Welcome to Chaos !!

Brrrrr......it is getting colder by the day now. I think that it might be time to put away the flip flops soon, at least for evening use. Although I did spend a few hours tanning on the porch yesterday, it was so nice out. But today.....gray, windy and chilly.
I am still not finished telling you about Burning Man. So as you can gather from the name, something burns. And no, it's not a real person, I have actually been asked that. Burning Man started a years ago.....this is what I gathered from Wikipedia.....

"One of the roots of the annual event now known as Burning Man began as a bonfire ritual on the summer solstice in 1986 when Larry Harvey, Jerry James, and a few friends met on Baker Beach in San Francisco and burned a 9-foot wooden man as well as a smaller wooden dog. Harvey has described his inspiration for burning these effigies as a spontaneous act of "radical self-expression". The event did have earlier roots, though. Sculptor Mary Grauberger, a friend of Harvey's girlfriend Janet Lohr, held solstice bonfire gatherings on Baker Beach for several years prior to 1986, some of which Harvey attended. When Grauberger stopped organizing it, Harvey "picked up the torch and ran with it," so to speak. He and Jerry James built an 8-foot wooden effigy for 1986, which was much smaller and more crudely made than the neon-lit figure featured in the current ritual. In 1987, the effigy grew to almost 15 feet tall, and by 1988, it had grown to around 40 feet. Burning Man attendees informally called it "The Man," and this name was given to each successive effigy, every year since Burning Man began."

So of course I attended the burn of the Man, it was done on a Saturday evening and people gathered around the statue of the Man. Here I am in front of the Man a few days before the burn. It was evening and I have a light inside my shirt, my heart light. 🙂



Right before they lit the Man on fire, he raised his arms and the crowd began to cheer.



And then there was fire and fireworks too.



I saw this man sitting close by. I thought he looked very serene and interesting.



I made some new friends.....and took pictures.....and filled my little glass vial up with playa dust. A memory to keep forever.







The next evening, Sunday.....it was time for the Temple to burn. The Temple, a large wooden pyramid shaped structure with a black rock altar inside. This is the place to go and reflect over loved ones that passed away and life in general. The Temple was full of pictures and poems that people had put there. Many people were overcome with emotion and I cried too when I visited the Temple a few days before it burned down and I shed some tears during the burn too.





THIS makes me SO sad. Time is numbered, at least time as we know it. I don't want anyone that I know and love to die! WHY????!!!





Since I have been back home people have asked me what the best thing is with Burning Man. My answer - EVERYTHING. You have to participate to understand, it is difficult to explain. EVERYTHING. It was probably the best money I have spent, besides when I bought Chhaya.

What an amazing night at work last night! WOW! We had five girls and only one did any dances.....the one that always gets dances no matter what....FUGLY! Yes, she is still here and STILL wearing the same outfit, going on month four now! Although she is telling some people that she has 16 or 20 of THAT SAME style outfit (depending on who is repeating her story). Hmmmm interesting, maybe that is true but then how come all outfits have the same hole and stain on the skirt, AT LEAST buy some needle and thread and sow that hole shut for crying out loud (LOL) and all the 20 bra's are falling apart at the same areas at the seam? It is actually quite hilarious! I think there might be some mental issues going on with FUGLY, because who in their RIGHT mind would wear the same ratty and whitish/gray outfit, as a dancer, for FOUR straight months? And the same shoes. And work every single night? I mean, it is great to be ambitious but there is a difference between being ambitious and obsessed. She also sits around and constantly bites her nails and glares at the other girls from underneath her hair. I don't know what is wrong with men but I guess promises of sex, and sex (according to many, girls and guys alike, I hear she has quite the reputation around here now) trash talking the other girls in the club (Sharon has overheard her talk trash more than once when she used to do bartending), making out during lap dances, getting her private parts examined, her butt cheeks spread wide open, chomping down on the crotch area on guys with her mouth wide open (over the pants), getting her breasts examined by hands and mouths, rubbing guys over the crotch area repeatedly with her hands, ummmmm......did I forget anything? Oh, I also heard under charging for dances and/or giving deals, like it's WalMart! Well all of that equals.....CHA-CHING.....$$$$!!!
OF COURSE I am jealous! OF COURSE! Isn't that the way all girls are? Jealous. That seems to be the easiest road to take when you look to blaming somebody for speaking up. NO. I am not jealous, I have absolutely NO reason to be. I would never wear an outfit for that long.
I actually do care about my appearance. And my lap dances and behavior inside the club would NEVER consist of any of the stuff I just mentioned. That is just pure repulsive. I'd rather be homeless than do shit like that. What FUGLY does outside of the club.....well that is really her business, although most dancers frown upon working with girls that do stuff outside of the club, although it is much better that they take their nasty business somewhere else. There have been a few girls this summer and last that spoke up (BRAVE and I applaud them for standing up for what's right) and said something about this issue, because it is so obvious that there is something very wrong going on. But hey, she is getting away with it and it is up to management in the end, to clean up the club. But it seems like the ugly side of capitalism is rearing it's head here, FUGLY is making the club money, that seems to be more important than anything else.
I can tell you this much. This would NOT fly in many clubs, the not changing the outfit and the nasty stuff. One more thing I should mention. I don't like FUGLY. Because I don't like this kind of BEHAVIOR, I do not know her outside of the club and neither do I care to. Maybe she is a sweetie outside of the club but I kind of doubt it. When I do not like a person, if I have to be around them, I am polite (if I have to) but not engaging. I am not going to say stuff like this about FUGLY and then smile in her face, give her fake compliments and plan on spa days together. Because that is FAKE and I do not want to be fake. There are girls in the club that whisper bad stuff about poor FUGLY but then they pretend to be her friend, that is disgusting too. At least I don't pretend. We work together and I ignore her for the most part.

