Entries by TATIANA

Welcome to Chaos !!

Saturday, February 11. 2023

Portland Winter Light Festival

Today was the last evening of the Portland Winter Light Festival which has been going on here in Portland for about a week now. Super fun and super nice, especially for kids (but not for dogs, I do not understand why some people insist to drag their poor traumatized dogs into events like these). I went down there around 8 pm, it takes me about 15 minutes to drive to City Center from where I live. Lots of people were out and about.
I don't know if this robot, Mechan 42 Space Explorer is going to stay here in Portland at the waterfront, it would be nice.

Lights reflecting in the Willamette River.

Lights in the trees - the city is so pretty right now.

Poineer Square had a large happy crowd, live music and propane flames. A touch of Burning Man here in Portland tonight.

I stayed for a bit.....then I had enough and drove home. Dateline and Earl Grey was on the agenda for the evening.

Thursday, February 9. 2023

Where Is God?

Where is God I am asking myself while slowly crying when looking at the picture of the Dad holding his dead daughter's hand crushed under the rubble in the earthquake that shook Turkey-Syria a few days ago. Is there a God really? If God exists somewhere up there beyond the blue sky.....why is God allowing these things to happen? Why is there so much suffering here on Earth? Can't we just be born and live somewhat peacefully for like 8-10 decades until we die? Why do we need to deal with hunger, natural disasters, painful diseases etc on top of everything else?
What good do these things contribute to our already difficult existence?
What did those poor people do to deserve to be crushed in that earthquake?
And their poor loved ones left behind that have to deal with the mental agony aftermath and having nowhere to live and all their belongings destroyed. I do not know what to believe. I consider myself spiritual, I do not belong to a particular religion. I am not sure what I am trying to say here but I am sure that most of us have at some point prayed to God or asked God why when faced with a difficult situation. Except the atheists of course. I just wish there was no suffering. We have enough to deal with already on our individual life journeys. All I want to do for the remainder of my life is to live as calmly as possible, care for animals and do something positive for......for?
I guess positive somehow for the things I care about.....like animals and nature and the World as a whole. Not trying to be a Saint or anything, I am not that nice to everybody. In fact I dislike humanity in general. But animals and nature I do like.

