Entries by TATIANA

I got home after 5 AM this morning, the moon was still hovering in the sky, pale and pretty and a bright red sun was coming up. I was on the phone with my brother and couldn't take a pic of the sun. Then I woke up after less than five hours of sleep, therefore I'm feeling a bit tired now and in need of a nap.



I went into town for some errands but I don't do anything before getting a latte, so I took care of that first and got some treats for Chhaya. She knows when we go to Kaladi and expects her treats. Look at her taking the treat out of my mouth, she is very gentle. In fact, she knows the command "gentle". Super smart, just like her Mommy.



This is what my purse looks like, it's what a dancers purse should always look like (give and take a few items). Cash and dog treats, somewhere on the bottom there is also a chap stick (Baby Lips) a pink Hello Kitty mirror and a rose quartz rock.



I got a package today but you will have to check back another time to find out what's in it.....to keep things interesting.



Now I'm home and it is amazingly beautiful and actually really warm outside, I will get nekkid and tan for a while and then walk Chhaya.
But before I go I have some stuff to get off my chest. I've had some issues with a person in my life for a few days now. It's been bothering me quite a bit and I felt rather sad today because of the whole mess. That person told me that I have said that I have a lot of readers of the blog (just a fraction of the mess). The way she put it sounded negative, like I am bragging about writing a blog and having "lots" of readers. First of all, having a blog is nothing to brag about, anyone can write one and millions of people do, so I would never brag about something like that, besides that is not who I am. I think there are like 70 million blogs on Tumblr so come on now! Have I ever mentioned to her that I have readers? Yes, when something blog related comes up. I mean, I write this blog every day so why shouldn't I be able to talk about it with my friends? Do I have a lot of readers? I don't know. About a year ago I thought I had about 30 000 readers a day, I was like whaaaat and got very excited! I had a different statistic program then, not as detailed as the one I use today. My friend KISA (Knight In Shining Armor) that also helps me out a lot with the technical aspects of the blog (confusing if you are not a computer language person) gently told me that most of those visitors were actually spam, he brought me down from my happy cloud of thinking I had that crazy amount of readers.
Thank You KISA!
I know people read the blog because I've had complete strangers approach me to let me know that they do (mostly other dancers) and just a few days ago I got a comment from a person that found the blog by looking up info for INGROWN HAIRS, yes..... (!) ha ha and found my blog and is now a reader. I don't tell a bunch of people about my blog, in fact I told one person about it in April and May combined (in person). I know I could spread the word in many ways, like have thousands of Facebook friends and each time I write an entry tell them about it. I could make stickers and advertise the blog like that. I could comment on other blogs or chat rooms and spam them with my blog. I do read other people's blogs and when I do comment I will leave a link to my blog, this is what you do. I only comment if I have something relevant or encouraging to say, maybe even question some stuff, give my input. Many bloggers like having a discussion going, it gives the blog "life', especially some of the wonderful feminist blogs I read out of Sweden, those are the ones I comment on and one other blog in the US.
I always comment as myself because I have no need to be anonymous or hide behind a different name. Most of the readers of my blog are silent, meaning they read but never or rarely comment. Which is fine, that's just how it is and some people don't want to put in that extra effort it takes to comment or don't want to stick out their nose like that. Some of them tell me in person that they read my blog and bring up a specific entry to me and other times I get a private message. For example, Boss Lady (the manager at work) reads my blog, she tells me in person but she doesn't leave comments ever. What is disappointing is when I know for a fact that some of my personal friends read it on a regular basis but have nothing to say, neither to me personally or by leaving an occasional comment. Like they pretend they don't read it or something. I am not asking for praises or admiration but it would be nice to get some feedback once in a while from a close friend. A girl that I was friends with for a long time told me that she didn't read and comment because she felt resentment that I write a blog, since she considered herself to be a writer and a photographer. I would have to specifically ask her to give me input on entries that I thought she would find interesting or ask her if she ever read the blog, she reluctantly read it a little and did leave a few nice and thoughtful comments and then it finally came out that in fact she felt resentful. That is just sad, like why? I don't consider myself a writer or a photographer, although I write this blog on an almost daily basis and take pictures to go with what I write. Blogging is not my source of income, I do this because I enjoy it. It doesn't really matter how many readers I have, I know that I'm not writing a column for People magazine or Time, it's a personal blog about me, my regular life and my opinions. And if I can reach a handful of people and entertain them, put a smile on their face or encourage them to do something positive, maybe get a good discussion started - that is plenty for me, that makes me happy. I can say this much, if anyone of my friends did something creative where I could leave input in any way, I would gladly do so.
I have no problem showing my friends encouragement and sharing that with them. If a friend had a blog - I would read it and comment. If they wrote a book, I would read it. If they painted, I would be interested in seeing their art. To me, that is part of being a friend, you lift each other up and encourage each other. I know some of my friends rarely or ever read anything (some people don't read, I don't get that but that's how it is) and that's fine, I'm not going to force them to read the blog. But when a friend reads kind of in secret and never gives any input or some other friend resents me, simply because I write a blog and she doesn't.....then what kind of a friend is that?
Ahhhhhh......I feel a little better now.....or do I? It's now time to get nekkid and tan! And to all my readers, I appreciate you a lot!

