Welcome to Chaos !!

I guess most people in the US are thinking about and getting ready for Thanksgiving. Spending time with family and friends, eating a lot and having a good time if you are amongst the fortunate ones. Maybe being hungry, cold and lonely if you are not so fortunate. Although, just because you are with a group of people doesn't mean that you are happy......you know, happy and content with yourself. I see that a lot, people that make sure they laugh the loudest, put on a big show of fake happiness and grandiose gestures and loud talk when really on the inside they are just miserable. And it is so very obvious to the people observing them. Just because you put on a show of being "social and happy" doesn't mean that you are. Far from it. Sometimes (often) the people that don't feel the need to put on a fake show for others are the ones that truly are at peace and happy.
I am thankful for a LOT. For my family and my friends (although they live far away), for the love of my life Chhaya, for having a safe and warm place to call home, that I get to eat every day and all the other comforts that I get to enjoy, for my health, for my amazingly good looks (HA HA!). I am thankful when I savor moments of feeling alive. For that sip of latte that tastes so good. When laying in a warm bath. When curling up under my covers with a great book. When I travel and experience new things. When dancing to some great music. That I am free and get to make my own choices. And no.....I am not having any turkey on Thanksgiving. Chhaya can have some but I will refrain.

Now to XENA. I read about her today and since this is a wonderful story it needs to be on my blog. Xena was horribly maltreated as a puppy. Once again, some sorry excuse for a human did this to an animal. Heartless and sick. One more example of how cruel human being are. And I will say this again, people that do this to animals deserve execution. This is my opinion.



Today this beautiful girl is the best friend of autistic little boy. Since Xena came into his life he has developed a lot. They say that it is believed that Xena is a Staffordshire terrier mix, she looks like a pitbull to me. Her and Chhaya look similar, just different colors. You can read more about this story if you search for Xena the Warrior Puppy. And on that happy note.....
I have to go. It is a rather gloomy day, the kind when you don't really want to do a whole lot......but I have to get going, things are awaiting.

Today I met up with Lexi. I haven't spent time with her in a while and it was so good to catch up! And it was also nice for me to enjoy the company of somebody that is well-spoken and has something interesting to say. We were supposed to go and watch Catching Fire because we saw The Hunger Games last year. Well, the movie didn't show at noon (as it was listed online) so we went back to Coffee Rosters, were we had ran into each other earlier. We were both disappointed because we really wanted to see the movie, so hopefully we can see it another time. Now I'm home, it's getting dark out, I think I might take Chhaya out again. I took a Midol earlier because my stomach was cramping and I think that laying in my cozy bed, under the covers with some thick socks on my feet sounds way more appealing tonight than some 7" heels and lingerie.

The Nobel Peace Price is getting announced on Friday.....it's going to be interesting to see who will be awarded the medal this year. I'm excited because Malala Yousafzai is nominated, only 16 years old but such a brave, smart and driven young girl. She is a great role model for young girls all over the world. I hope that her voice will be heard and that much deserved changes about girls getting an education and women's rights in certain parts of the world will be acknowledged and taken seriously. I am also excited over Denis Mukwege, a doctor from Congo that specializes in treating women subjected to gang rape and torture. Then my man Vladimir Putin is also nominated.......I'm not so sure about this nomination. I mean, I think Putin is a very SEKSI and smart man but his dealings with the Pussy Riot and his views on homosexuals and transgenders and the laws implemented against the LGBT community in Russia are far from peaceful. Putin does not need the Peace Price for now, he needs a strong woman to slap some sense and fear into him. Like me! I am also happy to see Edward Snowden as one of the nominees, (out of 265) I absolutely agree with what he did and applaud it. I don't view him as a traitor, a see him as somebody that did us a favor. If you think it is something positive to live under surveillance, with little or no privacy and no knowledge about that you are being observed then maybe you should emigrate to North Korea or China. We found out about the NSA, imagine what stuff we don't know about still. The government should not have too much power, the people should have the ultimate power. I think that many brave acts and certain progress in bred out of hardship and misery. When we are too comfortable and have everything at our fingertips we don't feel the need to change stuff, speak up or act because we are already content and want to stay in our comfort zone. People that have a hard life and face daily injustices on the other hand, for those individuals it only makes sense to try to change things, they are willing to fight and stand for what's right. Go Malala!
I still do not understand why Obama got awarded the Peace Price in 2009? Was it basically a disguised personal award to him being this country's first black president somehow, or has he actually worked actively for peace? Although to me he is not black, he is of mixed race, if we are going to be politically correct about the issue. Another thing that has been bothering me for the last couple of days is the statement he made a while back about that Trayvon Martin could had been his son. What about Philip Chism, could that also be his son? Where is the justice for Colleen Ritzer, where are the nationwide headlines and attention for her?
How come Obama doesn't mention what happened to her? She has been on my mind lately,
I feel so sad for her and her family and friends. Sometimes this world makes no sense.
We need more people actively advocating and working for peace and positive changes!

