Welcome to Chaos !!

Here we go......another broken flip flop. I keep the whole ones with my Burning Man stuff. So this whole one is going into a bag with all the other whole ones from a broken pair, to be worn at Burning Man.

It's been kind of hot. In Europe too. All over the world I guess unless you live somewhere cold like Svalbard. There is no need for AC in Astoria but I think that in Portland AC is needed, since the last few summers have been rather hot, unless you live in a house or apartment with great ventilation or shade then you can do without AC. One year I had to escape the heat in Portland and go camping in Mount Hood. Even several fans in my apartment did not help. Senna and Kaya were too hot so the solution was to go camping. It doesn't stay super hot for too long so it is manageable.
In Vegas I would dread the summers, several months of feeling like you were living in a hot oven.
The blackberries are everywhere right now. Today I discovered a new place (for me) to walk Kaya. I am super happy over that.
When people ask me what I do for fun.......? Spend time with my dog basically. I read a lot. And spend time with my dog.
My "fun" times are gone. In the past. I have been thinking about that the last few days. I spend most my days alone with Kaya. I rarely hang out with other people. And I go to Burning Man. There you have it.
When I lived in Vegas I had more of a social life. I would do things almost daily with a friend. Go to raves. Do stuff. After I moved to Portland and Astoria I rarely spend time with other people. It is what it is.

They have espresso ice cubes at Driftwood Coffee (in Portland), one of the places I go. I like that. I think this is something more coffee places should do.

This bottle cap came off a bottle of tea, I saved it. I have a few saved ones with different text that resonated with me, I keep them in a cupholder in my car.
I will continue telling my stories for a bit longer. I have so much more to tell, so many feelings, opinions, memories. All of us do. Mine are not better or more special than yours. The last year has been extremely stressful for me with a lot of sadness. Deep sadness. And the last couple of years I was living under a lot of almost daily stress and dealt with some stressfull situations. It affected me. I am no longer in a certain situation since about a month. So I can step away from that. I still carry a heavy load of sadness and that sadness I will carry for the rest of my life. So yea, I am sad a lot. And throughout the day I either think of, or read, or see something that is sad so then that makes me more sad. The state of the world, an animal suffering, anything like that and I get sad. Sad and stressful.......I don't even want to count how many times I wrote those words in this entry. But those words describe what I have been through lately.

After a shift is over most of us wipe down our butt cheeks with rubbing alcohol. We have this bottle on a little table on the stage. I spray it on baby wipes and rub my butt cheeks down. I call it cleaning off the troglodyte dirt.
Last night towards the end of our shift the girls said they wanted to get out of "this hellhole"......they sounded just like me.
I am very vocal about the emotional suffering at work and I am probably the one putting in the least effort trying to be "entertaining". 
I started calling it community service. Going to work at this club is like doing court appointed community service, for real.
And I know that most of the girls that I work with agree with me. Yes yes it has its fun moments, yes there are nice people that come in too. BUT in between that it can be pretty awful. Girls from other clubs will come and try it for a week or a couple of shifts and not come back. 

