Welcome to Chaos !!

Recap of week 15. This is like the third of fourth (I lost count) weekend in a row when the club is empty or almost empty on a Friday or both Friday and Saturday around 11 pm. When people eventually do come in they look around with a worried expression on their face and ask if it is always this slow. No sir, we killed everybody and put the bodies in the basement. Please join the fun!
I entertained myself by taking pictures of myself. Suck it in and arch the back.
Somebody asked me if I have an eating disorder, because I am so thin. I promise, I do not have an eating disorder. I do not diet. I love food and eat a lot actually. I do not think that I am alarmingly thin, I am (for me) on the heavy side right now. Lots of flesh to grab on to. I also do not exercise and my arms and thighs are flabby. I am too lazy to exercise. 

We have like five reminders in differents spots around the stage that people need to tip. Just in case they forget you know......it is so easy to completely lose any and all brain activity when naked, or in my case almost naked, girls prance around on a stage in front of you.

I got a new outfit. When I bought it I was feeling kind of MEH and thinking that I hope I won't be buying these kinds of outfits for much longer. But you never know. I might be sitting here ten years from now writing about some other outfit that I got for the club.....anyhow, here is the outfit. You cannot try these on in the store, you buy them and hope for the best.

And although pretty it is not long enough for me in the torso. I am hoping to be able to pull on in to stretch it out so it fits better. 

I got new books.....yeay! Sita's (Kaylin) newest "Anything But A Boring Life" and "Face Value' by Christine Macdonald. Both authors used to dance. I have Sita's first two and I have written about her books in the blog.

A guy from Sweden came in this week. That was FUN! He was super nice and we conversed in Swedish. He actually got a 10 out of 10 on how men should behave when they visit a strip club. 
And now to how you should NOT behave in a strip club. Two couples came in together, so two men and two women. They happened to be hispanic but I have seen similar displays of this behavior with white couples as well. The women had clearly never been to a strip club before. Which is fine if you act normal. But they did not act normal. They were turning away from the girl on stage while laughing and making ugly faces. One of them flipped off the girl on stage, like held her middle finger up towards her for a good 30 seconds. The girl on stage was very patient while the rest of us just watched the spectacle unfolding. I would had not approached them whatsoever had I been on stage. In fact there was a couple in during the week that were sitting at the stage. And they were tipping and having fun. When It was my turn the woman was talking about me in a way that I interpreted as not ok so I stayed away from them and I told them to get a lap dance with one of the other dancers instead. Meaning instead of sitting at my stage talking shit, go be useful somewhere else. The woman right away had to loudly inform me that although she thought I was beautiful I was not THAT beautiful and in fact I was a bitch. Ok......whatever. Go away, you had too much to drink and you are trashy. And then they had to complain to the bartender about me. Oh no......I am shaking in my 8 inch heels! I tell people to file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau if they are not happy. 
I was talking about these situations with one of the girls that I work with and she said that a group of people had laughed at her Friday night. She is beautiful and super nice to every customer, not at all confrontational and snarky (like me). I don't know what's wrong with some of the abusive individuals that insist on going to strip clubs when clearly it is not the right environment for them to be in. Stay at home please.
I think I loudly exclaimed to myself different versions of "what am I doing here" about 30 times or more during Saturday's painful shift. I so wish for something else but it is what it is right now......
Our sign this week. I added the happy.

Week 14. On April 1st we announced our latest dancer to join our team - Moya. Isn't she pretty? She has human like warm skin, maintains eye contact and smiles. She is perfect! Moya can be there as soon as the doors open, she will never be bored, always acts interested and nobody has to point out to her to smile. I think that she will do very well.

The other excting event is that I retired another pair of slippers and got a new pair. The new pair are the brown fluffy fake fur ones. Very comfortable. Found them at Ross.

I talked for a while to a guy that had never been to the club before. He declared that the club was the weirdest club he had ever been to. Ya, I kind of agree. It is like my top three for weirdest clubs as well. Then he pointed out that it was freezing in the club and that it was especially cold in the lap dance room. He was correct on that observation as well. The club is more often than not cold and drafty and the lap dance room sometimes has the same temperature as a walk in freezer. I am almost always cold while I am at work. And I often loudly express how COLD I am. Yea I am sure it gets annoying to listen to but WTF turn up the heat a couple of notches, if dudes that are dressed in pants and jackets point out that it is cold......how do you think the dancers feel?
Then I managed to go home with a whole $11 on Saturday. At least 11 is my special number. Perhaps it is time do set up a Tati GoFundMe, I mean......why not?

