Welcome to Chaos !!

Do you know somebody that has been catfished? I mean besides the dumb looking football guy that made the news a few weeks ago when he thought he had been dating some imaginary girlfriend and then she died......although I think he was lying. Or he really is THAT dumb.
Well, I actually knew somebody that got conned like that. LOL. To me it is funny. To fall head over heels "in love" with somebody online, that you haven't even talked to on Skype seems strange to me. You need to have some kind of a communication besides
e mails. At least I would need that. The person I knew met some girl on Myspace years ago. She lived in France. She only had a few pictures of herself on Myspace and I thought there was something very fishy about the whole situation and told him this several times. This was way before I knew there was a word for this - catfishing.
Well, his dumb and blinded by "love" ass bought a ticket to Paris, he was almost broke to begin with so a round trip ticket between Vegas and Paris definitely put a dent in his finances. When he got there, the girl that he loved......I guess she loved him too......oh how romantic......was nowhere to be found. Huh? What? And then she died! And he blamed himself somehow. It was a mess. Instead of enjoying Paris he sat at some internet cafe, frenetically awaiting to hear from this never existing girl. When he got back home he was devastated that the love of his life had died and he was convinced that somehow it was because of him. Talk about crazy! I repeatedly told him the whole thing was fake and eventually he did realize that he had been fooled. Catfished! Well......time showed me that he was crazy indeed. His relationships with many women were imaginary, even with me. I was his friend - ONLY. But in his mind I was supposed to be more than a friend and the ways he expressed his anger and jealousy over that were psychotic and delusional. Therefore he used to be my friend, not anymore. I am a very loyal, understanding, forgiving person and a great friend but I finally had enough of him. Even though he was a friend for a long time, well at least I though he was a friend......he had some positive qualities but enough is enough.

I am at Kaladi coffee in Soldotna right now, having my latte and munching on an apple fritter. I love Kaladi coffee, so far it's my fave although I have heard that Corner Cafe has good coffee too, me and Lexi are planning on going soon. My second fave coffee place around here is Coffee Roasters and once in a while I go to the coffee carts that are all around here. There are usually cute girls working in those, dressed in something revealing and tight, trying to make as much tips as they can. I always tip a dollar, more if they flash me some boob or butt.



So I picked purple for my toes yesterday, I matched with my purple bra that everybody always compliments and a pair gray Honey Dew's with purple trim. It was a good night. I had lots of fans.
But some nights are awful, like last Monday when I made a whole $ 3! That doesn't cover my gas back and forth to work. That doesn't even cover my daily latte. Or the week before I made a combined $ 20 Tuesday and Wednesday. That is how is it, but it usually evens out - you have bad nights, some ok and then you have the good ones sprinkled with a few amazing nights here and there. Unless you are lucky to work at a club where almost every night is good, that is how it was for me when I worked at Flashdancers a long time ago. It was great. And when I went to New York last December to try it again I didn't get rehired because they had too many girls. Now I am kind of missing New York again, maybe I'll go in the fall for a few weeks......
The plans for the rest of my day, some errands, about one hour at the gym, grab some Mexican food to go, eat and relax and then go to work.

This evenings superficial activities before work tonight.......touched up my roots and painted my nails. While the color was in my hair, 45 minutes, I took off my old nail polish, cut and filed my toenails, I like them square shaped but usually the salon does a better job at that than I. Applied two coats of polish and a clear topcoat. Perfect.
I didn't have time to take care of my fingers, maybe later at work if there is some dead time or tomorrow. Well........it's getting late, have to drive to work.

I have so much to be grateful for. I am healthy, have everything that I need, food to eat, a safe and comfortable place I call home, Chhaya, My Mom, friends. I have already written blogs about that I am grateful for the water that comes out of the faucet when I turn it, for all the comforts that I am accustomed to. Here I am having my daily latte and blueberry scone, then I am going to the gym and after that work where I will make money basically based on my physical attributes when there are people that worry about how they will survive for the day. It's crazy. There are days when I want more things, like clothes or pretty bracelets, more stuff. Not because I need, because I want. And I do not stop and think much about it because that is just what I am used to.
That's all I wanted to express right now, some thoughts that I have at this moment while siting here with my laptop. That I AM very grateful but some days I don't give it much thought. It is a beautiful day today and I feel happy I guess but I have a lot on my mind.

