Entries by TATIANA

The other day I visisted Skogskyrkogården (Woodland Cemetery), a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It is a beautiful place to visit and relax the pace for a while.
I walked around and looked at tombstones, statues of angels, admired an interesting gate, saw Greta Garbo's grave and there is a visitor center with a giftshop, café and an exhibition (not open year round though). You can't help but reflect on life, death and the afterlife or lack of thereof when spending hours at a cemetery. 
Resurrection Statue.

Angel of Death by sculptor Carl Milles.

An interesting keyhole.

This gate is intriguing to me, it's located inside the Woodland Chapel which was locked so I took the picture through a small window in the door. The giftshop at the visitor center sells a poster of the gate. There is something about the skulls with the snakes underneath them.

My personal thoughts on death.....Death scares me because it is the unknown. I dread the day somebody I am close to passes away. I do not want to go through that, again. I experienced one huge loss once and I think about that daily and it hurts.
I do not want to be here on Earth again, one life is enough for me. Just like the Buddhist believe, existence is a cycle of life, death, rebirth and suffering and to me being alive is to suffer so I do not want to suffer another lifetime, or even worse over and over again in samsara.
How do I suffer you might ask? I am extremely grateful that I have food, water, shelter, clothes, health, everything that I have but I get sad everyday when I see and read about human behavior. I get sad if I see any kind of bad, from too much litter laying around to a human or an animal that can't defend themselves get mistreated. I do not like feeling that deeply because it affects me. I can feel it in my heart area and stomach. There is too much bad in the world. So if I can just die one day and maybe if I am lucky/blessed get to spend forever together with all the pets I have known and will know and all the other beautiful animals in a nature setting in some sort of a nirvana afterlife then that is a perfect forever ending to me.

The other day me and my friend Carmen went for a walk. It was a gorgeous day......full of sunshine, big beautiful clouds and rain as well. We sat on a bench and later on a mountain looking at a lake from underneath our umbrellas while the rain smattered down. It was nice.
Look at this super cute bat house!

Found a place for fika (Storstugan Hellasgården).

A day well spent.

I visited my friend Marie the other day. To get to her place I took the bus from Handen Centrum and hopped off at Evertsbergsvägen. When I got off the bus I got flooded with childhood memories. The school I used to go to is still there. I walked to school and home every day. Right there, on that paved path or sometimes across the grass. We had a huge field to play on and in the winter time we would ice skate on what during the rest of the year was the fotboll (soccer) field.
In one of those classrooms I learned the word umbrella and still remember that I thought it was funny sounding in a nice way and that I thought it would be a nice name for a horse. I loved horses back then (still do).

The apartment I lived in was up a hill and back then I would walk through a small forest area on this path and I walked on that same path the other day. It looks the same. It is like time froze here. It made me sad and I cried as I walked, remembering my childhood self and how innocent life was. We would play outside all day in the summer time, no care in the world. I was not aware of the pain life can bring.....then.

This is where me and my Mom lived for a few years. In that apartment to the left. My friends would come over and we would sit at the kitchen table and draw for hours. I remember reading in my room. I remember winters with mounds of snow and taking evening walks with my Mom and the sound the snow made under our boots and how the snow glistened under the street lights.

I met Marie here and she still lives in the building across from where I used to live. The area in the middle we called "Gården" and that is where we played until our Moms decided it was time for us to come home, so reluctantly we did. So many memories. It is kind of sad.....life goes by so fast. All the people that we meet, some stay some don't. I get super emotional over stuff like this. My heart hurts. Part of me wants to stay here in Sweden with my friends and the place I grew up. This has given me anxiety (I have experienced some anxiety in the mornings lately) and a friend adviced me to try to shake the thoughts/feelings off and go live in the NOW. Which is totally the way to do it. So I am trying to do just that.
 

Hello from Stockholm, also known as the Venice of the North. It is so beautiful here that it makes my heart ache. Of course that ache also stems from the fact that I grew up here, so I have formed a familiarity and attachment to Stockholm. I walk around and just soak it all in. The old buildings with all the beautiful details, the cobblestone streets, the breath taking views, the green parks, the wind from Lake Mälaren that comes over you when you walk or relax on a bench close by the water. It is so beautiful I have to blink away the tears when the emotions take over.

Let me share some of my day around Stockholm today with you. I met up with my friend Monika and went straight to Vete-Katten for fika. I love that place and so do many others, there was a full house today. It is a large café with many sections to sit, so if you ever end up there (I am referring to the location on Kungsgatan) make sure to explore the different areas to sit and enjoy your fika, like Kajutan for example where it is dark. Vete-Katten was established in 1928.

A couple of hours later.....I don't know how we can fill hours upon hours with conversation but we can. I so appreciate my friends!

Then we started walking.....here are some places we ended up.
Admired the view from Observatorielunden.

Continued walking and arrived at Tegnérlunden with its statue of August Strindberg sculpted by Carl Eldh.

Here you can also find this sculpture of Astrid Lindgren (she is the author of Pippi Longstocking and many other amazing books.

A pretty view of a street in Vasastan, one of Stockholm's districts.

Brantingmonumentet, another creation by Carl Eldh. It depicts Hjalmar Branting the first Swedish Social Democrat prime minister talking to a group of people on May 1, the working class people. "Han väckte slumrande krafter hos folket och ledde dess kamp för frihet och rättvisa." Basically it talks about the people's fight for freedom and justice.

Gustaf Vasa church by Odenplan.

There are many stone lion statues in Stockholm.....such beauties! Love them.

Sergelfontänen.....I have passed this so many times from childhood until now.

Then it was time to head home, ready for another round of fika with friends tomorrow!
 

In the early morning a few days ago I boarded an airplane in Portland.

And I got off in Stockholm the following day. I have not been home to Sweden since 2019.

I am staying with my Mom and she made me my favorite soup, barszsc. Very delicious.

I am going to eat a lot, my Mom is always telling me to eat more like I am starving or something. Like most Moms do. I will definitely eat lots of local berries and meet my friends for many long FIKA sessions. My social calendar is busy when I am here.

My fave cake.....Prinsesstårta.

And I love blåbãrssoppa (blueberry soup) so that will be a part of my daily diet.

I woke up to another beautiful day here in Stockholm. I am going to walk to the store to get some filmjölk for breakfast and start my day.