Welcome to Chaos !!

Entries from January 2016

Sunday, January 31. 2016

Shoot With Cindy

I had an all day shoot and combined sightseeing trip with Cindy a few weeks ago. She took me out to Nelson here in Nevada, my first visits to the famous ghost town. A super cool place with soooooo much to see. Well, Cindy sent me a few of the images...... here they are.
Thank You Cindy!





I was FREEZING when we took this pic...... although it looks like I am fully enjoying the warm sun.



Photographer Cindy Enchanted Eye Photography.
www.enchantedeyephotography.com

Saturday, January 30. 2016

Draining



Here is just a part of what I have been dealing with for the last year and also years ago.
The folders are full of papers for a loan modification that I am struggling with to get approved for my place in Vegas. It has been extremely draining mentally and emotionally plus I have been doing it on my own. Paying an attorney would had been way too expensive and and at least I know that I am putting in the time.
I mean.....who can you trust to really work with your best interest in mind? Who can you trust in general? Not many people, that is for sure. I am and have been at my wits end with this and had I not gotten myself involved in this really bad, uneducated and very naive real estate mess, yes I was the naive one, I could had been rather OK off financially today had I not been so dumb. Right now I am still fighting because I am a fighter, I want to be able to say that I did what I could before giving up. So giving up means trying for a short sale and if that gets denied then it's foreclosure. That is what I am looking at basically. This affair has really been difficult to deal with. The banks and the bankers in high positions sure did get their bail out. Where is the people's bail out? Maybe some nice person out there can bail me out? LOL......yeah right. I am just kidding. But it would be nice to get a bail out, that is for sure. I just want my downpayment back, that's it. And the bank can take the house back......I don't need it. I need peace of mind and no stress.




Brooklyn

Hi my friends! 🙂 I can see in my statistics that I still have plenty and very loyal visitors checking my blog every day, It really warms my heart I have to say. Thank You! As you can understand, I am not doing well. But I am alive. And in case you wonder.....Chhaya is getting her daily walk, good food and attention. I am neglecting myself but not Chhaya.
So my beloved little MAC laptop Snow Snow (yes, I named my laptop when I first got it) is broken but getting looked over. Not sure if I will get it back repaired or what the outcome will be. I'm a bit sad over that too. The computer expert looking over Snow Snow told me that Snow Snow is sick. Noooooooo!
Yesterday I spent basically all day at my friend Roxy's house, she has a huge amazing art loft with upstairs balconies. We sat outside in the sun and had coffee. Chhaya joined us.



Chhaya loves Roxy's house. It's large, lots of space to explore, move around and chase after toys, a backyard and comfy furniture to enjoy.



We rounded up a nice day with two movies. First we watched Brooklyn a BEAUTIFUL story about a girl, Eilis that leaves Ireland in the 1950s to start a new life in Brooklyn, America.
Her adjusting to the new surroundings and then she falls in love but as love often is, it involved some complications, heartache and difficult decisions. But in the end I think she made the right decision.
There is nothing like true love. If you have it - cherish it. Don't let go of true love thinking that something better might come around or that the grass is greener on the other side because it rarely is. This movie is REALLY good, I loved it and both me and Roxy cried. Tissue definitely came in handy.
I saw many similarities to my own life in this movie. Coming to the US alone and how hard it was in the beginning because I was so homesick and felt so lonely. There is nothing like the comfort of having your family to support you through life's up and downs. If you have family close by consider yourself BLESSED. I am very grateful for my friends here. They say that friends are the family you choose. I think that is very true.
Then we watched Trainwreck . Yes, very fitting title for Amy Schumer's character. That movie was trashy but had it's fun moments.








Saturday, January 23. 2016

Overcoming Life's Obstacles

I have been thinking about not writing my blog anymore because sometimes (like now) I don't want to share myself publicly anymore but then I also think that I will continue. I'm torn. I am going through something painful right now, my heart is broken and my soul is aching. I'm not well, therefore I have not been writing.
I got a magazine today called The Optimist , it's not something I usually get, I just grabbed it because right now reading gets me through the day. I looked through it this evening and I want to share with you, my readers, something that Paulo Coelho wrote in this issue, I guess he writes a column for the magazine. As soon as I read it I started crying and decided that I needed to put it down in the blog, I guess you never know where you will find inspiration because to be honest I did not intend to write anything for some time, if ever. Here it is......

