Entries by TATIANA

Here I am in the middle of the night.....night between Friday and Saturday and fantasizing about pizza and ice cream. Driving to the store in the darkness feels like something very doable actually. I took a bath about five hours ago, washed my hair, shaved, plucked my eyebrows too earlier. My plan was to go to work tonight. Then when I got out of the bath with my hair wrapped in a towel I had about 20 minutes to spare before having to get dressed. And I could gradually feel the feeling of major BLEH creeping on, I feel borderline SAJKO tonight and all day I was on the verge of crying, everything made me feel sad. I didn't cry, I just walked around feeling like I would any second. Wow, how do crazy people function?
I guess meds. Well, I don't have any, unless aspirin counts. I was thinking about putting lotion on for two hours, THINKING about it. The actual act of doing it felt like the biggest obstacle. Well, I finally forced myself to moisturize my dry skin, then I raided the kitchen and came up with some boring chips and juice. I hope you are having a more exciting night than I am. Thank goodness this feeling of major bleh will pass - it's only PMS.....I hope!
Do I look depressed enough in this pic? Like a tortured artist perhaps? Or only plain SAJKO?



Of course a smile is never too far away when I have my best friend in bed with me.

Yeah.....I feel quite unimaginative right now here on the blog. I'm sitting here staring at the screen and have a difficult time forming a sentence. I wish I had something new or exciting to tell you but I don't. I haven't been to work in almost two weeks, so no truffle butter panties to show you or any other strip club drama. Since I got home from camping last week I have slowly worked myself through the mountain of stuff that I want to get done here at home.
It's like pulling teeth....I am so lazy right now. But around 8 pm tonight I suddenly got a rush of energy or perhaps determination and got some stuff done. Better than nothing. Then I took Chhaya out and we went for a walk. I stepped outside to a painted sky in beautiful colors. I immediately felt better and took it all in. Last night there was a meteor shower here. The sky was completely saturated with stars and I saw a few meteors shoot across it but then I got cold and hurried back upstairs to my warm bed.
And that is all the excitement I have for now.

Met up with my breast friend for some coffee time and much needed girl talk earlier today.





Now I have to make some food cause I'm STARVING. Therefore the short blog entry for now.

I caught a rainbow last night a bit after 9 pm. I've seen two so far this summer. I was going to put it up last night but I got caught up talking to Mandy and then I fell asleep. Woke up today feeling like an unmotivated fat, saggy and flabby blob. Best feeling ever! I think I will have a fun PMS episode coming for a visit soon. I crawled out of my house and I feel better now. I have a TON of stuff to do at home.....dishes, laundry, unpacking from camping, three air mattresses to try to patch up or throw away, fold clothes and put them away, organize, finding something that is missing......that means digging through a bunch of nondescript plastic bins since 90% of all my stuff is packed away, pay bills, go through a pile of boring paperwork. Arrrrrrrghhhhhhh!!!!!! But I need to do it. Like today. I also want to lay out and tan.....I think that will go before any of that boring stuff. What else? Check out my ingrown hair on my leg! I'm super excited over it. I hope it's a stubborn ingrown hair and not a botfly or something creepy crawly growing in there that will make a disgusting appearance one of these days. After my bath this morning I stuck my derma needle in there and squeezed hard but only a tiny drop of blood came out. I'm fascinated with ingrown hairs. And botflies and all kinds of "weird" stuff like that. But then again, who isn't? But before I go and lay out nekkid in my yard I want to applaud that news anchor that got up and left a live telecast because he refused to report on yet another completely meaningless non newsworthy story about one of the cows in the Kartrashian clan. Actually to call them cows is to give them a compliment. Cows are cute and nice. I mean, that shit is NOT news. It's SHIT garbage. All of it......from Kim's hideous lumpy behind to Bruce now living as a woman to that freak in making little sister with her seriously confused and dumb looking rapper boyfriend. I do read gossip magazines although not as much as I used to and that crap belongs in gossip magazines and NOT on the fucking news. So GOOD for that news anchor, finally somebody with COJONES. I think the Kartrashians are an embarrassment for America. Why the fuck do people look up to them? I don't see it. Whatsoever. OK......I'm done ranting. It's tanning time!

Hiiiiiii I'm back! I went camping therefore I was missing in action here for a few days. So this time I went back to a perfect and secluded camping spot on Cooper Lake, I was there last year too. I would say it's only accessible by a vessel of some sort with a motor but today a crazy (as in crazy determined and crazy strong) couple paddled their way there. Not sure if it took them half the day but that is way too much work for me. I can paddle for about 30 minutes and then I'm done. Exhausted.
So this is from the other side of Cooper Lake before heading out to the camping spot, the sun was setting. The spot is across the lake and some ways further along.



Arrived at the spot. The first thing you need is shelter (so says Bear Grylls too) and Chhaya agrees. She loves to sprawl out on the sleeping bag and takes up most of the room, it's all about her - the princess.



It's a gorgeous spot, next to a very lively creek. Ice cold too.







There were 13 little white dots moving around and upwards on that green mountain over there. Some kind of a sheep or mountain goat. Last year I spotted one across the creek kind of close by.



Camping is not camping without a nice and hot campfire.



I could not relax this time. I felt bored and I felt anxious. I wanted to go home and I wanted to stay. Not sure why. I was also super sore in my back from sleeping on a too small air mattress fighting for room to stretch out in a comfortable position with Chhaya. I think I'm getting too old for camping. It's RV time. I am officially a fogbone. But Chhaya enjoyed her time and that means a lot to me.



I got a latte from Kaladi when driving through town on the way home, only had one small cup of coffee when camping because camping coffee tastes off to me. I guess I can go without coffee and not go crazy which is good. Now I know that. When I got home I had tons of stuff to unload, made me realize even more that camping takes a lot of effort. At least when I go camping. I took a much needed shower, scrubbed my face and body, brushed my teeth and put on some fresh jammies. Got comfortable in bed with some ice cream. And didn't even finish it! I think I might be over the Limoncello kind, probably gorged myself on those.



I was also not too happy to notice that it is completely dark out by midnight now, no more midnight jogging or walking Chhaya. The days are getting shorter. That feels kind of sad.
I was so happy to get home. Seriously, there is no place like home. My home is here in Kenai, in Vegas and in Stockholm. I'm confused.

I spent a few hours outside by the fire last night. So cozy! Me and Chhaya cuddled on a blanket and I had on a large hoodie but my feet were bare, keeping my feet close to the fire kept them warm. We watched the stars gradually emerge, one after another until the sky was dark and lit up by stars. Gorgeous!





Today I got sad and cried. 😥 Got some bad news. Something I have been wanting and hoping for did not go my way. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
I'm not sick, everything is OK so nothing really bad happened. But I still feel sadness inside and like I've been punched in the stomach.