Then I got that book Oogy today and just started reading it, the book is happy and sad because this dog went through so much abuse before he finally found a safe and loving place. So reading the book made me cry again. So I have been crying on and off today since a few hours now.
I feel so bad for my Mom, I wish I could go over and give her a hug and just be there for her, but the distance between us is big, I am in Vegas and she is in Stockholm. I love my Mom very much, though I don't tell her that, hardly ever. And I feel bad for that too. That makes me even more sad.
I think life in general is basically suffering. That's actually one of the noble truths of Buddhism. This is what it says,
"Life means suffering.
To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too."
And that is true. One day I will see every being that I love and care for pass away. Sad and difficult events happen constantly. I think the bright and happy events that we occasionally experience exist just to make life bearable to live for us. This sounds like I am a pessimist but I am not, I am a realist and in general a very happy person.
But these are the facts of life. I actually sometimes wish I could die before everybody else so I don't have to go through the pain, it would make it so much easier.
I tell Chhaya that I love her and how much she means to me several times a day.
I dreamed of Widget this morning, he was running in the snow and was happy. I think he is somewhere good. He showed me in the dream.
I hope and believe that when we die we go somewhere where we reunite with everybody we have loved, family, friends and animals. I am not sure if we need to live several lives first, to better ourselves with each life and learn until we finally can go to the big, blissful place and rest. I am not sure, but I hope.
I don't think that we just live this life, die and that's it. There's more.
Anyways, I have to go.
Here's my beautiful friend Widget, I have many wonderful memories of him. I love you Widget.
