Entries by TATIANA

Compassion - can you feel it inside of you, that strong feeling inside your chest? Sometimes emotion run over and you tear up? EVERY day, EVERY single day I get news (if I choose to open my computer that is) of people acting in ways towards other living beings that make my heart hurt. WHY, JUST WHY? Can't you just be miserable on your own? Why inflict pain on others as well?
I feel bad if I step on a flower when hiking, I don't want to intentionally step on an insect either and I still think about a fish that I buried after catching it when I was 9 years old. After realizing what I had done that fish got a funeral and I was sad. What makes us a certain way? How come some inflict so much pain on others and then some feel bad over a fish that got buried decades ago?
This picture CLEARLY shows me how beautiful animals are. I am convinced that they are so much more intelligent and kind than us. I sometimes tell Chhaya that I know she is more evolved than me, it's just that I am not smart enough to understand her. She can take one look at my face and assess the situation. She can probably feel my soul.



Pic borrowed from Rescue Dogs Rock NYC.

And just a reminded that fighting dogs is a crime, in case you did not know yet......I am so for harsher punishment to people that abuse animals in any way.



And on a lighter note. Pumpkin is good for dogs, not sure if cats would benefit from it too? But I give Chaya pumpkin once in a while, I mix it into her food. This one from Sprouts is 100% pure and the can is not lined with BPA. That is important.

I went to see a band play at the House Of Blues the other night. It's a band from Las Vegas called Almost Normal.
The reason I found out about the concert is because Ashley, the girl in the band told me about it a few days before it was scheduled and since I see Ashley on a fairly regular basis and think she seems pretty cool I decided to go and check her out. I was impressed by their performance! Especially by the synchronized amazing drumming they put on in the beginning and at the end, REALLY good! You can find music and videos by Almost Normal online.
There were some other bands playing afterwards but I decided to leave early and go home.

Empty streets around here this morning. I love when it rains in Las Vegas. It woke me up this morning, the sound of the rain. SO COZY! I cuddled up closer to Chhaya and listened to the sound of the rain hitting the ground and the roof.

Look at my masterpiece photography!

Location.....in front of the High Roller in Las Vegas.
And that is all I have to say for today.....

I remember the first time I heard somebody say ‘karma is a bitch”. It was actually in the dressing room at work and some girl blurted it out, after that I have heard it countless of times. I also remember not understanding the meaning of it at first. Like, “who is karma and why is she a bitch”? But I don’t like the expression “karma is a bitch”, I think it sounds negative and ugly. As in bitch = woman = negative. No, I don't like that at all. Plus karma can be good, there is positive and negative karma. Right?
I actually been having some discussions with a few of my girlfriends on this topic lately. Because I don’t know if I believe in karma. Sometimes I feel like I do but on the other hand…..how do I prove that karma exists? People can speculate about it and blurt out “karma is a bitch” like it is the truth but how do you prove it? A facebook meme about karma does not mean that what you read is the truth. You need to study the topic more and read up on religion and beliefs, I think. Facebook articles and memes are only a scratch on the surface.
I would never say to another person that something bad happened to them because of karma. Meaning they have themselves to blame because of something bad they did in this life or a previous life. That would be wrong of me and also disrespectful. I don’t even think like that or imply it. Who am I to decide that for somebody else and how do I even KNOW that to be the truth? And how do you explain when bad happens to the innocent - children? Do you tell a grieving parent with a sick, injured or even dead child that the child got what she/he deserved because of karma? No, of course not. Well, at least I don’t think like that.
And if karma really was the universal law we wouldn’t need any laws or uphold personal responsibilities because karma would make sure we would all get what we deserve.
So if you believe in karma do you also believe in reincarnation and past lives? I WANT to believe that this life here and now is not the end. I want to believe that I will be together with everybody dear to me and Chhaya somewhere else but I do not know this for sure. I never had any near death experiences or other proof of some sort that there is an afterlife. Maybe one day I will. And it makes me so sad sometimes, this life and that in the end we all die. WHY? It is SO cruel I think. Even writing it now I have to take a deep breath and wipe away tears.
I have said it a few times before, here in the blog and in those deep talks that you have with people sometimes, that I think this life basically is suffering with some happiness scattered into so we do not give up or lose our minds while struggling through this journey. So yes, I hope and wish for something amazing for all of us, including the animals when we die or pass over.
Maybe karma very much exists. I can only speculate. But I think bad stuff happens because there are bad and evil people out there that inflict pain and cause problems for others.
And sometimes we make bad choices and get ourselves involved in bad situations that in turn leads to a bad outcome. And other times we are in the wrong place at the wrong time. That is how I explain the bad stuff that happens. You also reap what you sow. We see results depending on our actions - good and bad.
I also remember a few years ago while at work (again), I did something nice for either a person/s or something nice in general. And somebody told me that they thought I was a very nice person and a girl I used to work with said, "she is doing it to get good karma in the future". I was like……NO? That is not how I operate, I do not do something kind for others or do something good in general because I want to collect good karma points. That would be calculating and I am not a calculating person. Far from it.
Then one of my friends also told me that you can repair your karma……interesting.
Whether karma is real or not can be discussed, we all have our own opinions about stuff and I respect that. I love listening, discussing and hopefully broadening my knowledge and outlook on stuff.
I talked to four of my girlfriends about karma, wanting to know their thoughts. My one friend in Sweden does not believe in karma at all. Then I have the friend with the Christian biblical approach to life and it's struggles. And the other two firmly believe in karma, one of them in a more sensitive and educated way than the other which I think has more to learn.
But so do I. And if we do reincarnate, is it only once or over and over until we are evolved enough to be welcomed into the eternal Paradise? Life is a journey.

