Welcome to Chaos !!

I have been trying to upload some pics onto the blog for about five hours now.......sooooooo frustrating!!!!! GAAAAAAH!!!! I am actually at work right now and I was hoping that the internet was going to work faster here but no.......so I have no clue to what's going on. Are both my laptops not agreeing with me or is it the internet connection? So while trying to upload the pics at home I occupied myself with staring out the window at the never ending snowflakes coming down.......I swept the downstairs (I have bamboo floor downstairs mainly), did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, walked Chhaya, made pancakes (again), ate, took a bath, washed my hair and brushed my teeth.......still no upload. WTF?!
Anyhow.......another kind of boring and gray day here, I did get myself out of the house and to work but so far there is not much going on here besides that I am getting nausea from all the cigarette smoke.......bleh. Why do people smoke? Me don't like.
Here I am with the laptop earlier in the day........



They have a local weekly free newspaper here called the Redoubt Reporter and let me tell you......it's like the most boring newspaper......ever. It's not like the Las Vegas Weekly......
Actually this week there is an interesting article about a horse stable here, makes me want to start riding horses again, I love horses. Then there is an article about how many brown bears they think live here on the Kenai Penisula. 624 supposedly. That is not how many brown bears that exist in Alaska, just around here where I live. And then they talk about some fishing business. Super exciting! I think they NEED something more lively, pink, glittery and fun in this newspaper, so people around here can look forward to picking it up on Wednesdays when the new edition comes out. Especially now, in the middle of the gray and heavy winter season. I think they need some Tatiana to write for them! I mean, imagine how many fun and interesting things and opinions I can share with the readers of the Redoubt Reporter!



And my pic FINALLY got uploaded, so much trouble for one pic of my tramp stamp. This is from when I worked in Grand Junction at a club called Fantasy. Some girls there went by a first and last name, me and Claudia thought it sounded kind of hilarious when the dj would announce them by a first and last name. Kind of pompous. So of course we came up with last names for ourselves also and had many laughs about it. I became Tatiana Tornado and Claudia became Claudia Cucumber. I found "Tornado" written in some magazine, cut it out and plastered it on my lower back, my tramp stamp! Than was almost two years ago now, time goes fast!



The feminist in me is of course totally against using the word tramp stamp to refer to a tattoo on a woman's lower back. Tattoos and a persons sexuality are not correlated. Also.....what makes somebody a "tramp" exactly? Some thoughts here late night in a snowy Kenai......surrounded by 624 sleeping brown bears.

......how far you would make it in one hour on the treadmill? Well, I wondered that today so after I got back home from the walk with Chhaya I went to the gym. So one hour of brisk walking......to me that means 4.0 and 4.2 in speed, well four miles. I MIGHT do it again tomorrow, it wasn't too bad. A little boring, so talking on the phone keeps the monotony at bay and an iPod.





When I got home I made pancakes. I love pancakes, next time I am having them with whipped cream and jam.



Since I am home tonight I am thinking that I am going to take a bath and maybe start on organizing my closet........

So.......Good Morning I guess. I had a difficult time getting up today, I woke up at around 11 am and then I kind of just laid around in bed not feeling the energy or motivation to get up. I curled myself up like a fetus in a womb and felt empty. Well, I am up now and feel much better.
It might be the weather, it's gray, no sun and about 10°F outside. I have to bundle up and walk Chhaya soon because she needs a walk and we didn't go for one yesterday because it was even colder and windy. Too cold. It started snowing in the early evening and the visibility was bad so I stayed home.
I still have to organize my closet, I didn't do it a few days ago like I planned to. I need to vacuum upstairs but when I vacuum I make a project out of it and move the furniture from one room to another so I can get every speck of dirt, hair and dust. I wipe down window ledges, dust etc, it's not just some dragging the vacuum around for two minutes, it's like I said - a project.
Then I should go to the gym so I can feel energized. I should go to work tonight. I should make plans to go to Anchorage, I have a photo shoot waiting for me there whenever I am ready.
I should also book a nice facial in Anchorage. But the drive there and back in the winter time can be exhausting. It feels like too many should's and have to's right now and I am not in the mood.
I did take care of some online banking and receipt sorting earlier that was on my list of have to's, so that's done. Maybe I can manage to scratch something else off that list before the day is over. Well, time to layer on some clothes and take my baby out for a walk in the deep snow.........

