Welcome to Chaos !!

It's 3 30 and I am about to wash my face and go to sleep. I should probably wash my feet too, they are kind of stinky after five hours in my heels. Stripper shoes get a certain smell to them after a while. I feel so tired my eyes just want to close. Let me think.....did anything out of the ordinary happen at work tonight? Hmmmm.....no, gathered up a few more fans but that is normal. One girl I work with is in the hospital because her implant leaked and caused a very bad infection, she might have to go to a larger hospital.....it is that bad. Boss lady had a collection for her to help out with the medical bills, when I left there was more than $ 500 collected. I am so tired I can't form thoughts. Good Night!

My Burning Man ticket has arrived. This is really going to happen and it is happening next month! I have been wanting to go to Burning Man for so long and I am excited to finally be able to experience it. I think it is a place somewhere in the desert where you can run around naked, do lots of drugs, capture men and then burn them on a stake. Sounds like something right up my alley because I am such a man hater! Oh and a drug addict. Let's not forget to add that.



I actually got taken in to the office and reprimanded by the owner of the club last night. Because I basically very loudly (yes, I admit that I was yelling over the music) told a drunk, obnoxious and verbally abusive man to shut the fuck up and keep his money. This man, why he is even allowed inside the club I don't know. He always either arrives very intoxicated or gets to that point while at the club. He is very loud, has poor social skills and thinks that he can say and do whatever he wants because he waves around money. And he always challenges other guys to fight, one day somebody will knock his teeth out and rightfully so. Well, I don't like getting verbally abused and I am not going to comply with any of his demands. Why? Because I don't have to. Even though I work in a strip club. Newsflash to all you chauvinistic men out there! GO FUCK yourselves with a cactus!
I understand that the owner of the club makes money of pathetic alcoholics like this guy and that he does spend money in there on drinks and tipping the bartender and the girls on stage. I absolutely understand that. But what he has to understand is that I will not tolerate anyone talking to me like that. Ever. I mentioned things like pride and integrity during our talk. There is always a line when money is of no importance and my integrity is priceless.
That is what I said.
I understand that men do not always understand why I can come off as stand offish, in comparison to many of the other girls in the club, note that I am saying MANY, not all.
Some guys expect to get their ego stroked and their ass kissed no matter how they act or what they say. Because they have the money. Well, I don't kiss ass. Not yours, not his, not anybody's. Take it or leave it. And keep your dollars, I actually have plenty as it is. Go and talk to another girl and leave me alone! They always try to talk to me though.....even though I am "so rude". Booooohooooo!
To the owners defense I have to add that he and I had a calm and intelligent discussion and he started out our little talk with telling me what he does like about me.....I am an asset to the club, he wants me there, he thinks that I am very attractive and also that I come off as regal. So from now on you can all address me as Princess Tatiana!

Meaning of the name Tatiana " The name Tatiana is of Russian origin. The meaning of Tatiana is "fairy princess". Tatiana falls into the royal title name category."
Read more fun facts about Tatiana here

I got my latest Honey Dew's in the mail.....pretty blue with a green trim. I don't wear the same outfit at work for six weeks in a row like some people do.....I'd rather change it up.



And these are my latest Hanky Panky panties which I like to wear outside of work. Very comfy and cute. I get the low rise style and they come in one size only. The regular style ones look like a diaper on me.



Yesterday I pan fried some asparagus and had that for dinner. Very yummy but asparagus make my pee smell funny. Not that it matters since I don't have any immediate plans of peeing on somebody, it's just an observation.



So I watched Silver Linings Playbook and liked it a lot. I think Jennifer Lawrence is pretty amazing. Great acting from all the main characters. Also watched Side Effects and it did have a surprising twist to it that I didn't see coming at first. It would had been more interesting to me, at least, if the movie dug deeper into the serious problem of feeding people of all ages pharmaceuticals like it is some magic panacea. A staggering and scary amount of people in this country take some kind of anti depressant or mood elevating substance or opiate for pain prescribed by a doctor. I heard that there has been a sharp rise in suicides in middle aged men lately and one of the links to that is their dependency on opiate drugs. It many times starts out with those pills prescribed by a doctor, then you have to find pills from somebody else or go looking for another doctor willing to keep on writing you a prescription for your pill habit and the amount of pills you take increases and then buying heroin is often cheaper and easier than trying to score a high amount of oxys each day. Evil circle.

