Entries by TATIANA

It's going on one month now.....the not shaving my armpits. Why? Well, I am kind of making a statement. To myself and to anybody that cares to care. My worth as a human being, as a woman.....does NOT depend on whether men think I am "fuckable" or not. Frankly, I couldn't care less about what guys think of me. And I wish that I had realized this much earlier.
You know, when I was a teenager and I was worrying and obsessing about boys and stuff like that. Then I grew up and stopped caring as much.
I am completely aware of that I work in strip clubs and that 99.9% of the money that I make come from men. And I appreciate that. But when the occasional asshole wanders in and tells me loudly that he thinks I am rude/angry/not friendly enough/not this/not that/should smile more/too skinny/too tall/too standoffish/demands my phone number/demands other stuff and bla bla bla I am absolutely going to put my foot down and tell him to shut the fuck up basically. My integrity is priceless, I have said that many times now. I can always make money as a dancer. A few assholes here and there won't make any difference in my wallet.
Therefore I refuse to sit there, quietly with a forced smiled plastered across my face like "a nice girl" and take any form of abuse. I work on MY terms. Oh and believe me, I know how to stand up for myself!
As far as shaving goes. I don't know how brainwashed I am when it comes to that, I'm sure that I am to some degree. I shave, trim and pluck and have done so for a long time, before I started dancing. I personally think that trimming and shaving is cleaner. And that goes for men too. But that's my opinion and it is totally OK if some hairy never shaved woman reads this and doesn't agree. I won't dislike her or judge her for it. I have looked into the history of shaving and it goes back to thousands of years BC.....both sexes have used all kinds of tools (like seashells and flint blades) to get rid of or alter body hair. It's actually quite interesting to read about it.
So I have been going in to work with my hairy pits and proudly announcing that they are hairy and showing them off to everybody. The reactions have been mixed. One of the girls I work with thinks it's sexy. Damn right it is! I think I can safely say that shaving amongst girls and women is very widespread and mainstream in the US. It's more like that you SHOULD shave here and if girls don't start taking care of their body hair at an early age they risk being bullied by their peers. Unless you are home schooled or Amish. That's just wrong. To get bullied because you don't shave your legs or armpits? So very sad and very wrong.
I don't know how long I am going to keep my hairy pits. I might keep it up for a while or I might shave. The point is.....I do whatever I want with my body. If you don't like it.....oh well.

I got up at 7 this morning, had something to do. And while waiting for the light to turn green at a busy intersection about an hour later, watching all the traffic in the cold dark morning......it struck me again. It is way too early to have to do anything at that time.
Work should not start earlier than 9 am.....unless you do something that is so important that it can't wait. Like care for the sick. Besides that, office work, stores, school......no earlier than 9. I remember my school days, I absolutely hated getting up early. I guess I love my sleep.
I am back in bed now and I am going to go back to sleep soon. Chhaya does not like getting up early either.
So I spent last night watching the last episode of Breaking Bad. What am I supposed to do now? I guess there is more.....I am not clear on that though.....but from what I understand more episodes will be available on Netflix later this month. I hope so, because ending it with Hank sitting on the toilet in Walters house with that book in his lap, dedicated to WW.....that can't be the end, right?
I did make it to work Friday night. Left the place with a feeling of......WTF, is this place even REAL? To sum it up, the club is basically a psychotic, unprofessional drug den. I got subjected to (unwillingly) a drunk dude that in his own loud words was a "redneck asshole". Indeed he was. Most other clubs (most, not all) would had told the redneck asshole to shut up or get the fuck out. But this place values the redneck assholes more than the few quality girls they have working there. And I am not into being around redneck assholes, no thanks. I prefer people with manners and class. I think back to Vinny and John, the two managers at Crazy Horse Too in Vegas and how professional they were, always. That club could have 400 girls a night, some nights presented lots of drama and a very busy club but management never flinched, no tantrums, always professional, nicely dressed, no need for yelling or throwing things around.
I also immersed myself completely in a new book. Some German author I never read before, Nele Neuhaus, now I need her latest book. And I made quinoa tacos two days in a row. Delicious and very good for you. You need some tortillas, I prefer flour. I stuffed the tortillas with quinoa, avocado, fried onion, salsa and sour creme. Yum.
What else? I now have hairy armpits. More on that later. I am going to sleep now.

Have you ever been curious about how long a bottle of shower creme can last you? Well, I am curious about it.....I am a weirdo like that. So this is my brand new shower creme, I am going to start using it tonight and see how long it's going to last before it's completely empty. I use shower creme to shave too, I don't get any special shaving lotions for that.



