Entries by TATIANA

Busy day today. It is a quarter to midnight, I am tired. 
I met up with Monika outside Åhléns and then we strolled over to Vete-Katten to fika, it's like our tradition. The place was packed, not a single table available so we left and wandered around for a bit. Saw this beautiful sight.

And this tomte in Gamla Stan. One thing I have not yet experienced, the beauty of the northern parts of Sweden. I want to visit Lappland. And other counties too. Sweden is made up of 21 counties (we say landskap). Lappland is the furthest North, Skåne is the furthest South and Stockholm is in Södermanland.

Then we walked back to Vete-katten and managed to find a table and sat there and talked for probably two hours - a proper fika. Prinsesstårta of course!

I could not resist, had to get these books. Jävla Karlar by Andrev Walden, the author's debut novel which he received Augustpriset for last year. I read a few chapters on the commuter rail back home. Promising!

I am looking at one extra suitcase going back to Portland. Bringing stuff back with me.

Last night I walked by myself in the winter evening from Medborgarplatsen to T-Centralen......I felt like a stranger in my own city. This place that I am so familiar with but at the same time removed from. The familiar sounds and views.....I love my city but I also don't know where I belong. It is a conflicted feeling. Like where should I be? I don't know.

The ice quietly bumped around in Mälaren. I kept on walking......my heart on fire. 

Walked by people giddily ice skating in Kungsträdgården.

The lyrics to a melancholy (melancholy sounding to me at least) song that reminds me of childhood. "Ingen dager synes än men stjärnorna på himmelen de blänka." I get a weird feeling in my stomach when I hear that song. Staffan Var En Stalledräng is the name of it by the way, it's a traditional Christmas song.

I got off the commuter rail and walked. It felt like one of those winters when I was a child. A beautiful evening, not too cold a great evening for a walk. Those childhood winters felt majestic and mysterious.

I descended on Stockholm last week. Not a flashy arrival like Abba in a helicopter at the cover of their album Arrival (1976), more of tired and stuff because of delayed plane departure but still happy nobody sat next to me so I got two small seats all to my self.

It has been intense. Last night I got to relax a bit and today was the first time I made it into the city to meet my friend Carmen for fika. We went to Gunnarsons, it has been a Stockholm staple since 1946. I had a latte and apple pie with vaniljsås of course. So yummy and so cozy.

I have been trying to care for and help my Mom. Lots of tears. Angst. Guilt. Reflections and thoughts about life. Like I mentioned, a very intense time. I am tired in my brain. So much to think about. I have to write stuff down so I can focus and rememeber all the tasks.

I have the most amazing and wonderful friends here. Truly. I am so grateful for them and blessed to have them.
My friend Monika gave me this......a prinsesstårta made out of glass and a coffee mug that has FIKA written on it. Some of my favorite things.....

Well a winter storm came down on Portland and other places as well in the US. The street I live on has had no power for over 50 hours. That means no light, no hot water, no heat, no internet and my phone does not work in the apartment either due to a broken cell phone tower. The winds were so strong that several trees fell on the power lines and for a while a large part of Portland had no power. Lucky me my place is still out of power. Cause I need to live in an icebox for some fun.
I can see my breath inside. I slept inside in outdoors clothing underneath several blankets. I dug out my camping stove and some propane tanks so I could make tea, soup and other food. I had battery operated candles, regular candles and flashlights.
I do not like being cold. And I have lived in Sweden and Alaska and never been without electricity for this long. Like WTF? And Portland General Electric (the company I pay for electricity) raised their rates 18% this month (if I am not mistaken). Thanks! Here I am reading a book in bed while I am pretending I am camping at South Base Camp in Nepal.

After like 5 hours of this adventure it is not so fun anymore. If I wanted to go camping in January I would had rented a cabin in the woods somewhere.

Having said all of that.....I am currently at the airport in Portland. Flying to Sweden. My Mom is not well and I am going to help her. So I am stressed out. Plus I am dealing with a tumultuous situation at home (in Portland), so yes......stress level is almost off the chart . I need more than a day at the spa, I now need a facelift. Please donate to the Tati facelift fund.

Of course the flight was delayed so that means I won't be able to catch my scheduled connecting flight in Amsterdam to Arlanda Stockholm......so now I have eight fun hours to spend at Schiphol Amsterdam. Who wants to meet me there for lunch? About to board soon......write when I am in Europe.

 

I think I am getting sick. Woke up early today with a raspy feeling throat, felt cold all day and could not get warm until later, been having chills, achy scalp, sneezing the kind of sneezes that feel like "sick" sneezes and now I am like almost feverish......very warm. My face feels hot and my ear openings feel like they are slightly pulsating. Perhaps I will sweat it out tonight. So when I started to get a cold as a child my Mom would wrap me in a blanket head to toe, fill up a bucket with piping hot water, had me put my feet into the water (ouch!) and then I sat there until my Mom decided it was enough and my feet looked like red lobsters. Then she put thick socks on my feet, on with pajama bottoms, rubbed some vodka around the chest area and on with a warm cotton shirt. At some point during the night she would check on me, if I had been sweating she changed my pajamas and shirt and sometimes the sheets and pillowcase and comforter too if needed. That was called sweating out the cold. 
I am just drinking fluids and I will make sure to dress warm and put on socks before I go to bed tonight. I feel like a babcia sitting here explaining that I have a cold and giving out some remedies. Rub the vodka on chest!
Of course I am not in the mood to do anything besides nothing and I love doing nothing. Afterall the sloth is my spirit animal.
I had pizza in bed while solving Wordle, of course the first word was "pizza" and I got lucky and solved it on the second try. Yeay.

Well......we are a little more than one week into the new year. How are things going for you? I am in the midst of a LOT of stress, a LOT. Anxiety and tears. And that is all I can say about that. At least I have the best baby to keep me company - Kaya. I need a full day at the spa when I come out of this mess. I need to create a spa fund for Tati.......donations accepted now.
I do not know if you have heard that an airplane 737 emergency door got lost mid flight over Oregon yesterday and the door landed in somebody's back yard here in Portland and a cell phone that belonged to somebody on that plane landed in Portland as well - intact. Like......what a terrifying ordeal! I am glad that nobody got hurt. I don't know if I would step onto an airplane after an experience like that.

 

This was it, my last latte of 2023. From Stumptown here in Portland. And I got it for free just because. Sweet! Here you can see the Stumptown locations. I actually brought a bag of Stumptown coffee beans with me to Japan to give to the location there but I never made it to Kyoto.

No snow here.

I am at home tonight, I can't recall the last time I went out somewhere on New Year's Eve. It's been a while. I took a bath earlier so I go into 2024 nice and clean. I'm in bed, reading and writing (as usual) and watching the Elvis movie on Netflix. What a story, I love Elvis by the way. One of my first memories of listening to music as a child was sitting at home with a small single casette player listening to Elvis songs over and over again.
I had tea and a piece of strawberry rhubarb pie tonight.
What do I wish for in 2024? PEACE. Both world peace and personal peace. Therefore I have two candles burning tonight......for peace.
Happy New Year everybody.