Welcome to Chaos !!

This afternoon started as usual. I woke up and looked outside. Was it raining again or perhaps sunshine today? Blue sky and sun after a few days of gray and rain. Nice! I started with taking Chhaya out and laying in the grass for a while, enjoying the sun. Then it was latte time. Have to say that I am a bit disappointed with my regular coffee shop. Since a while now they have been offering a frequent buyer program and I did not find out about that until the other day. I go there several times a week, how difficult would it had been to inform a loyal customer about that? Boooooooo! I could had racked up several free lattes by now. So not cool.
Later in the afternoon I got hit with painful stomach cramps. Awful. What did people do before pills like Pamprin or headache pills? I was very uncomfortable until the Pamprin kicked in about an hour after taking a pill. When I felt better I decided that me and Chhaya would spend some quality time together while it's still flip flop weather out. We went to a nice area that is fun for a walk, lots of pretty fireweed growing there.



Some of the fireweed flowers are tall.





After the walk we went to the beach. As always it is quite majestic there. I often stare at the waves rolling in and wonder if they came all the way from California or even further?
The ocean makes me feel small. So insignificant. After I'm gone the ocean will still be here, my life will be over and long gone, eventually only a faint memory, if even that in somebody's mind but the ocean will still be here......the waves rolling up on the beaches around the world.
Where will I be? Gone forever or somewhere else? The ocean makes me think about life and death. And then I feel sad.





Chhaya went to bed as soon as we got home. She usually wants to play tug in the evening when she has lots of energy but not tonight. I'm ready for sleep myself.

Last night I was going through my closet that is stored away in bins, deciding on what to keep and what to get rid of. Perfect Sunday evening occupation. I don't have cable and sometimes I don't have a single channel on the TV and other times I have two or three. I think five is the most I ever have. If I can watch The Big Bang Theory a few times a week I'm happy. I still wish Sheldon was my real life friend. So anyhow, while folding clothes the Teen Choice awards were on. So I'm watching......I'm not really sure how that awards show works but from what I understand TEENS, meaning 13 -19 vote for artists in different categories. Britney won and accepted a style icon award. There were some other artists and actors/actresses that won different awards, like Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande etc.
I can totally understand that teenage girls like Swift and Grande. What I did find really weird though is that some of the presenters were ancient, considering it is an awards show geared towards kids. Yes, to me a teen is a kid. When I was 15 I thought that 30 plus was really old. Ellen? I love Ellen but come on now......! Ellen was getting the "it's OK to be gay" message across. Great and all but are there not any openly gay teenage performers out there?
John Stamos? Really? Johns Stamos, what and why? He did so not belong there, go back to AA or something. And to top it off, not only weird but also very disturbing. Robin Thicke performed with some Flo Rida dude. Robin Thicke is the greasiest slime ball ever. When I look at him I think pedophile, his current "girlfriend", did she turn 21 yet? Another borderline pedo was on stage, Wilder Walderrama. Old dude with a taste for young girls. BARF! What is up with using old perverts as presenters? So back to the national perv, Robin Thicke. The song him and that rapper "performed" was basically about ass and sex. I looked up the lyrics and just like any other Robin Thicke song that gets any play, it is dumb as fuck. Yeah, nothing like having an old dude romance teen girls about his anaconda wanting to get into a girl's ass and "hit it til I jackpot", while a herd of back up dancers gyrate around him and the other dude dressed in shorts that barely covers their asses. SO GROSS!
Throughout the show the presenters were throwing out "inspirational messages" to the kids in the audience and at home watching like, love yourselves, it's great to be different, be strong, be fearless, follow your dreams and bla bla bla. So is it then appropriate to end the show with the great message as loving yourself so much that you need to squeeze into some booty shorts and twerk around a much older dude that wants to stick in in you? I don't get it.
All this talk about loving yourself and be yourself but in reality social media tells teenage girls and tweens that to be really "liked", admired and fit in you need to get fake tits, a fake ass, a nose job, must have skinny thighs and some ratty extensions. Desperately chasing and racking up "likes" from people you will never ever meet in real life. Pathetic and sad.
One short segment of the show covered unknown teens that actually do something positive for the world, society and themselves as fight sex trafficking and work on their academic goals. A song called Fight Song was performed by a girl I never heard of before, Rachel Platten. And that was THE BEST moment of the evening I think.
Oh yes, I am 100% aware of that what I do for a living does not contribute to anything world changing. It's merely how I cover my bills, expenses for me and Chhaya and add to my savings. But besides working as a dancer, I do not play dumb at work or in "real" life or cater to any dudes body fantasies by altering my appearance. I do not give a shit if some dude out there thinks that my ass is not big enough or that my boobs need to be a fake D. I would never ever breathe in that kind of a guys direction anyways. THAT if anything is what they need to teach young girls. Do not alter yourself for attention you mistake for love and be independent. Rely on yourself.
Me, yesterday afternoon at Kaladi, pondering what to write about next......

I'm at home waiting for the rain to cease so I can take Chhaya for a walk. I have already been to Coffee Roasters for my caffeine fix. This is what I look like on an ordinary rainy day like today.



I don't feel as insane as I did last night but it might creep on the later it gets in the day.
No plans today besides walking Chhaya, folding laundry and perhaps a nap in a bit. I feel tired, it must be the rain. That means I need some fresh air.

Here I am in the middle of the night.....night between Friday and Saturday and fantasizing about pizza and ice cream. Driving to the store in the darkness feels like something very doable actually. I took a bath about five hours ago, washed my hair, shaved, plucked my eyebrows too earlier. My plan was to go to work tonight. Then when I got out of the bath with my hair wrapped in a towel I had about 20 minutes to spare before having to get dressed. And I could gradually feel the feeling of major BLEH creeping on, I feel borderline SAJKO tonight and all day I was on the verge of crying, everything made me feel sad. I didn't cry, I just walked around feeling like I would any second. Wow, how do crazy people function?
I guess meds. Well, I don't have any, unless aspirin counts. I was thinking about putting lotion on for two hours, THINKING about it. The actual act of doing it felt like the biggest obstacle. Well, I finally forced myself to moisturize my dry skin, then I raided the kitchen and came up with some boring chips and juice. I hope you are having a more exciting night than I am. Thank goodness this feeling of major bleh will pass - it's only PMS.....I hope!
Do I look depressed enough in this pic? Like a tortured artist perhaps? Or only plain SAJKO?



Of course a smile is never too far away when I have my best friend in bed with me.

Yeah.....I feel quite unimaginative right now here on the blog. I'm sitting here staring at the screen and have a difficult time forming a sentence. I wish I had something new or exciting to tell you but I don't. I haven't been to work in almost two weeks, so no truffle butter panties to show you or any other strip club drama. Since I got home from camping last week I have slowly worked myself through the mountain of stuff that I want to get done here at home.
It's like pulling teeth....I am so lazy right now. But around 8 pm tonight I suddenly got a rush of energy or perhaps determination and got some stuff done. Better than nothing. Then I took Chhaya out and we went for a walk. I stepped outside to a painted sky in beautiful colors. I immediately felt better and took it all in. Last night there was a meteor shower here. The sky was completely saturated with stars and I saw a few meteors shoot across it but then I got cold and hurried back upstairs to my warm bed.
And that is all the excitement I have for now.

Met up with my breast friend for some coffee time and much needed girl talk earlier today.





Now I have to make some food cause I'm STARVING. Therefore the short blog entry for now.