Entries by TATIANA

Last night at work Tatiana had a conversation with a guy that is a pilot in the United States Air Force. He told Tatiana lots of interesting things, his perspective on war.
He has been serving in the Air Force for many years now and is planning to retire in about three years. After he retires, all he wants to do is enjoy his life by hiking, fishing and relaxing.
He has been in Afghanistan, Iraq, Turkey, Kuwait, Oman, to name a few places. He said that he does not like it when people come up to him to say thank you for what he is doing for this country. Why? Because he is ashamed. Yep, ashamed. Because the way Americans are acting and running things, because of what he has seen and knows.
He thinks that all the troops should come home, that America has no business in Afghanistan, Iraq and Libya. That the wars are only happening due to interest in oil and money, profit for America only. That Bush, Cheney, Obama and many, many others (in high political positions) have stocks, investments, personal interest in the places America is at war with. That America dropped more than 100 missiles within 24 hours of arriving in Libya, each missile being very, very expensive, manufactured by a company that Cheney has lots of stock in. Coincidence?
That he feels really bad for the poor people in the countries he has been to, because due to the war and destruction, they will be even more poor and miserable. Poor for life. He called them "good people", "friendly". That he always brings lots of Hershey bars for the kids when he goes abroad, cause the kids love that candy and they get so happy.
That he wishes America could use the enormous amount of money that is spent on wars to improve the situation here in America instead, education, schools, rebuilding places like Detroit etc.
He also said that even if Osama would had waived a white flag, he would had been killed on the spot, because that is what the people of this country wanted. He said that he felt weird that the death of Osama caused a celebration resembling a sporting event like the Super Bowl, weird to celebrate the death of another person, even if it was Osama, hated by many Americans.
It was really interesting to talk to an open minded and insightful person about these subjects. A person currently serving in the Air Force. He has seen a lot. He is there, doing it. Not reading about it in the paper, or hearing about it now and then on the evening news, giving the war some fleeting thoughts sometimes.
And he thinks that these wars are a big waste.
What do you think?
Tatiana agrees with him. And she only knows a little about these matters. But there is something that is just so wrong with it. That she knows and feels.
It's wrong that kids as young as 18 go and fight somewhere. How can they possible make an educated decision at that point in their life regarding themselves and possible others? For example.......the latest news that some American soldiers were killing civilians in Afghanistan just for fun. For fun???
Tatiana wants to cry. They have been accused of "solicitation to commit premeditated murder, aggravated assault on Afghan nationals, failing to report crimes and planting evidence." This can be anyone though, behaving like this, an American soldier, German soldier, Afghan soldier. It doesn't matter what nationality you are - it's just wrong to act like this.
War due to financial interest only. Financial gain that majority of the people will never know. Only a few, already wealthy individuals. It's sick.
Tatiana hopes that he will be able to retire and find personal peace.
And she is also hoping for the end of all wars and PEACE all over. Tatiana is a GLOBAL CITIZEN, that's how she sees herself. She might not agree with everybody and like everybody but she does think that war is wrong.

When Tatiana sees an older person or a larger person out running, as in running for exercise, not just running around........she always thinks GOOD for them !!! It takes some will to get off the couch and take your ass running.
It's inspiring to see. Tatiana has been running, not every day, a few times a week and she thinks she can feel and see some difference. It's probably time to put up a new bikini pic here, so you all can see. Right?
Besides that, she is thinking about going swimming, not in a lake, way too cold, Tatiana is not that adventurous. Heated pool.
She has also been reading about Tracy Anderson and her "method" for years now, thinking about maybe getting one of Tracy's dvd's and try one of the workouts, but thinking about something and doing it are for Tatiana two totally different things. She usually does not feel motivated enough to work out to some dvd at home in the living room. The dvd will most likely just collect dust.

The first day of June today. It's a little after 3 am and it's raining out. It smells good. All the trees are a very vibrant, pretty and intense green color. Emerald.
Tatiana is going to sleep now. Pedicure when she wakes up, then errands, food and work.
Now, sleep.

This is going to be Tatiana's new song at work. Not that she dances to only one song over and over. But this is like the new favorite.
Also, the video is a new favorite. Very pretty girl in it, a great example of what Tatiana considers to be PRETTY.