So I finished both books I got a few days ago. The Stonecutter was amazing and I have to read more books by Camilla Läckberg. I am hooked. The other book was by an author called Ree Drummond, Black Heels to Tractor Wheels . Little did I know that Ree has one of the US most popular and visited blogs, she has several million of visitors each month. I had about 970 yesterday.......just a comparison for you. She has received several blog awards, yes there is such a thing as blog awards - The Bloggies. I should get a blog award! HELLOOOOOOO!!!!! I have to do more research on that, added that to my to-do list. I checked out her blog, thepioneerwoman.com and it is very nicely presented with great photographs and has a pretty design with different categories, geared more towards housewives I think, that is how Ree describes herself, although could be read and found interesting by many. BUT I was disappointed with her book, not the story - that was entertaining. It is basically telling how she met, fell in love with and married her current husband. What I didn't like is how she presented herself.
Kind of weak and insecure. Very occupied with her looks. Now I am somewhat occupied with my looks too, I mean looking good makes me money but Ree takes it to levels I think are ridiculous. Careful and obsessive application of make up even for an early morning round up of cattle, just so her man won't see her without make up. There were several descriptions of her fretting over getting her shimmery make up and lip gloss applied before she could show herself to her dude. COME ON! Really? She reminds me of the horror stories you read about some women (that I can't even believe exist) that rise an hour before the husband just to cake on a full face of make up and do their hair and so their guy always sees them fully made up. Lame! Talk about having issues! Another thing that made me disgusted was that she described running over her dog Puggy Sue that she supposedly loved, the dog died the same day from the injuries,
Ree was "devastated" and cried but since she had a date with her man that evening she applied two cold spoons on each eye to reduce the swelling and redness and drove an hour to see him. She made sure to check her eye make up before exiting the car to greet him. WHAAAAT? If I had accidentally ran over Chhaya and caused her to die I would had been freakin' HYSTERICAL and inconsolable for a good time afterwards.
I certainly wouldn't be getting dolled up for some date later on the same day I killed my dog. And at the hospital after giving birth to their first child the nurse asked her some routine questions while her husband was in the room. One of the questions was if Ree had passed any gas after the child birth. I don't have kids but I guess it might be important to know that your insides function properly after squeezing out a huge baby.
Ree almost died when she heard the question and couldn't bear to answer it. She is one of the women that pretend they don't fart I guess. During her whole pregnancy she maintained a certain level of glamour and vanity, even during the labor, the woman even applied tinted lip balm before the epidural so she wouldn't look "pale". The whole book is full of descriptions about her insecurities about herself. Because to me those are insecurities. On the other hand, she describes vomiting a lot and has many snot bubbles come out of her nose. So that is ok but farting is not?
I am not the person that is going to blast some gas in your face just because "it's natural". But YES I DO fart, all women do! Surprise! And sometimes my farts are so loud and powerful that I wish somebody was present to marvel at them with me. It's like, WOW ! And the whole needing to "look perfect at all times for your man" make up crap. Who even bothers with that? Really? If a guy can't love me with no make up, greasy hair, unshaved legs and armpits then what do I need him for? Seriously! Girls come on now, don't be weak like that! I like make up, nail polish, fake lashes, putting on lotion and all the stuff that I do. But being in my natural state is to me as normal as breathing. Do I have any insecurities? I guess not too many. I have one issue that I've had since I was about 11. I am near sighted. I wear contacts but I also have glasses. Well, I used to be so insecure about wearing glasses in class before I bought my first contacts that I still feel a bit insecure about wearing my glasses. Strange but true. Once I am out and about in them I forget and relax after a while but sometimes a wave of that insecurity and shyness that I felt as a kid will rush over me. And if I happen to have a zit or two on my butt (I break out easily on my butt, don't know why), I will cover them up before going on stage. Don't need to advertise my occasional butt zits, still waiting for Clearasil to offer me a paid contract to do so.

I think I want to get some fake clip in bangs. Maybe next time I go to Anchorage I will look if any of the beauty supply stores have any. I would never cut bangs, that would be a mistake. I like my hair the way it is, pretty much one length and I've had my hair like this for a long time now. I don't see any reason for a change although people (always other girls) sometimes try to convince me that I would "look so good" in layers or a shorter hair style to "bring out my face". Hmmmmmm, I think I already look good. I can see my face. And I like my hair long - it's me. Bangs would be fun to try as a change once in a while but I am not sure if I want the blunt cut bangs or the more layered look.
And no, I have not grown my hair all my life (I get asked that a lot, it is not THAT long ok) and yes I do cut it. I cut it about twice a year. If you want long hair I suggest that you go easy on the trims. And take care of your hair in between. Maybe take a good supplement. I've had two perms as a teenager. I wanted curly hair, it looked awful on me. But all the "cool" girls had perms, kind of looked like tight poofy curls and I wanted to look like them too. The last perm I took out after about a week, not at all good for the hair but I didn't want it anymore. And when I was in 8th grade I had short hair, kind of in a punkish style. Now it's long and straight. I've been asked a few times if I want to sell my hair. I guess long Eastern European hair is a hot commodity on the hair extension market. And here are some of examples of the blunt cut and the layered bangs.