Besides that, I feel GREAT this evening. I went to the gym and spent a whole 52 minutes on the treadmill, alternating between regular walking, walking on a steep incline and running.
I got really sweaty and now I am in bed, feeling happy. The only thing is that the gym moved and I'm not feeling the new location. Way too small and cramped, no mirrored area for stretching, it's more catered to cardio and weight lifting only. They really should had included a semi private quiet area for stretching or exercises with no machines, that is very important to me at least. I don't want to be doing my stretches and leg lifts surrounded by weight lifting dudes in cut off shirts. No thanks. On the other hand, they now offer some kind of a virtual reality classes in a separate room. I might have to check that out one day.



My plans for tonight? I might go into work. I have an ingrown hair down there that I am sure everybody wants to see and spend all their money on.

It's like a mini storm out today.....super windy. I was up last night listening to my windows rattle, the roof making strange sounds and the lights flickering while the wind was ripping through the yard. When I woke up a tree had fallen not too far from the house. To me that's kind of scary. I was spooked but Chhaya just slept through it.
So.....I watched some of the Olympics last night. I am so impressed by the people that compete solo. I am a rather lazy person so to comprehend how driven they are, all the time and effort they sacrificed to perfect their chosen sport. WOW! I love the figure skaters.
The Russian guy had such a gorgeous and theatrical performance and then the Japanese guy came out and was amazing, it was beautiful. I love watching that kind of sport, I am not into burly team sports like football and hockey. I like playing football (soccer) but I don't care for watching it.
So I have read and heard the reports about that some people arrived in Russia to find less than acceptable hotel accommodations. Like no pillows, is it really true that the regular folks living there had to give up their own used pillows? That is FUNNY if that is true. Just imagine getting presented with somebody's pillow. LOL. Only cold water in the faucet, dirty too, no shower curtains, not clean etc etc. I mean......it's not the Ritz-Carlton New York City, so look at it as an ADVENTURE. Bring out your inner Bear Grylls camping skills and go with it. When I camp or go to some dusty little town for work and stay in some makeshift trailer with bugs all over or a rundown motel room I grit and bear it. Like when I stayed at a motel in Denver and found a glass pipe (not for weed) in the bathroom and a used condom under the bed, interesting indeed! If I had the privilege to go to Russia on a paid mission as a reporter, I would be happy and grateful. Cold and dirty water and no pillow.....it is what it is and it's only temporary. After your stay in Sochi you can return to the comforts of your own home.
That's how to look at it.
So, let's touch on the LGBT issue and Russia real quick. I am rather open minded and I absolutely believe in human rights. That includes the acceptance of homosexuality.
Nobody chooses to be born "different" and possibly shunned or even murdered by society for it. I went to a gay club when I was 16 and that was the first time I was fully exposed to that "lifestyle" and to me it is totally normal, just as normal as being heterosexual. One of my best friends is gay. It makes me sad when people are hateful only because they are narrow minded and basically backwards thinking.
I think many of the former Easter Bloc countries are stuck in an old and narrow minded way of thinking. Also many countries (most countries actually) in Africa where you can actually be punished with execution for being gay. That is just insane. To mention some other wide spread backwards thinking in some African countries, the practice of having sex with a virgin to cure yourself from AIDS. I think it's safe to say that it's mostly HIV infected men that prey on young girls that are virgins. Or when Romania slaughtered all those stray dogs a while ago because some boy got bitten by a stray dog. When I say slaughtered I mean that, not "humanely" euthanized more like brutally butchered. That is a great example of backwards thinking in a former Eastern Bloc country. Sure, plenty of highly educated people but many of them are not evolved in issues like human rights and animal rights. But there are plenty of hillbillies like that in the US also.
I know about the ban on gay propaganda in Russia but like some well spoken man said during an interview I watched last night, an estimated 85% of Russians are homophobic and that can present itself in very negative ways, like accepted violence. Or worse. How scary it must be to live as a homosexual in a place like that.
But now I am going to finish this up and go to the gym. I haven't been there in a long time and I have been waking up feeling so heavy and sluggish in my body, so sweating at the gym will be good for me. Besides I saw a guy out running in this wind storm we have here earlier. If he can be out running, I can make it to the gym, that guy inspired me. Thank You random guy out running!
One more thing......Big Bang Theory. Sheldon and Amy kissed. Nooooooo!!!!! I am JEALOUS!
I want to be Sheldon's girlfriend!!! 😥