Tuesday, February 7. 2023

Tati's State Of The Union

Did you watch the State of the Union today delivered by President Joe Biden? Yes? No? I did not but I briefly read a bit about it just minutes ago so while I still have the enthusiasm and energy I will now deliver to you Tati's State of the Union. The only one you will need.
First of all let me address hecklers. People that act as immature and stupid like Marjorie Taylor Greene did during Biden's speech should be banned from attending all public events. She is as ugly on the inside as she is on the outside, a real embarrassment. My eyes hurt when I look at her face......seriously.
During MY speeches you either shut up or get kicked out. An adult that holds a position in Congress should be held to a higher standard. Taylor Greene makes $174,000/year and she is not happy with that because she made more money before. Pack your shit up and quit then and I will take your position for LESS pay and actually get stuff done instead of what you do.
Let's touch on some of the issues Biden addressed.
Fentanyl. I am for the legalization of drugs because people do them regardless.
I wish people were not using Fentanyl to get high and instead only used it as it is supposed to be used, closely supervised pain management. Unfortunately Fentanyl is here to stay, so either DO NOT DO these kinds of drugs or get some Naloxone.
I do not know how to stop Fentanyl coming into the US since drugs have been coming into the US since several decades now. People do drugs. It is what it is.
According to Donald Trump's response to Biden's State of the Union, the murder rate is higher than it has ever been in the US under Biden. OK....? Look people are INSANE nowadays in case you haven't noticed yet. Ever since Trump's presidency the a large amount of the US population has became borderline unhinged. So I would not blame Biden for it. Biden is certainly not responsible for randos shooting people. That too has been going on for decades in the Land Of The Free. Perhaps Trump should scrutinize himself and ask himself if he has a role in the according to him higher than ever murder rate? Sit down Donald. Be glad Melania has not officially left you yet.
My input, because Tati's State of the Union is THE real State of the Union......guns are not the answer. Too many crazies out there now with guns. So many that even I'm thinking about getting one just in case. Sorry America, WAKE UP, time to get with the times. This is not 1791 anymore OK. Time to rethink The Second Amendment.
I know it is a difficult pill to swallow for many but it is time. Time for the boys to stop playing Rambo and put those guns away. No....the Government will not take over your life more than it already has, you pay taxes so you are not truly free. People in other westernized countries somehow live so you can too here in the US with very strict gun control.
Bipartisanship and unity? Absolutely! Remember united we stand divided we fall, there is real truth in that statement.
I am all for more help for seniors. Seniors are awesome and should enjoy their retirement and absolutely support Social Security.
I will also say that Universal Health Care needs to happen in the US.
Like immediately. How should we pay for it? Tax the rich more. Why not? They can afford it. Tax large companies like Amazon. And tax churches and religious organizations. And stop wasting money on bullshit. And spend money where it matters, like on affordable healthcare for all. Also start teaching responsible parenting. To save money it is time to only allow responsible people to reproduce.
If you cannot take care of yourself you cannot take care of a child and I do not want to take care of your child. I am for population control as well. This planet has too many useless humans on it. Stop squeezing out kids. By the way.....poor children that have to deal with this disaster that is happening all over this planet. Who in their right mind wants to put children into today's world? And as far as abortion goes? I am PRO CHOICE of course. Pro lifers only care about the fetus. Once the baby is born they do not care what happens to it. Way too many children in this country get severely neglected, abused and murdered by their parents or Mom's new boyfriend. Care about the EXISTING children. Not unborn children.
Figure out a way to make rents affordable or deal with more homeless.
Many Americans are only one paycheck away from homelessness and that is terrible. Put a cap on rents. Allow people to be able to afford the basics - food and shelter.
How to deal with Russia and Putin? I told you many times before, let me deal with Putin.
How to deal with North Korea? I am not sure. I hope Kim either gets to his senses but as the dictator he is I don't think he will so my next hope is that he dies soon.
I really do not care how he dies. I truly feel very sad for the poor innocent people of North Korea. I cannot even imagine how miserable life must be there. So Americans hold on to everything you take for granted everyday and be GRATEFUL that you have it. As far as the "American Dream" goes.....there is no American Dream. That is an empty promise to keep you from either rebelling like the people in the 60s touched on or completely losing your mind. You will never be truly free unless you are one of those rare very fortunate people. Most of us will be forced to go to school, some will be conned into getting an expensive and useless education, then some will squeeze out innocent children that will repeat all of the mistakes of their parent/s and more, you will be forced to work in order to survive, pay taxes and scrape by until you are a few years or a decade plus from death. So try to make the best of it. It will not be easy.
Is that it? What else? Better care for animals. ALL animals. We can always improve on that. Because animals are beautiful contrary from us. Do YOUR part to improve the world.

Tuesday, January 31. 2023

Book, Ice Cream And Documentary

The other day I stopped by Powell's Books to get a book for somebody. I have given away this book, Breaking Open The Head by Daniel Pinchbeck to a couple of people. I really like it, a great read.

I saw this ice cream today, Brave Robot never tried it before. I decided on the hazelnut chocolate chunk one. So this ice cream is vegan, animal free and lactose free. Copied and pasted from their website,
"Our dairy products are made with animal-free milk protein from our ingredient partners at Perfect Day. The milk protein gives our ice cream the same taste and texture of traditional dairy with no lactose and a fraction of the environmental impact (plus no animals used means no animals harmed!).
Instead of milking cows, Perfect Day uses a process called precision fermentation to create milk proteins from microflora (like yeast) and plants. The precision fermentation process looks a lot like the fermentation process used to make kombucha or beer, and the output is pure milk protein – no lactose, no hormones, no antibiotics. It’s dairy, made better. Why Animal-Free? So you can enjoy all the creamy deliciousness of dairy with no lactose, no animals harmed, and a fraction of the environmental impact."
WOW! I am intrigued! I will let you know what it tastes like.

