unless the spare key gets located. The original key is somewhere in Europe with the club owner that is on a trip. Ok then. I tell guys to go and rob a bank and come back. Or go to the bar next door and use their ATM.

And that is all I can remember for now.
Maybe if I play the lotto more often I can win a large amount of money and then I can sit at home in silence with Kaya, covered by soft blankets instead of suffering in a cold loud club......
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Not much to tell you about week 14. The message on the board was to show support for the nationwide April 5th protests.

Week 15 I got likened to a mermaid by two different people. I haven't heard that for a while. I feel more of a hag lately.
I got some chalk at IKEA for the board, Swedish word of the day was "Hej".

And check out Siren's boots. She has a red and a black pair as well in similar conditions. I told her that we need to have a GoFundMe for a new pair of boots for her because wow.....how does she still dance in those without breaking both ankles? Those boots are falling apart.

And that was that......somehow I suffered through two insufferable work weeks.

Misery. This is what the club looked like Friday night right before midnight. Exciting! There were two dudes in the club at that time. Yes it did pick up a little not too long afterwards until closing BUT it is depressing to sit around for hours doing basically nothing. And have to PAY for the privilege on top of it. Also the last two-three weeks have been BAD. Money wise bad. It is either bad because it just is for no reason at all, OR people are holding on to their money due to the economical climate in the US right now.....tariffs, talks about inflation and recession and all those fun things you have to worry about on top of everything else. 
And that basically sums up week 13.

Week 12, glad it is over. It was a terrible week for me at work and outside of work. I am not doing good, I am very sad, deeply sad and I cry every day. My head, emotions and my heart are not well. But this week was bad for most of us at the club, last week too was bad except one of the nights. Either it is just a random thing that it happened to be bad, OR it is a sign that people are holding onto their money. The world is not a happy place right now, bad things are happening and people are reacting.
Swedish word of the week (I do week now instead of day), blomma which means flower.

We had two unattractive girls with shitty attitudes try the club out. It was so bad Wednesday and Thursday that they decided to go back to Portland. Good, stay there! 
Me and my fake lashes that I could not get on right but I do not care. Nobody cares.

The ATM stopped working Saturday, of course it was the busiest night of the week and people wanted to get money out so they could spend it. But no. Some girls had guys send them money (like Venmo or CashApp) and then give back one dollar bills for the amount they got sent to them so people could tip us.
I have named the ATM "Adam" and tell people that in America there are machines that give you money, all you have to do is ask Adam for money, it is truly a miracle!

Saturday we had an unusaul amount of troglodyte types in, more than normal.
Hugging their beer cans, belching and uttering loud sounds that only their fellow oafs could comprehend. I did not socialize with the brutes. There are nights when I stay far away from the troglodytes, I just can't.
I am actually surprised by the state some people leave the house to go out into social group settings.
I definitely do not look fancy when I am out and about running errands, walking Kaya or coming into work (because within minutes of arriving I am changing into something else) but if I have plans of actually going out, I at least make an effort and leave the dirty saggy sweat pants and the soggy stained t-shirt at home.
Sigh......I just want to be home for the next two weeks and repair my soul. But I can't. I feel very fragile right now.

Tuesday I could not talk (no voice) so no work.
Wednesday me, Fatima and Siren had a discussion in the dressing room about current political stuff. It was right at opening and nobody had been on stage yet, the music was playing but at a low volume. So I step out of the dressing room and there are two guys sitting at the stage, waiting and looking a bit bewildered. One said that he thought our conversation had been very interesting, it was the guy that is nice and that started coming in about once a week. I declared, "I am a radical leftist lunatic", you know taken from some post Trump made on Truth Social where he was telling people that it is "illegal" to boycott Tesla. You heard, it is ILLEGAL! Also go and buy one as well, support Elon and be a good citizen!  
Siren went on stage first. When it was my turn one of the guys got up and left, he must not like radical leftist lunatics like myself. I am OK with that. The other guy stayed. I am his fave anyways, he told me that I while ago, even though I am a radical leftist lunatic. We had a good conversation during my stage set. I often tell people, I am NOT a dancer, first I am a human that happens to dance. But besides that I am a human with thoughts, feelings, opinions etc just like everybody else (or most at least). And my personality is such that I am rather outspoken and in a strip club that will often not vibe with the men's expectations of how they think a dancer should be. 
Friday I left with a $9 profit. Enough for a dirty oat milk chai plus a tip. 
Saturday was much better. I decided to get some fake lashes for work. I can't recall last time I had fake lashes on. Years......? And for a long time I wore no make up at all at work, years as well. Then I started putting on some once in a while. I don't work with a lot of girls that dance make up free. That is rare. It is usually lashes (most go and get their lashes done, lash extensions), laminated eyebrows is common, then most have foundation on and the style of make up ranges from that what I just mentioned to a full on MAC force field. So much so that you would not recognize the person if they washed off the make up (perhaps that is a good thing). Anyhow, I glued on some lashes Saturday. Molly though they were lash extensions. No, just regular glued on lash strips (the glue is a special kind for fake lashes). I take them off after work. The lashes do make your eyes stand out. 

When people ask me if I have a boyfriend now I say YES. Then I tell them he is detained and that I need money for his attorneys, a LOT of money. My boyfriend is Luigi! Fatima's boyfriend is Zelenskyy.
Yeah we have a LOT of fun with that. I need to have fun in the wooden box that I am stuck in for hours. The more I get to laugh at work the better. Otherwise I get cranky, lethargic, unmotivated and sleepy and go hide in the dressing room.

A better look at one of the latest outfits.

And I danced for a guy that looked like a mix between Luigi and Timothée Chalamet on Saturday. He was sooooooo good looking and he asked me if I would give him a dance (not the other way around). I almost fainted. So I take back that I am asexual.
I mostly am but I will make an exception if the right person comes along. That does not happen often.
 

Ok so I have been sick for a few days now. Today my cough was so painful that I had to take a headache pill in the morning and one in the evening because the cough is rattling my brain around. I lost my voice too and could only whisper for three days.
Sore throat as well.
On top of it I had an appointment yesterday to see the dermatologist and got a skin biopsy done. The site of the biopsy? My left boob, so now that has to heal. I need to keep the biopsied area (looks like a small crater) clean, moist and covered with a band aid for now. Last year I got a biopsy done on the underside of my right boob and that turned out to be basal cell carcinoma. I had a time for Mohs surgery but I cancelled and was kind of hoping that the carcinoma would just go away. No, I do not really want any cutting into my boob, the thought of that makes me a bit queasy.......Anyways the dermatologist looked at the area with her dermatoscope yesterday and told me that it is still there and recommended that I just go in for the Mohs. I guess I will just have to do it......I hope it can wait until December.
And I hope that this cough will be gone tomorrow so I can start feeling normal. I do not like having a headache.
The moon is about to be full. Me and Kaya had a great walk this evening.