Chhaya is living a life of leisure and I love doing all that I can to ensure that she does. She is worth it! I love spoiling my baby!



Speaking of life of leisure....it makes me remember a funny person from my past. I don't think I have shared this story on the blog yet, so here you go, sit back and enjoy.....I met "Martell" at Crazy Horse Too in Vegas a long time ago. This is before I moved to Vegas, I was still living in Long Beach and would go to Vegas and work. He was really cute I thought and funny, we would giggle a lot together and we started talking and hit it off. It turned out that his real name was Steven and not "Martell", I guess that was his stage name or something.
And Martell is also some sort of cognac and he would sip cognac sometimes and he had long fingernails.....I thought it was hilarious! He was a white boy wanting to be Eminem. We finally went to the movies one evening and then I drove Steven home (he didn't have a car) and we cuddled on the couch in his living room and shared a few kisses. Quite innocent and cute, like a teenage romance. Then he told me he had court in the morning. What? Well, next thing I know Steven is in the Clark County Detention Center! I can't remember what he did that landed him there but he was transferred to the prison in Lovelock, NV after that and was locked up for a while. I visited him I think twice in the detention center (not in prison), it was my first time ever to a place like that and it was quite interesting. Then we were pen pals for a while and he would send me letters full of prison art, like pencil drawings of Mickey and Minnie Mouse and hearts. I would tell him about my every day life and sent him some Backstreet Boys lyrics once.
One day I got a weird letter talking about him being a man of leisure, it was some form of a pimp manifesto. I guess Steven wanted to become a pimp or something. Well, he was fishing in the wrong creek. I would never in my life work for a pimp and I think they are scumbags.
I saw girls in Vegas in the clubs with pimps, or so we heard and I never understood it.
Well, after that letter I stopped writing Steven, I wasn't going to waste any time on him anymore. A few years ago he found me on Facebook and apologized for the letter. He said some guy in prison egged him on to write it, whatever. He was back in Vegas, working and seemingly doing good. He asked if I wanted to meet up next time I was in Vegas (I was in Anchorage at this point) and I was kind of vague about it. It didn't take long for the old Martell to come back, he got mad that I didn't jump on the invite to meet up and I promptly told him off and deleted him from my Facebook friends. I have a select few friends on my Facebook, these are people that I would actually talk to in REAL life and not only hit the like button for when they post something. That's how it works for ME personally, I'd rather have a few GOOD friends (and those are hard to find, I have learned this by living) than a bunch of random people that I call "friends", that I don't even know. No thanks.
The only creature in my life that I can give a life of leisure to with pleasure is Chhaya. And my Mom, of course.
Mandy sent me this the other day. Yes Mandy, I agree.....we are too pretty to work.
We deserve a life of leisure also. 🙂

The fog is gone and the sun is shining again. If I ever move away from here, I will miss the long summer days (when it's nice) with the light that lingers around, I love that. I was busy with errands today, Chhaya joined in. Of course I always park in the shade when the sun is out and I have a pillow for her to rest her head on if she wants to. She likes to stare down people and excitedly bark at every dog she sees. Plus she gets treats every time I go to Kaladi, so doing errands is usually a fun adventure.



This is my latest shoe buy. I got them in Vegas, ASH shoes. I have been wanting a pair for about a year, so I don't think I qualify for being considered an impulsive buyer. First I couldn't decide whether to go with a blue pair or a pink pair. Then I saw some black ones with a few bright colors, a more sporty design. In the end, I went with beige suede. I love them. They look super cute and sleek on. Still haven't worn them. They are in the closet waiting for the right occasion.



I'm staying in tonight. I promised Chhaya some quality time. That means play hide and seek, lots of cuddles and belly rubs. And she is getting her ears cleaned and teeth brushed.
Better get started.