Week 11 the most memorable thing was on Friday night when we were about to close and two guys barged in, breathing heavy and out of breath and informed us that they had ran from a bar downtown to us, just to be able to see us before we closed. Why did they not take a cab you might wonder? It is because there are only a few cabs in town and you sometimes have to wait a long time for one. Sometimes it is faster to run to your desired location. One of the boys, only 21 had never been to a strip club before. And he asked me for a lapdance and he was very sweet. And then at the end he asked if he could pray for me. That was a first....I think? I was like......go ahead. Curious to hear what he was going to come up with. And it was not like one of those judgy things like, Oh Lord save this woman from her sinful ways. It was more like, Lord protect this person with your Light. More like that. It's been like almost three weeks since this happened and my memory is getting a bit fuzzy. But yes the boy prayed for me and we shared a nice moment.
Week 12. One of our fun and nice regulars that we call Torvo brought me eggs produced by his hens. I make hard boiled eggs for Kaya. That is a recycled egg container and not Torvo's farm.

The whole week consisted basically of baby sitting visitors of all ages. One guy that was at my stage, when he found out that I am from Sweden......he had a mini meltdown and loudly declared how much he wants to move somewhere else and not live in the US anymore. I let him speak his mind because I could sense how emotional the topic was for him. At the end I gave him a hug. That is basically what he needed, to be heard and a hug. Right then and there it felt better. Dancers are therapist.
I've had several people ask me if I can take them to Sweden to live since a while now. I might take a lucky one one day.....
Week 13. Another first for me. Younger foreign guy came in with an older US guy. The younger guy was 22 and from a country in Asia (South Asia to narrow it down some). Lived in the US for about two years. Never been to a strip club before. He sits at the stage through the whole rotation of girls and then sits away from the stage with his friend. When I go up again he comes to the stage and at the end of my set asks me if I can give him a lap dance. Then he tells me that as soon as he walked in and saw me he knew that I was it, in his words "you are it" for him. I talked to him during the several dances we did and of course he asked me for "a date". Nothing personal but I don't date. It is exhausting enough to be around people (men) in the club. I need my alone time and Kaya time. I simply told him that I am busy and don't date, which is the truth. He asked like 10 more times. Then he said he does not want me be a dancer anymore, had to make sure that I was properly covered up before I went out on the floor, said that the second girl he will love besides me is going to be our daughter that we will name Roti.
A combination of his name and mine. His friend was super funny and was laughing about the absurdity of the whole situation. The friend jokingly (?) offered to be my sugar daddy and the 22 year old right away offerend to be my sugar daddy as well to which the older guy replied that the 22 year old does not have the sugar that I want. The 22 year old was confused to the meaning of the sugar. And the old man was correct. The only sugar I am interested in at this point is currency. The 22 year old was serious about me being "it" for him and even yelled at the bartender about me and him getting married, we are going to be together for several decades he said. Ok then!
We also had two couples come in, the women were awful. Insecure and rude. Loudly asking stupid question, being judgmental. Again, none of us are interested in your husband. I promise. If you cannot deal with seeing attractive women with nice physiques with very little or nothing on then you should not visit a strip club, or the beach, or Miami. 
Time for a public announcement! Did you know that lap dances are good for your health? It is true, Tati your new US Secretary of Health and Human Services says so and she would never lead you astray.

Last month I went to Amaye International Restaurant in Portland because I was curious about Somali tea and rice. So I asked a friend to join me and we went. Most of the dishes there have meat. They were out of the sambusas, so that must be a popular item on the menu. My rice was delicious. And the tea.......YUM! I decided that I will go back, even if it is only to have the tea.

I am very happy to announce that the houseless cat that I have been feeding since last summer and that took shelter underneath the building I live in has found a safe home. This poor cat has been living on the streets for like nine years from what I have gathered. Not anymore. Look at him......enjoying a nap not having to worry about anything.
Please spay and neuter your pets, or do not breed your pets. Be a good pet parent and be kind to all animals. I would had totally taken Tiggy (what I named him) in but Kaya feels differently about that.

