Welcome to Chaos !!

Week 12, glad it is over. It was a terrible week for me at work and outside of work. I am not doing good, I am very sad, deeply sad and I cry every day. My head, emotions and my heart are not well. But this week was bad for most of us at the club, last week too was bad except one of the nights. Either it is just a random thing that it happened to be bad, OR it is a sign that people are holding onto their money. The world is not a happy place right now, bad things are happening and people are reacting.
Swedish word of the week (I do week now instead of day), blomma which means flower.

We had two unattractive girls with shitty attitudes try the club out. It was so bad Wednesday and Thursday that they decided to go back to Portland. Good, stay there! 
Me and my fake lashes that I could not get on right but I do not care. Nobody cares.

The ATM stopped working Saturday, of course it was the busiest night of the week and people wanted to get money out so they could spend it. But no. Some girls had guys send them money (like Venmo or CashApp) and then give back one dollar bills for the amount they got sent to them so people could tip us.
I have named the ATM "Adam" and tell people that in America there are machines that give you money, all you have to do is ask Adam for money, it is truly a miracle!

Saturday we had an unusaul amount of troglodyte types in, more than normal.
Hugging their beer cans, belching and uttering loud sounds that only their fellow oafs could comprehend. I did not socialize with the brutes. There are nights when I stay far away from the troglodytes, I just can't.
I am actually surprised by the state some people leave the house to go out into social group settings.
I definitely do not look fancy when I am out and about running errands, walking Kaya or coming into work (because within minutes of arriving I am changing into something else) but if I have plans of actually going out, I at least make an effort and leave the dirty saggy sweat pants and the soggy stained t-shirt at home.
Sigh......I just want to be home for the next two weeks and repair my soul. But I can't. I feel very fragile right now.

Tuesday I could not talk (no voice) so no work.
Wednesday me, Fatima and Siren had a discussion in the dressing room about current political stuff. It was right at opening and nobody had been on stage yet, the music was playing but at a low volume. So I step out of the dressing room and there are two guys sitting at the stage, waiting and looking a bit bewildered. One said that he thought our conversation had been very interesting, it was the guy that is nice and that started coming in about once a week. I declared, "I am a radical leftist lunatic", you know taken from some post Trump made on Truth Social where he was telling people that it is "illegal" to boycott Tesla. You heard, it is ILLEGAL! Also go and buy one as well, support Elon and be a good citizen!  
Siren went on stage first. When it was my turn one of the guys got up and left, he must not like radical leftist lunatics like myself. I am OK with that. The other guy stayed. I am his fave anyways, he told me that I while ago, even though I am a radical leftist lunatic. We had a good conversation during my stage set. I often tell people, I am NOT a dancer, first I am a human that happens to dance. But besides that I am a human with thoughts, feelings, opinions etc just like everybody else (or most at least). And my personality is such that I am rather outspoken and in a strip club that will often not vibe with the men's expectations of how they think a dancer should be. 
Friday I left with a $9 profit. Enough for a dirty oat milk chai plus a tip. 
Saturday was much better. I decided to get some fake lashes for work. I can't recall last time I had fake lashes on. Years......? And for a long time I wore no make up at all at work, years as well. Then I started putting on some once in a while. I don't work with a lot of girls that dance make up free. That is rare. It is usually lashes (most go and get their lashes done, lash extensions), laminated eyebrows is common, then most have foundation on and the style of make up ranges from that what I just mentioned to a full on MAC force field. So much so that you would not recognize the person if they washed off the make up (perhaps that is a good thing). Anyhow, I glued on some lashes Saturday. Molly though they were lash extensions. No, just regular glued on lash strips (the glue is a special kind for fake lashes). I take them off after work. The lashes do make your eyes stand out. 

When people ask me if I have a boyfriend now I say YES. Then I tell them he is detained and that I need money for his attorneys, a LOT of money. My boyfriend is Luigi! Fatima's boyfriend is Zelenskyy.
Yeah we have a LOT of fun with that. I need to have fun in the wooden box that I am stuck in for hours. The more I get to laugh at work the better. Otherwise I get cranky, lethargic, unmotivated and sleepy and go hide in the dressing room.

A better look at one of the latest outfits.