This is what you see under the lid.

I occupied myself for two hours this afternoon watching Pamela Anderson's documentary "Pamela, a love story" that came out on Netflix today. I really like Pamela and after watching this I like her even more. Her dance coach Gregory Butler that trained her for her recent role as Roxy in Chicago seems amazing the little I saw of him. And Pamela appears to have a really strong relationship with her sons. The only thing I do not approve of is the latest marriage to that guy she met while he was working on her house, the marriage only lasted about a year and it should had probably not happened at all. Like blergh.
Anyhow....that is all I have for tonight. My plan is to lay in bed Grandma style for the rest of the evening underneath my super soft heating blanket.

Tuesday, January 24. 2023

Shroom House

Sometime in October of last year a place called Shroom House (with the cutest sign) opened up on NW Burnside in Portland. They managed to stay open for about two months with not much buzz......until a local newspaper/website sent in a reporter that purchased some psilocybin. And then he wrote an article about it. After the article was published the word was officially out and people were standing in line for hours to get some. Basically to get some "magic" mushrooms. And a bit after midnight on December 8 2002 local police officers raided the place, arrested several people and Shroom House is now permanently closed. Psilocybin got seized and most likely destroyed which is terrible. Yes yes....I KNOW that psilocybin is considered a Schedule I substance under the Controlled Substances Act and bla bla bla but there is no way I think that you can compare psilocybin to heroin (also a Schedule I substance) for example. Cocaine and methamphetamine are considered Schedule II drugs.....just some random facts.
People do all kinds of illegal shit every day. Some illegal things are not that bad in my eyes.....like buying and using magic mushrooms. Although personal use of psilocybin here in Oregon is legal. If I am not mistaken it is illegal to pick magic mushrooms like for example psilocybe azurescens in the wild.....like WTF. The law differs on possession and consumption, educate yourself on it because I am certainly NOT doling out legal advice.
I totally believe in microdosing although I do not do it. Currently at least. Who knows if I ever will in the future. But I also believe in being responsible and educating yourself about these matters before taking anything mind-altering (for microdosing one can look up the Paul Stamet's Stack Method). Same as educating yourself on the possible side effects of whatever prescription drugs you might be taking. I think it is too bad that Shroom House closed down and that people were arrested. I wanted to at least go inside to see what it looked like and feel the vibe.
It would had been better in my opinion to arrest pedophiles, animal abusers and scum like that. Close down some other place that perhaps is not contributing to anything useful or good. Not that the police is not working actively to arrest random scum bags and criminals out there but I think that Shroom House was a nice addition to Portland. The city’s (un)official slogan is “Keep Portland Weird” after all.
In case you do not know....I am a sober person like 99.5% of the time. But I am also for psychedelics, to be utilized in a responsible manner as should alcohol and marijuana as well. Most people that can think for themselves have realized that psilocybin mushrooms are an amazing fungi that can be of great benefit for humans. Of course not everybody should eat a handful of magic mushrooms. Just like most people should limit their alcohol intake to one or two beverages in one sitting, three at the most.
There are several articles written about Shroom House if you are interested in finding out more about the place.
Something called Measure 109 passed here in Oregon in 2020. I was in total support of Measure 109 and went to see Sheri and Tom Eckert speak about it in 2019 and I had a "Yes on 109" lawn sign in my front yard (now it is in the back yard). I have even considered becoming a psilocybin facilitator but for now I am holding off and gathering more information about the whole psilocybin thing here in Oregon since it is still developing.
You can read about Measure 109 here.