Well......it's early afternoon here. I am going to go home, do some laundry and sweep the floor (never ending tasks) and then perhaps later on.....go to work.

Here are some random pics from the last day in my kind of uneventful life.

I bought nectarines, organic of course.....and two days later these large patches of mold appeared. Not cool. Especially since nectarines cost more than $ 1 a piece. But I eat only organic nectarines nowadays.



My baby looking pretty amongst the wildflowers on our walk yesterday.



Mosquito repellants. They are still here and they are hungry.



I made mashed potatoes.



Went running at 1 am last night. It was wonderful, I felt so good, so alive and was on the lookout for bears.



Chhaya this morning, enjoying her sleep. I love that she sleeps in the bed with me. I wouldn't want it any other way.



Right now......at Coffee Roaster, savoring my latte.....thinking about life.

July is here! The day started off rainy but the rain has stopped now. After I am done with my latte, muffin and this entry I am taking Chhaya to a sports field in Kenai for a fun walk.
I made some phone calls and some texting today. Looks like I might go back to South Dakota in October to try out a club there. Not Frank Day's in Dallas, SD where I was last October and the year before, I don't want to go back there. Some other club but I will give you all the details about that if and when I go. October is still some time away. Also heard of a club in the Florida Keys I might try this winter, I have never been to Florida.
A very nice person gifted me a generous gift card for my half birthday.....awwwwww......! 🙂
So I am going to order a few books soon, Camilla Läckberg's latest for sure!
Soooooo........Friday night at work I "complained", actually spoke the truth to the manager about how few guys we had in the club. She replied that I wasn't making money because I am negative. OK. That is her opinion and it is an easy one to hide behind instead of dealing with THE TRUTH. There will be and are already fishing restrictions on the king salmon in effect. Therefore not as many people will be coming to town, that means that the club will hurt also. Last summer we only paid the full house fee when we did at least 5 dances. We pay $ 5 out of every dance we do. It might not sound like much but it adds up, remember I paid like $ 200 to the club a few weeks ago? I only brought up what other girls think and talk about but I actually bring it up instead of not saying anything, because I believe in democracy and speaking up for yourself and in return I get that I am negative. OK.....think whatever you want. Later on that night we all had to go on stage at the same time, like a herd of sheep.....BAAAAAAA! Kind of lame (us girls think) but many clubs do that, it's only for two songs here. While on stage I stood by the mirror in the far right corner. There was DOG POOP on the stage and I stepped in it with my heels. There are three dogs on the premises that come out now and then. Yeah.....don't even ask. LOL. I love those dogs though. So of course Tatiana steps in the poop. I motion for the manager to come over, or house mom or boss lady like I also call her. Those are her dogs after all. She cleaned it up and cleaned my shoe too. Afterwards she told me she was glad that I was the one that stepped in it because a few of the other girls would had thrown fits about it whereas I laughed it off. Really? She told me that I was so negative just an hour earlier. And here I am laughing about stepping in dog poop at work.
Let me give you some examples of what TRUE negativity is at the club. And this just happened last weekend, so hot off the press! The FUGLY girl, yes I think she is FUGLY, she has a face that needs a pillow on it, bullies guys into getting dances with her only. Instructs them not to get dances with the other girls. Pretends that she is their girlfriend. That is a HUSTLER my friends, a dirty hustler. Guys, really? How pathetic, desperate and easy manipulated are you?
And blind too obviously. I guess getting any VAGINE is better than no VAGINE at all for some, if you don't have any standards that is. No girl is your girlfriend unless she really is your girlfriend. There is a BIG difference between spending money on lap dances in the club and actually spending quality time with a girl outside the club. DUH! I would NEVER EVER tell a guy not to get dances with other girls. Why would I? Get dances from all of the girls you want.
You are not my boyfriend or husband, do what you want! In fact, I have several times introduced and encouraged guys, that I know come in specifically for me, to dance with other girls. I know that I will always get them back, because I am me. Neither would I ever pretend I am somebody's girlfriend. That is so LAME. No, I am NOT a hustler and I'm damn proud that I'm not. To me a hustler is somebody shady that is doing something bad.
How about when FUGLY, I am going to call her FUGLY from now on.....doesn't give guys their change back? For example, FUGLY gives you two dances, you give her a $ 100 bill and expect your change back but she pockets the $ 100, keeps it and walks away! You have to tell the manager about it to get your money back. I have NEVER done that and I would NEVER sink so low that I would do that. I always give back all the change, accept additional tips graciously and at the end of the dance you get a big hug, smile and THANK YOU. Whereas FUGLY stares into your wallet trying to figure out how to get more money out of you, then turns her back and pretends to be somebody else's girlfriend once she sucked you dry for the evening.
Another girl, a chunky barracuda face, got caught on tape STEALING wallets from guys. Is that something POSITIVE?
Correct me if I am wrong, but THAT if anything is NEGATIVE. That is what guys remember, talk about and makes them not return to the club ever again. I am the girl that will give you your money back if you drop it on the ground or forget it in the ATM by accident.
Do I even have to mention that doing dirty dances is beneath me......yes it is. I have NO PROBLEM saying that I am too good for that. Maybe it sounds like I am conceited or something to you, so be it. I'd rather be perceived as stuck up than be perceived as some cheap slore. What is up with chomping down on somebody's pants over the crotch with your mouth wide open? Are you hungry? Or kissing people in the lap dance room? Is that your man and you missed him? Frenetically rubbing guys crotches over the pants with your hands?
Are you cold and trying to warm up? Or how about sticking your hands down the pants on guys? Is their genital exam due and you are their physician? What is wrong with some of these "dancers"? Oh, or doing five or four nude dances for $ 100 while getting groped all over? What? At least charge the minimum that we are supposed to.



