Welcome to Chaos !!

Tatiana had a couple of exhausting days due to a person causing problems for her.
Very unfortunate. But things are moving forward and Tatiana feels somewhat better and relieved.
This was just another experience and it will only make Tatiana stronger.


Nothing fun and crazy to write about at the moment. Days are nice and lazy. But it's time to step it up a notch and get busier, get things done.
Doing good, looking amazing.
: )

Today my Moms friend and dog Widget passed away. So it's a very sad day. I can't even imagine how my Mom is doing, she had Widget for almost 12 years, he was her best friend. Widget was SO good and I wish I could had seen him before this happened but I didn't. But I wish.
Then I got that book Oogy today and just started reading it, the book is happy and sad because this dog went through so much abuse before he finally found a safe and loving place. So reading the book made me cry again. So I have been crying on and off today since a few hours now.
I feel so bad for my Mom, I wish I could go over and give her a hug and just be there for her, but the distance between us is big, I am in Vegas and she is in Stockholm. I love my Mom very much, though I don't tell her that, hardly ever. And I feel bad for that too. That makes me even more sad.
I think life in general is basically suffering. That's actually one of the noble truths of Buddhism. This is what it says,

"Life means suffering.
To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too."

And that is true. One day I will see every being that I love and care for pass away. Sad and difficult events happen constantly. I think the bright and happy events that we occasionally experience exist just to make life bearable to live for us. This sounds like I am a pessimist but I am not, I am a realist and in general a very happy person.
But these are the facts of life. I actually sometimes wish I could die before everybody else so I don't have to go through the pain, it would make it so much easier.
I tell Chhaya that I love her and how much she means to me several times a day.
I dreamed of Widget this morning, he was running in the snow and was happy. I think he is somewhere good. He showed me in the dream.
I hope and believe that when we die we go somewhere where we reunite with everybody we have loved, family, friends and animals. I am not sure if we need to live several lives first, to better ourselves with each life and learn until we finally can go to the big, blissful place and rest. I am not sure, but I hope.
I don't think that we just live this life, die and that's it. There's more.
Anyways, I have to go.

Here's my beautiful friend Widget, I have many wonderful memories of him. I love you Widget.

Yesterday afternoon Tatiana took Chhaya to Sunset Park here in Vegas. It is a really nice park, with a long trail that you can walk or run. A lake in the middle, where some crazy people fish (Tatiana would not eat that fish) and lots of ducks that get fed by the animal lovers of this city, Tatiana included.
In the middle of the lake, there's a small island where all the ducks hang out, nobody can get to them there. On that island there are also some smaller replicas of the Easter Island statues. You know, here in Vegas we have lot's of copies of many fun places around the world, so you don't need to travel anywhere else, just to Vegas, convenient!
Sunset Park is awesome! Here is Chhaya getting acquainted with a duck.

Tatiana is about to make a late night trip to Wal Mart. That's the time to go to Wal Mart here in Vegas. No crowds and parents with crying toddlers, instead a good chance of freaks and interesting people to look at.
Tatiana used to take her brother Robert to Wal Mart at like 4 am when he was here visiting from Sweden, he always thought it was a great time.
And Tatiana and Julia used to go after work around 5 am in search of glittery lip gloss and matching Hello Kitty undies for work. Fun times!
Anyways, this is Tatiana's new fave song. It's by Ne-Yo and it's called "Beautiful Monster", it is so good and it does have an electronica sound to it. Love the lyrics!

Tatiana is really happy, she is going to see Linkin Park and The Prodigy here in Vegas in February.
It's going to be great!
CHESTER!!!!!!!

January 3......Tatiana is tired but does not want to sleep. She wants to eat but won't. She will take a shower and maybe read. She needs to get a new book to read tomorrow.
What are YOU doing?
Tatiana loves Hello Kitty and Deery Lou. CUTE!