Welcome to Chaos !!

Some late nights thoughts on a late and dark nights.......thoughts about life. This journey of being here, being alive. I read a magazine the other day (Shambala Sun) and came across
The Five Remembrances.

I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health. There is no way to escape ill health.

I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.

My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

That has been on my mind. I don't want any of that! I don't want to get separated from people and Chhaya by death. I don't want to get old, sick and die. I don't want to! WHY???
This is why I think life is suffering. But it's also happiness and wonderful.
I have so much that I am grateful for. Every day. Since 2013 is coming to an end I want to express my gratitude to KISA, my friend in Germany. He has helped me with the blog, there is much more to it than just writing a daily entry and uploading a few pics.....I found out.
He does not ask for anything in return, he spends something very valuable on ME, a person that he has never met, he is spending his TIME and effort and time we can never get back.
I know the value of doing for others without getting anything in return at best and in other cases (from personal experience) getting negativity in return. Therefore I am grateful for KISA. THANK YOU!!!



I am also so grateful that I got to experience Burning Man this year. That I decided to go basically by myself. I had the time of my life. Here is a video that I got in my inbox yesterday, it's a short Burning Man documentary.

WE ARE ONLY HUMAN x BURNING MAN 2013 from Aaron Freeder on Vimeo.

I woke up a little before noon today after a very uneventful night at work last night, two nights like that this week (complete waste of my time and the gas it takes to get there) and the other two were kind of bad too (I'm talking about money now not about my mood). That's how it is here in the wintertime. You either make nothing, or something and once in a while it's good.
After waking up I drove to Coffee Roasters, then I went to the store. When I returned home I took Chhaya for a walk and then I got busy with a mountain of dishes, several loads of laundry and other things that I needed to do around the house. A typical Sunday. There are still a couple of hours left before midnight. I'm going to take a bath and read. It was winter solstice yesterday......the daylight will be around for longer now, slowly but surely. Here are some December pics from Alaska.

It's a little after 5 am and I'm in bed eating caramel popcorn, yoghurt and drinking tea. I have to wash my face and then I can sleep. Work was FUN tonight.....that means I was laughing a lot, joking, singing loud and acting silly. That's fun to me. Oh, and I also got some gifts.
How sweet! A Victoria's Secret gift card and a cute gift bag (with puppy paws on it) full of nice stuff, even Chhaya got some treats. But I'm starting to get tired now, if I don't wash my face I will fall asleep with the eyeshadow and mascara still on and I don't like that. Plus, I have to get Chhaya's Christmas gift tomorrow and some other stuff and I'm hoping to wake up around noon.

I finally got everything packaged, sealed, declared and shipped off. What an ordeal! Seriously. I'm happy I'm done (almost). I got lucky and arrived at the post office when the line wasn't too bad. When I got up to the counter, the line behind me was really long. It took about 30 minutes from start to finish, so not that long and the cost? North of $ 200. It's the international shipping that is the expensive part. Bohoooooo......I could had gotten myself some nice boots or two relaxing facials for that money. But then again, it's Christmas and I can't help myself, I like giving. So this year Santa (me) had many people on the list. It's good that I had my little helper Chhaya by my side. I still have a few more gifts to wrap and deliver but that can wait until next week, on Christmas.



And here are the gifts that got delivered personally.



Speaking of gifts, while driving into town I heard the list of the most commonly asked for Christmas gifts by children 100 years ago. In order.....candy, nuts, rocking horse, doll, mittens or gloves, toy train, oranges,books, handkerchief and skates. Hmmmmm.......interesting.
I have included chocolate and toffee (candy), arm warmers and gloves, books and a couple of dolls in my Christmas presents this year. So some of the same things as 100 years ago.

I love yoghurt and I have found a new fave.....oh yum, I am addicted! It's called Liberte and it's the blackberry kind I like. Soooooo good, look for it if you like yoghurt, you will love it!
Other yoghurts that I approve of are FAGE with honey and Brown Cow. I used to eat Chobani 2% with pineapple but I think I will bojcott it due to that Chobani might be using milk from cows fed GMO feed.
But I have to go.....need to wash my hair, pick up Sharon and go to work.

Let me tell you about last night at work......which was super dead by the way but not totally uneventful. THIS is why we really do need a reality show up here, including ME......OF COURSE and the club I work at. We had only four girls, then three, one got sent home because she is sick and should definitely not spread her germs around, that spew out out her mouth during her violent cough attacks on stage. EWWWWW! Two semi drunk yahoos walked in, one with missing front teeth. I don't know if having missing front teeth is some kind of a fashion statement in some places, I have seen a few people here in town sporting that look. What is up with that? If you are under 60, get some fake teeth put in because that just looks like white trash trailer park......but then again, that might be the look they are going for. The two burly yahoos also brought a dog with them, that they loudly called "Dog" and sometimes "Crash", which was his name. Crash was super cute and of course I cuddled him and told him repeatedly what a good boy he was. I also took him for some exploring around the club, he happily sprinkled in a few spots. The yahoos only came in to warm up, drink some alcohol and check their Facebook. After all, it was not their idea to come in, it was Crash that wanted to come to the club according to them. So since it was Crash's idea, I asked if Crash perhaps wanted a lap dance. But since neither the two yahoos or Crash could afford that kind of extravagant spending, that didn't happen. Then some guy walked in with a large black trashbag in tow. He proceeded to pull out the contents of the bag onto the bar. Furs.
One wolverine fur, some beavers and a fox. And a pair of Mukluks (a boot traditionally made of reindeer skin or sealskin and were originally worn by Arctic aboriginal people). The pelts were for sale and would anyone of us like to buy some? I loudly declared that I believe that trapping animals just to skin them and sell their fur is animal cruelty and disgusting.
The practice of trapping animals in itself is absolutely barbaric I think. Then I said that I would be interested in buying a penis, did he have one of those in that trash bag perhaps? I would not mind having a collection of taxidermied dicks on my wall, like how some people have animals heads on display, I would have dicks. He scurried off to the office with his furs.
I guess he owed some money to the owner of the club, so the furs were being kept as collateral until he comes up with the cash. Then he sat down in between the other two girls working last night. They tried to get him to do a lap dance but he kept on STARING at me, like he had never seen a girl before. After loudly talking about me and complimenting me from across the bar, he decided to come over and actually talk to "The Ice Queen". That was the name he came up with for me. Quite fitting actually, I have to say. The guy was a total twitchy and nervous wreck. He had no money. At least none that he wanted to spend. But I don't think that I would had danced more than one dance for him anyways, he came off as very clingy and desperate. And I certainly do not need that. The only reason I politely sat and paid him some unenthusiastic attention, while watching TV, is because I felt sorry for him. He was just a sad and lonely man. Moral of the story for all you men out there. Be nice to your girlfriend or wife. Because when your ball and chain gets enough of your crap and leaves your dumb ass......chances are that you will end up just like this sorry dude last night. All alone, nervous, wild eyed and out trapping animals in order to survive.
Yeah......THIS is exactly why we need a reality show here. Instant success! This crazy, dysfunctional and fun place should be put on display. And me, The Ice Queen ruling with an iron grip. LOL!

Today I took my Christmas pics. It was - 11 °F......but I forced myself to do it. Of course the sun is nowhere to be seen today, so it was not at all how I had envisioned the whole thing.
I wanted sun rays lighting up my hair and making the snow sparkle.....but no. Oh well. I could not put this off any longer though, I need to develop the pics, print out Christmas cards and send out the Christmas gifts no later than Friday.
Now.....gym time. I haven't been for a while. It's going to be nice to break a sweat.