Let me try to put together another blog entry with some substance to it so I can prove to ya'll that I'm not stupid, before I start writing about pink nail polish and Hello Kitty again.....
Today I want to touch on Boko Haram and the kidnapped girls in Nigeria. Those were girls that went to school, they were abducted because the leader of Boko Haram and his followers do not believe in "Western" education, since it's evil according to them. I'm suspecting that they also think that women in general are below men, have no rights, their life should consist of taking care of the household as in cooking, cleaning and sexually be available to your husband (starting from a young age) and give birth to lots of children, preferably boys.
The leader of Boko Haram made a statement that Allah has instructed him to abduct the girls and sell them on the market. "I will sell women. I sell women". The men that are in Boko Haram consider themselves to be be devout holy men. Other notable things that the leader of Boko Haram has said, "Until we soak the ground of Nigeria with Christian blood and so called Muslims contradicting Islam. After we have killed, killed, killed, and get fatigue and wondering what to do with their corpses - smelling of Obama, Bush and Goodluck - will open prison and be imprison the rest. Infidels have no value."
So according to some devout and holy men of Islam like the members of Boko Haram and such, I (since I do not affiliate myself with Islam) deserve to be killed. They would probably torture me for a long time first because I am a bad woman, showing my body shamelessly and having opinions. Wonderful. I was under the impression that Islam is a "religion of peace"? How come then that so many kill and destroy in the name of Allah? I still have to understand that, can't wrap my head around that fact.
I think the schoolgirls should be rescued, (searches are ongoing) absolutely! The countries in Africa that are being harassed and ran by idiots like these men should be getting sanctioned and boycotted by the world, no more monetary aid that will fund their armies with weapons that kill innocent people. Stop sending money to countries like these!
And since I do not want to come of as an Islamophobe, because I'm not.....I'm just bringing up facts, let me bring up another example of women held against their will in the name of God.
I saved an article I read in a magazine from last year about a Rebecca Musser that at 19 was married off to an 85 year old "prophet" of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Yes, these practices are ongoing in Utah in today's USA. Young girls are brought up, brainwashed and forced to marry men that are old enough to be their great grandfathers. All they do it cook, clean, work and give birth. They can't pick out what they want to wear, they have to wear long skirts and keep their hair long and up. Similar to when certain countries that affiliate with the more stricter teachings of Islam decide that women have to cover up from head to toe. Rebecca managed to escape that life and I am happy that she did. Noteworthy is that Warren Jeffs, a former FLDS leader had 80 wives, some as young as 12 and 15. What a grown man wants to do sexually to a 12 and 15 year old that have no possibility of protesting the fact that some old dude is about to mount her is mind-blowing to me.
Warren Jeffs and several other men from FLDS are now in prison where they belong and where they should sit until they draw their last breath.
All human are born free, at least they should be born free. Women have a fully functioning brain (in case you didn't know this) and are meant to live their lives to the fullest, not to be somebody's subservient slave.
Organized religion enslaves people. I do think that there is value to SOME of the Ten Commandments, although I could add some of my own Commandments to the mix but everybody that is not a sociopath should understand this, the understanding of that comes from a place within of morals and ethics.
And while I am of the topic of religion.....The current suggested boycott of the Beverly Hills hotel because it's owner the sultan of Brunei has imposed Sharia law in his country.
Boycott or no boycott? Duh, boycott of course! I stay at Motel 6 when I'm in Hollywood, it's cheap, close to everything I need and I can bring Chhaya, what else can I ask for? Sharia law on the citizens while the sultan and the royal family live a life far removed from any such Sharia lifestyle? Screams double standard! The Beverly Hills hotel has long been known for scouting women that are willing to prostitute themselves for cash and jewelry in Brunei to the men in the "royal" family. Please, there are so many stories out there about that and
"Porta-Potty" girls and all that stuff. And yes, I read "Some Girls, My Life in a Harem" by Jillian Lauren, I wrote a blog about that a long time ago (on July 9 2010). Do I believe her? Yes.
Sharia law does not belong in the today's world. And let me add another bit of my personal opinion before I log off. I think when you are as wealthy as the sultan of Brunei (and others that have significant wealth) it should be your MORAL DUTY to practice acts of kindness and altruism to help the world to become a better place instead of worrying about shit like having a house with 1000+ rooms and more cars than you know what to do with.
If you believe in God, you should know this, "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."
VERY TRUE!