And I danced for a guy that looked like a mix between Luigi and Timothée Chalamet on Saturday. He was sooooooo good looking and he asked me if I would give him a dance (not the other way around). I almost fainted. So I take back that I am asexual.
I mostly am but I will make an exception if the right person comes along. That does not happen often.
 

Ok so I have been sick for a few days now. Today my cough was so painful that I had to take a headache pill in the morning and one in the evening because the cough is rattling my brain around. I lost my voice too and could only whisper for three days.
Sore throat as well.
On top of it I had an appointment yesterday to see the dermatologist and got a skin biopsy done. The site of the biopsy? My left boob, so now that has to heal. I need to keep the biopsied area (looks like a small crater) clean, moist and covered with a band aid for now. Last year I got a biopsy done on the underside of my right boob and that turned out to be basal cell carcinoma. I had a time for Mohs surgery but I cancelled and was kind of hoping that the carcinoma would just go away. No, I do not really want any cutting into my boob, the thought of that makes me a bit queasy.......Anyways the dermatologist looked at the area with her dermatoscope yesterday and told me that it is still there and recommended that I just go in for the Mohs. I guess I will just have to do it......I hope it can wait until December.
And I hope that this cough will be gone tomorrow so I can start feeling normal. I do not like having a headache.
The moon is about to be full. Me and Kaya had a great walk this evening.

The Tuesday before last I recall that I showed up at work tired and not in the mood at all. Did not want to talk to anyone, no energy whatsoever. The mood can change though. I can be not in the mood to shortly after feeling that way being in a much better mood depending on my interactions with people. Anyhow, we had four girls. I was the only one not doing much, I spent most of my time in the dressing room, the other girls were kind of busy.
Compliment of the evening the following shift, Wednesday came from a very nice man that discovered that we (the club) exist a few months ago, he comes in about once a week. He said, "your elegance is mesmerizing". 
We also had a new girl start Wednesday, never danced before and towards the end of the night she told me that she thought my dancing is sensual and very beautiful. 
The weekend was busy and Saturday somebody again told me that my dancing is very sensual and then he said that he has five cats and that the way I move reminded him of a cat. I like that. I am not a fast twerky dancer. And it is nice that there are people that appreciate the more slow sensual style dancing in the sea of fast movements focused on twerking. 
And since I do NOT like the stage at the current club, it might be the worst or one of the worst stages I have ever danced on, I feel that the girls are not made justice.
The lights are so bad, the stage is just ugly. Half of the time that I go on stage here I do not put in a lot of effort. I have definitely danced better in other clubs, the stage layout and lights are important.
Last week I can't really recall much. Same same. Slower on Tuesday and Wednesday and busier on Friday and Saturday. The last guy I danced for Saturday asked if I could spit into his mouth. That was a first. Of course I declined.
I left the club a bit after 2 am Sunday morning. Well, the time had moved forward due to daylight saving time, so all of a sudden it was 3 am.
One of the girls I work with said that she gets tired within five minutes of arriving to the club. I replied that I understand how she feels. We both used to work at Riverside Corral in Portland and we both agreed that we miss that place. It was just so calm there and comfortable. Great stage too. This place is hard, not appealing, loud, edgy and exhausting. 

 

I went to Portland and had a couple of busy days. Pet Pack on Sunday, then non stop until I returned to Astoria.
For example, I did not eat anything at all (too busy) all day Monday until 10 pm in the evening, besided the latte I had in the morning. I love this Kale salad from New Seasons and this dessert called Swedish Dream (also New Seasons). I miss the grocery stores in Portland......New Seasons, Zupans and Trader Joe's.
The local magazine Portland Mercury had a sex survey a while back that I actually participated in. I said that I am asexual. That is how I felt l since a while. So I have no wild sex stories for you. You will have to read the Portland Mercury for those.

I did have time to meet my girlfriend Eve for coffee Tuesday morning.

I had been eying these two outfits for a while, so I decided to get them. They arrived the other day. No this is not ordered on Shein or Temu. Although made in China, so who knows how this stuff is manufactured.

Then some peptides. For my face.

I am thinking about getting a microneedling device for my face (like Dr. Pen) and the Omnilux. But I want the Omnilux Men because it has deeper wavelenght than the Omnilux Contour Face. I need!