Welcome to Chaos !!

One week ago I got a hair trim at Aveda in Portland. I like going there because it is ONLY $ 15 for a hair cut. My hair is so easy to trim. Since Aveda is a school you get one of the students (hence the price) to cut your hair so you never know what you will get. But you also never know what you will get if you walk into a random salon either, unless you see the same stylist all the time. And I trim my hair once or maybe twice a year so I do not have a regular stylist. Last time I was very impressed with the girl that I got. This time I was not. Everything from the shampooing technique to the haircutting skills were poor and lackluster. I would not go back to her. It was so bad that I was surprised that the supervisors have not called her out on it. But I will go back to Aveda in the future for hair trims. 
I started my day with a FREE latte from Stumptown. I love their coffee. My hair was a bit too long in my opion. So I decided to go with about four inches off. Got some new products., all Aveda. Cherry Almond shampoo, Nutriplenish shampoo and Botanical Repair masque. I have a few more products in mind that I would like to try. I think next time I go I will have a facial as well.
 

Summer is officially over, it is fall equinox today my friends. My summer went by extremely fast, it feels like Memorial Day and the beginning of summer was just like last month when in fact it was almost four months ago. My summer was also full of angst and sadness. And I am acutely aware of that I have majority of my summers behind me at this point in my life, it is a countdown to death now basically. 
Me and Kaya went back to Sunset Beach again today, we arrived a bit after sunset. A few people still at the beach.
Achingly beautiful outside. Oregon is absolutely breathtaking. The coastline of the Pacific Northwest and down through California to San Francisco is just spectacular.
I felt alive while walking with Kaya and like one small person amongst the billions sharing the same planet, simply trying to survive and go through this life. When you stand on the beach under the vast sky and the enormous ocean rolling in towards you, you feel how small you are. I should go to the beach more often, it is close to where I live after all. That way to the beach.

 

Started today with a latte at Rusty Cup (oatmilk vanilla half sweet latte).

Then me and Kaya went to the Lewis and Clark National Historic Park, we go there a lot. Forest, trails just beautiful. There is also an interesting museum where you can learn about the Lewis and Clark expedition that happened over 200 years ago. One woman was a part of that adventure, Sacagawea. I can't even imagine what life was like then and how difficult that journey must had been. No thank you would had been my response back then if somebody would had invited me to travel by foot from one end of the US to another. 

And there was a dog too - Seaman. 

Today Tuesday......another beautiful day. It has been so nice outside, I know that the wind and rain will be here soon.
The summer, this summer went by so fast and it was mostly chaotic and sad for me. My life is calmer since a while but I still feel the sadness. My life now is before my friend passed away and after my friend passed away. I am not the same since that happened.
I joined another grief support group, this one is local and will meet once a week for the next eight weeks. Small group.
Mostly women, one man. Two fascilitators, male and female. We got books, so we will get homework. I can say this.....I have talked about my sadness. A lot. But some of the people in the grief support groups (I attend another one as well since a few months now), they say that they don't have anybody to talk to about how they feel and that going to a group and being able to talk really helps. If you feel sad and do not have anyone to talk to, find a group. And talk. Cry. I cry A LOT. During the groups, in front of people that I just met. 

On yesterday's evening walk with Kaya. It is very pretty in Astoria.

Last week I went to Portland for a couple of days. A visit to IKEA, had to eat there. Plant balls for me. The cake was awful, did not finish it. I bought a pillow, been looking for a pillow and I think I found a good one. It is called 'Skogsfräken' and it is thin so my neck is more comfortably aligned when I sleep.

I drive by this cute dragon mural often. Do you know your Chinese zodiak sign? We are now in the year of the snake.

 

Week 34 was rough......for the first time since 2013, with the exception of 2020 when I went to Baker Beach in San Francisco, I did not go to Burning Man. Instead I suffered at work. I decided that it was better to work than to sit at home alone and torture myself with thoughts of Burning Man. This year there was a live camera rigged up at Black Rock City, so that helped.
I could watch at least, better than nothing.
Ok now back to the wooden box (the club), I got told that a man that was misbehaving one night that I was not there. He got sprayed in the face with rubbing alcohol by one of the dancers. She told me that she thought I would be proud of her doing that. Yes girl! He was told several times to stop his behavior but would not listen. So finally he was stopped by a spritz of rubbing alcohol.  I spent some time Saturday watching the Man Burn.

One older guy sat at my stage and told me that I was either a fantasy or a hallucination but it did not matter cause both worked for him. How cute! Then three bikers en route all the way to Chile (!!!) spent some time in the club, one of them said that I reminded him of a Frank Frazetta girl. I had to look that up.....the art of Frank Frazetta, interesting.
Ok so week 35. We got a new girl, never danced before. She is super excited to dance and is very impressed that we have all been so nice to her. Yes, we are actually super nice and helpful. She is also feeling empowered, whatever that means to her but yea good for her. We have another new girl too since a few weeks, I forgot to mention that. Her name is Hex and I like her. She is very pretty and I like her style. She walks around with a bone in her hair and a 'I don't give a fuck' attitude instead of being overly pleasing and accomodating to the customers.
Friday, a youger nice looking guy decided that he really wanted to marry me. He fell for my funny Borat accent (that I do on purpose once in a while) and my even funnier jokes, yea I got those too when my mood is right. Like he was actually pleading with me to consider marriage. I was like ok ok......calm down. We don't even know each other. I was perfect for him he thought. He was actually not bad, tall and strong, well dressed, smelled good, clean and generous. But still, we do not know each other and in reality he is too young and it just would not work in the real world. To get to know each other I mean, marriage is not happening. And the club is not the real world. It is but it isn't.The real world is full of responsibilities and stress, the strip club is about forgetting about the real world for a moment.
Saturday we had a small issue with a guy that was being rude. He decided we were all ugly and crazy. I was not only ugly, I was OLD and ugly and have no teeth. ? Last time I checked, all my teeth were still attached to my gums. When angry men have no insults to throw at you, then you are always ugly. Old too if you are over 40. So I was not suprised that he said what he said. He announced that he was going to take his money and leave. Yes I said, do that the door is over there. In fact, get the fuck out. Only one of us was pretty he told us on his way out. Of course......the one dancer that is 4'9" without heels and looks like she is about 15. She is tiny and looks like a young girl, I am serious when I say she looks like 15 (she LOOKS 15 but she is older than that of course). Yes she is super cute, fun and also appears the least threatening to men out of all of us.
Plus you know, she checks that box about enigmas that never age, if you know what I mean. (Or is is gamine?) I told angry man that he was white trash while he was leaving. He acted like he was going to come back and start something so I told him to bring it bitch and took my heels off just in case but his friend dragged him out. Please never come back. I don't care that you think I am old, ugly, toothless. And that you have $100 on a good day. Do not act like an idiot or you and your dollar bills will be leaving. White trash was a compliment by the way. I feel sorry for the woman (if he has one) that has to suffer with that on top of her during seksi time. As the night unfolded we got some fun people in and I ended my night laughing a lot. 
This was Saturday's word of the day, that is in Polish. Look it up if you want to find out the meaning. Practice saying it with force, it is empowering. I feel empowered in the club when I get to yell at people and  tell them what they are (if needed).....like white trash for example.