Entries by TATIANA

I am TIRED. Physically and mentally. After a three week break from work and exercising I went back to work last night. I was the last girl in the lap dance room and the last girl to leave.
It was 5 am and bright outside when I left the club. I remember the days when I danced in Vegas and I sometimes would leave the club around 7 am, the sun would be shining bright in my eyes (sunglasses was a must) and it would already be like 90°F outside. I also went for a run yesterday and today my body feels achy, heavy and sore. The running and the going on stage and the lap dances I did last night makes for a tired stripper today.
And now the mental part......I am kind of over it.....the whole dancing thing. At least right now. I can very possible feel different about that next week if I ask myself the same question.
I guess most people get bored and unmotivated with their occupation unless you are lucky to do something that is very rewarding and stimulating. And dancing is for the most part......NOT. It can be fun, even lots of fun but challenging or mentally stimulating? Not for me at least. Last night I was just so not feeling it. And looking around seeing some stuff that was going on in the lap dance room (it never ceases to bother me) I just wanted to scream.
I had a good night money wise. When it was all said and done I paid the club $ 115 in house fee and lap dance fees. Here we have to pay $ 5 to the club out of every dance that we do.
In some clubs you keep all your lap dance money and pay a flat fee to work. And on top of that I paid another $ 80 to the dj, the lady that counts the dances, the waitress, the bartender and the "house mom". So I basically paid out almost $ 200 of the money I made yesterday.
I always give the dj the largest cut of my money and I am rather generous with him. He plays my music and he knows what I like and I like him as a person. What I do not understand or agree with is WHY I should give any of my money to the waitress and the bartender?
They make an hourly salary (I don't) and the guys in there tip them as well. So then they should give some of their money to me to be fair? Why should I tip them? When I have a bad night I don't have an hourly wage to fall back on. They get tips and so do I. Clubs always find ways to charge and/or fine dancers for all kinds of things. I also got asked (repeatedly) to hang out or meet up after work more than once last night. I understand that guys ask and if you don't ask you won't know and some girls do hang out after work and go and entertain people in their hotel rooms. But I DON'T! And I don't think that I give off that vibe either (my demeanor is more standoffish I have heard more than once and I am totally OK with that btw) or make any promises about any outside the club play dates. It just gets exhausting to tell people no and have to explain that even though I am sure you are a perfectly nice guy I do not have any interest in continuing this conversation with you somewhere else at 5 am.
Thanks......but NO THANKS.
Well, thanks for letting me vent a little. I am actually going to schlep my tired body to the gym right now and then I am going home to give Chhaya lots of love and take her for a walk. Tonight? Back to work to do it all over again...... YEAY!!!!!!

Here I am gripping my morning latte at Coffee Roasters. I asked them today if they have organic milk. They don't. But they do have almond milk and soy milk. I have tried soy milk in my lattes before but I am not sure about the soy milk. Is it good or bad for you, what is it?
I prefer almond over soy.
What is new with me? I bit on my cuticles the other night so now they look terrible. I am thinking a lot about all the crap I have ingested in my life, full of poison, pesticides, growth hormones and it is sold in stores and people are getting sick from it. It is so sad and SO WRONG! Look at all the millions of dollars that is being spent every year on soda commercials. What is going on in the world? Seems like everything bad and meaningless is glorified while the good simple stuff is available but in the background.
I am also annoyed with the latest air brushing reports (some Beyonce ad or sketch) and some other ad I saw of a woman in a bathing suit. The before picture of the real her and then the airbrushed result that ended up in the magazine. It is sick. What is wrong with showing people what they really look like? No wonder so many young girls feel insecure and sad. Nobody, even the models look like that.
I think it is time for me to go back to work tonight. I said that last week and the week flew by and now it is Friday again and I think my off time from work is over with. I can't say that I am looking forward to going back to a smoky club (cancer) where I actually have to talk to annoying people. But whatever, it usually ends up being ok in the end.
I was going to go to work last night but then I got two mosquito bites on my forehead and it looked kind of funny so I stayed home. Imagine if you called in sick due to some mosquito bite.......Anyways....I am going to drive home now and take care of some stuff.
Happy Friday ya'll! 🙂

I don't know what you like to eat but I am TRYING to make good choices when it comes to food. That doesn't mean that I always do but I TRY. And in between the trying I do need my daily vanilla latte and I have a weakness for pastries, desserts and ice cream. I like KIND bars and the teas by Honest Tea. Both products made in the US and contain no GMO's and organic only ingredients. And I love the taste, very good, makes for a great snack.