One of my co workers celebrated her birthday last night. There was yummy cake and balloons. I wanted some pictures with the balloons, not the best quality because my photographer had shaky hands and did not quite know what she was doing.....but better than nothing. The balloons are red and white, the colors of the Polish flag. And I am Miss Poland....as you can see. Long walks on the beach, daily vanilla lattes and many pastries will give you this physique. It's easy.

It has been soooo nice out the last week or so, I am trying to take advantage of the nice weather because in a few short months we will be down to about six meager hours of daylight! I'd much rather have 19 hours of daylight.
The other day me at Chhaya went to the Captain Cook state park for some each adventures. And pictures of course.....





This pic definitely belongs in Italian Vogue!



A few years ago some girl I worked with at the Bush spied at my photos in my Myspace.
My Myspace was nothing I took very seriously....the whole thing was initially set up as a fun thing/joke. Anyhow I had a rather snazzy picture of myself up there and underneath I wrote that it was a photo shoot for Italian Vogue, as a JOKE. That must have rubbed her wrong because she felt the need to bring that to my attention. Like OK.....and? Excuse me but do I even know you? If Vogue would be calling it certainly wouldn't be her way, that's for sure. Photoshop can only do so much honey. I love it when girls get catty like that, it just shows their true colors. NEXT!
The leaves are changing colors and falling. I found this pretty one. I hope to go on one or two hikes sometimes soon. I need that.



Lately I have been eating huge salads that takes forever to finish because it involves a lot of chewing. Super yummy. I add dried cranberries and roasted sunflower nuts. Sometimes hard boiled eggs, cottage cheese or avocado. With freshly grated cheddar cheese on top.



And I took this picture of the sliver of pretty pink sky yesterday evening while I was out running. Maybe a run again this evening.....

http://abcnews.go.com/US/video/dog-skinned-alive-survives-brutal-attack-20257790

I know that I shouldn't be watching any news about animals tortured by people BUT since it is very much a reality in the sad world we live in I did watch this short video about Patty, a little dog that got skinned and stabbed. Disgusted is just the tip of the feelings that I feel. I own a gun. It's a GLOCK. I would sooooo LOVE to put a few bullets into the person that did this to the dog. I would not feel guilty about it, people like that do not deserve to live. A person that does this to a defenseless, innocent animal is obviously a very sick individual and should have their rights to move around in society revoked immediately. I think they should get executed, why keep waste like that alive? I don't see the point. I HATE people that torture animals.
Yes, that's right - HATE. And I am proud to admit that.

I still can't put up pictures on the blog.....so that will have to wait until that problem is fixed....hopefully soon!
So this evening was the finale of America's Got Talent. I haven't followed it closely, it's been on in the background once in a while when I have been getting ready for work. But since I have been home a lot in the evenings lately I did watch it last night and tonight. And I am so happy that Kenichi won. He is SO CUTE! I love him and I don't even know him, I am impressed with his creativity and his performances. I think that he absolutely deserved to win. And I love how he gushed over his wife and daughter. What a cutie! SUPER KAWAII!
Last night Caruso was performed on the show. That is probably my favorite song ever. I have ONE cd in my car and it is Pavarotti's Greatest Hits. I bought that cd a long time ago (over ten years ago) and only because Caruso is on it. It is the saddest song I have ever heard, it makes my heart ache and I can start crying when I listen to it and it is very, very beautiful. That song will be played at my funeral, if I ever have one.



Another song, if you can call it that, more of a performance, that I love is Carmina Burana by Carl Orff. How somebody could come up with a masterpiece like that is mind boggling to me.
I was feeling extremely irritable for no reason whatsoever earlier today.....PMS, it's lovely. So I forced myself outside for a 30 minute run and I feel so much better already. All I need now is a warm bath. I have been slacking on my running since I got back but I need to get on it because there will be snow here soon and running in the snow is not my thing.
One more thing, this years Permanent Fund Dividend is $ 900. It's an Alaskan thing. I have written about it before, so if you don't know what it is you can search in my entries for it.
So, you know what to do with your money (if you get the PFD) right? Give it to ME!