I do not watch football.....I don't know anything about football. I'm referring to American football now, not what we call football in Sweden (fotboll). I always thought that American football was confusing, not much happening besides large men laying on top of each other or running short distances (I think). But I guess football is the national sport (I checked recent statistics). So I caught some footage of the first openly gay guy in football, Michael Sam and I thought it was very touching. He got the news that he was drafted, with his boyfriend by his side. I almost cried. And they shared a little kiss, CUUUUTE! But OH MY GAAAAAAWD what reactions it evoked! So, showing violence and murder on TV is OK but not a quick kiss, out of love? What will the poor children think? Let them watch a violent show instead where some dude is chopping up people, much better!
I guess football is a very macho sport and being gay is still looked at as something disgusting and wrong by many guys. Those are the same guys that would love to have sex with two hot lesbians and think that hot lesbian porn is great. Lesbians, only if hot on a male hetero scale = great but men that are gay, oh no that is not OK. Double standards much?
I am, if you maybe missed out on this bit of information so far......very open minded. I don't care whether you are gay, straight, twisted whatever.....as long as you are a good person in general. I can tell you this much.....I'd much rather be around a bunch of gay guys than some straight guys that might think it's OK to rape me, just because they can. How often do you hear of a female rapist out there lurking in the bushes so she can knock some innocent man unconscious and rape him? Or do you ever hear of random gay guys that pray on straight guys? Not that I can think of. Sure there might be a few cases, if you dig around for them.
On the other hand, I hear of rape and sexual assault hetero man on woman all the time.
Guys rape each other in prison too, straight, gay - it doesn't matter when you are locked up and horny, right? I guess it's OK to be gay in prison, some guys seem to think so. Different rules in prison.
I am SO grateful for gay guys and how some of them have brightened my life with their presence, they glitterfy and beautify the world. One such time that stands out in my head was when Carson Kressley was on Dancing With The Stars and danced to Moves Like Jagger.
Best ever! I just wanted to crawl into the TV, hug him and ask him to be my best friend.
I absolutely love Carson. I love RuPaul. Keoki (always). And the list goes on......Carson if you read this.....let's have afternoon tea at the Four Season and chat!
You might think gay sex is gross or sinful. Well, I think that two people can do whatever they want with each other, if it's consensual of course. People like to bring up religion when they pontificate their opinions about gays. Well, if God was so against gays, he would had never made them. I think that you are born gay. Nobody wants the problems that come with being gay. It's much easier to be straight in society. Gays get harassed and even killed on an everyday basis, who wants that? So if God was so much against gays, everybody would had been born straight. Less problems.
There are so many worse things I can think of than being gay. How about being a child molester? Or a rapist? Or an animal abuser?
I heard that some dumb ass came into the club I work at a few weeks ago and loudly called a guy he doesn't even know, sitting at the bar minding his own business, "fag". I happen to know who both are. The dumb ass is a large bully that needs to work on his education, worry about himself and shut the fuck up. The other guy seems to be a nice person and doesn't appear gay to me but even if he is.....SO FUCKING WHAT?! It's good that I was not around to hear that because I would had loudly intervened. I am very sensitive to stuff like that. If you try to, in any shape or form, harass or hurt somebody (uncalled for) when I am around I will step in. I don't care if you are bigger than me, bring it!
You know what, you can be against gays or whatever.....that is your prerogative. We all have opinions......I know this, I have PLENTY about almost everything. Let your opinions flow when you vent with your buddies while doing something macho such as having some brewskis and talking about women and our body parts. Or write a blog! But to bully, harass or use violence to get your (in my opinion narrow minded and backwards) views across.....that is NOT OK.
I remember when I was 16 and went to my first gay club. I was in heaven! Great music, cute boys everywhere and no annoying motherfuckers sneaking up from behind thrusting their half hard penises against my ass (I call them dickthrusters), thinking that is how they will get my attention. That is how you will get my foot in your crotch if anything.
I'm not saying that all straight guys are horrible rapists and bad guys in general and that all gay guys are some innocent lambs with this entry. Of course not, I know better than that. Being a good person has nothing to do with your sexual preferences.

The fog rolled in yesterday evening and it hasn't left. I live relatively close to the beach, so it gets foggy here sometimes. It looks like a Twilight movie outside, kind of mysterious......maybe Edward will show up here tonight. He could take me flying through the forest. I have been tired all day, like an old grandma that gets affected by the weather.
I forced myself to do the dishes and go for a long walk with Chhaya, she has lots of energy as usual. I could had curled up under a pine tree and took a nap, I can sleep anywhere.
It's getting to be late here, I am still up, no TV channels I guess the fog is affecting the service. I might run a bath and wash my hair.
I hope you are having a good night wherever you might be......!