I do have weak moments (cravings or hunger) and occasionally get some apple pie or ice cream from McDonald's but it can be years in between my McDonald's visits. I avoid fast food places in general. I would never eat a McDonald's burger. I used to when I lived in Sweden then I tried one here in the US and thought the meat tasted really weird. Like not right.
Plus the animals used for the meat for fast food places are treated horrible. 😥
In fact most restaurants will serve you GMO food and non organic. It's cheaper and they are trying to make a profit. Unless you happen to live somewhere where people are picky, educated on these issues and demand quality food, like LA, New York, Miami etc. I love Urth Caffe in LA but here in Kenai the quality restaurants are limited and it is probably smarter and healthier to cook at home. And I am not a very enthusiastic cook, I love eating out. I think Veronica's is a good choice for a place to eat here. I have to go there again soon. I am concerned about the milk used in my lattes. Organic milk is always better than regular and almond milk is a great alternative to cow milk. The best would probably be to have my own espresso machine and make it my way.
If you put some thought into it, it is obvious that most of our health issues are food related. Back in the day people ate healthier and cleaner food. Life was harder in many ways but people were (in general) healthier. I am not talking about the Black Death days centuries ago in Europe now, more like 50 -100 years ago. Sure there were less comforts and luxuries back in the day but cancer wasn't as prevalent as it is today and other modern day diseases like Parkinson's, Multiple Sclerosis and diabetes just to mention a few. So we really should live to at least a healthy 100 + today (I believe) with the health care and comforts that we have available to us but we don't. And I do think a lot of the problem lies in the food we eat.
And the stuff we drink. I would NEVER (knowingly) drink any type of diet drink. The stuff that is sweetened by Aspartame (aka NutraSweet and Equal). First of all is tastes nasty and it is SO BAD for you. So stop drinking the diet sodas already, I am TELLING you to! Aspartame started to get added to food and beverages in the 80's. There has been a significant rise in various cancers in the last 40 years or so. Coincidence? I don't think so. Of course other factors play a role too like pollution, pesticides, hormones, some people say chem trails, personal unhealthy habits and even getting exposed to second hand smoke. So think about that next time that you feel the need to blow that gross cigarette smoke next to a non smoker.
Knowledge is power. Educate yourself and make better choices. You can't count on anyone taking care of you but yourself.

Well, the camping trip didn't turned out the way I was hoping it would. It was actually almost like torture at times. Why? Mosquitoes. All over. Relentless. I have never experienced anything like it before. Awful. Everything else was perfect. The location. A rustic cabin on Engineer Lake. The weather, sunshine and warm. But the mosquitoes were everywhere. Even though I used herbal mosquito spray, DEET, sticks, coils and there was a camp fire going. Tried to go on a hike through the forest, had to turn around cause there was a large buzzing cloud of them surrounding me. I felt bad for Chhaya, they were all over her and I sprayed her down with chemicals too. At night there would be a few in the cabin, trying to suck blood and keeping me up and annoyed. I could not lay out and get a tan and read my books for long. The other night when I took a bath I counted 45 fresh itchy bites on myself. That is not counting the bites that had already went away. At one point I had six red and swollen welts on my face. And they are here too.....around the house. WTF! And GROSS!
But it was still very pretty at Engineer Lake. Chhaya had fun and I did too at times.

















I am never again going camping when there is a crazy mosquito outbreak like this. I can take some bugs that goes with being outside but I don't want to get eaten alive by them.

I am actually out in nature, camping and enjoying life right now. The last two entries were written on Saturday but I scheduled them to appear later. I should be back here writing by Wednesday. So a day or two without Tatiana......can you handle that? I am probably reading a book somewhere in the forest right now with Chhaya sniffing around and exploring close by. Talk to you again on Wednesday no later Thursday. XOXO 🙂

Check out my new cute bras. All from Victorias's Secret. The black one is from their Designer Collection and it is covered in sparkly small black stones but you can't really see that in the pic.



New Honey Dew's. I want the blue ones with the light green trim too. I am going to have to order those, hopefully they are still in stock.