Entries by TATIANA

December is the last month of the year and also my birth month, therefore I got the month of December for our club. I am the only one of us girls at the club born in December, my astrological sign is Capricorn. I was always the youngest in class in school. Well at least the first nine years of school (grades one through nine). I picked this for my calendar picture. From a photoshoot I did in December 2022.

About 15 minutes ago I clicked on a video that showed a group of men on duty as correctional officers using violence on a handcuffed inmate that lead to the inmate's death. His name was Robert Brooks. He passed away December 10. There are yet no arrests in the murder of Robert Brooks. No perp walk. No flyers up with the faces of these men that ganged up on one handcuffed person and murdered him. They kicked and punched him for a while. He was probably scared and in a lot of pain. Truly abhorrent. What else have these individulas done to other prisoners or other people out in society that is not known? Yes I know that Mr. Brooks was incarcerated for assault but what did he do to get handed that treatment earlier this month? I will be waiting to see what charges all the correction officers will receive and the follow up to that.......
Meanwhile Luigi Mangione shot and killed the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, Brian Thompson on December 4. The difference in how the deaths of the two victims are handled is very obvious. The spectacle surrounding his arrest looked like a movie scene. Way exagerrated.
Obviously a warning from the insurance companies to the public to think twice before trying to do something similar. We will find you and charge you with murder and terrorism so you might face the death penalty.
Yeah I am on team Luigi. I DO think what he did was wrong BUT what role did Brian Thompson have in thousands of people not getting proper healthcare that ultimatly lead to suffering and/or death? I totally understand why some see Luigi as a hero. I doubt Luigi has been shooting people for fun prior to shooting Mr. Thompson.
The problem lies with US healthcare and insurance companies and how much people suffer physically, mentally and financially from the impact of this severely flawed system.
According to The Guardian, "In a new poll, more than two-thirds of respondents said they believed denials of coverage and profits in the health insurance industry were partially responsible for the killing of Brian Thompson, the UnitedHealthcare CEO, in early December".
You can clearly see that justice has a price tag attached to it. There is no justice for many. People with money can buy freedom and special treatment. Is anyone suprised that people are angry? I am suprised that there has not been a revolution yet? But as long as people can watch football in giant stadiums or on giant TVs and sip on beer and soda and stuff themselves with hot dogs they are OK. Why rattle the OK? 
Yeah my life will go on......we all struggle along in this wheel of life/suffering. People say that money does not buy happiness. I can guarantee you that money makes life a lot easier in many ways. When things are easier it is also easier to feel happy.
I would rather sit around at a spa several times/week for a few hours and hang out with Kaya at home later than go to work in order to keep a roof over my head. 
Anyways.....I am disappointed in humanity in general. In case you haven't noticed yet.

(The picture above might be altered).

Last October I told my friend Barry that I would like some more pictures of me before I get my hair trimmed. Barry has taken pictures of me many times by now. Lucky for me he agreed to spend some time on me. Since he doesn't live too far away I drove to his place and then followed him to a beach area outside Cathlamet WA. Here is (some of) what we got. 
I realized that the time before I took pictures with Barry before this time was in October 2021, on a beach in Oregon.

I think this one (below) is my favorite of all the pictures we took. 

Photographer Barry G.

It was Christmas Eve afternoon and I was in Portland jetting around trying to get things done.
I met up with a friend to exchange pleasantries, we happened to meet up very close to where I had to return an item last month. An item that belonged to my friend that passed away.
I realized this when I was done with my meeting. It had been raining pretty heavy for at least an hour when I started driving away from the area, the feelings associated with my friend's passing washed over me and I started crying. I saw the sun peek out and I just knew there would be a rainbow and a few minutes later I saw it, the rainbow.
I quickly pulled over on a side street and ended up by a field with a view of the whole rainbow.
I stepped out of the car and looked down, I saw a penny in the dirt. I don't know if you heard of pennies from heaven. Pennies are associated (for some) with a sign from a deceased loved one. The penny and the combination of the location and the rainbow made me feel like this was a sign from my friend. It started drizzling, I stood there in the field crying and talking to my friend until the rainbow faded away into the sky. This is a dificult time for me. You do not understand what grief is until you experience it yourself. I am constantly reminded about the situation due to a practical matter pertaining my friend that I am overseeing. That does not make it easier.
In October when my beloved Senna passed away I saw a beautiful rainbow the day it happend, that was a message from Senna. I miss her so much. She was perfect. I do not know how much more my heart and soul can take.

The penny. And a rock that I carry around that belonged to my friend.

Kaya and her friends, she is so pretty. Beautiful. Amazing. Smart. Cuddly. Loving. I love her so much. Please never leave me.
It has been raining since Christmas Eve and we have been cooped up inside. That makes me feel bad for her. I don't know if I will ever celebrate Christmas the way I used to. Decorate and make an effort. I might skip out on the gifts next year as well. It's just is what it is.
Feeling dejected. What makes me happy is animals, reading, drinking a tea or latte while talking to a friend, a yummy dessert, nature, walking dogs, sleeping, doing nothing while feeling peaceful, helping others. Simple stuff yet at times not always available depending on how you feel or the situation.

I am not feeling very Christmassy at all. The magic of the Christmases in the past, especially childhood ones is gone. I guess reality has arrived and is here to stay. But I do recall the magic of Christmas and it can be and is special and I wish that magic to be felt by everyone if they so want. Not everybody celebrates Christmas but for the ones that do, I hope they get to feel that magic.
I still had a good day. I started my day in Lake Oswego which is a bit outside Portland. Met up with a friend.

Then I drove to Portland to set up for Pet Pack at the Portland Art Museum. We (the Pet Pack crew) give out dog and cat food and supplies to the people that need extra help to care for their pets. We crammed everything we needed into three vehicles. More stuff will arrive before Christmas Day when the event takes place, I am not participating in that this year. There will be meals served and stuff given away. People work hard to make this happen. 

Stumptown for an oat vanilla latte. Then I met up with another friend. Watched a beautiful rainbow.

Then later I went to The Grotto to light a candle. The Grotto was full of people, there was a mass at the church and people were also there to see the Christmas Festival of Lights, this is a magical place. If you are looking for magic - The Grotto is it.

The candles for the loved ones, sad and beautiful. Another day of crying for me. 

Then I drove to Longview (Washington state) to drop of some gifts for people and then I continued to Astoria.