"Overcoming life's obstacles
Life is like a big bike competition, whose goal is to achieve the personal legend - that which, according to the old alchemist, is our true mission on earth.
At the race's start, we are all together, sharing comradeship and enthusiasm. However, as the race develops, the initial joy gives place to true challenges: tiredness, monotony, doubts about our own capacity. We notice that, in their hearts, some of our friends have already given up - they are still riding only because they can't just stop in the middle of the road.
This group gets bigger and bigger, and everyone is riding along in the support car (we can call it "routine" as well), where they talk among themselves and fulfill their obligations, but forget about the beauties and challenges of the road.
We end up distancing ourselves from them, and now we have to face the loneliness of our path, the surprises that come with unknown curves, the problems with our bicycles. At a certain point, after a few falls with no one nearby to help, we end up asking ourselves if so much effort is worth it.
Yes, it is worth it; we just have to keep going.
Priest Alan Jones says that we need the Four Invisible Forces - love, death, power and time - so that our souls have conditions to overcome obstacles:
It is necessary to love, because God loves us.
It is necessary to be aware of death, in order to understand life.
It is necessary to fight, in order to grow - but all the same, we can't let ourselves be fooled with the power that comes with growing up, because we know it doesn't mean anything.
Finally, it is necessary to accept that our souls - even though eternal - are trapped in the web of time, with its opportunities and limitations at this moment. That way, in our lonely bicycle race, we have to act as if there were time and do our best to value each second, rest when needed, but always keep racing toward the Divine Light, not letting times of anguish bother us.
These four forces can't be faced as problems to be solved, for they are beyond any control. We need to accept them and let them teach us what we need to learn.
We live in a universe that is both gigantic enough to involve us and small enough to fit in our hearts. The world's soul, the silence of wisdom, lies in the soul of man. While we ride toward our goals, it is always important to ask, "What is there of beauty on this day?" The sun might be shining, but if the rain is falling, it is also important to recall that the black clouds will soon dissolve. The clouds dissolve, but the sun remains the same and never goes away - it is important to remember that in moments of loneliness.
At last, when times are very rough, we can't forget that everyone has gone through this, regardless of skin color, social situation, creed or culture. A beautiful prayer from Egyptian Sufi master Dhu'l-Nun (died A.D. 861) summarizes well the necessary positive attitude we need to have at those moments:
"O God, when I pay attention to the voices of the animals, to the noise of trees, to the murmur of the waters, to the chirping of the birds, to the whistling of the wind or to the roar of thunder, I notice a witness of Your unity in them; I feel that You are supreme power, omniscience, supreme wisdom, supreme justice."
"O God, I recognize You in the trials I am going through. Allow us, God, Your satisfaction to be our satisfaction. May the joy be Yours, the joy a father feels for his son. And may I remember You with calmness and determination, even when it is hard to say "I love you." "

Where am I supposed to go? What is my purpose and my true mission on earth? Anything?
I am so lost and I am scared.
Now you know. I am being very honest and that is making myself vulnerable. People hurt you, people lie and take advantage. I don't know if I can take that anymore.
I am also going to start reading these books a friend gave me, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.



I also saw this book today, I think I need it.



I do pay attention to the sounds and the great silence of nature, I can feel it - it is beautiful.





Monday, January 18. 2016

Tea Time

My latest obsessions on repeat...... the yummiest carrot cake ever that I get at Whole Foods, Death Salsa and tea with lemon.
Besides that I have nothing to report. My hair is unwashed, I need a trim (hair) and a pedicure. Perhaps a massage too. I've been better but I'm alive and that's about that.



Sunday evening. Are you ready for the work week to start tomorrow or are you off because it's a holiday?

Sunday, January 17. 2016

Death Salsa



I just had some Death Salsa for a snack, you can find it at Whole Foods in case you want some. The first time I had it my scalp got really hot and sweaty and my nose runny but now I barely think it is spicy. I don't know if I got used to it or if they are making it less spicy now but it's pretty tasty. I love spicy food.
I have been reading a lot.....for hours at an end, trying to find inner peace I guess. I got the latest Adbusters (a magazine) today but I have to say that I have been disappointed with the last couple of issues. I used to think it was so good but lately they are hinting at that terrorist groups like ISIS might be somehow positive and that they understand why young people are leaving Western society behind to commit to jihad. That doesn't resonate well with me.
Sure us people in Western society are far from healthy in many ways and put value on meaningless things. Yes, I feel empty too sometimes and wonder what I REALLY contribute for the good of the world and humankind but I am not so confused that jihad seems like a good answer. You can find meaning and beauty in nature and a plethora of other things. There is no meaning in oppression, terror and brutal murder.
Well, goodnight my friends I hope you are all safe and at peace. I am hoping to get some calm sleep tonight.