Here is my little Sol de Janeiro tower. The Bum Bum cream I use at work. I put it on my arms, thighs and butt cheeks and scrunch it into the ends of my hair. For the scent. BUT the formula has changed, the Bum Bum cream used to smell so much better, the cream was thicker. Of course it did not change for the better. Sol de Janeiro should listen to the consumers, there are so many complaints out there pointing out that the Bum Bum cream is not what it was.
The two other creams, Delicia Drench and Beija Flor I put on my neck and décolettage before work and at night before bed.

Here is the recap of week 10's community service. Wednesday started out rough. First set on stage first shift of the week and I had to yell at an idiot to stop looking at me and stop talking shit. This particular predator has been coming in since I started at the club. He used to come in with a sad looking girlfriend and just sit at the end of the bar, down one beer after another and stare at us, the girlfriend kind of just sitting there patiently waiting to leave. I would always give her kind eyes and glare at him. His attitude sucks. Then he started coming in with another girlfriend. And repeat what he did with the first. Poor girlfriends. And then he became friendly with the owner of the club, so he would come in a lot and sit and talk to her for hours and drink for free. Somehow he thinks that he is El Jefe or something, I don't know why. He is super gross and extremely annoying, does not spend a dollar on the girls, gets way too intoxicated, acts aggressive with the customers in the club and acts inappropriate with the dancers that are foolish enough to spend more than one minute on him. He was in there from the beginning of the night until the end, pathetic idiot. 
Anyhow.....one guy remembered me from last time he was in there about a year or so ago. I vaguely recalled him. He said that I am just amazing and so talented. Ehhhhh ok. Yes yes very talented I know. I do as little as possible and move slow like a sloth. And the he said that our little club is his favorite place to be in the world and that he think it is just so much fun and wholesome. That was cute. He was nice, normal and well behaved. Thank You for acting normal. Normal behavior is almost rare nowadays. We have a new sign up. 

Then we had another painfully slow Friday. I felt warm and then I was freezing. The club was cold. Again.
A guy that attended last week's Fisher Poets Gathering event was in. So I asked him to write a poem about us. And he did! The Fisher Poets Gathering has been going on since 1998, it is a thing.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisher_Poets_Gathering

So sweet! We need more poems about us.
Later on in the evening a drunk disheveled lady with Theresa Caputo hair stared at me and loudly declared "she is old" and then she cackle laughed. I paid her no attention but I told the bartender that if she decides to say anything else about me I will throw my eight inch heel on her and knock the wig off her head. I might be old but I am not ugly. AND LISTEN UP, I have worked with all kinds of dancers ranging from 18 to 60 plus. Ranging from super skinny to large. I would NEVER EVER go in to a strip club as a visitor/customer, look at the girls and loudly talk about them. This club attracts the worst gutter dwellers. If I could find a club in the area with strictly NO touching I would happily go there. Like tomorrow. 
The worst thing about this club is the type of customers that come in, so many, TOO MANY, of them are the most annoying simple minded idiots. And then this boy came in that only comes in for me. I call him boy because he is like 23, nice and he is actually good looking. Which is a bonus because that is rare as well. He said that that if I am not in there he will walk out.
I guess he doesn't think that I am old.
In fact, if I could figure out something else to do that is NOT soul crushing I would no longer dance. Because the idiots are not worth even me breathing in their direction.

Today I had to go to the grocery store, two different ones.....I do not like being in the grocery store. Too noisy. Too many people meandering around, yes I know that I am one of them. I feel like a sheep in a herd. Then I had to pay bills, do all that stuff one has to do in order to live in society.....and there are days when I just do not want to do any of that. In fact most days I do not want to do adulting. Because adulting mostly sucks. Who enjoys getting gas, grocery shopping, paying bills, dealing with rent and/or mortgage payments, checking and answering emails, laundry, work, driving in mind numbing traffic.....and it just goes on and on. Barf. I just want to be a stay at home pet mom at this point and do as little adulting as possible. 
BIG yeay for bagless grocery stores. I think it is ridiculous when people buy one or two items and want a bag. For what? You cannot carry those items without putting them in a bag? Bring your own bag. Some stores offer recycled boxes to put the items in, that works too. Do I use my own bags......of course. 

One of my lattes this week. Note to self - I should bring in my reusable cup more often. I am planning on drinking coffee at home in bed for the rest of the week until Sunday. And next time I go to the coffee shop I am bringing in my own cup.

Next week I have to go to the DMV......definitely not looking forward to that.