I love discovering new and interesting blogs. I was reading many easy blogs, full of mostly nonsense (for a lack of a better word) but still entertaining. But since a while now I have been enjoying some rather intelligent and very thought provoking blogs. I like that. And I still read the easy ones, they can be fun.
I really enjoy debating and discussing. Look, I know that people have different opinions and I welcome and appreciate that. Sometimes a new point of view will allow me to grow and develop as a person and that is what I want, I want to better myself. Some opinions and lifestyle's I will never approve of, like hurting animals or people, trashing nature and stuff like that. I don't want people like that around me.
So I discovered a new (to me) blog this evening. And it is GOOD. It is a feminist Swedish woman blogger, I read a few other Swedish feminist blogs already, so this one is a new addition. I read a few of her entries and it inspired me to write this one. About me being a feminist and being called ugly names by men. I have written several entries about being a feminist already, if you want to read them you can type in "feminist" in the search bar in the upper right hand corner and enjoy my thoughts.
What I want to talk about is when random guys I meet at work, that don't even KNOW me, think it is totally OK to say that I am a bitch, angry and/or bitter. I have heard this several times. I think I know why they, in their semi or very intoxicated state backed by a pea sized brain, say stuff like this.....more on that in a bit.
Actually, I am a rather happy and positive person. I wake up and go to sleep feeling happy and content with my life the majority of the time. Sure life can be hard and I get sad sometimes and I am not afraid to talk about that or share it. I do think, at times, that life is a series of hardships with happy events and experiences thrown in to make it easier and more livable,
I think that is a realistic approach to life. If you are not numbing yourself to cope. I go through my life sober. But I often feel extremely grateful and happy over the life I have. If I have an issue with certain people in my life, it is with THAT individual and the issues that comes with THAT person. Currently I am having a rather negative and on-going experience with a person in my life since a while now but I try not to let issues I have with one person transpire into how I relate to others and I still feel full of joy, despite that person. I had the best day today for example and I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, got my latte, came home and spent my afternoon outside doing yard work for hours, took Chhaya for a long walk, ate a huge and delicious meal (salad), played with Chhaya, watched some tv - normal stuff you know but I was SOOOO happy! I do love my life right now.
So when some idiot that I encounter at work calls me bitter/angry/bitch they really do not know what the fuck they are talking about. And I do not appreciate comments like that either. If anything I will either become even more "bitchy" (be careful boy!) or walk away and not pay any more attention to that idiot and that is usually too is difficult for them to understand. Listen honey, INTEGRITY is priceless for me, I can always make money at work, a bad night here and there is not going to ruin me. I'd rather have a bad night but feel good about myself than put myself through torture and pretend to appreciate some of the crap that comes out of certain people's mouths.
So now to my theory why I sometime (I want to stress sometime, because it's not all the time but the sometimes add up) hear these "compliments". Well, I think that men (many men) have a preconceived and wrongful idea of how women should act around them and towards them. And I do not fit into that idea. Look wise I might but certainly not (for some men) in the way I act. And especially not how they think a girl that works as a dancer (stripper) should act. I do not fawn over them, I do not flirt or give fake compliments, I don't care if they like me or not,
I do not act dumb or like a bimbo. I am outspoken, well spoken, confident and stand up for myself and my co workers if I happen to see any guy in there acting like an ass towards any of them. I AM MYSELF and that seems to be very difficult for a certain kind of man to deal with, therefore they resort to what they know best. Name calling and trying to dominate. So the women that stand up for themselves automatically become ANGRY, or BITTER or better yet BITCHES. LOL! Puhleeeze, come up with something BETTER, something of SUBSTANCE.
Use your intelligence, dig around for it! Let's discuss and debate and see what you have to come with! I am never going to dumb myself down or take less room than a man, at work or outside of work. Yes, you CAN be a feminist and a dancer, although I am aware of that it rather doesn't go hand in hand. But if any feminist is reading this and is feeling distraught by my profession, trust me.....I am doing my best and I am OK. I promise!
As far as my looks go (or lack thereof, he he).....I do not think that I cater to men. I've been pretty much looking the same for years. Even before I started dancing. I like having my hair long, because I like it, not because some men might like it. I do enjoy make up, pink nail polish and girly stuff, I do. But I do not feel the need to put on make up every day. Or wear revealing eye candy outfits. But hey, I am not going to wear a burqa either. I don't have any altered body parts to please men. I am not saying that women with fake boobs can't be feminists.....but you kind of have to wonder why they decided to get that boob job in the first place, unless it's some form of reconstructive surgery. And even then I am sure some of the most dedicated feminists would protest. I know one girl that got a boob job simply because she figured it would increase her earning potential at work (dancing) and it did and she is not dancing anymore, bigger and better things are awaiting her. And she actually had a reduction done to her boobs after she quit dancing.
Basically, if you can't deal with a strong and confident woman, then walk away and leave her alone. She doesn't need or want you and your shit anyways. So yeah.....that is all I had to say this late Monday evening.