Crema

Right now I am sitting in my car outside a coffeshop called Crema, on NE Couch in Portland. I have been wanting to try a latte from Crema for some time. How was it? Very good. The pastry I had was good too, not stale. I really don't like it when places sell stale past being good pastries. Give them away for free or sell for a reduced price. My fave latte in Portland is still at Stumptown so far.  I am sitting in my car at a pretty busy intersection. Cars and people going by. Some cars are playing loud music but it is mostly just the sound of the traffic. Watching the people walk by my car. Thinking about how all of us exist, breathe together, the billions of us on this planet. All the dreams, hopes, struggles for survival,  grasping for something better/different, all the sadness, loneliness and happiness. I am just SAD. A friend of mine asked me yesterday how I cope without anything, without numbing the feelings. I told her that since I do not know of any different way to deal with sadness and difficult days I just do it. Just like many others. No drugs. No meds. No alcohol. Every day when I wake up feels difficult. One day all of this will be over and there will be either just nothingness or something else. Whatever the something else could be I don't know. But I never want to come back here again. Now I am going to take Kaya to a park and we are going for a walk. I am trying to give her a good life.