It was so difficult to get out of bed this morning.....well midday cause I didn't wake up until around 11 30. I usually lay around in bed for while before I get up unless I have to be somewhere. I like to cuddle with Chhaya and stretch for a while before getting out of bed.
It warmed up here and it was so nice outside today, in the high 20's instead of some frigid single digits. That makes a huge difference. Me and Chhaya went for a walk in Kenai......so pretty and wintery out.





After that I went to the pool. And then some shopping. I bought a freshly baked (still hot) apple pie that I am bringing into work tonight. I'm going to incorporate the apple pie somehow in my stage routine, maybe sit in it? And then auction it off to the highest bidder, starting bid $ 200.



Me last night and my two funds. I case you don't know, I collect money for two funds that I started, one is a spay and neuter fund (for local animals) and the other is for an abused women and children local shelter (Lee Shore). I haven't been collecting lately because I feel a bit weird (embarrassed) asking people to donate, almost like I'm begging (although NONE of the proceeds go to me). But I need to start bringing out my funds at work more because I would like to donate the money before Christmas and then I can start all over again. I heard about another animal charity on the radio today that I would like to collect for. It's for funding vets and the supplies needed to mainly spay and neuter dogs and cats out in the rural Alaskan villages. You can read about it here www.akrvo.org
Even if what I collect won't be that much.......something is always better than nothing.
It makes me happy in my heart to contribute something positive to people and animals in need.



I was kind of tired at work last night and the club was so smokey towards the end that I couldn't stand it anymore. There is a pregnant girl at work, I don't know what to say about stripping when pregnant......I guess you do what you have to do in order to make money, I can just speak for myself and say that I wouldn't want to be in that situation. But you never know sometimes in life. The thing with this particular girl though is that she is smoking! I think it is really bad to smoke when you are pregnant, SO selfish. Is not not common knowledge or what? I am pretty sure she already has a kid, I don't engage with her because when she first started I got a trashy and druggie vibe from her and that's not my kind of thing. Then I was away for a while and now I guess she is pregnant. At least give up the cigarettes until you have the baby! It is so irritating to see her smoke knowing that she is carrying a child, I feel bad for her unborn baby and I wonder why she feels that she needs to put another kid onto this planet when she obviously have a problem taking care of the first one and in my opinion is severely lacking some crucial mothering skills. Smoking is gross. But to smoke when you are pregnant or expose your babies and/or (growing) toddlers and kids to cigarette smoke, that is plain disgusting. If you want to ruin your health with nasty cigarettes then do so but at least have the decency to not expose your kids and your unborn babies to that poison.

Although there was a winter weather advisory issued tonight I decided to go to work.
The roads were pretty bad driving in, I had to putter along no faster than 25-35 mph for most of the way with very low visibility, driving through a snow storm. When I arrived at work every girl was there and not a single guy. After sitting at the bar in my regular clothes (I don't change into my work clothes unless I think it might be worth it) for about 45 minutes I declared my departure.
I don't like sitting around doing absolutely nothing at work, it's a total waste of my time and energy, I get impatient and I either have to read something or write. I also don't like waiting for people to come in........once they do end up coming in, I am beyond over it, not in the mood to talk or do anything, at that point I just want to go home. Yeah, I'm moody like that!