Sunday, January 22. 2023


Stigma (noun) - a strong feeling of disapproval that most people in a society have about something, especially when this is unfair.

Once a dancer/exotic dancer/stripper (whatever the word used to describe this) you will ALWAYS be that. It doesn't matter what you did before stepping your high heeled foot onto that stage with that pole or what you decide to do after the dancing days are over or if you are doing something parallel to it.
When the public finds out about your STRIPPING, past or present (OMG ALL the judgmental better than a stripper pearl-clutchers unite) you will always be referred to as a stripper. Kind of funny no? I can't think of many other jobs that carry that stigma. Prostitute is one. Jesus is another, to me being Jesus must had been like a full time job. I am sure that there are some other occupations that do carry a stigma besides dancer now that I think about it, depending on who you ask. I can think of several occupations I would refuse to do simply because they go against who I am as a person.
Facts are that the people judging or talking behind your back might be some sorry ass terrible human beings. I have PLENTY of examples of that......One that comes to mind right now is an ex BFs sister that thought strippers were so trashy but decided herself to have a child with a complete moron that already had like 3 or 4 kids
(I hope he had a vasectomy since then), while living in a trailer, housed several neglected animals in that trailer and blurted out during a Thanksgiving dinner that she was going to get a boob job. ???? Like LOL? (I have no problem with the living in the trailer part but the rest is....yea). Excuse me but really now......examine your own sorry self before talking about me. And do something better with that money instead of throwing it away on a boob job, unless of course you are planning on putting those new boobies on display in the strip club and make some money for yourself and your child's future.
That was just ONE example. There are many more pertaining that backwoods clan that are thankfully in my past.
The reason I was thinking about this is because I noticed how the media refers to Lunden Roberts that happened to meet Hunter Biden in a strip club and got pregnant by him at some point. Most likely the biggest mistake she did was to hook up with Hunter in the first place. But she did. (I get it, I have made bad choices too when it comes to "men"). And now there is a child. And drama surrounding paternity, child support and all that not so fun stuff. And all Lunden Roberts is in the eyes of the public is a STRIPPER. I don't know much about her actually. Perhaps she has a degree in something or another job. I personally hope she makes MILLIONS of dollars with whatever she decides to do. Just because.
Do I tell everybody that I encounter that I happen to be a dancer? No. Absolutely not. It is not who I am, it is what I do. It does not define me.
I just happen to be a dancer AND other things as well. But first and foremost I am a human being. Actually I do not title myself as anything as in a profession. That is more of an American thing to focus on than a European thing, we do not focus on our jobs as much where I come from. Other attributes are valued higher, as they should. I mean look at the French.....they are currently furious that the government suggest that they raise the standard retirement age from 62 to 64. The French want to work to live.....they want to enjoy life for what it truly can and should be. Non?
Plus I do not want to deal with other people's stupid opinions aka stigmas.
Or somebody can get some skewed ideas about me that could turn into an unsafe situation. I do not need to or have to explain myself to anyone.
And based on my encounters with the normies (non dancers) so far in my life I can say with confidence that I am doing a whole lot better than a lot of them on many different levels. Mentally, physically, financially.....generally.
Let's see what else I can say that I do.....
I am a volunteer. Been volunteering on a regular basis since September 2019 now. Does that account for anything?
I also have another job. That job is making me an income. Some of my "other job" shirts that I dress in when needed.

I guess I am a model too. Been doing that since my late teens. Photos from one of the last shoots that I did got picked up by several publications.
I have been writing a blog (this one that you are reading) and taking pictures for the blog for well over a decade. So I guess I am a writer and photographer as well.

Some of my funniest memories were made and best friends met while dancing. I will always cherish the dancing. Us dancers usually stand united because we know that other judge us harshly and that most normies do not understand anyways.

Also.....stigma (noun) - the top of the central female part of a flower, where pollen is received. How fitting!