Entries by TATIANA

What? I have FIVE whole work weeks to catch up on? It has been pretty uneventful. Boring and slow to sum it up in two words. But then again, I am bored like 70% of the time at work because I am a very impatient person. I do not do well if I am just sitting around. I can sit around and do nothing at home for hours at an end, no problem. But if I am forced to sit around and do nothing for hours at an end at work where it is cold and uncomfortable and loud, I start climbing the walls.
I sometimes feel like I am losing my mind when I am there. I am sure a lot of people feel like that when they are at work.
What is good with what I do is that I can curse, make weird loud sounds, loudly talk about how bored I am (which I do constantly), act crazy and blame it on my imaginary mental illnesses (I have many), stomp around, act out, take naps, read on my phone......Yea basically behave like a cranky toddler without any repercussions. Try doing that in some stuffy office somewhere, you would probably not last long. 
I don't know how I could ever have a "normal" job. I don't know if it would work. I will need to do something that does not involve being locked up in some sort of an office or room. Unless I am busy, then it is no problem. 
Week 36. I do recall talking to a local man that has become a regular visitor. He is nice but sometimes annoying because almost every time he brings up that I do not eat meat, that I do not eat fish. He does not comprehend how a person does not eat meat or fish. HELLO??? I do not eat meat and fish and somehow I am alive. It is STILL, in 2025 difficult for some people (especially people of a certain age) to understand and even accept that there are people that are vegetarian and/or vegan by choice. It truly bothers them for some reason. Like if anything it should be the other way around. Unacceptable that there are people that still eat meat and fish. For real.
An older guy came up to me and declared that Led Zeppelin should had written a song about me. Really? Yeah.....they should had. Long Legged Blonde would had been a good title. 
Week 37. The new regular got on my nerves. He decided that I should go clamming with him. Like without asking me first. Caveman mentality. Me digging for poor clams? Never. Also I was not in the mood to again explain that no, I do not eat fish. So I avoided him to teach him a lesson. Talk to the other girls, bother them. I sometimes spend a majority of my night in the dressing room. One can only be around annoying people for so long. 
Week 38. Sitting at the bar, counting the minutes until I can go home and do nothing in peace. I made a whole $7 on Wednesday after house fee and tip out. It was a bad night for all of us. In fact Friday and Saturday this week were bad for me as well (not as bad as $7 though), I think it was one of my worst weeks ever. You just never know.
One day you go in and make like $60 total. Then next time you go in you make $100 in the first 30 minutes of being there. Looking just like you did the night when you made $60 total.
Week 39. I had a fun and good Wednesday night. And I do recall that people were extra moronic either Friday or Saturday night. We deal with a lot of drunk, loud, challenging to be around individuals. Sometimes they get a bit out of hand. And we need to yell at them to get the fuck out. Like the inebriated animal sound making dude that tried to break a pool stick at least three times (that I counted). One fun guy sitting at my stage said, "Welcome to America, the land of the drunks". He is not wrong.
Week 40. This was my mood when I arrived Wednesday for my shift of community service. Not at all enthusiastic. The night turned out ok.
 

October 1st line up.

 

Dipping the toes in the ocean is a must.
 I wanted to continue and go back to Fort Clatsop but my friends were tired. Now I want to find somebody to do the roundtrip with me......or I will have to do it on my own. The hike is easy in my opinion and well worth doing.
 

One week ago I got a hair trim at Aveda in Portland. I like going there because it is ONLY $ 15 for a hair cut. My hair is so easy to trim. Since Aveda is a school you get one of the students (hence the price) to cut your hair so you never know what you will get. But you also never know what you will get if you walk into a random salon either, unless you see the same stylist all the time. And I trim my hair once or maybe twice a year so I do not have a regular stylist. Last time I was very impressed with the girl that I got. This time I was not. Everything from the shampooing technique to the haircutting skills were poor and lackluster. I would not go back to her. It was so bad that I was surprised that the supervisors have not called her out on it.
But I will go back to Aveda in the future for hair trims. 
I started my day with a FREE latte from Stumptown. I love their coffee. My hair was a bit too long in my opion. So I decided to go with about four inches off. Got some new products., all Aveda. Cherry Almond shampoo, Nutriplenish shampoo and Botanical Repair masque. I have a few more products in mind that I would like to try. I think next time I go I will have a facial as well.
 

Summer is officially over, it is fall equinox today my friends. My summer went by extremely fast, it feels like Memorial Day and the beginning of summer was just like last month when in fact it was almost four months ago. My summer was also full of angst and sadness. And I am acutely aware of that I have majority of my summers behind me at this point in my life, it is a countdown to death now basically. 
Me and Kaya went back to Sunset Beach again today, we arrived a bit after sunset. A few people still at the beach.
Achingly beautiful outside. Oregon is absolutely breathtaking. The coastline of the Pacific Northwest and down through California to San Francisco is just spectacular.
I felt alive while walking with Kaya and like one small person amongst the billions sharing the same planet, simply trying to survive and go through this life. When you stand on the beach under the vast sky and the enormous ocean rolling in towards you, you feel how small you are. I should go to the beach more often, it is close to where I live after all. That way to the beach.

 

Started today with a latte at Rusty Cup (oatmilk vanilla half sweet latte).

Then me and Kaya went to the Lewis and Clark National Historic Park, we go there a lot. Forest, trails just beautiful. There is also an interesting museum where you can learn about the Lewis and Clark expedition that happened over 200 years ago. One woman was a part of that adventure, Sacagawea. I can't even imagine what life was like then and how difficult that journey must had been. No thank you would had been my response back then if somebody would had invited me to travel by foot from one end of the US to another. 

And there was a dog too - Seaman. 

Today Tuesday......another beautiful day. It has been so nice outside, I know that the wind and rain will be here soon.
The summer, this summer went by so fast and it was mostly chaotic and sad for me. My life is calmer since a while but I still feel the sadness. My life now is before my friend passed away and after my friend passed away. I am not the same since that happened.
I joined another grief support group, this one is local and will meet once a week for the next eight weeks. Small group.
Mostly women, one man. Two fascilitators, male and female. We got books, so we will get homework. I can say this.....I have talked about my sadness. A lot. But some of the people in the grief support groups (I attend another one as well since a few months now), they say that they don't have anybody to talk to about how they feel and that going to a group and being able to talk really helps. If you feel sad and do not have anyone to talk to, find a group. And talk. Cry. I cry A LOT. During the groups, in front of people that I just met. 

On yesterday's evening walk with Kaya. It is very pretty in Astoria.

Last week I went to Portland for a couple of days. A visit to IKEA, had to eat there. Plant balls for me. The cake was awful, did not finish it. I bought a pillow, been looking for a pillow and I think I found a good one. It is called 'Skogsfräken' and it is thin so my neck is more comfortably aligned when I sleep.

I drive by this cute dragon mural often. Do you know your Chinese zodiak sign? We are now in the year of the snake.