I found this pic on an online dancer forum I sometimes visit and borrowed it from there.

Many girls that dance (strip) can't tell their families because this kind of occupation is still frowned upon by many and a lot of people associate it with many negative stereotypes. I am not saying that dancing (stripping) is free from problems or should I say people that create the problems for themselves but it's not as bad as some think it is. Also I think it is the topless and/or nudity issue that is so shocking and hard to swallow for many........very immoral!
So saying you bartend or waitress to avoid the stigma is popular.

The movie "Striptease" is a joke. I have seen it twice and I cringed, hid my face in my hands because it was painful to watch sometimes, so bad. It is so lame and I am sorry but Demi's "performance" as a dancer was just bad. Are there any movies out there that describe dancing realistically? I don't know of any. I should make my own movie.

The boyfriend will often have fantasies about the girl/girl scenario and like most guys would love for his dancer girlfriend to bring home a one or two of her hot co worker now and then.
Be careful what you wish for!

The three pics on the bottom mixed up would be an ok description of the dancing business depending on the club and if it's busy at work or not. I have seen and experienced all three scenarios. Some nights are FUN FUN FUN with lots of money flying around, some nights you feel like the fiercest diva ever and many nights you sit around and read a book, a magazine or do home work. I don't know how I would cope with the dead time at work without something to read!

I just HAD to make myself a cheese and tomato sandwich and a cup of tea at 3 15 last night, I couldn't get it out of my head. Cravings are weird because it's not like I was hungry......I just wanted food.......mmmmmm.......I love food.
I read that many go to the doctor and get some kind of a combo of Adderall and anti depressant prescribed to them so they can manage to curb the food cravings and lose those pesky 5 - 7 pounds. The Adderall which is an amphetamine blend and addicting although the pills come in smaller doses than if you would use the street drug will make you drop that weight and the anti depressant will take care of the cravings. The side effects from Adderall alone are scary. I don't understand how people can give this to their kids that supposedly have ADD and note the supposedly...... I think that all this feeding society with prescription drugs will rear it's ugly head soon. And me on Adderall? There would be lots of focus and lots of getting things done, that much I can say. Too much! Better that I stay away from it and stick to walking Chhaya, the gym and indulge in the yummy food cravings.

I had a conversation with Angelica recently about people and common sense personal hygiene issues. Some people are gross, really. I don't know if they are not aware of certain things or just plain clueless.
Angelica is a hairstylist and one of her clients does waxing on women's VAGINES, the so called Brazilian. I never had a Brazilian, I am scared of the pain, I suspect I would faint from the pain and I am also scared of getting like 100 ingrown hairs down there after the waxing. I have waxed parts of my bikini line at home myself before and I always bleed. Anyways, Angelica's client told her that she sometimes get women that come in straight from the gym, lay down on her table, spread their legs and smell funky in their crotch area. Gross. Like, who does that? Embarrassing, hello! And disrespectful to the person that is digging in your crotch. To me, it is plain common sense to have a clean, non sweaty and non funky smelling VAGINE when you go in for a Brazilian or the gynecologist for a check up.......unless you are visiting the gynecologist to get treated for some kind of infection. Then I guess there could perhaps be some odor I suspect? Same as brushing your teeth before you go to the dentist. Or for me, taking a shower or a bath before I go to work. I have worked with girls before that had really disgusting personal hygiene, everything from bad body odor, crusty unwashed panties, smelly armpits to stinky VAGINES. Ewwwwwwwwww! Like WTF?! Or when guys come in to the club and have a cloud of offensive stench surrounding them. No lap dance for you! Soap is cheap in this country, I recommend Dial Antibacterial.

I met Angelica in the dressing room at Crazy Horse Too in Las Vegas. I was sitting with another girl from Poland talking in our native language when we hear somebody loudly butt in across the mirrored row in Polish. It was Angelica and we have been friends since then, through ups and downs and some temper flaring arguments - still going strong! ❤