I came across an old diary from 2005 today, so I sat down and looked through it. Kind of bittersweet to look through old diaries I quickly realized. I had a rather exhausting 2005 it seems like. Lots happened. Some bad stuff. I actually had many more diaries like this one,
I was getting the Country Diaries back then because I really liked their style and I filled them with writing about my days, feelings/thoughts and stuffed them with scrap stuff like movie and concert tickets etc. Like in this one from 2005 I found a memento from an old Vegas club (Utopia), STILL revered as the best club Vegas ever had by many, including me. But my old diaries, except this one, disappeared when my storage unit got burglarized. That was not a fun time. UGH. I wish I would had done a few things differently that year, 2005, eliminated some people from my life that were no good for me but hindsight is always 20/20.
I had a very interesting and insightful conversation with a super cool person last night about life, astrology and people's birth signs. Now I am a Capricorn and I am not super into astrology and I think that it should be taken with a big heap of salt. I have a a couple of girlfriends that are way into star signs, compatibility amongst the signs and the traits of each sign. I think that you can find traits that describe you in every sign, we are close to seven billion people or so on the planet after all. I don't think we can be compartmentalized into
12 zodiac signs.
But OF COURSE I think I possess the following Capricorn descriptions to a T.

"Its easy to recognize a capricorn woman - if you know her from a long time you will see the changes in her appearance, when she is young, she looks more matured and older compared to the other children her age, but as and when the years catch up with her she gets more beautiful, looks young and fresh.... she is the kind of beauty which does not require cosmetics, it enhances over the period of time. The long lasting natural beauty is that of a capricorn woman.
She is quick, intelligent, smart and a nature lover (although there are always exceptions). Does not believe in pretence and formalities. She accepts you just the way you are. Talks to the point. Likes to get at the heart of the matter instead of going around in circles.
Very emotional and sentimental. A "good doer" of the community but never expects anything in return, but when she asks for help (that is also in dire circumstances) and is not heard she is very hurt.
A music lover, deep thinker and an avid reader is our dear capricorn darling. Has a liberal, practical and a realistic approach towards life. Believes in equality and expects as much as she gives. Due to the high emotional and sentimental ingredients in her character you will find a lot of writers to be ruled by the saturn planet.
This Goat has electic characteristics. Beauty, Brains and Selflessness is to be found always in a capricorn woman.
A man is lucky to get a capricorn as a partner."

WOW! That is SO me! LOL. I should add some more to that....I am very loyal and also generous.
Of course I think this can be just as fitting for a person born in for example July but I know my astrology friends would disagree.
Anyhow, the person I talked to yesterday about start signs etc was a Scorpio and told me that there are two kinds of Scorpios. The positive one that is evolved, very sensitive, feels deeply and rises like a Phoenix and the other kind that is negative as in manipulative, resentful, vengeful, secretive and jealous.
Quite interesting because a friend of mine that I used to be close to is a Scorpio......and I always felt those negative traits coming from her, good ones too but the negative always took over. Unfortunately. And it became too much....
But the diplomat in me needs to add here that those negative traits can be found in people that are not Scorpios as well. Just to be fair.
Well, I think I might take a bath now and take extra care of my feet and skin tonight. I tried an extraction tool the other day and it worked really well. I had a facial a long time ago when the esthetician used a tool for the extractions and I had bright red marks all over my face for several days afterwards. That made me never want a facial again where a tool for extracting was used but then I got one myself a while back cause I thought.....why not? And it works, no red marks either. I think the key is to be gentle and prepare the skin for it first by softening it up with a good wash and maybe a scrub too.