I'm sorry that I have neglected the blog for a few days......I just didn't have anything to write about. I mean sure, I can always write about how I feel about animal abuse and people that treat children bad and skanky strippers .....but I have enough entries like that for now, until I write about it again, because I will. But to sum it up in one word, the how I'm feeling about what I just mentioned......BARF!
So, not much has happened with me. The weather is kind of cold but sunny. I have not worked since a couple of weeks. I have been at home, with a few hikes thrown in here and there. And I have been watching Breaking Bad. I know I am talking about Breaking Bad in every other entry lately, only because it is THAT good! The person that came up with that story is a freakin' genius! Plus the acting is amazing. I can only IMAGINE how much fun it must had been to work on that production. And what about Saul!!? That guy is HILARIOUS! He has the best lines ever. He reminds me of an attorney in Vegas that used to have funny commercials on TV too, Glen Lerner. I watched seven episodes of Breaking Bad last night, back to back. What am I going to do when I am done with Breaking Bad? I think set up my own operation in my basement. I am looking for a loyal cook, with vast knowledge in chemistry. I have decided to keep it on a small scale because like we say in Sweden, "Ju fler kockar desto större soppa". Basically the more people involved in something, the bigger the mess. Or I might just be safe and boring and re watch all the episodes instead. So I stay out of jail, because I don't know a Saul. This has been me the last couple of weeks......



But I did find a jacket yesterday that I LOVE. And here in town of all places, at Sportsmans Warehouse. It is kind of military looking, designed in Germany, lots of nice details like red stitching and cool buttons. Totally my style. I like military style jackets because I'm the one who knocks.



And a few weeks ago I got one of those winter skirts, meaning a skirt you wear over your legging or pants to add en extra layer of warmth to your behind. Mine is by SKHOOP and that's a Swedish company. I might get a more colorful one too.
I made some pierogis yesterday. These ones were cheese filled. Not that great, the cheese was kind of curdy and sweet, almost like cottage cheese. My Mom told me to make my own pierogis, like she does. I think I just have to have Mom over at some point so I can get her the ingredients, provide the kitchen and she can make the pierogis. I like my pierogis with lots of onion and sour creme.



Besides that the Winter Olympics start tonight! I'm kind of excited, I'm might look at it now and then. Mostly to get a glimpse of my man Vladimir than anything else. I was personally invited by him to go but I told him I'd rather visit in the summertime when the weather is nice and when he is not so occupied with the Olympics. He begged for me to come and even sent flowers but sometimes you just have to make men wait. Even though he is quite irresistible.....awwwww, what a CUTIE!

After waking up a little after 11 today, slowly getting out of bed (I'm a slow riser), getting dressed, washing my face and letting Chhaya out.....I got in the truck and drove to get my latte and something to eat for this afternoon (today it's chips and salsa, hot salsa). While driving I was thinking about how my life feels like it's the same every day.....over and over and over again. Then some guy on the radio talked about that he has been plowing snow in Detroit for the last two weeks, putting in 16 hour shifts and he said that he feels like it's groundhog day over and over again for him too. That was a sign to me.....when I think of something and right in that moment of thinking about it, I either see whatever I am thinking about or hear it somewhere. Do you follow my train of thought here? So basically in the movie Groundhog Day (that I haven't seen but it is on my list of need to see movies) a guy gets stuck in a time loop, repeating the same day over and over again. Then when I got home I found out that today is the official Groundhog Day, you know with the groundhog Phil in the funny sounding town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania and how many weeks of winter there is left. I don't think Phil and his shadow would apply to any kind of winter we might have left here in Alaska, or a place like California. I lived in Southern Ca, there is no winter there OK. Last year Phil predicted an early spring and there was snow here until the beginning of May.....I remember I was thinking that summer would never arrive in Kenai.
So basically.....I feel like I'm doing the same things, repeating the same day, OVER and OVER. And I don't like that. I feel fine, happy for the most part but STILL. Is this life? I think this is why some people "spice up" their everyday mundane reality with drinking, drugs and maybe cheating a little, perhaps with the neighbor or some one night stand.....I have a friend that recently took up drinking again, to "take the edge off" that was the explanation. She is an alcoholic and that is the reality of things. I think I would really hate my life if I would drink every day. So I rather feel sorry for myself for an hour or so and then keep going.
You know.....I will get that latte tomorrow again and probably go to the grocery store.
Walk Chhaya. Open up my laptop. Do the dishes. Today? I might spice things up a bit by mixing some olive oil and eggs, put that in my hair. Take a long bath, scrub myself raw, put a clay mask on my face, followed with a honey mask. Supposedly Manuka honey works wonders for the skin, so get that if you want to do something good for your skin. Look it up online to see for yourself.

Oh and it's the Super Bowl Sunday today. I like the coin toss, the national anthem (it even makes me teary eyed), I want to see Bruno Mars sing at halftime (I like Bruno) and perhaps laugh at a fun or cute commercial (it has to have animals in it) and hopefully get a glimpse of the cheerleaders but besides that I have no clue to what the players are doing out on the field.....besides alternating in between running around and laying in a heap on top of each other every ten seconds or so. No, I'm not into watching sports. I'd rather watch the Victoria's Secret annual fashion show. Way more interesting and I love the models.
Do I look like a groundhog in this pic?



My angel. She is taking me on a walk soon. It's sunny out. It's Groundhog Day!