When I came back home I shoveled some fresh snow off the porch. Peeled of the fake lashes and jumped in bed. Chhaya snuggled up on me, sometimes she wants to be as close as she can. Since it warmed up outside I am taking her on a fun walk tomorrow. I'm going to wash my face now and try to sleep so I can get up before 11. Oh and since it is the 50th anniversary of JFK's assassination today I do want to end this with a quote of his that I agree with and like. "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." I don't know much about presidents and what policies they stood for, I'm not a history buff like that. I don't know much about JFK besides that he was young, popular, a democrat and had a rather messy private life that I do not find amusing whatsoever. But that quote I do like.

I finally got my lazy butt to work last night after sitting at home for three weeks, eating and watching Netflix. I have a rule that I try to follow and that is to not live off my savings because that is not what that money is for. One day when I don't dance anymore I can use that money for something else (hopefully something good) OR you never know......what if I get sick and need that money to help me get by. So it was time to work again.
Another thing that has kept me away from the small club I work at here locally, when I don't travel for work which I can't do all the time.....is that last time I was there, back in October the owner said something rather nasty to me and I got sent home. Not for doing anything wrong but merely for joking around. I did not appreciate that treatment and I know that if I would had worked at a "regular" job that would had been absolutely unacceptable and I could had went to HR and filed a complaint or even taken it further and gotten legal advice. Well, as a dancer you don't have many rights and we are not protected in ways that most people in the workforce are. Somebody also told me that they heard I got fired. Well, listen I did not get fired. First of all, I never did anything to get fired for. Things you can and probably should get fired for as a dancer would be getting wasted at work every time you are there (acting drunk and obnoxious), stealing at work, ripping people off, doing dirty dances, having sex or just acting plain crazy. Since I don't do any of that stuff at work ever, I don't get in trouble. I got fired once by a douchey manager at Tens in NYC for not wearing the appropriate shoe (missing ankle strap) and he overheard me talking about it to my girlfriend, so he flexed his bossy muscles and fired me. And was a good thing because I went to Flashdancers instead and made more money and management loved me there. That is the only time I got fired from a club.
One more thing, the owner at this club here has told me that he is glad that I work there because I am, in his own words, "good for business." He likes the way I look and carry myself. So last night he came up to me and kindly apologized for the incident last month. Of course I accepted the apology. I know that we all sometimes blurt out things that we don't mean, we all have bad days.....that's life. So Tatiana is back in business.......BITCHES! So to all you sorry bitches here in this small town that has nothing better to do than talk shit about me, because I am such a SCANDALOUS stripper......you can KISS MY ASS!
You will never be anything close to what I am and stand for......and I do not refer to what I look like necessarily because we all have a different opinion about what beauty is.....and looks don't last forever. I'm talking about who I am as a person. So go home, stuff your face with pizza, grow a bigger ass, get drunk and talk some more trash! YEAAAY!!!

OMG, a dancer that likes to read, write and talk about things that matter. LUCKY YOU!





One more thing.......and this is a PERSONAL matter. It is really interesting to me that a certain person that called me crying last summer asking me for help when they could not pay their rent and car payment due to not making any money at work is thinking it is totally appropriate to talk shit about me and yap about my personal life to some nasty white trash people here that I KNOW they would otherwise talk bad about and never hang out with in the town they were living before. I paid for a ticket for this person to get here, brought them to the club so they could make money and get back on their feet, introduced them to a nice guy that treats them way better than the 15 or so last guys that they dated or got fucked by in the last couple of years.
I have helped out on several other occasions with money and lent an ear EVERY time when they were sad or went through hard times in life because that is (at least to me) what a good friend does and this is what I get in return. Not to mention all the other nice verbal insults and crazy talk that I got barraged with last couple of months from this individual. Yea, you know who you are and I know you read my blog. Don't bite the hand that feeds you and SHAME on you! I would never ever sink as low as you. I hope you are HAPPY and that your life will finally start working out for you! And I sincerely mean that. I am a forgiving person and a very loyal friend but do NOT confuse my kindness for weakness!