Trust me, I am NOT jealous. Not of the money they are making - stealing, manipulating or degrading themselves for. I'd rather go home with NOTHING than to make money like that. Neither am I jealous of the way they look. If you have seen me in the club, you know that I don' have to be jealous over a FUGLY broad or a chunky barracuda. I know this. So that is not the issue.
The issue is that it is WRONG. These girls destroy for all the other girls, they give strip clubs and dancers in general a bad name and if you are dumb enough to have fell for their schemes about being your girlfriend.......well, then I hope you got a reality check after reading this. Wake up.....smell the coffee and thank me later, I have probably saved you lots of money and some grief as well.

I feel spent this evening. Tired. I just watched Mama produced by Guillermo Del Toro and it was ridiculous, started out ok but then......no. I actually liked Don't Be Afraid of the Dark by him and I LOVE his Pan's Labyrinth . That to me was a masterpiece. I still need to watch
The Devil's Backbone . Sometimes people ask me if I have a favorite movie, I really don't have ONE favorite.....I like many and Pan's Labyrinth stands out in my mind as amazing, at least it touched me.
I am not in the mood to write about all the work drama tonight. All I can say right now is that it is turning into some kind of a whore house......and that is NOT what I am about. I hope these girls feel good about themselves after doing some of the things they do, while pretending to be dancers. And I can say one more thing, they disgust me. I thought there was supposed to be many differences between working in a strip club and working in a brothel. Apparently not (for some people). Unfortunately (I think) this shit goes on in many clubs.
I am tempted to go and work as a barista somewhere or don't do anything at all. Tempted. That doesn't mean that I will, right now. I am going to take Chhaya out for an evening walk soon and then I have two more movies, Silver Linings Playbook and Side Effects to watch.