I have not worked a lot the last three weeks. But I guess one of the weeks the manager asked three different individuals/groups to leave. Due to poor behavior. And let me tell you, there are not many things more pathetic than "men" complaining in a strip club. IF THERE IS A GOOD REASON to complain, then yes I will support it. Examples of some good reasons?
You get ripped off somehow. I am no ok with that. Bamboozled. I am not ok with that. Subjected to some sort of violence for no reason. (Unless you consent to it). I am not ok with that. But dudes complaining for some lame reason.......shut up, get out. Yes take your dollar bills with you. BYE. There has been so many examples of poor behavior ranging from insults, stupid comments, acting excessively loud and obnoxious, complaining about the dancers for no valid reason at all.
I always ask if they need help filling out a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. Like......"Tati, dancer was rude to me and told me to shut the fuck up after I said XYZ and/or acted like a loud obnoxius troglodyte." "Tati, dancer would not take her outfit off on the stage, even after I put money down for her." "Tati, dancer did not look happy, even after I demanded that she should smile." "Tati, dancer said she was "OK" after being asked how she was doing, "OK" is not acceptable, it should always be "GREAT!" "Dancer refused to give me her phone number although I pestered her for it several times."
"Dancer does not want to meet me/group of men after she gets off work." BARF. This is not the girlfriend shop or a dating app. We do not want a boyfriend and no we do not want to go hang out in the middle of the night with you and your friends, even though your room supposedly has a (dirty) jacuzzi. Like......a jacuzzi? OMG I am RUSHING out of the club just so I can try it out, never dipped my foot into one before....!
I mean, back in the day when me and my friend Shelley danced in Vegas we would frequently dine at one of the best restaurants at the Bellagio. One of the top chefs in Vegas had a crush on Shelley and told us that whenever we were hungry we were welcome to come have a meal, on him. No expectations. IF you left the club to go meet up with somebody it would be to go gamble somewhere, in PUBLIC. And not with my own money. Fine dining and a nice conversation - check. If you can offer that, then maybe. And NO expectations, of course.
Sitting in a jacuzzi at 2 in the morning, clenching a Pabst and getting burped on by some horny guy who is hoping for some sex just does not seem appealing at all.  No thanks. I rather be home sleeping.  
Last week Friday a group of sour looking standoffish men decided to come in. Sat in a group at a table, stared at us, talked about us. We did not approach them. One of them came up to me and asked for a dance. Towards the end of the dance I hear some yelling outside of the dance area. One of his buddies thought it would be fun to go sit on the stage with his fun Meta glasses on and record one of the dancers. So she ripped the glasses off his face and broke them in half. Yea, that is what you get when you play stupid games......you win stupid prices. They left. She called the police. Her and I talked to a very nice officer outside the club about the incident. He was on our side, of course.
I stopped taking anything off on stage at this particular club well over a year ago. Not worth it. Too many people staring for free from the bar area. People trying to record or take pictures. I do not care about the money lost. In fact we are talking about all of us not taking anything off on the stage and saving that part for the lap dances. I would like that but I know that most likely it won't happen because some of the girls are more concerned with pleasing the guys. Not me. I think we should all wear burqas on stage. 
I walk around and sit around wrapped in a black long piece of fabric most of the time. Or this sheer robe. It depends on what outfit I am wearing. Or if I am cold. 
The club is unfortunately as far from a gentleman's club as you can get. One of the worst. Bad behavior is tolerated and it takes a lot to get kicked out. These behaviors would not be acceptable in most other clubs. I personally have very low tolerance for it all. 

No recollection of anything in particular these three weeks at the club. I did not work four of my usual shifts due to being away. Besides that, as soon as I walk though the front door I start wanting to go home. And several of us feel the same way.
The only thing nice about this club is the girls. The clientele is below basic. Not all of them but many, too many. And that fact makes the shifts painful. Because that is what you have to deal with until you get to go home.
And we PAY to be at the club. And quite a lot. And way too much for what we get in return. But whatever.

Yesterday I stopped at this place, Grays River Covered Bridge which you can find in WA state not too far from Naselle.
The bridge was built in 1905 and is on the national historic registry. And there is a river running underneath it, so me and Kaya went and checked it out and I threw a stick for her into the river a few times. But then I got concerned about blue-green algea and even noticed some green algea looking stuff in one area and that made me really worried. That stuff is very bad for dogs and often fatal. On the ride home I kept on looking at Kaya and when we got home she got a bath. She seems fine but now I am thinking that I will keep her out of most rivers and lakes for like forever? She loves swimming and playing in water but I don't know what I would do if she got sick from something toxic in the water. So scary.

Yesterday on 4th of July me and Kaya hung out in my car during the fireworks. I call fireworks and anything loud that sounds like a bang "boom boom" when I explain to Kaya what it is. She can handle the fireworks when we are in the car, she looks at them, wags her tail and barks at them in an angry kind of way. She is not scared of them which I have been worried about. She handles fireworks better while together with me in the car than inside of a  house or apartment. Of course I talk to her and pet her and tell her that everything is ok. My other baby Chhaya loved boom boom, she would get super excited. And my Senna just did not care, she was always happy in any situation. This was our view last night.