Tatiana just finished eating some Subway, no 6' sandwiches for her, foot longs only, today with an iced vanilla latte. In LA you have the option to add cilantro to your sandwich at Subway, it's actually really good, the cilantro adds lots of big fresh flavor. They don't have that option at any Subway Tatiana has been to in Vegas or Alaska, they should. Now you learned something you did not know already (maybe)......
The first thing Tatiana did today was to take Chhaya down to the beach for a nice walk, it is windy and totally gray out today but Chhaya needs the walk and so does Tatiana. Chhaya pees like 50 times when she explores the beach. Every spot is the perfect spot for some pee.
While Tatiana is writing this there is a debate on TV regarding if you should wear make up, this is for the ladies and the trannies too Tatiana assumes, all the time. Wear make up ALL the time???
Well, of course not! Let that skin breathe! Tatiana never wears make up in the daytime (unless there is a photo shoot scheduled). Make up applications before the grocery store? No way. Who has the energy to even BOTHER with that?
Tatiana puts her hair up in a bun, wipes the crust out of her eyes, puts in the contacts and the sweats on and off she goes.
When she reads articles that Gwen Stefani and Kim Kardashian never leave the house without a face full of make up, even if only going to the grocery store, she just thinks it must be so exhausting to feel the pressure to have to look a certain way every day.
Kim wears so much make up, talk about spackle....those eye lashes are just too much, way more lashes than Tatiana wears at work. Kim has a pretty face, naturally. Gwen Stefani looks like a dude, so she probably needs the make up. Otherwise her husband might stray again.
But Kim and her ring and that fiancé. Seriously. You want to know what Tatiana thinks? Yeah, you do.....Kim's fiance, Kris Humphries (that's such a hot last name, NOT) looks like a cross between a Neanderthal and the missing link (but he is most likely a sweetie, he looks harmless and dumb). Kim can have him. Imagine that giant on top of you every night, he is 6'9! That is SCARY! Kim is jumping from one relationship to another with no breaks in between. And that 20.5 carat, 2 million dollar ring?
That is just gaudy and ghetto. Another chick brainwashed to think that a ring equals love and happiness. The more carats the more love? Lame.
Tatiana wishes Kim and Kris lots of joy, when Kim matures a little, though she is 30 already, she might get smarter. Maybe.
Besides that, Tatiana is working and it's going well. Her nickname at work is "The Goddess", she did not name herself that, the DJ did, his name is Clay. What a sweetie!
And tomorrow it is time for a much needed pedicure.

Yesterday Tatiana had to run in to Wal-Mart to buy a face wash. She passed an older man standing by a booth of some sort directly outside the entrance, he was alone, people passing him by. On her way out, Tatiana glanced over at the man again, white hair, older, alone by his booth with something he was selling? Getting donations for? Tatiana is not sure, she didn't stop to see. But she did understand by the way he was dressed and the display of the American flag, that this man was most likely a veteran. As she drove off, Tatiana felt really sad. Sad that he was alone, maybe he really wasn't but it just looked like it, Tatiana did watch him in the rear view mirror while driving off. Sad that nobody talked to him. Sad that she didn't take a minute to say hi to him and see what was in that booth.
Tatiana does not like war, so many lives wasted on something that leads to what? Freedom? So we are told. We are told many things but that does not mean that whatever we are told is the truth. Tatiana just wishes that people could solve conflicts without war. Isn't it about time already?
It's not the old mans fault, the war, any soldiers fault. They just go and do whatever they are told. And in the moment, you either shoot or you get shot.
Tatiana felt so sad for everybody that is out there, somewhere fighting a war, for every single person that died in a war. It's not right.
She just felt really helpless. If she sees him again (later today), she is going to stop and say hello.
And then throughout the day she kept on having thoughts about the meaning of life, what is Tatiana doing with her life, and the thoughts would not leave her.
First of all, Tatiana believes that life is suffering, sounds pessimistic maybe, but that's what she thinks. In between the suffering there are moments of joy and pleasure, laughter etc. but in the end, it's suffering. Everybody you care for will die if you live long enough. Old age. Sickness. Loneliness. Sad moments and heart break. That's life. And Tatiana is not a person that goes around feeling sorry for herself, she just thinks that ultimately even though beautiful, amazing and often fun, life is suffering.
She can only hope, to reach Nirvana or some stage at some point, somewhere, so she can escape the suffering.
As far as what Tatiana is doing with her life......she has no idea. At this point she hopes that there is a place somewhere for a person like her. She just wants what she likes, animals, books, a safe place with a large bed, food, a few good friends and once in a while that something extra that puts that spark into the every day life. Simple.