Welcome to Chaos !!

I attended two protests. The one at the Portland ICE facility on Thursday. ICE stands for Immigration and Customs Enforcement. When I was there it was peaceful and I did not see police at all. I was there for about 90 minutes or so. The crowd had gathered in front of the ICE building and then there was a walk to a nearby park. After reading the news I learned that Portland police declared the protest a riot earlier today and there were clashes between protesters and the police.

And this afternoon I attended the No Kings protest in Astoria.

And this cutie attended a protest in Beaverton, I got this picture sent to me.

The First Amendment to the US Constitution protects fundamental freedoms. Freedom of Speech, Freedom of the Press, Freedom of Assembly and Freedom to Petition are guaranteed. Those are the freedoms I feel relate to protests, demonstrations and voicing your opinions even if such opinions do not support the people in power whether it is through speaking or writing.

I have a feeling it will be a crazy summer. And I said that at the beginning of the week.....

I don't know what to say. I am tired. Like tired of the state of the world. I am glad that I attended the protests. It gives you some hope. For a little bit. And then you get faced with reality again.

Well I finally saw The Goonies movie. And what better way to see it than in the town it was filmed, Astoria Oregon during the Goonies 40th celebration that was happening here in town this past weekend.
I saw it last Sunday at the Columbian Theater.

I totally understand why people love The Goonies and why they get so sentimental about it. It does have everything that is exciting for a child. I really liked it. I will definitely watch it again if I get the chance sometime.

Week 21 which was May 19 through May 25......did I work? Let me think, yes but I have no recollection of anything that happened. Besides that I was there. I need to write things down in order to remember unless something out of the ordinary happens. Because it's the same thing over and over and over again. Repetitive purgatory.
The next week, week 22 I called out on Tuesday. And this is what I had on Friday.

A girl sitting on the stage when I was up told me I looked like a fairy. Yes.....I like that. Then she told me that her brother and her had been in to the club a while back and he asked me for my phone number. I did not remember that. Friday there were a lot of young immature rude boys in there. We were all annoyed with them. As soon as my name was scratched off the board I escaped the purgatory and went home. And I guess the remaining girls got into it with some guys after I left and it even turned violent. Like really now. And this is what I wore Saturday.

Astoria is full of people from all over - The Goonies is celebrating its 40 year anniversary. The Goonies house is here in Astoria and much of the movie was filmed here and other parts of the Oregon coast. There are all kinds of Goonies events going on and there is going to be an 80s prom, a treasure hunt, costume contest and screenings of the movie at the Columbian Theatre. And much more.
What does The Goonies represent to the thousands of fans that come to Astoria Oregon (where I currently happen to live) yearly? I read this in this week's issue of Coast Weekend, a weekly free magazine, "The Goonies captures, better than any film, book or play, the potential of childhood in 1980s' America. It is filled with everything a kid dreamed of; a legendary pirate's map, the freedom to explore on bikes, getting to kiss a high school cheerleader, a life-and-death adventure, a wild waterslide, and stacks of glittering gold.
And, "it is an extraordinary story of innocence and adventure and hope. There is a big message of hope - "save the neighborhood"! It is the perfect movie and it is going to be around forever." 
The 80s and then the 90s.....were those two decades the best there were? I mean look at us now. The future looks bleak. Hope is basically all we have. I haven't even seen The Goonies, but I might on Sunday while it is playing at the local movie theatre here.
AND Corey Feldman is in town. I really think he needs to make it in to the club and say hello. The club, Annie's is currently the best time you can have in Astoria in my opinion. Corey......if you read this, I want to be one of your angels. I want to play the synthesizer clad in a bitchin' 80s style outfit.

Right now I am sitting in my car outside a coffeshop called Crema, on NE Couch in Portland. I have been wanting to try a latte from Crema for some time. How was it? Very good. The pastry I had was good too, not stale. I really don't like it when places sell stale past being good pastries. Give them away for free or sell for a reduced price. My fave latte in Portland is still at Stumptown so far.  I am sitting in my car at a pretty busy intersection. Cars and people going by. Some cars are playing loud music but it is mostly just the sound of the traffic. Watching the people walk by my car. Thinking about how all of us exist, breathe together, the billions of us on this planet. All the dreams, hopes, struggles for survival,  grasping for something better/different, all the sadness, loneliness and happiness. I am just SAD. A friend of mine asked me yesterday how I cope without anything, without numbing the feelings. I told her that since I do not know of any different way to deal with sadness and difficult days I just do it. Just like many others. No drugs. No meds. No alcohol. Every day when I wake up feels difficult. One day all of this will be over and there will be either just nothingness or something else. Whatever the something else could be I don't know. But I never want to come back here again. Now I am going to take Kaya to a park and we are going for a walk. I am trying to give her a good life. 

Last week Wednesday I went to a grief group meeting for the first time. This particular group meets once a month for about 1 1/2 hours. 
I am going through bereavement and grief. A very dear good friend of mine, closest to a soulmate I've ever had (male) passed away due to an accident last November. I am having a very difficult time with this. It is affecting most aspects of my life (like the blog if you have checked in here and not seen any entries for a long while). Life got harder. Like how am I going to go on living with this new reality? We had so much in common and shared so many memories and I thought we were going to be in each others lives until old age.
I manage to do what I have to do. I take Kaya out, feed her, go to work and do the minimum at home and the minimum with all the other stuff that I have to do. I have zero motivation for much else. Even getting out of bed when I wake up is difficult. Deep sadness, a lot of tears. Many thoughts about life, living this life and death......not sure what else to say. Except that I wish with all my heart that this did not happen. I miss my Chhaya, my Senna and my friend.